


Dichotomous Centre

by WaskeHD



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi!Harry, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Other, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 106,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaskeHD/pseuds/WaskeHD
Summary: Starts the summer Post GoF and is a Character and Relationship focused story.Don't really know how to summarize without spoiling stuff.Up until this point everything has pretty much been as canon with only one small exception. Cho Chang wasn't Harry's only crush during Goblet of Fire and it has repercussions on who he becomes as a person.
Relationships: Eventual Harry Potter/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 326
Kudos: 136





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Call and Response](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27499825) by [WardenoftheNorth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WardenoftheNorth/pseuds/WardenoftheNorth). 



Nothing seemed out of place in Little Whinging as per usual. Everything was as normal as it gets. The same houses lined up with the same distance with the same backyards with the same flower arrangements. Everything was as it should be if you asked the inhabitants. The kids had been out of school for a couple of weeks at this point and everything was normal. Well, Mrs. Figgs was a special case considering her propensity to have cats but it was almost normal for any neighbourhood to have a crazy cat lady and most of the women living in Little Whinging did so enjoy talking about her. In general, they enjoyed talking about anything that wasn’t themselves if only because they only talked about the faults of others, so the less time spent being talked about was a definite victory for anyone on the block.

Mrs. Dursley was the biggest positive talking point considering their tendency to berate and insult each other. They didn’t know what she did to make her garden look like that but it was almost like it was magic. Even in the blistering summer heat her garden still looked pristine. Her grass was always greener, and her rosebushes were a little taller. She had managed to win the best garden of the summer six years running now and they honestly didn’t know how she did it.

Sure, they had all spotted the black-haired youth working in the garden at times, but he was just a delinquent enrolled in St. Brutus’ Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys. It was only right that he spent time working in the garden instead of doing all that vandalism. They hadn’t caught him yet, but they were all sure it was him who had been vandalizing the nearby playground or done the graffiti in the underpass near Magnolia Crescent.

It was that same youth who at this specific moment in the middle of the night was once again tossing and turning in his bed on the second floor.

 _“_ No… don’t… not Cedric… Don’t… Mum? Dad?”

Harry woke up with a gasp of breath. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. Harry Potter - Boy-Who-Lived, Defender of the Philosopher’s Stone, Basilisk Slayer and Victim, Godson to an innocent mass murderer and now Surviving Tri-Wizard Champion. He heaved as the images of that night only a month prior still flickered on the inside of his eyelids.

He and Cedric Diggory had been kidnapped after the Third Tri-Wizard Task and sent to a graveyard in Little Hangleton where Cedric was murdered because he was a spare.

“Cedric wasn’t a spare,” Harry mumbled. “He was the important one, you god damn psychopath.”

Harry breathed in deeply. He felt like throwing up. Then again, he felt like throwing up most of the time at this point. It all seemed so pointless to him. His fourth year at Hogwarts had been an eye-opener for him. The year where he really began to see people for who they were and not who they showed they were. Ron had probably been the biggest disappointment and Hermione had been the biggest surprise.

Ron had let his jealousy take over and been a real fucking git this year. Sure, he had half-way apologized after the first task and Harry hadn’t had the energy to ask for more than that. The problem with half-way apologies is that you only get half-way forgiveness in return. Ron had helped as much as he himself felt was necessary and he did make a good target for target practice but Harry was wary of him. Hermione however had stuck with him. That had honestly been a surprise. She was always the rule abiding one of the trio and Harry had expected her to be the first to have considered him a cheater. That it had only taken three sentences before she had accepted that him being in that goddamned tournament was an attempt on his life was frankly surprising but welcome.

That’s why it stung so much at the moment. Harry had sent a customary letter to Ron. It was filled with honest insincerities and common platitudes and that had been it. Harry didn’t even expect or want a reply to it. Hermione’s letter however had been something more. Harry had described his nightmares in it. It had been the closest he was ever going to write as a call for help but even she had not replied to him in the past two weeks.

Harry was going spare if this kept up. He had no way of dealing with anything. He couldn’t talk to anyone around him about what had happened without risking the Statute and even if he somehow could talk to someone then they would just brush it off as some sort of mental illness or psychosis or general insanity.

He had debated writing to Sirius a couple of times. Though he wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Last time he had written to Sirius about his nightmares, Sirius had returned to the country which at the best of times was a bad idea for any escaped convict. He didn’t even have an alternative to Hedwig and as much as he loved his owl, she was not really what you would call inconspicuous. Snow-white feathers and amber eyes so deep and loving that they really shouldn’t have been on an owl.

At times it felt like she was his only actual friend. Harry reached for his glasses and turned to look at the open cage on the rickety desk. She wasn’t there. Then again, he wasn’t surprised. It was in the middle of the night and as much as Hedwig was a special owl, she was still nocturnal and hunted during the night.

Harry debated with himself whether he should try to sleep again. It almost didn’t seem like it would be worth it to try. His mind wandered to Cedric once more. Their rivalry had turned into a friendship over the last year. Cedric hadn’t really believed him in the beginning but after Harry had told him about the first task last year Cedric had more than paid him back for the information.

They had had to keep their friendship secret. Harry had specifically requested that they didn’t talk in public but only met at night. Harry could move around the castle unnoticed and Cedric was a prefect. Cedric had offered to teach Harry in the evenings. They would meet almost every night. Harry had even confided in Cedric that he might have noticed Cho Chang from Ravenclaw. That had been an awkward conversation only because Cedric had had to tell Harry that him and Cho had just recently become a couple.

He had asked her out directly after the first task. Harry supposed that a direct face-to-face with a dragon had a motivating factor on making sure that you didn’t regret not doing anything. He had been sad that he hadn’t had a chance with her but thinking about it they deserved each other at least in Harry’s head.

It had made the Yule Ball a bit more difficult but with Cedric’s help and guidance it hadn’t been all that bad. He had even helped Harry with dance classes. Harry would never had admitted it at the time but of all the dances he had enjoyed during his fourth year at Hogwarts it was the dances with Cedric in his arms or the other way around which Harry had enjoyed the most.

Cedric… Harry wasn’t sure what it was about Cedric, but he had come to fill the same position to him as Cho did. It was almost tragically fitting that the two people Harry crushed on ended up together leaving him as the third wheel.

It was all so confusing. He hadn’t understood why Cedric dying to a Killing Curse had felt like having his heart ripped out until Cedric’s ghost… imprint… whatever it was had talked to him while his and Voldemort’s wands had been connected.

That single sentence after Cedric had requested to bring back his body to his parents kept ringing in his head.

 _“I could have come to love you too…_ ”

Was that what he had felt for Cedric? Did he love him? Harry honestly didn’t know what love even was. He had felt some sort of love from Sirius. Even if it had been completely insane for Sirius to sneak back into the country and live in a cave while the tournament happened, it showed that he cared.

They had been the only ones who cared. Sirius and Cedric. Hermione had cared too but it almost felt like she cared because she was supposed to care not because it was him it was happening to. It certainly didn’t feel like she cared now.

Two weeks were no one had replied. Two weeks in his own personal hell. That’s it. He was writing Sirius. He could not survive with all of his thoughts constantly churning around in his head. He needed someone who would write him back. He needed someone to talk to him. Someone to talk about Cedric with.

He reached for a block of paper and a discarded biro. He still felt that parchment and quills were ridiculous. Maybe he should get a fountain pen next time he was in Diagon Alley. It would do just as well as a quill in Harry’s not so humble opinion.

_Hey Snuffles_

_I know I am not supposed to write you, but I am honestly going crazy here. I keep having the same nightmares about that night. I keep seeing_ that _every time I lose my eyes. I need someone. Anyone who I can talk to. Don’t come, I want you to keep safe but I’m going insane. Every time I close my eyes I see his smile. I see his ghost looking at me with fondness and I am terrified. I haven’t slept properly in weeks. I don’t know what I am supposed to do._

 _I keep going back to thinking what_ he _would have wanted me to do. I just don’t know._

_H_

Harry looked over the letter. He tried to see if there was anything incriminating that would make sense to anyone not in the know. He couldn’t see anything, so he just sat back and thought. Like he always did during the nights after he had woken up.

He knew what _he_ would have wanted him to do. He had told him so, so many times he had told him so. He would have wanted Harry to do the best he could have done. So why shouldn’t he?

He had all his books. Why shouldn’t he do the best he could do? He picked up his first year Charms book from the pile in the broken closet. He was honestly surprised that Vernon hadn’t tried to burn them yet, or maybe he had but couldn’t. He honestly didn’t know; he was just thankful that it was here.

Harry spent the next week reviewing. He had sent the letter off to Sirius as soon as Hedwig had returned for the night. Sirius had sent back a book and a small letter saying that it had helped him with his nightmares from Azkaban. It was a book about meditation and how to sort through his memories. Sirius had suggested that he should meditate before going to bed and after he had woken up from a nightmare.

Harry had already begun to find the techniques helpful. He felt more grounded after he had spent time meditating. His memories seemed clearer but more distanced. He had an easier time recalling the knowledge. He found that he could review faster after a session. He was still reading through his first-year curriculum. Even skimming it helped him retain it faster.

It had taken him four days to read through his first-year charms book and now three days later he was more than halfway through his Transfiguration book. He was surprised how much clearer the material was to him. Whenever he meditated, he imagined a large bookcase where he would store his memories. It was almost like he was standing in front of the bookcase whenever he reached the state of nothingness.

He had also taken to bringing his book with him outside. He had even reached a tentative understanding with his relatives. Something else he would have to thank Sirius for if he ever met him again. Apparently, the threat of a mass murderer visiting if they didn’t treat him okay was enough for them to leave him alone. He still worked in the garden. It was an easy way to practice the techniques from his Herbology books. He wasn’t ever going to be as good in that subject as Neville Longbottom, but he was more in tune with the plants. It was a funny feeling honestly. It was like he had begun to instinctively understand what they needed. It had been enough for him to gain some amount of good will from Petunia.

She would give him extra food if her roses were the best in Little Whinging. Harry was fine with that. He had earned free access to water and he wasn’t being handed the scraps anymore at least while Vernon wasn’t around. She had also taken to leaving the backdoor open for him and didn’t care if he was out late if he just didn’t wake them up at all. Harry was fine with that. The less they cared the more freedom he got. It was a little sad but then again so was his existence at Privet Drive.

He knew he was going to finish up his book on Transfiguration while he was out today, but he had decided to not bring another book this time. He had found a park nearby where he could meditate. He still had to dodge Dudley and his gang but then again he never really looked up, so most of the time Harry would just crawl up into a tree he had found with a big enough branch that he wasn’t worried of falling off.

It hadn’t taken long for him to finish writing the notes in the margins of his book, so he decided to meditate until he was hungry. He could probably last until late afternoon if he really reached deep. Harry closed his eyes and focused on his breathing and the rustling of leaves all around him. He slowly descended into himself and once more stood in front of his bookcase. The corner of his lips lifted a little when he spotted a copy of his transfiguration book in the bookcase next to the charms book, he had seen there earlier. He looked around and found a smattering of loose paper and parchment strewn around the bookcase. It was the same after he had finished up the charms book. He reasoned that it was every memory he had pertaining to the material, so he slowly began sorting through it memories flashing as he did so. He knew that the end product would be a journal type thing with the memories which he would place in the bookcase. He was just about to be finished sorting those memories when he was pulled out of his meditative state by a voice.

“Hey there.”

Harry opened his eyes and looked down. He found a youth he hadn’t seen before. Blue eyes and brown hair with a heart shaped face.

“Hey,” Harry said a little warily. “Never seen you before.”

“I would be surprised if you did,” the youth said. “Name’s Jack.”

“Harry.”

“So… what are you doing up there?”

“Meditating,” Harry said. “Helps sort out my thoughts and memories.”

“And why would you do that?” Jack asked.

“I would probably go insane if I didn’t,” Harry sighed. “You lost or something?”

“Not really,” Jack said. “Just new to the area. You seemed interesting.”

“I’m not,” Harry said. “Rather boring actually.”

“Really?” Jack lifted an eyebrow with a smirk. “Not from what I’ve heard. You’re quite famous.”

“Oh?” Harry said. “What have you heard?”

“That you are an incurable criminal, something about some drowned puppies and that you are a good for nothing,” Jack said.

“And what do you think?” Harry asked.

“It’s a load of crock,” Jack said. “If you were you would run around with that group of vandals tearing up the playground.”

“Oh, you’ve met my cousin then,” Harry said.

“I see the resemblance,” Jack said.

“I very much doubt that,” Harry said.

“You’re right,” Jack laughed.

 _Nice laugh,_ Harry thought to himself. _Really nice laugh._

“So, you going to stay up there?” Jack asked.

“I thought about it,” Harry said. “Nice and breezy up here.”

“Then scootch over,” Jack said. “I’m coming up.”

Harry lifted an eyebrow with incredulity. He wasn’t serious, was he? Apparently, he was. Jack had already begun climbing up. Harry took a closer look at him. Jack was frankly what you would call cool. Ripped jeans and a t-shirt with a band logo on it. He even had a leather something jacket. Harry wasn’t really sure why Jack was wearing it. It was hot outside. Harry watched as Jack pulled himself up next to him but when he was just about turn and sit down one of his hands slipped and Harry instinctively pulled Jack close to his chest.

“Careful there,” Harry whispered. “Wouldn’t want such a pretty face getting hurt.”

Harry had expected anything but that reaction. He honestly wasn’t even sure why he had said it but it had just felt like the right thing to say. Jack had gripped his t-shirt tightly in his hands and was blushing. Harry didn’t release his arm around his waist until he was sure that Jack wouldn’t fall down from the tree.

“You alright?” Harry asked.

Jack nodded mutely and breathed in deeply. Harry felt a little self-conscious. He had been working earlier in the day in Petunia's garden and while he wasn’t dirty there was still a faint hint of sweat clinging to his body. He removed the arm around Jack’s waist and leaned back against the trunk of the tree.

“Welcome to Harry’s branch,” Harry said.

“Nice and thick,” Jack said.

Harry stuttered and blushed.

“Sorry,” Jack laughed. “I had to get you back for the pretty face comment.”

“Sure,” Harry said.

“What’s this?” Jack asked, picking up Harry’s transfiguration book.

“Ah,” Harry panicked. “It’s nothing…”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Jack said. “A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration. You into Dungeons and Dragons or something?”

“Something,” Harry said. “Just some ideas for writing I suppose.”

“Cool,” Jack said.

“How old are you?” Harry asked.

“You know you’re not supposed to ask a lady about her age?” Jack said.

“I’m not though,” Harry said. “I’m pretty sure I’m asking a bloke about his age.”

“Right,” Jack said. “Just turned Eighteen. You?”

“I’ll be fifteen in a couple of weeks,” Harry said. “You not bothered about hanging out with a _‘little boy’_?”

“If the conversation is good then the conversation is good,” Jack said. “Don’t really care for your age.”

Harry sat back. It was refreshing in a way. Everyone around him treated him like a kid but he hadn’t ever felt like a kid. He was funny really. When he was forced to save the day then they didn’t treat him like a kid but as soon as the day had been saved the ‘adults’ around him tried to treat him like a kid again.

Cedric had never treated him like a child. That was part of why Harry had gravitated towards him. He had treated him like an equal in the same situation. It was part of what had made Cedric special.

“What are you thinking about?” Jack asked.

“A friend,” Harry said.

“Want to talk about them?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“He’s dead,” Harry said, opening his eyes.

The past week of meditation might have made it easier to distance himself from the memory, but it still hurt as it was supposed to. Cedric was gone. Harry would never hear his voice again. He would never have another conversation with him. He just didn’t exist anymore. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted Cedric to return as a ghost just for that one last conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said.

“Why are you sorry?” Harry asked. “It wasn’t your fault he died.”

“How did he die?” Jack asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Harry said.

“Try me,” Jack said.

“Alright,” Harry said. “Cedric was killed in front of me by the same murderer who killed my parents.”

“Wow,” Jack said. “That’s intense.”

“So, you believe me?” Harry asked incredulously.

“I don’t see why you would lie about that,” Jack said. “Would be a real shitty thing to lie about.”

“It would,” Harry nodded.

“How did you get away?”

“I ran,” Harry said.

“Good,” Jack said.

“What?” Harry opened his eyes and looked at the young man next to him.

“It’s good that you ran,” Jack said. “What were you supposed to do? A murderer just killed your friend.”

“I see your point,” Harry said. “Doesn’t change the fact that I failed him.”

“Could you have done anything to save him?” Jack asked.

“No,” Harry said. “It was a real shitty situation.”

“Then it isn’t your fault,” Jack said simply. “You did the best you could in that situation. Did you tell the police?”

“In a way,” Harry said. “The murderer hasn’t been seen since I was a baby until that night. A real serial killer too. They don’t want to believe he’s back. Why am I telling you all this?”

“I guess I just have a trustworthy face,” Jack teased. “People tell me stuff.”

“I see,” Harry said.

Harry closed his eyes again and rested his head against the trunk once more. He didn’t want to talk about it but he didn’t want to not talk about it either. He wasn’t even sure why he was talking to this Jack person. It was like he remembered someone from an old memory, but the memory was of pink.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Pink,” Harry said absentmindedly.

“Pink?” Jack chuckled.

“I don’t even know why,” Harry said. “It’s like it’s an old memory.”

“Okaaaaay,” Jack said. “And what made you think about that?”

“You,” Harry said, opening his eyes.

Green met Grey. Harry held Jack’s gaze until Jack broke it, turning his head. Harry chuckled softly. He supposed it might have been rude for him to stare like that.

“I have no idea why I would remind you of pink,” Jack said. “You want to grab something to eat?”

“Not hungry,” Harry said.

Except he was betrayed by his own stomach rumbling like an untamed heard of hippogriffs. He looks somewhat sheepishly at Jack while he lowers himself down from the branch and drops the last couple of feet to the ground.

“Yeah, sure, whatever kid,” Jack said. “Coming?”

“Don’t call me that.”

Harry’s voice had turned a little strained.

“Sorry,” Jack said. “Anything else I shouldn’t call you?”

“Boy,” Harry said. “Freak too I guess. Wouldn’t like for you to call me a liar either.”

“Wow,” Jack said. “Got it. Squirt it is.”

“I’m not that small,” Harry said. “We are almost the same height and you are like what? Three years older than me?”

“Something like that,” Jack said. “Fine. I’ll just call you handsome then.”

Harry almost lost his balance as he was about to lower himself down to the ground the book tucked neatly between his legs until it wasn’t and fell down. Was Jack flirting with him?

“Ow!”

“Sorry,” Harry said looking down at Jack who was rubbing his forehead.

“No worries,” Jack said. “I should probably have gotten out of the way.” 

Harry jumped the last bit of the way and landed solidly on his feet. He picked up his book and tilted his head up to look at Jack who was still rubbing his forehead. Harry extended his hand and gently ran his fingers over the slightly red mark.

“Want me to give it a kiss to make the pain go away?” Harry asked cheekily.

“As if,” Jack scowled. “Come on. There’s got to be some place around here where we can get some grub.”

“Lead the way then,” Harry said.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the expert on the area?” Jack asked. “Remember I’m new around here.”

“Right,” Harry said. “I know there’s a chicken shop around here somewhere.”

“Sounds good,” Jack said. “I’m buying.”

Harry turned to lead Jack out of the park and down a couple of streets. It wasn’t a big place, but it would do the trick, he supposed. He had heard Dudley talk to his friends about this place a couple of times. He hadn’t ever been there himself, so he honestly didn’t know if it was any good.

“Two chicken strip burgers and some wings,” Jack said. 

“Right away.”

Jack took a seat at a nearby booth and gestured for Harry to join him. 

“Tell me about yourself,” Jack said. “Where’d you go to school?” 

“Boarding school up in Scotland,” Harry said. “I’ll only stay here until the end of the month.” 

“Why’s that?” Jack asked.

“Usually I go visit friends after that,” Harry said. “Then in September it’s back to school for me until next summer.” 

“So, you don’t see your family until next summer?”

Harry tried to keep the icy look out of his eyes but he must have failed if Jack’s face was any indicator. 

“Don’t like them?” Jack asked.

“They are what they are,” Harry said. “We don’t usually see eye to eye.” 

“Okay,” Jack said. “But they treat you alright?”

“This summer, sure,” Harry said. “What about you?” 

“What about me what?” Jack asked.

“What do you do?” Harry asked.

“Oh me?” Jack said. “Law enforcement.”

“Aren’t you a little young for that?” Harry asked.

“Still in the academy,” Jack said. “But it’s okay. I got a really good mentor even if he is somewhat of a paranoid psycho sometimes.” 

“Huh,” Harry said. “How psycho?” 

“Jumping at shadows level psycho,” Jack laughed. 

“You alright?” Harry asked.

“Sheesh, Handsome,” Jack said. “I’m fine. He’s a good teacher.” 

Harry shrugged his shoulders at that. Jack was an only child and his father was a lawyer while his mother was a doctor. He had wanted to do something to protect people. One of his aunts were in prison for murder, so he felt like he wanted to do something good to make up for it. 

The food was nice as well. Harry hadn’t ever eaten junk food like this before and the orange soda was a first as well. He even thought about whether he could change some of his galleons into muggle currency the next time he was at Gringotts so he could go out like this again. 

Harry turned to the clock on the wall and almost began to panic. He might have gotten free reign to roam around but he was still getting late by the time they’d eaten their food. He quickly apologized to Jack for having to leave and ran for the door. 

Harry barely made it back in time before he would have to start cooking for the Dursleys. He just hoped that Vernon hadn’t gotten home yet as he quickly but quietly moved into the kitchen through the back door.

“Where have you been?” an angry snarl reached his ear.

“Out,” Harry said quickly. “I’ll have dinner ready soon.” 

“You won’t get to eat if it isn’t ready by the time Vernon gets home,” Petunia said before she walked out of the kitchen. 

_Hope she chokes on a rat_ , Harry thought to himself as he reached for the pans.

He just barely plated the food by the time Vernon came through the front door. Harry had already begun retreating to his room. He didn’t need the credit for the cooking and it was easier to just skimp off with a portion for himself if Vernon didn’t spot him.

Petunia would get the credit for cooking and Harry would have some food to eat when he was hungry. It was a win-win situation as far as they were concerned. He quickly closed the door right before he heard Vernon’s booming voice downstairs. 

“Has he done all his chores, Pet?” 

“Yes,” Petunia said. 

“You know I love your cooking,” Vernon said loud enough for Harry to hear him. “But don’t you think we are being too lax on him?”

“You don’t need to worry about that, Vern,” Petunia said. “I don’t trust him not to poison our food if I don’t cook it myself.”

 _What a load of shit_ , Harry thought. _Then again it sounds like something…_

“Right you are, Pet,” Vernon said. “Better safe than sorry.”

Harry looked through his closet to find another book when it hit him. He had forgotten his book while at the Chicken Shop with Jack.

_Shit, is that some sort of breaking the Statute? What if someone finds it? What would Jack think about it? He thought it might be some Dungeons and Dragons thing. Maybe he won’t think too much about it. I hope I run into him again. I’ll just ask if he has seen it. It’ll be fine._

At least that was what Harry told himself as he tried to sit down to meditate before going to sleep.


	2. Harry's Branch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Know I'm feeling a story when I somehow manage to do two chapters in a day <3
> 
> Big thanks to VonPelt for helping me with the beta-reading. Good suggestions and thanks once again mate <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry had spent the past week slightly panicking about his missing book. It was only after a week of no one sending him an owl about it, that he finally decided to relax. He wasn’t in trouble. Still, he would have preferred if he could find out if Jack had picked it up and if so, had he read it? Did he think it was mental? What did he think?

He had finally finished the full curriculum of his core subjects for his first year by the twentieth of June and had begun reading up on his second-year curriculum. It was going faster now that he understood the first-year material fully and he had even had to extend and put up another bookcase in his mind. He would still find time to sit on the same branch as the one where he met Jack.

It had been nice talking to him even if it had only been a coincidental encounter. Harry supposed that it wasn’t likely that he would run into Jack all that often especially since Jack was busy with his job in law-enforcement, but a young man could hope, couldn’t he?

Harry wasn’t sure he believed in a higher deity, but someone was surely laughing at him from somewhere since he heard an all too missed voice while reading and scribbling in the margins of his _Intermediate Transfiguration book_.

“Finally found you,” Jack’s voice travelled to his ear.

“You’ve been looking for me?” Harry asked.

“Sure have,” Jack said with a beaming smile. “Forgot your book last time.”

“Did you read it?” Harry asked nervously.

“Nah,” Jack said. “Might have had a cursory glance but I try not to snoop.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

“Something tells me I should have,” Jack said with a mischievous smile. “Written about your feelings in the margins perhaps?”

“No,” Harry said quickly.

“No worries, Handsome,” Jack said. “I’ve begun carrying it with me while I walk around in the neighbourhood. Thought it would be better to have it if I stumbled into you.”

“Well you did,” Harry said.

Harry jumped down and looked expectantly at the book in Jack’s hand. He wanted to make sure that it really was his. It wasn’t that it was an all too important book. The notes weren’t even worth that much, but he had a feeling that he wasn’t too popular with the Ministry at the moment after his run-in with Fudge at the end of his fourth year. The fact that Fudge had deemed it unnecessary to have a reward ceremony and just dumped his winnings on the side of his hospital bed didn’t really scream endearment. Harry had ordered the Prophet to see what was going on in the world, but it was painfully obvious that it was being censored. Someone didn’t want him to have too much information about what was going on and it all smelled a bit too much like Dumbledore.

That was one thing he noticed after having gone through the memories of his first year. The fact that Dumbledore told Harry that the Philosopher’s Stone would be destroyed. Sure, the Flamels were definitely going to do that. Harry wasn’t even all that sure that the stone was real in the first place. He also didn’t believe that they didn’t have more back-up plans to safeguard the stone than what Dumbledore had put up. You didn’t live for six-hundred years only to fail because of one Dark Lord.

There had likely been hundreds of attempts on the stone during the Flamels’ life, so the fact that Dumbledore wanted him to believe it gone. Not likely. The second year as well. The whole chamber business. If Fawkes could get in then Dumbledore could as well. It just… something didn’t seem right. It didn’t help that not a single professor at the school did anything to help against the rumours. If Professor McGonagall or Dumbledore wanted to then they could have easily squashed at least the more open offenders.

It was like they didn’t care about him as a person and that made him suspicious of them. The way McGonagall also didn’t trust in him made Harry trust her a little less.

“Hey Handsome?” Jack pulled Harry out of his musings. “You were far gone.”

“Just a little,” Harry said. “I’m just looking over some things in retrospect and some things don’t really add up. It’s probably nothing.”

“You sure?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry said. “So, why are you here?”

“I live in the area,” Jack said. “I’m off work and off duty.”

“But why _here_ here?” Harry asked.

“You’re the only one I know around here,” Jack said. “And as I said last time if the conversation is good…”

“Then the conversation is good,” Harry finished. “Alright then. How’s work?”

“Horrible,” Jack groaned. “I told you about my trainer right?”

“Paranoid and Psychotic?” Harry asked.

“Yup,” Jack said, emphasizing the ‘p’. “He’s got even more of a stick up his arse. Thinks some lunatic is running around and that we are going to have a serial killer on our hands. Got everyone in a tissy and nobody really thinks the serial killer is there.”

“And what do you think?” Harry asked.

“If it quacks like a duck and it looks like a duck,” Jack said with a hint of a smirk. “Then it’s probably a goose.”

“Wait what?” Harry said.

“I’m kidding,” Jack said. “Doesn’t really matter what I think. I just have to go over the evidence and then find a lead.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Harry said. “Hope you catch him.”

“Me too,” Jack said. “What’re you reading now?”

“Intermediate Transfiguration,” Harry said. “It’s the continuation of the one I forgot at the chicken shop.”

“Really?” Jack said. “You really into this Dungeons and Dragons stuff.”

“Or something,” Harry said. “Thanks for bringing it back though. I would have hated to lose it like that.”

“You’re welcome,” Jack said. “You doing anything today?”

“Nothing really,” Harry said. “More reading I suppose.”

“What are you?” Jack smirked. “Some kind of nerd?”

“Ha… ha…” Harry said. “No, I’m just honouring my friend’s memory. He would have wanted me to do my best.”

“Oh,” Jack said, the smile falling off his lips.

“Yeah,” Harry said, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s depressing but it’s my way of remembering his tutoring.”

“That’s nice,” Jack said. “So… you’re not doing anything?”

“You got an idea?” Harry asked.

“Not really,” Jack said. “We could just hang if you want. Maybe talk about that friend of yours if you’d like.”

Harry thought about it for a second before shrugging his shoulders. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about Cedric but then again Jack seemed like a good listener so maybe? He stacked his books in his hands and sat down on the grass under the tree. It was a nice a place as any.

“Tell me about your school,” Jack said sitting down next to him. “What do you get up to?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Harry said.

“Try me,” Jack said.

“Well first of all,” Harry began, “It’s a boarding school, so I’ll pretty much be there for most of the year.”

Harry then began to tell the non-magical version of his school years. Quidditch became football and Potions became chemistry. He couldn’t tell Jack even half the stuff that went on so Harry had begun talking about his friends.

“So, you’re telling me your football team is a seven man team,” Jack half-asked half-said.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “Up until my third year it was just me, Angelina, Alicia, Katie, Fred, George and Oliver. The girls were in the middle, Fred and George on defence and me in the forward position.”

“Did you score many goals?” Jack asked.

“We only lost one match in those three years if I could play,” Harry said. “I probably spent more time in the hospital wing than any other student.”

“Why?” Jack asked.

“I’m…” Harry hesitated. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain all of his near-death experiences. “Accident prone.” He settled on.

“Okay,” Jack said. “Any girls up at that school?”

“Sure,” Harry said. “It’s co-ed.”

“Not what I’m asking, Handsome,” Jack laughed. “Anyone special? What about that Hermione girl?”

“Nah,” Harry said. “She’s pretty enough but I don’t think about her like that. Actually our friend Viktor asked me the same question.”

“Huh,” Jack said.

“He was from this other school somewhere up north in Europe,” Harry said. “Professional athlete too. World Class player actually.”

“Wow,” Jack said. “And your friend Hermione bagged him?”

“Don’t know about that,” Harry laughed. “He lives in Bulgaria. Kind of a long distance don’t you think?”

“I suppose,” Jack said. “So really there’s no one?”

“Not really no,” Harry shook his head. “There was one girl, but she was together with Cedric. Hope she is doing alright.”

“Shit,” Jack said. “Talk about opening a can of worms.”

“Tell me about it,” Harry said. “So, no I’m good being just me I suppose.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Jack said. “You’re young.”

“It’s not like you’re much older,” Harry pointed out. “in a month it’ll only be three years.”

“Three years is a lot at your age,” Jack said.

“Whatever you say,” Harry shrugged.

“Now you’re learning, kid,” Jack said.

“Don’t call me that,” Harry growled.

“Woah,” Jack said. “Chill. I mean you no harm.”

“Sorry,” Harry sighed. “It just irks me.”

“Must irk you a lot,” Jack said.

“You have no idea,” Harry said.

“Why?” Jack asked.

“It’s just…” Harry tried. “Half the time the adults treat me like a kid and then when shit hits the fan then suddenly I have to be all grown-up and take care of myself.”

“I can see how that would get annoying really fast,” Jack admitted.

“You have no idea,” Harry repeated. “They mean well but damn if they are going to treat me like a kid then they should have been there to take care of me.”

“What about your family?” Jack asked.

“Dead,” Harry said simply.

“But don’t you live with family?”

“Not my family,” Harry said venomously. “They are just the people I share a house with. If I could then I would move.”

“Aren’t you a little young for that?” Jack asked.

Harry looked at Jack for a moment. “I’ll should get going now.”

“Wait,” Jack said. “Was it something I said?”

“See ya around, Jack,” Harry said, getting to his feet. “Thanks for bringing my book back.”

Noticing the tension in Harry’s shoulders Jack tried to follow him but Harry had already disappeared by the time Jack had gotten to his feet.

The next month passed more or less without incident. Harry didn’t run into Jack again and he was fine doing his chores and study whatever he found was necessary meaning that he barely opened up his History of Magic, Divination and Care of Magical Creatures. He stayed up one night and tried to map the stars in practice for astronomy, but it wasn’t what he had spent most time on.

Harry would spend most of his time sitting on his branch in the same tree. Dudley still hadn’t found him whenever he disappeared there and the leaves did make for excellent cover under the scorching sun.

It was one such evening around a week before Harry’s birthday when he for the first time that dry summer got caught in a rain shower. It was like the heavens had opened up and finally released the held back waters that the British summer was lacking. It was almost like the earthed sighed from being watered once again.

The only problem with an impromptu shower is the book you are currently reading in your hands. As magical as Harry’s life was, they still hadn’t made their books waterproof. A massive oversight if you asked Harry at this moment.

Harry pulled up the flimsy jacket he had brought and placed his book under it. Hopefully that would keep the water somewhat from reaching it. He debated whether he should just wait out the shower on his branch or try to make his way back to Privet Drive when his attention like twice before was pulled to the ground.

“Hey, you up there?”

“Jack,” Harry said a little coldly. “What are you doing here?”

“Look,” Jack said. “I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry.”

“Not much of an apology,” Harry pointed out. “What do you want?”

“I fucked up okay?” Jack said. “How will I know what I did wrong if you don’t tell me?”

“You did the one thing I told you I had a problem with just moments after I told you I had a problem with it,” Harry said. “It’s fine. Go home Jack. It’s raining.”

“And what about you?” Jack asked.

“I’m fine where I am,” Harry said.

He leaned back and closed his eyes feeling the rain falling on his face. It was only when the branch dipped a little that Harry opened his eyes once more.

“Jack, what the hell are you doing?” Harry asked.

“Look I’m sorry,” Jack said. “Truly I am. I treated you like a kid and I shouldn’t have.”

“You shouldn’t,” Harry said.

“It’s just…”

“Just what, Jack?”

“Look you’re not even fifteen and you are talking like you could take care of yourself,” Jack said. “That’s not right.”

“Jack,” Harry said. “I’ve cooked my own food since I was six, I have cleaned that house since I was old enough to scrub the dirt out of the tiles. I’ve mowed and taken care of a garden since I was eight. I have enough money to live by myself for the next ten years. Trust me. I can more than take care of myself.”

Jack had turned his face away. Harry watched him for a moment before reaching out and touching his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault,” Harry said. “Growing up was… shit quite frankly. It’s only this summer we have come to some sort of agreement which basically boils down to them ignoring me while I do some chores before getting out of their sight.”

“But that’s not right,” Jack said.

“Probably isn’t,” Harry shrugged. “It’s all I’ve ever known. So, I wouldn’t know better.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said.

“Don’t be,” Harry said. “You didn’t put me there. I’m not angry about it. More resigned than anything really. You know I’ve never told people about growing up before.”

“Why not?” Jack asked.

“Probably didn’t meet the right person for it before,” Harry said. “You do have one of those faces that makes people tell you things.”

“I do, don’t I?” Jack chuckled hollowly. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t even know what you are apologizing for,” Harry said. “You were what? Four when I got dumped here.”

“What do you mean dumped here?” Jack asked.

“Quite literally,” Harry said. “Put me on the doorstep in November in the middle of the night. At least that’s what I heard. I was fifteen months at the time. Don’t really remember much from that night.”

Harry spotted the clenched fists gripping the branch hard. He gently leaned forward and reached out for the closest hand. He watched as Jack slowly relaxed.

“Don’t be angry,” Harry said. “There is no point. It’s not going to change anything. I used to be angry once upon a time. It never helped.”

“You should be angry about it,” Jack said.

“What’s the point?” Harry said. “I’m forced to live there until I’m seventeen.”

“Why?” Jack asked. “You sounded like you could live by yourself if you wanted.”

“I could,” Harry said. “But there are people who wouldn’t let me. Saying it’s for my own protection.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You remember Cedric’s murderer?” Harry asked.

“Uh-huh,” Jack said.

“They think he’ll find me and kill me if I don’t live there,” Harry said. “Something like witness protection.”

“You’re telling me you’re in witness protection?” Jack asked.

“Or something.” Harry said. “Looks like the rain is letting up. I should probably get home.”

“I’ll walk you some of the way?” Jack asked.

“If you want,” Harry said.

Jack jumped down first, and Harry lowered himself down after him. He pulled his t-shirt from his body, but it was clinging rather tightly. Jack’s was too. His pecs were clearly visible under the wet t-shirt and Harry found himself finding the young man in front of him to be complete irresistible.

They made their way in silence until they reached the underpass near Magnolia Crescent. Harry turned to Jack and looked at him.

“It’s probably better if I walk the rest of the way myself,” Harry said. “I’ll be leaving soon. We probably won’t have a chance to meet up again. It was nice meeting you, Jack.”

“You too, Harry,” Jack said.

They both shuffled a bit from one feet to the other. Harry slowly stepped closer. He wasn’t even sure what it was that he was about to do but it was like something in him wanted to get closer to Jack. Like it was right to get close to him.

“I really enjoyed it,” Harry almost whispered only a few inches away from Jack’s face.

“Me too,” Jack said.

“You’re so cute,” Harry said only a moment before he leant forward and met Jack’s lips.

Harry had never kissed someone before but he was quite sure that it wasn’t supposed to feel this way considering what the Twins had talked about in the showers after Quidditch Practice. Jack had gone completely stiff.

Harry backed off quickly, panicking to find the right words to say. He looked intensely at Jack who stood there frozen in shock.

“Oh my god,” Harry said. “I’m so sorry… I thought… Never mind… I didn’t think at all. I shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry Jack. I thought you were into me as well… I didn’t think. I’m so sorry. Goodbye.”

Harry didn’t even let him say a word before he sprinted down the underpass and moved around the corner. He definitely didn’t hear the words whispered by Jack after Harry was out of view.

“No wait… It’s not like that. I was just surprised.”


	3. Grimmauld Place Number Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back! 
> 
> Seriously this story is so much fun to write <3
> 
> Hope you are all enjoying it as much as I currently do *Chef's Kiss*
> 
> Love  
> Waske  
> XxX
> 
> Special thanks to Black Phoenix for beta reading this chapter <3

Harry was counting down the time until he was allowed to leave Privet Drive. It couldn’t come fast enough. He hadn’t been back to _his_ tree since that afternoon in the underpass. He didn’t want to run into Jack again. It was just… depressing. He had been so sure that Jack had flirted with him as well and then he had messed it all up by kissing him. Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to stay at Privet Drive for much longer.

He had instead taken to hovering around the vandalized playground. The only downside to that was the fact that Dudley and his crew were the one doing the vandalizing and there were no trees around where Harry could hide in their leaves.

It was one such evening where Harry was reading his fourth-year charms book in the one swing not broken by Dudley that he finally ran into them or more like they ran into Harry.

“Good work, Big D,” Piers Polkiss grunted.

“Yeah,” One of the other idiots said. “Did you see how he snivelled and begged for us to let him go?”

Harry had to admit that Dudley had lost some weight over the last year. He knew that he had taken up boxing and it really showed. It, however, only made him more despicable in Harry’s eyes if what they were saying was right.

“Hey,” Idiot number three said. “Isn’t that Potter?”

Harry’s eyes locked with Dudley’s and he realized that Dudley had actually become somewhat afraid of him. Wasn’t that interesting?

Harry slowly closed his book and rose up from the swing and began walking towards Privet Drive. He honestly couldn’t be bothered getting tangled up with those idiots. Just having been around them for a couple of minutes showed how much better Jack’s company had been even if it had only been three times that they had met.

The memory of Jack still stung. It didn’t hurt the same way Cedric’s death had, but there was a certain sense of loss as Harry compared the feelings.

“Where are you going?” Mark, was it? Snarled.

“Back,” Harry said simply.

“Back where?” Piers, definitely Piers said. “You’ve got nowhere to go ‘back’ to. Your parents are dead.”

Harry had really tried his best to keep his temper especially since Dudley hadn’t even said anything. He knew that the other monkeys wouldn’t move if Big D himself didn’t but his parents were off the table.

Harry had spent some time getting back in shape. Reliving every near-death experience in his memories as he went through them was a good motivator for working out. He slammed his shoulder into the one grabbing his shoulder and knocked him on his back followed by a solid kick in the ribs.

“Do not touch me,” Harry growled. “And do not speak about my parents.”

Harry felt the magic in his body coursing through his body and Dudley must have noticed it as well. Harry stalked directly up to his face and whispered.

“You know,” Harry said. “I could easily kill all of you. Put up the Dark Mark. I even know the spell. Do you know what the Dark Mark is, Big D? Don’t worry I’ll tell you. It’s this big green thing in the sky which my parent’s murderer would leave over the people him and his followers had killed. They might even think that it was them that did it. Who knows? Doesn’t matter really? I’ve got a godfather who is used to being on the run. He would probably help me. They would never find me but you and your friends would be dead.”

He could sense Dudley shivering. He wasn’t sure if it was from fear or from rage. He didn’t care to find out. Harry took a couple of steps back and grabbed his wand from his back pocket. Dudley must have noticed as well because he looked even more pale than he had before.

“I think you should probably get that one home,” Harry said. “I’m going now.”

“No fucking way you are,” What’s his face again said. “Big D?”

“Just go,” Dudley said. “See ya tomorrow and someone get Jenkins home as well. It probably wasn’t even that bad. What could a whelp like that do?”

 _A whole lot more than that and we both know it, Big D,_ Harry thought.

Harry stalked off towards the same underpass. It wasn’t that he wanted to relive that awkward moment, but it just was the fastest way back to Privet Drive. It was getting colder and it was getting colder fast. Too fast. Harry began moving forwards faster.

“Hey, where are you going?” Dudley shouted.

“Dudley… we need to go NOW!” Harry said.

“What?” Dudley said dumbfoundedly. “What’s going on? Why is it so cold?”

“Dementor,” Harry whispered, his wand out in full.

“Stop it!” Dudley said. “Y-y-you can’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Harry said loud enough for Dudley to hear. “Move now!”

“I’m not going anywhere until you stop,” Dudley said.

“If you don’t want to die you will start to run,” Harry said. He spotted one dementor coming in from behind them and Harry was just about ready to go in a full sprint when the other end was blocked off by another one.

“Keep calm,” Harry said.

He opened his mouth to say more but suddenly he felt a burning pain from his temple as his glasses were knocked off of his face and his wand flew down the underpass out of his reach.

“You goddamn idiot,” Harry growled.

Everything around him was dark. He could hear Dudley whining behind him. He idly thought about whatever bad memory Dudley would be experiencing. He began hearing the screams of his mother. In an almost morbid way, he almost just wanted it to continue so he could hear her voice. If he delayed, he might even be able to hear his Dad’s voice. That would be something wouldn’t it.

“No! Don’t!” Dudley screamed from behind him.

_Alright, you squealing pig. I need LIGHT._

“Lumos!” Harry shouted.

His wand lit up a couple of feet away from him and he crawled towards it grabbing it tightly in his hand. He turned around to find Dudley pinned against the wall of the underpass by a dementor. If it wasn’t for the fact that a Dementor’s Kiss would likely end in Dudley’s soul being ripped from him body he would have likely made fun of him for it being his first kiss.

Harry summoned up the brightest memory he could find.

“Expecto Patronum!” Harry cried out.

A faint shimmering shield of silver mist flowed out of his wand. He pushed it towards the dementor holding Dudley forcing it to drop him on the floor. Harry looked confusedly at his flimsy shield. He hadn’t had a problem with his Patronus before not since the end of his third year. He looked deeper into himself trying to find a memory, just one memory to help him fuel the Patronus. He thought about anything which could bring him happiness but all of it seemed mixed with bitterness.

His time with Ron and Hermione left a taste of ash in his mouth. The hours spent with Cedric tainted by his undeserved death. Even the happy times with Jack had been marred with the bittersweet reaction the young man had had to his kiss. Sirius was his next choice, and he did feel him with happiness, but the thoughts of Sirius brought every unfair thing that had happened to both of them. All of the injustice at the hand of so many. The righteous anger mixed with the love and happiness of Sirius and it changed something. Harry’s wand exploded in silver light and Prongs rode once more.

Harry sent it towards the Dementor hovering over Dudley and something… unexpected happened. The antlers on the Stag speared the Dementor and an unholy shriek filled the underpass. Harry stared in fascination as the Dementor slumped and almost seemed to melt and a rotten stench filled the underpass. Harry didn’t even think about the other dementor until all that was left from the first was the remnants of a corpse and the tattered robe that used to hide it.

Harry turned around and found the underpass empty. He looked down at Dudley who was staring between Harry, the silver stag and the ichor on the ground. Harry walked over to the stag and noticed something different as well. Instead of silvery fur it was covered in reptilian scales. He ran his hand over it and felt all of the emotions he had poured into the magic. The love, the happiness and the righteous anger all mixed in a harmonious balance never seen by Harry before. He had never heard of a Patronus that could do what his had just done.

He heard the steps of someone coming down the underpass and the sound of wheels as well. Harry’s Patronus faded and he looked to slip his wand in his inner pocket.

“Don’t be silly,” Mrs. Figg said. “Keep your wand out. They might come back.”

“Only the one,” Harry said. “Dudley?”

“I’m…”

“You’ll feel a little weak,” Harry said. “Chocolate will help, can you stand?”

“What was that?” Dudley asked.

“You could see it?” Harry asked.

“Not in the beginning but when that thingy ran into it I could,” Dudley said shakingly. “It was like…”

“Like you would never be happy again, memories of your worst nightmares playing in your head until you thought you would go insane,” Harry said. “Come on. Let’s move.”

Harry removed his jacket and t-shirt before wrapping the left behind cloak in his t-shirt before putting his jacket back on.

“Why’d you do that?” Dudley asked.

“I’m not about to touch anything left behind by a Dementor,” Harry said. “Horrible soul-sucking creatures.”

“So-so-soulsucking?” Dudley asked.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “For a moment I thought they would have gotten us both. Now Mrs. Figg would you tell me why you know what a wand is?”

“I’m a squib,” Mrs. Figg sniffed.

“Ah,” Harry said and nodded. “We’ll be alright, right Dud?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Dudley nodded.

“Goodnight Mrs. Figg,” Harry said. “I suppose you are here to keep an eye on me. You can tell Dumbledore that he is doing a piss poor job at that.”

Harry walked off with Dudley following close to him.

“It wasn’t alone?” Dudley asked, a little frightened.

“No,” Harry said. “There were two. Don’t worry, I’ll keep us safe.”

“Where is it?” Dudley asked.

“Not here,” Harry said. “Look Big D. I don’t even know why they were here in the first place. I thought they were impossible to destroy but lo and behold I’m carrying the remains in an oversized t-shirt.”

“What’s a squib?” Dudley asked after they had turned the corner. He was still shaking, Harry noticed.

“Non-magical born to magical parents,” Harry said. “The opposite of my mum in a sense.”

“What do you hear when they get close?” Dudley asked.

Harry looked at him hesitantly. It was a big ask from his childhood bully to talk about what was quite literally Harry’s worst nightmare.

“That’s personal,” Harry said finally.

“Oh,” Dudley said, looking a little sheepish. “Sorry.”

“I hear my parents getting killed,” Harry said. “The only time I have ever heard my parents’ voices.”

They didn’t say anything more until they reached the front door of the Dursley’s home. Harry opened the door and walked in. It was easy to see the sweat and paleness on Dudley’s face in the harsh lighting of the house.

“Duddikins, is that you?” Petunia’s voice came from the kitchen.

Dudley looked to Harry for a second waiting for an indication of what to do. Harry simply nodded.

“Yeah, Mum,” Dudley said, his voice now a little hoarse.

“Are you alright?” Petunia asked, still out of sight.

She appeared in the door and spotted the two of them.

“Oh, Dudders what happened to you,” she shrieked.

“De-de-dementoids,” Dudley said shakingly.

“Dementors,” Harry said simply. “Two. I have the remains of one of them here.”

Harry gestured to the shirt in his hand. “We’ll both need chocolate.”

Harry heard the telltale sounds of Vernon’s heavy footsteps. Harry could already imagine the coronary Vernon would have when he saw Dudley.

“Don’t Dad,” Dudley said. “He saved my life.”

If it wasn’t for the fact that everything was so surreal at the moment he would have laughed. Vernon stood there in the hallway with his mouth opening and closing. Petunia looked pale with a mix of incredulity and Dudley gave him what was the closest to a reassuring smile Harry had ever seen on his face.

“Kitchen,” Harry said. “I’ll tell you.”

That was when he realized that Petunia might actually know what a Dementor is. She nodded and began looking for what he assumed would be chocolate in the cupboards. Dudley might have been on a diet for the past however long but Harry didn’t think for a second that she wouldn’t have chocolate somewhere in this house.

Harry put his t-shirt on the kitchen table and put his wand and book down next to it. Vernon looked just about to blow a fuse when Dudley came to the rescue once more.

“There is one more out there,” he said. “Harry can protect us.”

Petunia handed Dudley a full plate of chocolate and to Harry’s surprise he broke it in half and handed one to him. Harry nodded his thanks and showed the cloak of the dementor in the middle of his t-shirt. He stopped Vernon from putting forward a hand with his own.

“Do not touch me, boy,” Vernon said.

“Don’t touch it,” Petunia said.

“You know what they are, don’t you?” Harry said.

“I do,” Petunia shivered.

She kept her eyes fixed on Dudley, who was now nibbling on his piece of chocolate. Harry was glad to see that some of the colour in Dudley’s face was returning.

“I do feel better,” Dudley said. “Why?”

“Don’t know,” Harry said. “Somehow chocolate helps. A professor of mine told me after my first run in with them. It makes you feel warm again.”

“It does,” Dudley said.

“What are these… these… Demandos?” Vernon said with barely contained rage.

“Demons,” Petunia whispered. “Soul-sucking demons. They guard Azkaban.”

“Obviously these two didn’t,” Harry said.

“What’s Azkaban?” Dudley asked.

“Our prison,” Harry said. “They guard the Wizarding prison. Imagine being stuck around those creatures day in day out. You’ll never feel happy again. Most people go insane.”

“Why were they here?” Vernon bellowed.

“Honestly?” Harry said. “They were probably after me.”

Harry was just waiting for Vernon to explode but they were interrupted by an owl flying through the kitchen window.

“I WILL NOT HAVE MORE OF THOSE RUDDY OWLS IN MY HOUSE!”

Harry ignored him. He took the letter and opened it to find the Ministry parchment inside.

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_We have received intelligence that you performed the Patronus Charm at twenty-three minutes past nine this evening in a Muggle-inhabited area and in the presence of a Muggle._

_The severity of this breach of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery has resulted in your expulsion from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Ministry representatives will be calling at your place of residence shortly to destroy your wand._

_As you have already received an official warning for a previous offence under Section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks' Statute of Secrecy, we regret to inform you that your presence is required at a disciplinary hearing at the Ministry of Magic at 9 a.m. on the twelfth of August._

_Hoping you are well,_  
_Yours sincerely,_  
_Mafalda Hopkirk_  
_Improper Use of Magic Office_ _Ministry of Magic_

Harry sat back and sighed as he looked over the letter.

“Well boy, what does it say?” Vernon asked.

“They’ve kicked me out of school,” Harry said. “They are coming to break my wand.”

“Good, good,” Vernon said twisting his hands together.

“Not good for you,” Harry said. “He’s back.” The last part sent to Petunia.

“Who?” Vernon asked.

“Him,” Harry said. “Voldemort.”

Petunia gasped. Vernon looked between Harry and Petunia over and over.

“Well, I’m not staying,” Harry said. “I’m sorry about the protections on the house, but I’d rather be a fugitive than have my wand snapped.”

“What protections?” Dudley asked.

“Of course, you wouldn’t know about that,” Harry chuckled. “The reason I am here until my birthdays every summer is because of the protections on this house. My magic charges the protections like a battery. That is part of the reason why you let me stay wasn’t it, Aunt Petunia? You knew there was a chance he would be back and that he might come for my mother’s family. Dumbledore told you, didn’t he?”

Petunia nodded mutely.

“Well, I am right sorry about this but looks like I need to start packing,” Harry said. “Hope you’ll be alright. It is close to my birthday so maybe it will—”

Another screech interrupted Harry.

“Not another one!” Vernon and Harry shouted in unison.

They held each other’s gaze for an awkward moment. Harry grabbed the flustered owl and unrolled the parchment. A few words splattered across it in quickly scribbled handwriting.

_Don’t leave your Aunt’s house, don’t give them your wand. Dumbledore is at the Ministry sorting it out._

_Arthur_

“Oh,” Harry said. “They want me to stay. Apparently, the mighty Dumbledore is sorting it out. Seems like you’ll have your yearly protection after all. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to find another blanket to wrap around that t-shirt before anyone accidentally touches the demon cloak. I’m knackered. Dudley, are you feeling alright?”

“I’m feeling better,” Dudley said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Harry said. “Goodnight.”

Harry picked up his book, his wand and the t-shirt and began to head upstairs. He barely managed to take a few steps when a third owl entered the kitchen. Harry just looked at Vernon and shrugged.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_Your expulsion to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been suspended pending your hearing on the twelfth._

_Your Sincerely._  
_Mafalda Hopkirk_  
_Improper Use of Magic Office_ _Ministry of Magic_

“What now then?” Vernon asked.

“They’ve suspended my expulsion until the twelfth,” Harry said. “That’s when my hearing is.”

“What are they accusing you off?” Vernon asked smugly.

“Doing magic before I’m a grown up and doing magic in front of Dudley,” Harry said. “The first one they could nail me for but it was in self-defence. The second one just shows how moronic my government is. Dudley knows about magic. I am not breaking anything by showing him magic in front of him. God damn imbeciles.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Vernon huffed. “So, you’ll get off?”

“Quite likely,” Harry said. “I have evidence here that something was there on that night. If they can somehow confirm that it is indeed a dementor cloak then I’m scot-free.”

“I don’t want any more bloody owls in my kitchen,” Vernon said but the threat almost seemed like it had vanished from his words.

“It’s not like I am asking them to be here,” Harry sighed. “Two of them were from the government. Take it up with them.”

“Your kind in government,” Vernon snarked. “The world has gone mad.”

“I agree,” Harry said. “Is there anything else?”

“No,” Petunia said.

Harry nodded to both her and Dudley before he finally made the trek upstairs and dropped on his bed. He found an old blanket and wrapped his t-shirt in it and put it on his desk. He was exhausted.

Harry woke up on his birthday feeling slightly refreshed. He had hoped to wake up with a few presents or even just a card but the only thing there was a scroll of parchment around Hedwig’s leg. Harry said good morning to her and even sang a small Happy Birthday song to himself in the shower before finally getting around to reading it.

_They’ll get you tonight._

_S_

Harry blinked a few times before crumbling up the parchment and putting it in his pocket. He decided to get some breakfast before packing. It would be better if he didn’t have to do it in a rush when whoever ‘they’ arrived, if they did. He knew the message was from Sirius and likely he should be more suspicious of it. He’ll meet them wand drawn if he had to. Scratch that it was probably a good idea to meet them wand drawn as a hello.

He found Petunia sitting in the kitchen with her own magazine.

“We’ll be out for dinner tonight,” Petunia said.

Harry nodded to her. Well that lessened the complications.

“We got invited by one of Vernon’s bosses,” Petunia said. “All three of us.”

“Ah,” Harry said.

“Do you know something?” Petunia asked.

“They are getting me tonight,” Harry said. “ _They_ might have done something to get you the invite. Still, it’s an opportunity either way.”

“I suppose that is true,” Petunia said a little snidely. “And it would be better if Vernon wasn’t around when _your_ kind arrived.”

“I agree,” Harry said.

He rummaged through the fridge and pulled out some basic things for his breakfast.

“Happy Birthday,” Petunia said so quietly that Harry was almost sure he must have just hallucinated it.

Harry nodded in response. There never would be more than a begrudging co-existence between Harry and the Dursleys but they had begun to treat him better since he had saved Dudley that night. Vernon was much the same, but Dudley and Petunia had begun to acknowledge his existence which was a leg up from their usual behaviour.

He ate his food in silence and drank his glass of water before returning to his room. It didn’t take long for him to pack most of his stuff. He had decided to only grab a few outfits and fill his suitcase with all of his books and notes instead. He also packed the blanket with the Dementor cloak in it. He would need that for evidence. He could probably get Sirius to look at it. He might have a way of proving it being a dementor cloak.

It didn’t take him all that long, so he decided to crack open another book until the Dursleys left and then he would wait in the living room. The Dursleys finally left a little before dinner in the afternoon. Harry sent a look towards Hedwig who must have understood him because she bopped her head and hooted at him before flying out of the window.

She would find him when he arrived in the new place. There was no doubt about that in his mind. He pulled down his trunk and his firebolt and sat them up against the wall before walking into the kitchen. He decided to make himself a little birthday dinner from the ingredients in the fridge.

He was quite certain that Petunia wouldn’t mind and even if she did then he would be gone until the next summer so they would likely forget even if they were pissed about it. He almost debated leaving the dirty dishes, but even with all of their past animosity Harry could always pride himself with the fact that he had good manners.

A dinner and a finished clean up later found Harry sitting on the couch with his wand next to him and his Charm’s book in hand. He had already finished up the entire year's curriculum in transfiguration. He had forgotten that he would still use that book for one more year. He had come to enjoy the subject a lot more since he had started meditating. It almost came easier for him to visualize the intent which was mentioned in the book. He wished he could try it out before getting back to Hogwarts but with a hearing for using magic outside of school it probably wasn’t his best idea to try out the spells in the book.

Harry must have gotten lost in his book because he was startled out of it when he heard the lock click in the door. He closed the book with a large snap and picked up his wand. He pointed it at the door and waited with bated breath.

A smattering of people walked into the hallway and he spotted one he knew.

“Professor Lupin,” Harry said evenly. “What was the first thing you gave me?”

“Chocolate,” Professor Lupin said with a smile.

“And your friends are good?” Harry asked.

“They are,” Lupin said. “Moody you know.”

“Hardly,” Harry said.

“Right you are lad,” Moody groused.

“Emmeline Vance, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Dedalus Diggle and Nymp—”

“Do not call me that!” the young woman growled.

Harry noted that her hair changed red for a second before settling back onto the purple it had been before.

“Nice trick,” Harry said. “So what do I call you?”

“Tonks,” she said. “You call me Tonks.”

“Alright,” Harry said. “So, how do we do this?”

“Lad, what are you doing down here?” Moody asked.

“Got a message from Padfoot,” Harry said. “Dumbledore wouldn’t let me leave before my birthday and I assumed that he wouldn’t want me to stay long after... considering the situation.”

Harry rose from the couch and made to put his wand in his back pocket.

“And where do ya think you are putting that?” Moody asked.

“Back pocket,” Harry said.

“Are ya trying to blow your arse cheeks off?”

“Got a better idea?” Harry asked.

He watched as Moody rummaged through his coat until he found something in one of his pockets. He threw it towards Harry who plucked it out of the air with nimble fingers. He stared incredulously at it for a moment before looking up.

“And what am I supposed to do with this?”

“Lass, go and help the lad,” Moody said.

Tonks was apparently the lass since she was the one walking over to him.

“Wotcher,” she said. “That is a wand holster for your forearm. If I know Moody right it’s got quick-release spells on it as well. Works a bit like a spring. Here let me help you.”

“Thanks,” Harry muttered. “What’s with the hair thing?”

She looked a little hesitant before she began again. “It’s part of my abilities. I’m a metamorphmagus. Basically I’m a walking breathing Polyjuice potion.”

“Cool,” Harry said.

“That’s it?” Tonks asked.

“Basically,” Harry said. “I can talk to snakes. You can change your hair colour.”

Tonks focussed back on helping him strap on the holster to his forearm.

“You just slide in your wand there and then you flick your wrist like this,” she said, motioning with her left hand. “You think this colour is good on me?”

“What?” Harry asked.

“My hair,” Tonks smirked. “You think it’s good on me?”

“Hmm,” Harry said. “How about a pink?”

Harry watched her scrunch up her nose and saw the hair both shortening and turning into a bright bubblegum pink. She walked out to the mirror in the hallway before saying.

“You’re right, much better.”

“Where’s your stuff Harry?” Lupin asked, looking bemused by their interaction.

Harry just pointed at the trunk and the broom next to the wall. The cage sitting next to them.

“How are we getting there?” Harry asked.

“We’ll be flying,” Tonks said. “I heard from Sirius that you are a pretty mean flyer.”

“Outflew a Horntail,” Harry said.

“Woah,” Tonks said. “I heard about it, but still.”

“Could someone shrink my trunk?” Harry asked. “There is no need to have it bumbling around tied to a broom instead of in a pocket. Same with the cage.”

“Right,” Lupin said. “We’ll have to take them past the ward line.”

Harry looked suspiciously at the man but didn’t ask anything. He was going to file that little tidbit of information for himself later. Something about the wards around his house did something more than just project him.

It almost seemed like. No, even Dumbledore wouldn’t do that, would he? Harry felt the last sliver of trust in the old man vanish.

“Well then we’ll do just that,” Harry said. “There is a park nearby that is somewhat secluded. Good number of trees to hide any take off.”

Moody nodded and Harry quickly put his last book in his trunk before handing it over to Lupin. Diggle grabbed his cage while Harry grabbed his firebolt and led them out the door. He looked up and down the street before walking in a brisk pace towards the nearby park. He took them to the underpass.

“This is where my cousin and I were attacked by dementors,” Harry said off-handedly. “No one would have spotted my Patronus except for him.”

Harry walked off before they could say anything in response. He knew that Moody used to be an auror, maybe he was again. He would connect the dots if he had heard anything from Dumbledore about his hearing.

Harry brought them over to under his tree and waited for them to gather up.

“This good enough?” Harry asked.

“Aye, it’ll do,” Moody said. “Lupin shrink the trunk, Diggle do the same with that cage. Lass you’ll be in front. I’ll be in the back the rest of you will circle around Potter as we planned. Let’s go.”

“I hope you can keep up,” Tonks said cheekily before mounting her broom.

“I know how to handle a broomstick,” Harry fired back.

“So, do I,” she winked.

Harry knew he should have been flustered by that comment but there was almost a relaxing quality to the way she flirted with him. It almost reminded him of… No better not to think about him. Jack was in the past now. He likely would never meet him again after all.

Harry followed her up and relished in the freedom being on a broom gave him. It only lasted for a while before he seriously considered stunning Moody on his broom behind him. It might have been a warm summer night but at this point he felt like several appendages were likely to fall off before they arrived. He wasn’t the only one to think that.

“ENOUGH!” Tonks said. “We are going there now.”

Harry was sure he heard Moody grumble about people following them but honestly Harry doubted it. If they were still following them at this point they would have attacked much sooner just out of sheer boredom.

Harry followed Tonks down and landed behind her. His eyes uncontrollably roamed over her nubile form and lingered slightly on her butt.

“Like what you see, Han-Harry,” Tonks said.

“Quiet,” Moody grumbled. “Potter, read this.”

Harry read the parchment in his hand under a nearby street lamp.

_The Headquarters of The Order of the Phoenix reside at Grimmauld Place number twelve._

Harry looked up and the parchment was pulled from his grip and set on fire by Moody. Harry looked up at the building and his eyes roamed from number eleven to number thirteen. He was just about to open his mouth when a sound of grinding stones and mortar overwhelmed his ears. He looked in wonder as it looked like another part of the building squeezed out between the two numbers and in front of him was a dilapidated townhouse of four floors.

“God, I love magic.”


	4. Cloak and Dogger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sure if I like that chapter title <3
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> Another one down and things are heating up or cooling down? I don't know.
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX
> 
> Thanks to Black Phoenix for helping read it through once again. I really do appreciate the help <3  
> And VonPelt <3 You are right as much as it annoys me. Your notes did make it significantly better <3

Harry waited for someone to walk up to the door, but everyone just looked expectantly at him. He reached out for the knocker and felt a rush of heat when his hand grabbed the metal. He heard the click of the lock in the door and the door opened in front of him. He was just about to push open the door when he heard Tonks’s voice in his ear.

“Be quiet when you go in,” she said.

Harry jumped a little in surprise but otherwise nodded at her and pushed the door open gently. The house looked, for a lack of better words, in disrepair. He noticed a row of house elf heads on the wall and on the one next to the staircase what looked like mould eaten curtains hanging over the top of something. The floorboards looked grimy and the wallpaper was frayed and loose in several places.

Harry opened his mouth to comment on it but was gently shoved forward towards a door spilling light from under it. Harry accepted the re

Harry waited for someone to walk up to the door, but everyone just looked expectantly at him. He reached out for the knocker and felt a rush of heat when his hand grabbed the metal. He heard the click of the lock in the door and the door opened in front of him. He was just about to push open the door when he heard Tonks’s voice in his ear.

“Be quiet when you go in,” she said.

Harry jumped a little in surprise but otherwise nodded at her and pushed the door open gently. The house looked, for a lack of better words, in disrepair. He noticed a row of house elf heads on the wall and on the one next to the staircase what looked like mould eaten curtains hanging over the top of something. The floorboards looked grimy and the wallpaper was frayed and loose in several places.

Harry opened his mouth to comment on it but was gently shoved forward towards a door spilling light from under it. Harry accepted the reminder to be quiet and walked forward, narrowly avoiding what looked like a hollowed-out troll leg which looked suspiciously placed in the way of whoever was going to make their way through the hallway.

He tried to warn the people behind him, but already heard the crash of the troll foot. Immediately, he felt the weight of another body falling on his back. He barely managed to turn around in mid-air before he hit the the dirty floorboards. The air was knocked from his lungs as someone landed on top of him. His arms reflexively moved to lessen any chance of whoever getting hurt.

Chaos broke out in full as Harry spotted the curtains fluttering open and an unholy shriek filled the hallway.

“HALF-BREEDS, BLOODTRAITORS, STAINS ON THE HOUSE OF BLACK. KREACHER! REMOVE THEM. KILL THEM. TORTURE THEM INTO INSANITY FOR BEFOULING THE ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS!”

“SHUT YOUR TRAP!” a voice bellowed out somewhere behind Harry.

Harry looked past whoever had landed on top of him and saw the one man he had wanted to see and Professor Lupin struggle with the curtains. Harry’s eyes glided down to the one on top of him, pink hair hiding her face.

“You alright?” Harry asked.

“I’m fine,” Tonks mumbled. “I swear that troll foot has it out for me.”

“So, good to see you pup,” Sirius looked worried. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine,” Harry grunted.

Sirius’s face turned bemused. “I can see you’ve met my cousin, and already made her fall for you. You _do_ make me proud.”

“Hit him with something would you?” Harry whispered to Tonks.

“Gladly,” Tonks said, getting up.

A stinging hex and a yelp later Harry was pulled into one of the tightest hugs he had ever shared with his Godfather.

“You almost look… healthy,” Harry said.

“Thanks,” Sirius said. “Nympha –“ another yelp. “Sorry, well her Mum helped me quite a bit with some potions.”

“Good for you,” Harry said.

Sirius pulled Harry through the door and inside he found the Weasleys and Hermione under a banner.

“Happy Birthday Harry,” they said in unison.

“Thanks,” Harry smiled.

Harry made a quick decision to sacrifice Tonks to Mrs. Weasley when she bulldozed her way towards him. It was almost fun seeing someone else on the receiving end of one of her smothering hugs. He carefully took half a step back when Hermione tried to do the same to him. He gave her a brief hug before stepping back the full distance.

“Why all this?” Harry asked Sirius.

“Well it’s your birthday,” Sirius said as if that explained everything.

“Right,” Harry stretched out.

“Harry!”

Harry turned to see the slightly perturbed Hermione glaring at him.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Why did you do that?” she asked.

“I’ve just spent an hour and a half on a broom,” Harry said. “Didn’t feel like getting crushed on top of it.”

“I do not –”

“So, who was that portrait?” Harry cut her off.

“Oh, that was my delightful mother,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“Charming,” Harry said. “You really do take after her.”

“I do not!” Sirius said in horror.

“Both seemed to have a tendency to say completely inappropriate things out loud though,” Harry said with faux innocence.

Harry felt rewarded when he heard the amused snort from both Tonks and Lupin behind her.

“Harry, you look oh so thin,” Mrs. Weasley began.

“Always did,” Harry said. “Maybe some food would help.”

A smattering of gasps silenced the room. Harry watched as the signs of another rant was about to hit him. Harry decided to cut them off before either of them got started.

“Do not put this on me,” he said calmly. “Sirius managed to already look better than I do with some potions and he spent twelve years on a tropical island. But all I got were a few letters with platitudes. Even the pair of dementors bothered to check in on me before you did. So I don’t want to hear it.”

The silence that descended on the kitchen was suffocating. Harry casually walked over to what looked like a butterbeer and picked it up.

“Why would you say that?” Ron asked a hint of anger in his voice.

“It’s the truth, isn’t it?” Harry snapped. “Only one person here has a valid excuse for not checking up on me and he did more for me this summer than anyone else in this room.”

“What do you mean?” Hermione asked.

“Sirius sent me a book,” Harry said. “It helped. I was trapped with nightmares for weeks. None of you checked up on me.”

“Dumbledore,” Hermione began, but once more she was cut off by Harry.

Harry scoffed. “I’m sure he did. I’m tired. Sirius, where do I sleep?”

“You’ll be staying with Ron,” Mrs. Weasley said.

“Sirius?” Harry asked.

“This way, pup,” Sirius said.

“Lupin, Diggle, my stuff?” Harry asked.

“Here,” Lupin said, fishing out Harry’s trunk from his pocket.

Harry got the shrunken cage as well. He nodded to the room once more before walking out. His eyes lingered a little longer on Tonks as he passed her.

“Thanks for that by the way,” he whispered.

Harry and Sirius barely passed the door before the room exploded loud enough for them to hear everything on the other side. Mrs. Weasley’s voice being the loudest.

“I have never!” she bellowed out behind the door.

Harry turned to Sirius and sent him a mischievous smirk. Sirius’s eyes went from worried to mirthful in the blink of an eye.

“Got somewhere we can talk?” Harry asked. “That should keep them busy for a minute at least.”

“So, it was all a prank?” Sirius asked, relaxing slightly.

“Part truth part prank,” Harry sighed. “I really did have the nightmares and I don’t know where I stand with the Weasleys. I certainly do not want Mrs. Weasley to order me around like I am one of her children. She is _not_ my mum. Also, I’d take another dragon before one of her smothering hugs. They are frankly unpleasant. Your book helped more than anything they have ever done for me.”

“It’s going to be alright,” Sirius put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Come I’ll show you to my room. There is an empty one on the other side. You can stay there if you don’t want to bunk with Ron.”

“Honestly,” Harry said. “I really don’t. I’m planning to spend the rest of the month preparing for the next school year. Do you have a library here?”

“I do,” Sirius said hesitantly. “I’m not sure you want to read those books.”

“They can’t all be that bad,” Harry said.

“I suppose they aren’t,” Sirius said. “What are you looking for?”

“Defence magic, Transfiguration, maybe some more basic potions books,” Harry said. “I don’t understand the subject as well as I think I should. Like why do some potions turn out differently if you are doing the exact same thing?”

“That’s the basics of basics,” Sirius said.

“I know,” Harry said. “Snape just puts up instructions on a board and then makes us write essays on ingredients or potions.”

“You’ve never heard of the reactions table?” Sirius asked.

“What’s that?”

“It’s this overview of how certain common ingredients react,” Sirius frowned. “It’s the basics of basics. Stuff like why you use certain cauldrons and what type of stirring pattern. Most children learn that before - oh, right.”

“Do you have a book on that here?”

“I should,” Sirius said. “I’ll look for it.”

“Thanks."

They arrived in front of a door with a scratched-up plaque next to it.

“Mum did that when I ran away.” 

“Why did you?” 

“My childhood here wasn’t… pleasant,” Sirius said softly.

Harry nodded mutely. He didn’t feel like telling Sirius about his childhood either, so he would respect the man’s need for privacy.

“What do you want to talk about?” 

“Could you unshrink my trunk?” Harry asked . “Don’t fancy getting another letter from the Ministry.”

“You’ll be fine here,” Sirius said. “They can’t trace you in this building.”

“Really?” 

“Fidelius and the Wards block any outward sign of magic."

“Well that’s bullshit,” Harry huffed as a spike of anger shot through him. If he had such protections at Number four, he would not have gotten into trouble over that patronus. . “How do they make sure the underage students don’t use magic outside school then?”

“It’s up to their parents."

“So, in my case… you?” Harry smirked.

Sirius gave his best attempt at a stern father before he dissolved into barking laughter. He almost bent over at the middle while Harry withdrew his wand and cancelled the shrinking spell. He bent down and opened it and pulled out the blanket.

“Why did you bring an old blanket?” 

“It’s what’s inside the blanket that is important,” Harry pointed out and held it up like a hunting trophy. “Don’t touch it randomly.”

He walked over to an old desk and carefully unfolded the bundle of cloth.

“A t-shirt?” 

“Inside that too,” Harry said exasperatedly.

He managed to dump the dementor cloak on top of the blanket and dropped the oversized t-shirt to the floor. Sirius looked confusedly between Harry and what looked like another piece of cloth.

“That’s a dementor’s cloak,” Harry said gravely.

Sirius took a sharp breath with a hissing sound. He carefully approached the dark grey tattered cloth.

“You’re not having me on, are you?” Sirius lifted his wand.

“Nope,” Harry said, rubbed his forehand and took a deep breath. “Fluke of magic. My patronus… it was filled with anger. The dementor just… melted after it was speared by Prongs.”

“That’s - that's not possible,” Sirius stuttered. “What you are describing is an anti-patronus. If you managed to fuel it with anger it would have turned on you.”

“It wasn’t just anger,” Harry explained and paused as he tried to find the right words. “It was part love, part happiness and part righteous anger. Prongs had scales. Dudley, my cousin saw the dementor as it died. Sirius, I’m so fucking far out of my depth on this. Is there any way to confirm that it is what I say it is?”

“Let me try something."

Harry waited patiently while Sirius muttered different incantations at the piece of cloth. It took forever before Sirius got a reaction from it. The entire room turned cold as the temperature descended below the freezing point. The windows to the back garden iced over and a feeling of hopelessness filled Harry.

“Shit!"

He cancelled whatever he did and took a hurried step back.

“Well that did it,” Harry said smartly. “What did you do?”

“Who would have thought,” Sirius said absentmindedly.

“Thought what?” 

“The cloak works as an enchanted item,” Sirius concluded and ran a hand through his beard. “Did you notice that your memories weren’t being played when I poured my magic into it. Just the cold and the feeling of hopelessness.”

“You’re telling me that a cloakless dementor could only pull out the worst memories of our lives and suck out our soul."

“Well when you put it like that,” Sirius admitted sheepishly. “But basically yeah. Everyone just thought it was all the dementors, but _that_ is a bona fide magical item.”

“Great,” Harry said with dripping sarcasm . “I’ve got a cloak which will make everything freeze and infect anyone around me including myself with hopelessness. That’s super useful.”

“Don’t be such a spoilsport. You’ve done the impossible, pup.”

“Again.”

“What?”

“I’ve done the impossible again,” Harry groaned loudly. “Sirius, I killed a dementor. That was supposed to be impossible. They were supposed to be immortal demons and I killed one. I have their goddamn dress on your desk. I have a hearing for defending myself. Hermione and Ron’s heads along with everybody else’s are so far shoved up Dumbledore’s arse that I’m not even sure where he stops, and they begin.”

“What’s your problem with Dumbledore?” Sirius asked.

“You know how the meditation helps with memories."

Sirius nodded.

“Well, it’s just… everything seems so fishy…” 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“Take me being thin,” Harry said. “Mrs. Weasley has harped on about it since the summer after my first year. She even said that she was about to get me herself when Ron and the twins broke me out of there. If it really was as bad as she seems to think it is then why has she not mentioned the potions you have taken? That summer had been really bad. I don't think I've ever been as hungry…”

That had gotten Harry rolling and it was well past midnight when Harry had finally caught up to the present day. He waited nervously on Sirius's reaction and was surprised to find a deep frown on his forehead.

“What are you thinking?” Harry asked.

“You’re right,” Sirius said slowly.

“About what?”

“Everything,” Sirius said. “Your life just seems downright… odd.”

“I know,” Harry groaned. “I bet she is going to try and keep us from talking to each other while I’m here as well. What has she had them doing?”

“Cleaning the house,” Sirius smiled ruefully. “Barely making headway too. This house is so filled with cursed objects and dark magic that it takes more than some Doxy-spray on some curtains to fix it up.”

“I thought the Black’s were an old family,” Harry said. “Like the Malfoys. Don’t you have a house elf?”

“I do,” Sirius said. “He’s barking mad. Spent too much time with my mother and her insane painting.”

“Why not get another?” Harry asked.

“Criminal on the run remember?” Sirius said mirthlessly. “You got someone in mind?”

“Two actually,” Harry said. “Crouch’s old elf. She seemed like the type to not want to be free. Oh and Dobby.”

A loud crack split the otherwise quiet room.

“Great Harry Potter called, sir?” A tennis ball eyed Dobby said from next to them.

“Hello Dobby,” Harry said. “How’s freedom?”

“It’s been tough,” Dobby lamented. “Nobody wants to pay Dobby what Dobby would like. They say it’s a shame to all house-elves or offer me so much gold that it is insulting.”

"Is that - Is that the Malfoy’s old House Elf?" 

Harry turned to Sirius who looked like he was about to burst in laughter. Harry couldn’t quite understand what he was laughing at until he really looked over Dobby. Long gone was the dirty pillow he used to wear. It had been replaced by a pair of kid’s football shorts. He had two different socks on his feet, and he was wearing what suspiciously looked like a tea cosy on his head.

“Well, you heard him,” Harry said bemusingly to Sirius. “He wants to be paid. Start negotiating.”

What followed was the most intense discussion of days off and pay between a rather irate Dobby and a laughing Sirius Harry had ever seen. Sirius had wanted to pay Dobby ten galleons a week which had almost sent the poor fellow to an early grave from a heart attack.

They finally ended up settling three knuts a week and Sundays off.

“Well Dobby,” Sirius said. “Welcome to the family. You can answer to both Harry and me.”

“Thanks you, thanks you Great Master Dogger,” Dobby said.

Harry snorted loudly at Sirius's newly given name. Sirius sent him a reproachful look in return but any heat in his eyes had been replaced by mirth.

“Listen Dobby,” Sirius said. “This house needs a good clean up and my other elf Kreacher is too old and lazy to do it properly.”

“Dobby will get to work immediately,” Dobby said.

“Wait a second,” Harry said quickly. “You need to not make it obvious to the rest of the people here. At least until after we have left for Hogwarts.”

“Why?” Sirius asked.

“Because if Dobby can come and go between here and Hogwarts, he can pass along letters between us,” Harry said. “I might just be paranoid, but I have a suspicion that Dumbledore is trying to keep us apart.”

Dobby nodded along conspiratorially, his big eyes almost popping out of their sockets. Sirius looked between them for a moment before sighing deeply. He almost looked like he had aged another decade.

“You really don’t trust the old man, do you?” Sirius asked.

“It’s just… Why did I not grow up with you? It’s not like you went after Pettigrew before you had a chance to pick me up.”

“No,” Sirius said slowly. “I was there but Hagrid was adamant that he should take you to Dumbledore. I’m sorry pup, I should have been there.”

“But that’s just it,” Harry said. “You were. You were there until Dumbledore interfered. Even you would not be stupid enough to chase down Pettigrew with a toddler on your arm. And Pettigrew was dangerous, he blew up a whole street with a single curse”

“I wouldn’t,” Sirius nodded.

“And Lupin - I get that he is a werewolf and I am not saying I should have been near him on the full moon, but if he really wanted to he could have visited but he was asked by Dumbledore not to do that. Since when was Dumbledore more important than your best friends? For years he did the same thing Ron and Hermione pulled this summer! But even they sent letters, empty as they were. Lupin on the other hand - ”

“It shouldn’t be,” Sirius said seriously. “You’re right. He probably couldn’t have taken you but he certainly could have checked up on you regularly. Dumbledore has much to answer for.”

“But he won’t,” Harry said. “He never answers. He tells you a half truth. Remember my first year. What are the odds that the six century old couple just suddenly get tired of living and are ready to get their affairs in order?”

“Not bloody likely."

“The Philosopher’s stone is likely out there, but that's what Dumbledore does. He tells you a half-truth. He wasn’t lying when he said that the Flamels got their affairs in order. They hid the stone a different place, if what Dumbledore had was even the real stone in the first place.”

“I see your point. So, what are you thinking?”

“I’m going to get back at the headmaster. You are going to love this,” Harry promised. “And here’s how I’m going to do it.”

It was a subdued kitchen Harry walked into the next morning. He and Sirius had plotted and planned until the late hours. Dobby had already earned his keep as far as Sirius was concerned when he managed to sneakily steal some of the birthday food from the kitchen with no one noticing anything. Harry had crashed on Sirius’s bed at one point and had woken up with a face full of black fur which he was still removing from his mouth.

“Good morning,” Harry announced into the room. “I’m sorry for my attitude last night. It had been a stressful week and I was feeling cold and tired.”

Mrs. Weasley was already buzzling around the kitchen and looked over her shoulder.

“That’s quite alright dear,” she said. “I was surprised to hear that Moody had taken you all over the country last night. It’s no wonder you went directly to bed.”

“He did,” Harry said. “Where is everyone?”

“Still sleeping,” Mrs. Weasley said. “You know how Ron is.”

“I do,” Harry said with a smile even though it never reached his eyes.

“Would you like something to eat?”

“I’d love to,” Harry said.

Harry sat down at the table and began eating his food before anyone arrived.

“So, what do you do around here?” Harry asked.

“Oh, we are trying to clean up the place, it’s practically falling apart,” Mrs. Weasley said.

A yawn brought their attention towards the door. A very sleepy looking Tonks walked into the kitchen.

“You stayed the night?” Harry asked.

“Wotcher - Yeah… Coffee…” Tonks groaned, sounding like a passable zombie impersonation. 

Harry chuckled at the automated way Tonks moved towards the pot of coffee on the stove. He freely let his eyes take in her appearance. He had already noticed it the day before but she really was something else. Cho was cute, but the confident way Tonks carried herself and her unique style of clothing had already left a lasting impression on Harry. Which was completely unrelated to the fact that her leather pants looked as if they were painted onto her. He forced his eyes to focus back on his plate of food when she turned around.

“Ah,” she moaned deeply. “That’s _much_ better.” She purred the last word.

“Tonks!” Mrs. Weasley chided.

“What?” she said. “I’m barely human before I’ve had my first sip of coffee.”

“That was…” Mrs. Weasley hesitated. “indecent.”

“Don’t be a prude,” A voice said from the doorway.

“Morning Sirius,” Harry said.

“Morning Harry! Why did you kick me out of my bed?”

“Because you’re smelly and need a good trim?” Harry teased. “I think I’ve still got hairs in my mouth.”

“Extra protein,” Tonks quipped.

“You can take him to bed if you want to,” Harry winked. “I’ve gotten my fill last night.”

Harry felt a sense of accomplishment when he spotted the faint blush over the top of her mug. He sent a smirk at Sirius before returning to eat.

“Nah, I’d much rather take you to bed instead of this mangy mutt,” Tonks said.

Harry choked on his food, coughed until he could reach his glass of water and slam its contents down to clear his throat. It didn’t help that Sirius snorted at his predicament and Tonks giggled girlishly at his blush as he breathed to regain a semblance of control.

“Fine, you win,” Harry said. “I’ll let you take me to bed instead.”

“He most certainly will not,” Mrs. Weasley broke in.

“We are just fooling around,” Sirius placated her. “Nobody is taking anybody to bed. She and I are family for Merlin’s sake.”

"As if that had stopped your family before." 

Harry grinned at both Sirius and Tonks got one from Sirius in return. He frowned when Tonks looked pensive.

“You alright?” Harry asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Tonks said. “I’m fine. I should go. Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“No problem,” Sirius said. “You know you’re always welcome here.”

“Thanks."

“Where’re you going?” Harry wanted to know.

“Just home. Need a shower and a fresh set of clothes.”

“Right." 

He checked over his shoulder to see if Mrs. Weasley was listening in. When she looked busy with the cooking and the pots and pans clanged loudly enough that they wouldn’t be overheard Harry leant in and whispered.

“I need to sneak out,” Harry said. He lifted up his hand to stop any protest. “I didn’t bring a lot of clothes. The _item_ and my books took up most of my trunk space. I need a new trunk as well come to think of it. Something like Moody’s with more compartments or something. Don’t worry I’ll be careful. I’ll cover the scar with a cap or something. Nobody would expect for me to go anywhere out. I’ll be fine.”

“You should go with someone,” Sirius said.

“No,” Harry said. “They’ll notice me if I have people around me. I’m serious.”

“No, I am."

“Tonks?” Harry asked.She nodded and smacked Sirius on the back of his head. “The only thing that is more noticeable than me in Diagon Alley is a contingent of Weasleys. I’m never seen apart from them in the Wizarding World. Nobody is going to attack me in broad daylight.”

“I don’t like this,” Sirius said.

“You don’t have to like it,” Harry said. “I’ll bring the cloak. I need my key though. Mrs. Weasley still has it from last summer.”

“Are you an idiot?” Tonks hissed quietly. “Never give out your key to anyone else.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Harry hissed back. “Hagrid had my key until I was eleven and nobody told me it wasn’t normal.”

“Alright,” Sirius looked past Tonks to check on Mrs. Weasley. “I’ll run interference. Give me a plausible excuse for you to not be bothered?”

“Summer Homework,” Harry said. “It might not keep Hermione away but lock the door to my room with magic. Call it a grounding for my bad behaviour last night or something. You are my godfather. You can ground me if you want.”

Sirius got a dangerous glint in his eyes at that.

“Don’t even think about it,” Harry hissed quickly. “I need some smart robes for my hearing. I need them to not treat me like a child. You know that.”

“I know, but I’m still worried about this.”

“It’s happening,” Harry said. “I’m leaving now before anyone else gets up. I’ll grab the Knight’s Bus both ways. What do I do about my key? She’s going to ask questions if I ask for it.”

“Get a new one made,” Sirius said. “You’ll have to cut open your hand to give some blood and pay a fee with the Goblins, but they will get you a new one if you ask.”

“Alright,” Harry said. “I’ll see you around lunch hopefully with a new wardrobe. I can do magic in Diagon Alley right?”

“You should be able to,” Sirius said. “Same thing as magical households. They can’t trace you if you are around grown adults.”

“You do know that I am right here,” Tonks whispered. “I’m an Auror, remember?”

“You wouldn’t tell on little me,” Harry said, turning his emerald green eyes towards her.

“Stop,” she groaned. “Those eyes are not fair. How does anybody say no to you?”

“You’d be surprised,” Harry chuckled sadly. “Alright. I’m just going to go up and grab my cloak. Meet me in the hallway?”

“Got it,” Sirius said. “Me and James used to sneak out all the time.”

“Carrying on tradition then,” Harry laughed . “Thanks Sirius. I really need this.”

“I know, Pup."

Harry didn’t see the way Sirius and Tonks stuck their heads together after he had left the kitchen. The confirming nod exchanged between them would have given away that they weren’t the only ones in the house with sneaky plans.

Harry grabbed the small money pouch along with his wand and his cloak an old baseball cap and an oversized hoody to pull up over his head.

He made his way downstairs under the cloak and found Sirius waiting. He yanked the man’s sleeve slightly.

“Already under it,” Sirius said. “The rest of the kids are up now, someone will notice if you leave through the front door now.”

“Let’s make a scene then,” Harry whispered. “Bring in your mother, throw open the door in the confusion. Scream something about me being grounded and then stamp around while you deal with her curtains.”

“You’re definitely James’s son,” Sirius whistled. “Damn that is a Marauder’s worthy distraction. You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Hundred percent. Shall I do the honours?”

“By all means,” Sirius smirked.

A row of epic proportions later, a thrown open door, Mrs. Black’s shrieking joining the mix and shouts of grounding later and Harry made his way down the street under his father’s old cloak. He felt it was best if he moved a couple of blocks before calling for the Knight’s bus. He felt an almost overwhelming sense of freedom as he walked down the street. He didn’t for a second think that Dumbledore didn’t have him watched at every turn if he could help it.

He checked the street name to make sure that he could remember where to get dropped off when he returned before he took off the cloak and stuffed it into the front pocket of his hoodie. He raised his wand into the air and the Knight’s bus appeared in front of it.

“Hello and welcome –”

“Shut it, Leaky Cauldron,” Harry purposefully made his voice deeper and gravelly.

“Three sickles,” Stan Shunpike said.

Harry handed over the three coins and sat down in a seat. He almost couldn’t believe he got away with it. It was almost too easy. Now, he just needed to successfully manage a shopping trip and make it back before anyone noticed. He was definitely going to pick up a couple of books as well. The fact that Sirius told him that his questions about potions had been about the basics told Harry that he would need to get an introduction to the different parts of the subject if he actually wanted to learn something from Snape’s class.

He was knocked out of his musings by having his head slam into the seat in front of him. He noticeably growled at the abrupt stop.

“Leaky Cauldron,” Stan said a little too smugly.

Harry wanted to wipe the pleased expression off his face. So what if he had hit his head. It could hardly be the first time someone got taken by surprise in the Knight’s Bus.

Harry pulled down his cap a little further and made sure that his scar was hidden under the shade of it. He did not want anyone to recognize him while he was out. Madam Malkin’s would be the biggest issue, but she was known to be discreet.

Harry made his way to Gringotts and walked up the steps. He felt naked under the Goblin Guards stares. He was one hundred percent sure that they knew who he was no matter what disguise he tried. The only reason he wasn’t stopped was because they didn’t bother with wizards in general.

Harry took a spot in one of the queues and waited for his turn. Thankfully, it looked like a slow day or maybe he was just early whatever the case he was soon standing in front of a sourly teller.

“I need to get a new key for my vault and the old one recalled."

“Name?” the goblin snarled.

Harry poked up the cap enough for him to reveal his scar. The goblin nodded in recognition. He pulled out a bowl and a silver knife, not unlike the ones Harry had used in his Potions class. Harry picked it up without hesitation and poured his blood into the bowl. He watched in fascination as his hand automatically healed after the bowl lit up.

“Well, you are who you say you are,” the goblin said. “You are ready to pay the fee?”

“How much?” Harry asked.

“Galleon a key,” the goblin said.

“That’s fine,” Harry said. “How long?”

“A minute.”

Harry watched in fascination as the goblin picked up a non-descript key and threw it into his blood where it started boiling and the key looked like it was sucking up his blood into it.

“It’s done,” the goblin said, handing over the new key. “All previous keys have been deactivated. Anything else wizard?”

“Muggle currency, three-hundred pounds,” Harry said.

“It will be done,” the goblin said. “Follow that one.”

“Thanks,” Harry said.

He filled his coin bag with galleons this time around and barely felt like he made a dent in his vault. The piles of coins still felt as full as they had done before. Actually, it was almost like they were the exact same as the first time he saw its contents. That didn’t make sense.

“Does this vault get refilled from another vault?” Harry asked the goblin.

“It does indeed wizard,” the goblin grimaced.

“Why was I not told this?” Harry asked.

“Because you didn’t ask before now."

“Where does the money come from?” 

“The Potter family vault."

“Do I have access to that one?” 

“No Wizard,” the goblin said, his voice becoming more annoyed . “Not until your majority.”

“Fine… and the pounds?”

“I have them here wizard,” The goblin said.

“We’re done here then,” Harry said. “Is there something more than just coins in the family vault?”

“It has journals and other things from the Potter Family’s history,” the goblin said.

“Does it now?” Harry snarled.

The goblin sent him the closest thing he suspected to a smile from one of them. Apparently, they liked the ferocity and anger in him. Warrior race indeed.

Harry made his way down the steps of Gringotts when he spotted someone he would have never expected in his life. He walked closer before whispering.

“Jack, is that you?”


	5. A Day Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the mess I did on the past chapter. 
> 
> It should be alright now. Hopefully? <3
> 
> Here is another one though.  
> Big thanks to VonPelt for helping with the Beta-read on this one <3
> 
> Half the love should go to him! 
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> xxX

Everything around Harry seemed to slow down to a halt as he observed the one person who should not be here. His emotions swirled around inside of him. 

_No this cannot be happening. It’s impossible. He had my book for weeks. If he was a wizard he would have said something. He should have said something._

Harry backed away with stuttering steps as he tried to make himself invisible, completely forgetting that he indeed could with the help of his cloak. The man in front of him turned around and Harry’s throat constricted. 

“Hi Handsome.” 

“Bu-bu-but you, no. This is a trick. I don’t…”

Two familiar hands grabbed his shoulders, steadying him before he fell.

“It’s me,” Jack said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry whispered accusingly. “You had my book. You’d know what it was. Why did you lie to me?”

“How was I supposed to tell you?” Jack sighed in exasperation. “A wizard randomly runs into another wizard in Little Whinging. You might have thought I was out to get you.”

“I still do,” Harry said warily. 

“I’m not -- Look, let me introduce myself properly. My name is Jacque Noir. I recently graduated from Beauxbatons. I just finished my seventh year this summer.”

“You don’t have an accent,” Harry pointed out. 

“My Mum’s british,” Jacque said quickly. “Grew speaking both French and English.”

“Uh-huh. What are you doing here?” 

“And I can’t be in Diagon Alley in the morning?”

“I never said you couldn’t… One more thing. Why didn’t you come to Hogwarts to try and be in the Tri-Wizard Tournament? Oh, and not to sound self-absorbed but I’m quite famous didn’t you recognize me?”

“You’re not that famous, Harry Potter,” Jacque teased. “Honestly, didn’t know who you were the first time we met. Of course, you’re pretty unpopular with the Prophet at the moment so I knew about you the second time around.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Same reason as the whole wizard thing. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Harry scrutinized him for a long moment before finally giving him a curt nod. 

“Alright, Jacque Noir. What are you doing here?” 

“What is this? An interrogation?” 

“No,” Harry said sheepishly. “It’s just… after last time --” 

“Oh, yeah, that…” Jacque breathed in deeply. “Look, Handsome. You didn’t read me wrong. I think I might fancy you too. It’s just… and don’t get me wrong. I’m three years older than you, happy birthday by the way. I felt a bit like a cradle robber. I panicked just as much as you.”

“So, I’m too young for you,” Harry sighed. “I guess I can’t be mad at that. Sorry for springing it on you like that.”

“I enjoyed…” the last bit was muttered too lowly for Harry to hear.

“What?”

“Nevermind - So, what are you doing here, Handsome?”

“Buying some clothes mostly. I need most of a new wardrobe but first a multicompartment trunk. You’re welcome to join me if you want. As long as you don’t try to kill me.”

“I swear on my mother’s life, I will try my best not to harm you, Handsome.”

“Good enough for me. This way.”

Harry stalked towards his first stop on his trip, the trunk shop. Sirius had told him that they had everything from a standard school trunk to something like Moody’s. He even said they might do special orders like Newt Scamander’s infamous suitcase, but that it was likely more expensive than it was worth. Harry had agreed with him at the time but then again it would be cool to have a full apartment in his trunk. 

He pushed open the door and a clear sound of a bell rang through the shop. A middle aged man with grey speckled hair and a jovial smile walked out from the backroom and greeted them.

“Gentlemen,” he said. “Welcome to Trunks and Tents. What can I do for you?”

“I need a multicompartment trunk, Hogwarts sized,” Harry said. 

“How many compartments? Do you want some of them spatially extended? What do you plan to put in the different compartments?”

“Muggle Clothes, Wizards robes, Books and school stuff, maybe another for the future - what do you think, Jacque?”

“I think that sounds about right, I had a three compartment trunk for my final year, there were times when I felt like I could have used a fourth compartment,” Jacque shrugged. 

“Excellent,” the man said. “I do have those in. They are quite simple enchantments but I must remind you I take four times the price of a standard Hogwarts trunk.”

“How does it work with shrinking charms?”

“No issues if you keep the space the same. If you want it spatially expanded in some of the compartments then I’m afraid the shrinking charm interferes with the enchantments.”

“Then just keep it the same size,” Harry decided. “I’d like to be able to shrink it into a pocket size.”

“Do you want this as a permanent feature?” 

“What do you think?”

“It would make some stuff easier,” Jacque said thoughtfully. 

“Permanent,” Harry said. “How much?”

“A clean hundred, eighty for the four compartments and twenty extra for the shrinking rune. I have one right over here.” 

Harry followed the man into the shop and looked over the trunk. He was shown how to operate the different compartments and how to shrink it by placing his thumbs in two separate spots. “To make sure he didn’t accidentally unshrunk the trunk” was the explanation. 

Fifteen minutes later and a hundred galleons lighter, Harry found himself filled with dread in front of Madam Malkin’s Robes for Every Occassion.

“You don’t have to follow me in here,” Harry said almost pleadingly.

“As if I was going to miss the good part,” Jacque scoffed. “I’m getting a free show.” 

“You’re horrible,” Harry sulked. “Fine, you can have your free peep show.” 

“You’re the best, Handsome.” 

Harry stumbled over his own feet when he felt a set of burning lips on his cheek. He looked over his shoulder and saw the remnants of a confused expression before it morphed into a teasing one. Jacque winked and pushed him forward before following behind.

“And what can I do for you, dearies?” Madam Malkin asked.

Harry opened his mouth but was cut off by Jacque. “This one here needs some robes.”

“Thank you,” Harry said curtly, shaking his head. “I need a set which makes me look older than I am for a hearing with the Ministry. Also just a few sets of Hogwarts robes for next year.”

“A set of dress robes too,” Jacque said. “Do them in a charcoal grey with green inlays and lining. Match his eye colour.”

“And why would I need those?” Harry asked. “It’s not like I am going to have a chance to use them before I’ll grow out of them.” 

“Fine, shoot down my fantasy.” 

“Maybe another time,” Harry placated. 

“You know, deary, I could use that as the basis for the outfit for your hearing,” Madam Malkin pondered out loud. “It’s not a bad suggestion in fact.”

Harry noticed the small fistpump of victory out the corner of his eye and shook his head ruefully. 

“Fine - Just try and make them seem professional and not arrogant.” 

“Of course.” 

Harry was soon stripped out of his clothes until his underwear and was made to stand on a platform behind a divider. Jacque had unceremoniously joined him and sat watching him while failing to read a Witch Weekly Magazine. 

“You know… for someone who the Prophet calls crazy and unstable you really rank highly on Most Eligible Bachelor in this one,” Jacque said. “Do I need to get jealous?” 

“I don’t see why you should,” Harry said.

Harry signalled towards Madam Malkin, who was most certainly within earshot. Jacque looked a mix between apologetic and sheepish. Harry wanted to groan loudly. He did _not_ need or want people to know about that.

“Sorry,” Jacque mouthed. 

“No problem,” Harry said. “There is nothing like that between us after all… I can take a joke.” 

The rest of the fitting was silent. Jacque would occasionally look up at Harry and Harry would look anywhere but Jacque. He didn’t want him to see how his rejection had hurt him. Rationally he understood where Jacque was coming from. Harry was younger than him and he still had a few more years at Hogwarts. That didn’t mean it didn’t sting when you got rejected. 

The silence only got broken when Madam Malkin had done the finishing touches on Harry’s new robes. The charcoal grey mixed with the emerald green with a cut that made Harry seem taller and fit had Jacque almost salivating. A sense of smugness filled Harry as Jacque almost forcefully tore his eyes away from him. 

“They are perfect, thank you,” Harry purred. “You do have good taste, Jacque.” 

“Erm… thank you.”

“I trust you to be discreet,” Harry said to Madam Malkin as he undressed and payed for his clothes. “I don’t need the attention at the moment.” 

“Of course not, Mr. Potter, I find what the Ministry is doing completely repulsive. Is what you are saying true?” 

“I haven’t said anything,” Harry smiled. “That is all between Dumbledore and Fudge. They are both putting words into my mouth that I haven’t spoken. You can tell people that.” 

“Oh my, that’s despicable,” Madam Malkin huffed. “Have a nice day.” 

Harry made it a couple of steps before he felt Jacque grab him harshly.

“Why would you say that?” 

“Because it doesn’t matter if I keep telling people when the Ministry uses the Prophet to defame me,” Harry said angrily. “Think it through Jacque. What would have happened if I said Voldemort is back in there? She is not a fighter. She is not going to join some sort of vigilante group to fight him or his Death Munchers. No, she will probably just get scared and if I’m lucky she will believe me. If I am unlucky she will start to think me crazy as all the other people will.”

“But why say _that?_ ” 

“I sowed the seeds of doubt towards the Prophet,” Harry explained patiently. “If Madam Malkin tells her customers that she had on good authority that I never said anything like what they printed in the Prophet. People will start asking questions and hopefully they will be the right ones.”

“Woah.” 

“I’m not a kid, Jacque,” Harry said. “I’ve been on the receiving end of Public Opinion most of my life. It’s time I start trying to play their game. Come on. I need to grab a few books as well.”

The trip to Flourish and Blott’s was uneventful. Harry found that Jacque was an excellent help when it came to basics. 

“I did get an Outstanding in my Potions N.E.W.T.I know what you need to have a solid foundation.” 

Harry had appreciated it more than he allowed to be shown. It was nice having someone who helped him and didn’t follow the tune of someone else. It was the small things and painfully reminded him of Hermione from last autumn, from before this summer. They made their way towards the Leaky Cauldron and Harry stopped in front of the wall.

“I guess this is it,” he said. “As always a pleasure.” 

“What?” Jacque said dumbly. 

“I’m going to go now. It was nice seeing you.”

Harry tapped the stone wall and watched it turn into the familiar archway. He tried to step through it when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m going with you,” Jacque said.

“Why?”

“Because…”

“Because what, Jacque? I’m sorry but it feels like you’re leading me on here.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jacque said. “You need someone to help you find some proper muggle clothes.”

“That’s alright. I think I’ll manage.”

“Do you not want me there?” Jacque asked, a lot more vulnerable than Harry had expected.

“Dammit Jacque,” Harry groaned, leaning up against the brick wall. “What do you want from me? I kissed you, you didn’t want that. I respect that. Why are you here?” 

Harry’s green eyes fell on Jacque’s blue ones. His gaze piercing through to the Frenchman’s soul. 

“I’m attracted to you,” Harry said. “Too attracted to you. Do you understand how frustrating it is to be around someone who doesn’t want you back? Do you Jacque?” 

Jacque mumbled something, but Harry had no chance of hearing any of it. 

“You need to speak up or I’m leaving.”

“Fucking hell… Fine!” Jacque huffed. “I’m attracted to you too. There… you happy?” 

The only answer Jacque got was Harry’s strong arms wrapped around his waist and Harry’s soft lips on his. Jacque panicked for a second before he relaxed into it. A soft moan escaped his lips. All too soon the kiss ended and Harry pulled away.

“What did you do that for?” 

“I wanted to,” Harry said softly. “I like you Jacque Noir. I like you a lot. I’ll try to sneak out one more time before the month is up, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, I’ve got three hundred pounds to burn and I need someone with good taste to help me.” 

Harry felt a fuzzy warmth spread through him as he gazed upon Jacque’s growing smile. He was beautiful. An almost overwhelming protectiveness filled Harry. He wanted to… No, he needed to get stronger so he could protect that smile. A steel cold resolve entered Harry’s mind. He would need to train harder, study longer and prepare more for what was coming. 

Harry grasped Jacque’s hand and pulled him through the backdoor to the Leaky Cauldron. He knew that most people wouldn’t care but he still let go of his hand as he made it across the threshold. 

He felt Jacque’s presence next to him as he made his way towards the front door. A small smile creeping up on his face. It felt nice having Jacque alongside him. 

Harry looked around to get his bearings.

“You have no clue where to go do you?” Jacque teased. 

“Fine, I don’t,” Harry said. “Where should we go?” 

“This way.”

This time it was Jacque who grabbed Harry’s hand and pulled him along the sidewalk. Harry absentmindedly touched his lips with his free hand and felt his cheeks heat up. He had done it. His first proper kiss and it was with the man in front of him. Today was shaping up to be even better than he had expected it to be. 

Jacque pulled them along until they stood in front of what could only be described as Jacque’s style. Leather and black and different band stuff hung along the walls.

“Erm..” Harry tried. “Are you sure that would look good on me?”

“Everyone looks good in black,” Jacque said. “My last name is not Noir for nothing.” 

“Hear me out okay? I’m not saying it doesn’t look amazing on you because it does, but are you sure it would look good on me as well?” 

“You’ll never know if you don’t try,” Jacque said. “I want to see that arse in a pair of tight leather jeans.” 

“So, I’m what? Your dress up doll?”

“Right in one, Handsome.”

Harry groaned goodnaturedly. He didn’t particularly look forward to having Jacque dress him up in what threatened to be a long period of time, but he was inexplicably drawn to the more feminine side of the man in front of him. As masculine as Jacque looked there was a side of femininity that drew Harry’s attention like bees to honey. It was intoxicating and all-consuming. 

The first thing Jacque pulled out of the rack was a tight fitting black t-shirt. Harry raised a questioning eyebrow at the choice.

“What? I just spent an hour looking over that tight bod,” Jacque said. “You need to show it off more. Nobody would ever know that you had a six pack under those clothes. Here these too.”

Harry took the leather pants that Jacque had pulled off a nearby shelf. 

“And you’re sure these fit?” 

“I remembered your measurements from Malkin’s.”

Harry walked into the changing room and changed into the black clothes. He turned around in front of the full length mirror and had to admit. Maybe Jacque was onto something with his choices. 

“Come out and show me,” Jacque called from outside. 

Harry stepped out. His cap had been dumped along with his other clothes. A sense of vindication flooded him when he saw Jacque staring openmouthed.

“I take it you like my outfit?” Harry teased.

“Mhmm,” Jacque nodded. “Here try this on.”

Harry was handed a long grey coat which looked like it would reach his shins. 

“A little much don’t you think?” 

“Just put it on,” Jacque hissed. Harry pulled it over his shoulders and let it settle on top of him. He was just about to look himself over in the mirror when he was shoved back into the changing room and Jacque pulled the curtain closed. . 

“Fuck you are getting me all hot and bothered,” Jacque whispered next to his ear. 

Harry felt shivers down his spine when Jacque nibbled his earlobe. He grabbed Harry’s face and kissed him hungrily.

“Calm yourself,” Harry moaned. “We can’t be seen in public.” 

“Sorry,” Jacque apologized sheepishly. 

“So, I’m getting this?” 

“Yes,” Jacque purred. “If you were a little older I would have apparated you back to my place right this instant.”

“I’d rather we wait,” Harry said honestly. “You’re right. I think I’m a little young for _that_.” 

“Yeah,” Jacque bit his lip. “When you turn sixteen.” 

“You do know that it’ll be illegal until I’m eighteen, right?”

“What do you mean?” Jacque asked. 

“The - Criminal Justice and Public Order Act I think it was called,” Harry sighed. “At least on the muggle side. You and me -” Harry pointed between them. “Can’t be together until both of us are eighteen. Not in that way at least. Vernon was complaining about the ‘freaks’ wanting the same rights as ‘normal people’ after that demonstration in Hyde Park last summer.”

A heavy silence descended between them. Harry almost felt bad for Jacque. He didn’t know what the laws were like in France but he had a hard time believing they were worse than they were in Britain. Harry tried to break the silence. 

“Okay, one outfit down. Do you think there is more here? I’d prefer not to have a lot of band logos if I’m honest.”

“Fair,” Jacque said, rousing himself from his thoughts.. “It’s not a good look on everybody. So another pair of jeans and these and three more black t-shirts?” 

“And the coat, maybe even a size larger so I can grow into it while I’m at Hogwarts.” 

“Good thinking,” Jacque said. “Not that it couldn’t be helped with a bit of magic but you’re right. You’re still growing.”

Harry blushed completely red. If there was one thing about the leather pants it was that there wasn’t a lot of room to grow so to speak. 

“Get out, I’ll change back,” Harry said.

“Awe Handsome, kicking me out?” Jacque teased. “Is someone _or something_ feeling a little claustrophobic?”

“Ha… ha…. Jacque. Keep it in your pants.” 

"Keep what in my pants?" 

"You know - you - your - " 

“Fine,” Jacque winked. He leaned forward and kissed Harry on the cheek before slipping out of the room to gather some more clothes for him. 

Harry found him waiting near the cashier and added the one outfit to the pile and waited until it was all counted up. He noticed that Jacque had become more distant since the revelation in the changing room. 

“It’s alright,” Harry whispered. “It’s not that I like keeping it hidden but it’s probably for the best either way. Voldemort is after me and I don’t want you to be in any danger.” 

“I’m law enforcement, Harry. I’ll be in danger.”

“But not as much as you would be if you were known to be close to me. I want to protect you.”

“You do realize that not only am I trained to handle bad guys, but that I am older than you. I should be the one to protect you,” Jacque finished.

“You’re worth protecting,” Harry said simply. “It’s like you were made to fit in my arms.” 

Harry enjoyed watching the blush creep up Jacque’s neck and fought against him impulse to wrap an arm around his waist. They were about the same height but Harry was sure he still had a bit of growing up to do. He probably should talk to Sirius about getting some of the same potions he had taken to get healthy. 

Harry paid for his new clothes and walked into a nearby alley and pulled out his new trunk to put them away. There was no reason why he had to go around carrying the bags. 

“Where to next?” 

“What do you want to go look for?” 

“Casual shirts, maybe a pair of slacks, definitely some new footwear, these trainers are almost dead. I need some training clothes as well. You got somewhere in mind?” 

“We could always try Harrods?” 

“Are you sure that's within my budget? I'd rather get more clothes rather than expensive ones,” Harry said, feeling giddy at the prospect of getting his own clothes. “Not that I couldn’t get the money, but I don’t want to go for another trip to Gringotts. Not today at least.”

“Fair,” Jacque said. “We could also just walk around until we find somewhere nice.” 

“I’d like that,” Harry smiled. 

“So, this Criminal Order thing,” Jacque said. “What does it do?” 

“It was explained shortly on the news. We weren't allowed to be together like… _that_ until twenty-one last year. That got changed to eighteen,” Harry said angrily. “It’s not fair but it means in general, we can’t be seen like that in public. You would likely get arrested if the police caught us. It’s not worth it.” 

“You do know I’m a wizard, no?” Jacque smirked. “If you manage to sneak out again we can just go for a picnic and I can throw up some notice-me-nots around us so people overlook us. It’ll be fine or we could go to the Cinema or something?”

“Never been.” 

“You’ve never been to the cinema?” 

“Nope.”

“You need to sneak out so I can take you. Mon dieu,” Jacque groaned in frustration.

“I’ll send you an owl the night before.” 

“Okay.”

Harry felt the ease with which he could talk to Jacque. It was like the last barrier had been removed between them. It didn’t take long before they found another shop and Jacque went all out once more in choosing his clothes for him. 

“No!” Harry growled after Jacque had brought his fourth shade of pink to be tried on. 

“Why not?” Jacque pouted. 

“I can’t wear pink,” Harry snapped. “I look stupid in that colour.” 

Harry felt bad when he saw the hurt in Jacque’s eyes at that statement. 

“Oh no, Jacque, please. I didn’t mean it that way.” 

“Are you embarrassed about me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“You know it’s not,” Harry whispered. “People wouldn’t understand.”

“Fuck people.” 

“No thank you, I’d prefer to do that with you.”

“I-I-I… Shut up!” Jacque blushed. “You know what I mean.” 

“I do,” Harry smiled. “I just needed you to calm down. Look there are expectations of me. I can’t be me around anyone else. You’re the only… and I mean only one who knows this side of me.”

“What about Cedric?” 

“He’s dead, and no. Even when he was alive he only had eyes for Cho.” 

"And if both of them had wanted you? Had invited you to a Ménage à trois?" 

The mere thought was enough to stop all thoughts. That fantasy had kept him awake more than one night, before he had even truly understood his own feelings on the matter. And after the kisses with Jacque, he knew at least what one part of that fantasy would have felt like. Harry felt the blood rushing to his cheeks and while Jacques had an insufferable grin on his face. 

“What about now?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“What about her?” Jacque asked. “You told me you had a crush on her before.”

“I did,” Harry said. “But even if I hadn’t met you I’m not sure I would have wanted anything with her. She’s Cedric’s ex. That’s… too much.” 

“I understand.”

“Jacque;” Harry stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “What are we?”

Jacque shuffled nervously from one foot to the other. “Could we talk about this over lunch?”

“Sure.” 

Jacque walked down the street at a brisk pace not even checking to see if Harry followed. Harry shrugged his shoulders and followed him. He caught up to him right before Jacque walked into a diner. 

“Could you find us a table?” Jacque asked. “I’ll order us some food and join you.”

Harry moved to the back of the diner and found a secluded table where they would be slightly hidden from prying eyes. His eyes followed Jacque until he sat down on the opposite side of the table. Harry opened his mouth to say something but Jacque got in front of him.

“Wait until we have ordered and the food arrives.”

Fifteen minutes later two plates with sandwiches and fries arrived and Jacque waved his wand around the table.

“Now we shouldn’t be overheard,” he said. “Honestly, I don’t have a clue what we are Handsome. I like you more than I probably should. We barely even know each other but I feel so attracted to you. It also doesn’t help that in a month you’ll be gone for most of the year. Even if we write to each other regularly I’m not sure if this is going to last.”

“Do you want it to last?” 

“I don’t know,” Jacque said softly. “Look, Harry you’re a great guy. Sometimes I’m not even sure who is the older one of us. You make me feel like an equal and trust me. Most of the time people treat me like some sort of sex toy they can live out their fantasy with. You’re not like any guy I’ve met. It’s all so confusing. What if you get to Hogwarts and someone else gets your attention. I don’t want you to feel trapped with me when I can’t even promise you it’s going to last.”

“I don’t know,” Harry admitted. “Look, there aren’t anyone else at Hogwarts for me. Sure, there are some pretty people but not really anyone I’m close with. Also, considering what has been said about me this summer most people are going to hate me or be afraid of me. It would not be the first time and I think that of all the students I know, only Hermione, Alicia, Katie and Dean have been behind me all the time. Katie and Dean are sports nuts, I don't have an ice cube's chance in hell with Alicia and Hermione - this summer had really hurt. Bottom line is that there is no one. And I really want to see where this goes.”

Jacque breathed in deeply a couple of times. It was obvious that he was weighing the pros and cons of whatever decision he was about to make. He breathed out heavily one more time and looked up into those unreal green eyes. He bit his lip before nodding.

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” 

“Okay, I’ll officially go out with you,” Jacque said. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“If it wasn’t for the fact that we were in public right now I would snog you until we’re both panting for breath,” Harry beamed. 

"There's always the bathroom." 

"Because that's less obvious," Harry deadpanned while his mind came up with all kinds of scenarios where their lips were locked together. 

"The charms - " 

"Just because the people don't see us does not mean they are not there." 

“Then let’s get out of here,” Jacque suggested. 

Harry didn’t need to be told twice, their meals were only half eaten but he didn’t care at the moment. He needed to feel - he needed more - needed the sense of safety which came with Jacque's body against his own. And he needed it now. He pulled Jacque into the nearest alleyway and waited until Jacque was done throwing up privacy charms. He shoved Jacque against the closest wall and planted his hands on both sides of his head. He looked into his blue eyes and leaned closer to his face, surprised by his own boldness. It was like a rainbow splitting the clouds on a rainy day as their lips met. It was beautiful and chaste until the wind picked up and the rain fell in heated passion. Harry felt Jacque’s hands grip the front of his hoodie tightly and pull him even closer. Harry’s hands descended from their position on the wall and made their way inside Jacque’s jacket and ran his fingers across the firm muscle on his back. Jacque’s hands had found their way to Harry’s coarse raven coloured hair and not so gently pulled his face closer to himself. They both gasped for air when Harry’s hands found themselves on Jacque’s firm rear and he squeezed it. 

“God, you are so - so fucking sexy,” Harry moaned.

“You’re the one talking ,” Jacque panted, before flipping them around so that Harry was the one pressed against the wall. “You’re not so bad yourself, Handsome.”

Harry felt protected being pinned by Jacque. He had never felt comfortable with physical closeness before. Even Cedric Harry had preferred to keep at a distance but Jacque. Jacque felt perfect being both the protector and the protectee, though he preferred to be the one protecting him. Jacque placed a trail of kisses along Harry’s jaw and down his throat. The growl from his throat when he was stopped by Harry’s clothes sent shivers down his spine. 

“I want to rip these things off of you.” 

“We can’t,” Harry said, pulling his head up so he could kiss his lips. “You know we can’t.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to,” Jacque said once more. “But you’re unfortunately right. As much as I would love to defile The-Boy-Who-Lived it’s probably better if we both get going now.” 

“Yeah, I’ll write you.” 

“You better,” Jacque said and pulled Harry into another kiss, this one less desperate but equally firm. “You owe me a date.”

“I’ll need to sneak out again then,” Harry grinned and stole one last kiss. 

“When do you think you can?” 

“It won’t be before my hearing on the twelfth,” Harry sighed. “I’m under too much scrutiny as it is. I’m technically grounded at the moment for performing underage magic in front of my cousin.” 

“Uh-huh,” Jacque had stopped listening and begun trailing kisses down Harry’s throat and any spot of skin which was visible. 

“Jacque…”

“What?” 

“If you don’t stop doing that I'll rip off your pants right here,” Harry said. 

“That's not a deterrent, you know - Alright. Get going before I jump your bones.”

“Preferably only the one,” Harry quipped. 

He gave Jacque’s rear one more squeeze and pulled him close enough to feel that he wasn’t the only one affected by their back alley session before sliding away from his grasp.

“You do not play fair.”

“Never said I did.”

Harry got to the sidewalk and did his best to straighten his hair and make himself look at least a bit presentable. He lifted his wand to call the Knight’s Bus and looked over his shoulder to send one final wink to Jacque. The magical bus arrived and Stan where he wanted to get dropped off and paid the prize. 

Jacque stood in the shadows of the building and felt the realization of his situation hit him in full force. 

“Jacque Noir, you goddamn idiot.”

Harry made his way back to Grimmauld Place under his Invisibility Cloak. He still couldn’t quite wipe the goofy grin off of his face. Finding out that Jacque was a wizard was probably one of the best surprises of today. The only one better was the fact that he was attracted to Harry too. Harry had a boyfriend and actual living boyfriend. He did his best to calm himself before reaching for the door. He just hoped that the door would open for him like the night before. 

He made his way up to the front step and prayed to whatever god that the hallway would be empty at this moment. The door opened the same way as it had the night before. It was almost like the house was welcoming him back. He needed to ask Sirius about that feeling because it made no sense to him that the house would do that.

He peeked through the door and found madness on the other side. Sirius had been ganged up on by both Mrs. Weasley and Hermione. Apparently they had been going for a while because it seemed like they were calming down. 

Harry had to respect the way Sirius stood tall and didn’t budge for a second. 

“It’s not fair,” Hermione whined. “It’s really alright. Harry did already apologize and he doesn’t have to be grounded like that.”

“And we would appreciate the help with the cleaning,” Mrs. Weasley said. “God knows when the house was clean the last time.” 

“I already told you,” Sirius sighed in exasperation. “Harry’s behaviour last night is not something I can condone. He needs to know that he can’t just go around insulting people without consequences. He will have to stay in his room - Alone - until dinner at least. If his attitude hasn’t improved at that time he will just have to stay there until tomorrow. I will not have either of you undermine my authority as his guardian by going against an agreed upon punishment.”

“I'm not trying to undermine anything, I'm worried about my friend after all that he's been through!” Hermione huffed and stalked out of the hallway. Harry was left wondering why she could not have told him as much in any of her letters. Because even if Dumbledore had told them not to include anything important, a paragraph about being worried was hardly a state secret. Hearing her talk about that made him feel a weird mixture of hurt that she had never mentioned anything in writing and comfort that she cared, even if she never told him. 

“I suppose it is within your right,” Mrs. Weasley hesitantly said. “I still don’t think the behaviour warrants the punishment but you are his Godfather after all and it is good to see you take your parental role seriously.”

Harry had spotted that Mrs. Black had been watching silently at the exchange. Harry waited until they were both out of earshot before removing his Invisibility Cloak. 

“Good job,” Harry clapped softly. “I’m really impressed.”

“You’re back,” Sirius said with obvious relief. “Did you get everything?”

“Hello Mrs. Black,” Harry said to the open painting. “I don’t think we have been introduced.” 

“Walburgha Black, Lady of the House of Black.”

“Harry Potter, Son of James and Lily Potter, Godson to your son Sirius Black,” Harry said smoothly. “You were impressed weren’t you?” 

The painting growled before nodding. “It was slightly impressive the way he showed the mudblood and the blood traitor their places. They are beneath our house.”

Harry nodded and made to close the curtains. He hadn’t needed it as they fluttered shut by themselves. 

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“I think that is quite possible,” Harry quipped. “You are a damnable rogue after all.”

“Why - you!”

Sirius grabbed Harry around the head and noogied his hair.

“Ow ow I give!” 

“Show me what you got?” 

“Upstairs,” Harry said. “I’ll show you upstairs. I need a shower as well. I want to change into some of my new clothes.”

“Alright, Pup. You’re grounded until dinner by the way. No argument young man.”

“Yeah yeah, old man.” 

“It’s that attitude they got you grounded in the first place.” 

They managed to keep a stoic expression on their face until they passed the threshold to Sirius’s room. They both keeled over laughing as soon as the door closed.

“Damn, that has got to be the best prank I’ve been a part of in a long time.” 

“I really appreciate it,” Harry said wholeheartedly. “I managed to get a trunk and a new wardrobe as well. Along with some of the books on introductions to Potions.” 

“Great,” Sirius said. “Show me what you got.”

The next half an hour turned into an impromptu fashion show where Harry wore most of the stuff that he had gotten with Jacque. 

“Nice taste, pup,” Sirius whistled when he had ended it with the leather pants, black t-shirt and coat. “You could break some hearts wearing that.” 

“I wasn’t planning to,” Harry smiled. “Hey, do you think you could talk to Tonks’s Mum about getting me some of those potions you got?”

“Probably,” Sirius said. “Why?”

“I’m not sure if I am as tall as I should be,” Harry said darkly. “I didn’t get to eat as much as I should have growing up.”

“You know what I’ll have Andi come take a look on you,” Sirius said. “She’s a healer, so she will know what to do.” 

“Sounds good. Again thank you for allowing me this. I really needed it.” 

“Anything I can do for you,” Sirius pulled him into a hug. “I owe you at least that much.” 

“How’s Dobby doing?” Harry asked.

“Oh, I love that guy,” Sirius laughed. “I’ve had him sort out the library. He was the best choice for that seeing as he had experience with dark tomes.”

“Just as long as he is careful.”

“He is,” Sirius said. “I made sure of that.” 

“That’s good. Right, I’m going to go take a shower and change into something a little less… daring. Wouldn’t want to give them a heart attack would we now?” 

“Probably not,” Sirius laughed. 

Dinner had been an interesting affair. Hermione had chosen to sit right up next to him and peppered him with all sorts of questions about his emotional state, his summer homework, the book Sirius had sent him, the hearing, whether he was nervous or not, if he had a good defence. 

All in all it had gotten to a point were Harry just tuned her out and grunted at the appropriate luls in her tirade. He really liked Hermione but god sometimes she could talk a person dumb. Ron wasn’t much better instead of his hearing being the chosen sense to perceive dullness it was Harry’s sight. Watching the redhead shovel one plate of food into his mouth after the other was as interesting as it was dumbing. Ginny had been sending him cursory glances which sent shivers down his spine and cold sweat on his skin. He wished she would stop. 

The twins were always good fun but they looked more busy talking to each other than saving their hidden investor from the Hermione Inquisition. 

No, the only highlight of dinner was Tonks and Sirius but they were too far away from Harry to join their conversation. It was almost like they had planned on separating him from his godfather even though that was probably the paranoia talking. Harry couldn’t really understand why he had to sit with his supposed best friends or why they even thought he would want to spend time with them. 

He supposed he should give Hermione another chance. She had been rather adamant about seeing him earlier and if it wasn’t for Sirius she probably would have. Still owed the mutt for that one. Harry just hoped that he wouldn’t need to run interference between two of Sirius’s lovers or something. 

That seemed like something he would do. The thought made Harry chuckle involuntarily.

“What are you laughing at?” Hermione asked primly.

“It’s nothing,” Harry waved his hand. “Just had a funny thought.” 

“There is nothing funny about your situation,” Hermione huffed. “Your hearing is in eleven days.” 

Harry turned his head. “Mr. Weasley.”

“Yes, Harry.”

“Am I to expect Dumbledore to be there to help me out at my hearing?” Harry asked innocently. “He must have heard about the dementors.” 

“I don’t know, Harry,” Mr. Weasley sighed. “It’s not a big deal. Even if it was a case of underage magic most of the time it’ll just result in a fine.” 

Harry sent him a grateful smile before flicking his eyes to Sirius. The vindication that filled him at the sight of Sirius’s frown was quite satisfying.

“See, Hermione,” Harry said. “Dumbledore has it sorted out and in the worst case scenario I’ll just have to pay a fine.” 

“Oooh,” Hermione said. “But you can’t be certain of that. You don’t know how they have portrayed you in the Prophet.”

“I’m a liar and an attention seeker,” Harry said. “I guess I have also been quoted saying Voldemort is back.” 

“Yes,” Hermione looked rather stunned at that. “That right, how did you know?” 

“It’s not that hard to guess. I never said anything more than and I quote myself ‘He’s back’. The only one I have actually told what happened that night is Dumbledore. The fact that he is saying anything about it has nothing to do with me.” 

“How can you say that?” Hermione hissed, her eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of her face and her hair looked even frizzier than normal.

“Tonks. You look too young and lovely to have been part of the first war. How did you get recruited into this group?” 

“Moody’s my mentor,” Tonks shrugged. “He said that the Ministry couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel and from what I have seen so far, he has a point. When we are not searching for Sirius here, we are dealing with all the mundane crap the Law Enforcement Patrol should if their budget had not been cut like a kebab over the past decade. That’s why I joined, I wanted to do something more than the Ministry - anything really.”

“Thank you. My point is - Hermione - that most of the new people in the Order didn’t get recruited via public statements or mass recruiting. That would defeat the purpose of it being a secret group. He is only antagonising the Ministry by publicly speaking. If he had gone to whoever Tonks’s boss is directly or had me talk to them it would probably have been more productive than what is happening now.”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” Harry reassured her. “That’s what the adults are here for, or supposed to be for anyway. You of all people should have noticed that it comes down to us far to often.” 

Harry sat back and ate his food while Hermione looked as if she was a million miles away as she chewed on her fork. He did notice the wink Sirius sent him when nobody was looking. Harry polished off his plate and rose.

“I still have more homework to do. I’m heading up to my room.”

“I swear James wasn’t as responsible as you are about your schoolwork,” Sirius barked. 

“Lily was,” Remus said fondly. 

“That’s just because the two of you two almost lived in the library,” Sirius stuck out his tongue. 

“True,” Remus laughed. “Sometimes I wonder if both Lily and I should have gone to Ravenclaw instead.” 

“You had more fun in Gryffindor.” 

“Can’t argue with that.” 

“Well goodnight,” Harry said. “Tonks as always a pleasure.” 

Harry waved as he walked off towards his bedroom. He was pretty sure that Sirius would check up on him before he went to bed. His homework had been done a long time before he arrived but he needed the silence to meditate before going to bed.

As Tonks was about to go home Sirius pulled her into an empty room.

“So, do you think he has noticed anything?” 

“No,” Tonks said a little too quickly. 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah - Everything is fine. It looks like he made a friend though..”

“And you think the friend is a danger to Harry?”

“No, I followed them the whole way. They shopped for clothes and went to Flourish and Blott’s. They grabbed some lunch but that was it. Nothing to worry about. If he had been a threat he would have acted already I think.” 

“That’s good,” Sirius let out a sigh of relief. “Merlin knows he could use a few friends at the moment. It still pisses me off that Ron and Hermione didn’t do more to keep in contact with him. I swear he is right. After everything they have been through it’s real shitty that they didn’t do more to contact him over the summer, Dumbledore be damned.”

“But they couldn’t tell him anything.”

“I’m not saying they should have told him what the Order was up to, not that they would know anything even with those ears the twins have invented, but they could have written about homework or something. Anything really. Asked him how he was doing. It’s not like Ron doesn’t have an owl. I gave it to him myself and the damn thing won’t shut up during the night. Maybe Hermione could have figured out something on the Muggle side.” 

“I get what you’re saying,” Tonks said. “I really do. I’m just saying they were stuck between a cauldron and a hard place.”

“I know. Thanks for doing that by the way. I want to give him some freedom but I also want to keep him safe.”

“I’ll do my best,” Tonks said. “Seriously. I’m more than happy to. I’m growing fond of him like he’s my kid brother.”

“I see,” Sirius smirked. “Someone has gotten the hots for my Godson.”

“Ugh - Do you have to be so insufferable? I don’t have the hots for your Godson. He’s fifteen. Hecate, it would be so wrong for me to do anything with him.” 

“It’s my most redeeming quality. Hey - Ow - stop that, on a more serious note. Harry asked if he could have some of the same potions I’ve taken. He seriously thinks he might need them. I told him I would ask your Mum to come take a look before we did anything. I think it would be for the best. The more I hear from him the more worried I get. Could you ask her?” 

“Sure. No problem.” 

“Thanks. You’re the best.” 


	6. The Ministry of Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another One! <3
> 
> Once more thanks to VonPelt for helping me out with the chapter. Always fun.
> 
> Enjoy   
> Waske  
> XoX

Harry fell into a natural rhythm with the rest of the occupants of the house. He had even managed to get Sirius to help with the cleaning even if both of them just stood around and talked about anything really. Harry wanted to hear some more about his parents and Sirius wanted to hear more about the less excitable parts of Harry’s life. He wasn’t sure if he had the ability to remain calm if he heard about the darker side again. 

No, Sirius’s favourite topic had quite quickly become girls and Harry had decided to play along. Jacque was his little secret. The only times he didn’t spend around Sirius was when he was studying or meditating. Sirius had taught Harry how to activate the Dementor Cloak, so that part of his hearing had already been taken care of. 

It was almost funny in a way. Harry had finally met the Black’s old elf, Kreacher while cleaning and it was like hearing a miniature version of Walburgha’s painting on the best of days. The fact that Kreacher kept stealing some of the dark artifacts and cursed objects had at first irritated Sirius, but Harry had pointed out that Sirius could just tell him to keep them out of anybody else’s way and no harm would be done. 

He also pointed out that Dobby could keep an eye on Kreacher to make sure he didn’t do anything Sirius wouldn’t want him to do. That last part had been the tipping point and Sirius more or less told Kreacher that he could keep some of the stuff if he kept it in his den.

Tonks had also come around more often. Harry would often find himself orbiting around her and her energy. She had a way that just lit up a room. He was especially interested in hearing about her training and her career since he still considered becoming an Auror but he would listen to anything really. She was like a big sister who looked out for him in the same way as Sirius did almost like a father. Remus had become a bit more like an uncle if not still somewhat distant. 

The biggest break from his new routine had been the morning the day before the hearing when Tonks’s mum Andromeda had arrived to check him over. With long, curly hair, pale skin and immaculate eyebrows, she looked aristocratic even if her warm smile ruined that impression. For what seemed like hours, she cast spells, asked about the injuries she found and made notes on a notepad. 

Harry had never seen Sirius so angry and Tonks had been on the verge of tears when Andromeda was done and had listed everything that needed to happen for Harry to be back to developing normally. It wouldn’t fix the systematic damage the malnutrition had caused, he would always be a few inches shorter than he otherwise would, but it would do a great deal to help and make him look less like a reed. 

It was the first time Harry had ever seen the Black blood in Sirius. He had looked about ready to slaughter someone and Andromeda seemed not far behind, her grey eyes shimmering with mute rage. Tonks had been almost inconsolable for whatever reason but Harry had just chucked it up to her thinking of him as a little brother. 

Harry had sent his first letter to Jacque that night explaining how he had gotten a healer to look him over and that he finally would get the help his body so needed to get better in the long run. In Harry’s mind it was a happy occasion even if it was a bitter pill to swallow that he would always be shorter than his father. And speaking of bitter pills, the potions Andromeda had prescribed were hardly treacle, but at least it was not Skele-Gro. He had asked Mrs Tonks about that potion and she admitted that it could be used as a radical, alternative treatment. However, in the same breath, she had emphasised that it was not something she would recommend since it would mean literally de-boning him and regrowing them with Skele-Gro. She had not needed to explain that the pain this would involve would probably kill him. And when she added that using the potion that way might as well tear his apart or have the bones pierce something important, Harry tried his best to completely forget that he had ever asked. 

He still wasn’t sure what Hedwig had meant by the look she had given him as he tied his letter to Jacque to her leg. It was like she was in on some secret that Harry wasn’t truly allowed to be a part of. Then again she might be the smartest owl he knew and his familiar, but in the end she was just an owl so what would she know about secret plots and intrigue.

Harry had waited until the evening before his hearing to find out the answer to his unanswered question.

“How am I going to get to the Ministry tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be taking you.”

“I’ll take you.” 

Tonks and Mr. Weasley looked at each other for a moment. Mr. Weasley looked nonplussed while Tonks was staring daggers at him for whatever reason.

“Dear, I think it would be best if Arthur took him,” Mrs. Weasley broke their stalemate.

“Why?” Tonks fired back. “I’m an Auror. The Hearing is going to be on my floor.”

“We work on the same floor,” Mr. Weasley said, sounding almost amused.

“But I’ll know quicker if there has been any last minute change,” Tonks said. “I’m taking him. My shift starts at seven so we’ll be there early enough for anything.” 

“Alright,” Mr. Weasley said. “You’ll be travelling muggle of course.”

“Sure,” Tonks waved her hand. “Not a problem. Seems like you’re going with me Harry.” 

“That’s fine. I honestly don’t have a preference.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t prefer me?” Tonks enlarged her eyes comically and battered her eyelids at him, her eyelashes easy three inches long at this point.

“Are you offering?” Harry teased.

A loud gasp from Mrs. Weasley stopped any continuation of their playful banter while Arthur looked entertained. Harry honestly couldn’t fathom why she seemed to have a problem with it. It wasn’t like she and Harry had anything happening between them. It was just a bit of fun. Sometimes she really could have a stick up her arse about random stuff, especially since her own husband didn’t seem to mind. Then again, she didn't know about Jacque, so maybe she thought that he was really trying to flirt with Tonks. 

“Well I should probably turn in for an early night. Meet you in the kitchen at six?” 

“Sure,” Tonks shrugged. “Sirius. I’m good to crash here right?” 

“Of course,” Sirius said. “No problem. I’ve got more rooms than I know what to do with.” 

“Thanks. I’ll just go grab a set of clothes for tomorrow and then I’ll come back.” 

Harry walked with Sirius up to his room. He wanted to go over his plan for tomorrow one more time. Sirius had gotten Dobby to get a finely carved wooden box which Harry could use to bring the cloak with him. Neither of them fancied touching it if they were being honest. 

After all the attention he had gotten that evening, Harry took a shower to relax before going to bed. It had been daunting to have every little injury revealed, even if he trusted Sirius and Tonks and they did not know the stories behind them. Mrs Tonks had been professional about the whole thing, even if her anger had been very obvious. And in a way, it had been freeing. Other people had found out and no one thought any less of him. Instead, they had been angry on his behalf and that caused a fuzzy feeling in his chest which - wait why was there something - someone pink ?

“Oi, I’m in here!”

Harry pulled the shower curtain aside to peek his head out and froze when he saw Tonks standing on one leg, right in front of him. Standing in front of him naked save for a single sock and the grey boxer-briefs around the knee of the raised leg.

“What - when - how did you get in there?”

“I walked through the door and then took a shower. What else was I supposed to do, floo in?” Harry asked, his eyes locked with Tonks’ although he could not stop them from wandering.

“No, it’s just - the door was unlocked and I was thinking about you - about what Mum found out,” she hastily interjected.

“How could you miss the shower running?”

“How could you miss the door?”

"Tonks, I'm naked in here."

“Right - Sherlock - Oh Shit! Harry?!” 

“Yes, Tonks,” Harry had long since covered up his private area, his face a mix of horror and embarrassment. “Do you mind?” 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. Did you see anything you like?” 

“I could ask you the same,” Harry muttered dryly. “No, didn’t have my glasses on. I only realized it was you because of your pink hair. Not a lot of pink hair going around. Do you mind?” 

“Sorry. I’ll wait outside.”

“Thanks, I’ll be done in a second.” 

Harry took a deep breath as he watched Tonks scramble to get outside clad only in a white towel she had snatched from the nearby rack. And seeing that his peaceful retreat had been abruptly interrupted, Harry rushed the rest of the shower, and almost ran back to his room, water still dripping from his hair and down his legs. He did not even dare to look at Tonks as he announced that the bathroom was free.

Harry had finally managed to calm down after an hour of focusing on his breathing. He had managed to clear his head and focus on the hearing the next day. He unceremoniously fell back on top of the bed and stared into the ceiling. His thoughts wandered to what had happened in the shower not even an hour earlier. 

He hadn’t been as blind as he had made himself out to be. She had been close enough for him to see everything. It had not been his first run in with anyone naked, but it had been the first time he had gotten a proper look he could only conclude that it had been glorious. The way her arms were toned with taut and well-trained muscles. His eyes had been drawn to the muscles on her stomach as they moved as she stretched. How her thighs and shins stood as if cut in stone, it was the way he had imagined Jacque would look like without his clothes on, but it wasn’t only that. His eyes had also roamed over her pale skin that looked so soft, the small tuft of pink hair between her legs. The way her hips curved more than he or Jacque ever could, even her chest had gained his attention for a second as the globes of flesh bounced in her panic. Harry might be with Jacque and he was more than sexy in his own right, but damn Tonks was sexy in a different way. She might as well be a goddess for all Harry knew. 

He was never going to do anything about it but Tonks gave him the same itch to hold her as Jacque did. The only difference was that Jacque would let him hold him while Tonks was more likely to jinx his junk off if he even dared to voice his thoughts on the subject. 

It didn’t stop him from feeling conflicted about it though. He knew that he was attracted to Jacque. He had known for a while that he had a thing for the male species. Cedric had been the beginning of understanding that. Harry had been unsure whether it was a ‘men in general thing’ or a Cedric specific thing until Jacque. Now, he had a second man he liked, but was that really enough to draw conclusions? Because honestly, there were no other blokes he liked that way, and he had seen plenty at Hogwarts. But at the same time he liked them both while fully aware that they were blokes. So what had Cho been then? Just a specific thing or had she been an extension of his infatuation with Cedric, and where did that leave Tonks in the mix of all that. Or the Chasers who had been the subject to more than one fantasy while Wood and the Twins had left him cold.

He would be lying if he said that Tonks didn’t speak to him on a physical level. She was however different from Hermione and Ginny. Was it because she was a woman and they were still girls or was there something special about her specifically? With pink hair, her leather clothes, the spiked wristbands, the spicy perfume he had smelled when she was laying atop of him after the troll leg - Hell Tonks was more ripped than any guy he had seen. Which made her rather different from the average woman who were - softer for the lack of a better word. Which was not necessarily a bad thing, he was pretty sure that Lavender gave great hugs exactly because she seemed so soft. Hugs which did not crack your ribcage. 

He didn’t know and he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to get an answer to his many questions while lying awake waiting until he could fall asleep, but sleep seemed to elude him. In the yellow glow of the streetlights below he could read the old grandfather clock near his door and it already showed past one in the morning, yet his thoughts refused to let him rest. Would he find more blokes attractive if he got a similar show from them as he got from Tonks? It had not happened with his dorm mates or after countless Quidditch practices, but what about someone else?

Harry twisted in his bed once again, but was no step closer to finding sleep. What if it had been someone else who had been in naked in that bathroom? Harry twitched at the thought of Lavender or Parvati giving him such a show, which did not help his confusion in the slightest. And what if Jacque had been there, naked as the day he had been born? If he had not just stood there, but joined him under the shower? Pushed him against the tiled wall with nothing in between them? If Jacque hadn't stopped at his throat while trailing kisses downwards, if his ass had been bare when Harry grabbed it? He couldn't stop a moan from escaping him as his mind put that scene together. He didn't know what exactly would happen after that, but given that two women had figured something out in Seamus' magazine, it couldn't be that difficult for two blokes. 

Groaning in frustration, Harry turned around for what felt like the hundredth time that night and even flipped his blanket over in the vain hope that the cooler side would finally put him to sleep. Taking a deep breath, he decided to try a breathing exercise which had been mentioned in Sirius' book and tried to block out all thoughts of anyone naked. And for a brief moment, he succeeded. Everything around him faded and he found himself feeling the stress and agitation leaving his body. For the first time since that morning he felt at peace with himself. 

With his mind cleared of soapy Jacque or Katie acting like the women in Seamus's memory, one particular memory decided to push itself through the forefront of Harry's attention. When Tonks had left the bathroom in a hurry, she had left her clothes behind in a pile on the bathroom floor. Harry had not noticed at first, which ended in him almost stepping on them while he was drying himself after the shower. And on top of that pile had been her bra. It had not been a racy piece, if anything the grey fabric could not have been plainer. 

Yet much to Harry's frustration, his mind would not leave it alone. As simple as the bra had been, its shade had matched the shorts he had seen dangling from her muscular legs. All of the sudden, Harry was wondering what it would have felt like to touch it - how it would have looked on Tonks - how it would have felt like to palm her breasts through it - 

“Why can’t I get that bloody bra out of my head?! I had a clear view of Tonks' tits for Merlin's sake and it’s the bra she left in the bathroom that I want to touch. But why? It's just a piece of fabric I haven't even seen her in. So why?!”

Harry walked into the kitchen the next morning and found Mrs. Weasley already making breakfast in the kitchen. She turned around when she heard his footsteps. After a shower where he had triple checked that the door was locked, he had donned his new dress robes and had tried to comb his hair but had ultimately failed at that pursuit.

“Oh my aren’t you looking dabber. Still let me see what I can do about your hair.” 

Harry wanted to stop her but it was like trying to reign in a herd of Hippogriffs and at this point he just gave up. He drank a cup of tea and waited for Tonks to arrive so they could get going. 

Mrs. Weasley kept trying to make him eat something but Harry wasn’t hungry. The nerves had set in and his stomach churned the same way it did before a Quidditch match. He could force himself but he was used to going hungry and in this instance it was preferable to being queasy. And after three hours of sleep, he'd prefer a nap over a sandwich. 

Harry looked up at Tonks when she walked in. She had donned her red Auror robes and her face matched them when she caught his glance. Harry felt himself burning up as well but quickly hid it by chugging down his glass of pumpkin juice. 

“Do you want anything, dear?” Mrs. Weasley asked.

“Just a cup of coffee,” Tonks said. “I’m not hungry.” 

“Here you go.”

Tonks sat down opposite to Harry. Harry watched her eyes with fascination. There were two things he noticed about them. One they were a familiar shade of blue and two the emotions running through them made absolutely no sense to him. The only emotion in them that made sense to him was the hint of shame and embarrassment but the notes of triumph and hope as well as fear made him more confused than anything. 

He waited patiently until Tonks had finished her cup before he rose from his seat. He had already shrunk the wooden box and put it in the inside of his chest pocket. He would just tell them that someone else had shrunk it for him. That should be good enough for them to not think that he had done it himself or he could get Tonks to unshrink it at the Ministry. 

They both rose together and thanked Mrs. Weasley for the breakfast and made their way out of the front door. Harry took the inside track closest to the Troll Foot and knocked it out of the way before Tonks could bring both of them down. She might be right about that one. There was a half-foot’s worth of space behind it when he pushed it up against the wall.

“Thanks. Didn’t fancy falling over it this morning.” 

“As much as I enjoy having you on top of me I would prefer not to get my robes dirty,” Harry teased.

“About that,” Tonks said as they walked outside. “Could you like… not tell anyone about what happened last night?”

“Why would I?” 

“I don’t know… Bragging rights?” 

“I would not do that to you,” Harry patted her shoulder. “Your secret is safe with me. Though I must admit you look good under those robes. They are not flattering at all.”

“Shut it!” Tonks’s hair turned red for a moment, as did her cheeks. She was just about to reach for her wand when she saw the mirthful look in Harry’s eyes. “Seriously. Sirius is rubbing off on you and not in a good way.” 

“Hey - I resent that notion,” Harry said in mock-horror. “I’m much better than that old dog. Or would you prefer to rub off on me?” 

“True, true,” Tonks laughed. “Doesn’t say much, does it?”

“I suppose it doesn’t,” Harry admitted. “So how do we get there?” 

“I know Arthur said we should travel muggle but honestly I couldn’t be bothered,” Tonks said. “I’m the big bad Auror hauling a convict into their trial.”

“First of all, not a convict, second of all, not a trial. It’s a hearing.”

“Whatever you tell yourself, Handsome. You know, I could literally carry you in - ” 

Harry stumbled for a second before righting himself. It was probably nothing. It was just a coincidence that she said it the exact same way as Jacque would. Still, it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Ehm… Tonks?”

“Yeah, Harry?” 

“That day when I went to Diagon Alley, did you follow me?” 

“Why do you ask that?” Tonks asked suspiciously.

“Did you or did you not?” Harry asked a little more forcefully.

“I did,” Tonks admitted. “Sirius asked me to.”

“Of course he did,” Harry huffed. 

“He just wants to keep you safe, same as me,” Tonks whispered the last part softly. “And you didn’t even notice me being there.” 

“So you know about Jacque.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. 

“I - that's what your _friend_ was called? 

“How much did you see?” Harry asked threateningly.

He knew that he could take any bad things getting thrown at him but he would get angry if the same happened to his boyfriend. He was used to the abuse but Jacque might not be. Even if it was Tonks and his thoughts on her had become more muddled over the past few days than they had been before he would still choose Jacque over her without hesitation. 

“Harry, look at me,” Tonks said. 

Harry turned his gaze on her and saw the frustration and compassion in her eyes. He relaxed slightly but he was still wary of what might come.

“Do you think he would hurt you?” 

“No,” Harry said instantly. “At least not in the way everybody would fear.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Tonks asked.

“Please let it go. He won’t hurt me physically at least.”

“Then that is good enough for me,” Tonks smiled softly. “I care for you Harry, but you already knew that.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so defensive,” Harry sighed deeply. “I’m just so used to people telling what I can and can’t do - it’s suffocating.”

“I understand. Most people have been telling me how to look my whole life. Even my mum does it. She hates the way I make my hair look or the way I morph my body. Says I look more like a man than a young woman. She doesn’t understand that it is easier at my job if I look like this.”

“Why?” 

“Because most of them don’t think of me as a sex object if I’m like this.”

“I think you’re beautiful like that,” Harry said easily.

“Oh shush,” Tonks blushed. “You’re just saying that because you’re nice.” 

“I have seen what you look like below those robes. And anyone who does not think that you are drop-dead gorgeous should see a mind-healer, Harry quipped and he could practically hear Tonks roll her eyes as he followed her down the street. She walked into an alleyway and waited for him there. 

“Have you ever apparated before?” 

“What’s that?”

“Oh well, grab my arm.”

Harry instinctively did and felt like he was pulled alongside Tonks through a way too narrow tube. He almost wanted to scream but as soon as the pressure had descended as soon it had let up and Harry landed hard on his feet. He would probably have fallen if it wasn’t for Tonks’s arm around his waist. 

“A little more warning would have been nice,” Harry grunted as he tried not to throw up. 

“Awe - is ickle Harry’s stomach upset?” Tonks teased. “Don’t worry side-along sucks. It’s much better when you do it yourself.”

“I hate wizarding travel. Brooms are the only sane way if you aren’t following Mad-Eye’s directions.”

Tonks laughed heartily. “Right you are, but he is the exception to the rule.”

“He’s bonkers,” Harry straightened back up. “So, where’s the Ministry?”

“Over here.”

Tonks led them to a red dilapidated phone booth which had a large yellow sticker saying Out of Order on the side. 

“Right, got to remember. Six-two-four-four-two.”

A disembodied voice rang out in the phonebooth. 

_“Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. State your name and business.”_

“Auror Tonks bringing Harry Potter for his hearing.”

A clink came from the coin deposit and Tonks grabbed what looked like a metal badge.

“Here pin this to your robes.”

Harry looked down at it. It said: _Harry Potter, Hearing._

Harry looked out the glass of the phonebooth and saw the world go upwards. He wondered at the magic that would take until he realized that it was just an elevator going down. Best not tell Tonks what he had just been thinking. He would never hear the end of it.

The door of the elevator slides to the side and Harry was struck by the massive scale of the room.

“This is the Atrium,” Tonks explained. “See the fireplaces on the side of the walls. People either floo in or arrive in pre established areas via Apparition.” 

“And we didn’t why?” 

“Arthur thought it would look better if we arrived through the Visitor’s entrance. You got a nice souvenir out of it, didn’t you?”

“Yes, because I really wanted a souvenir from the time I had a hearing at the Ministry,” he said sarcastically. "Maybe we can get a postcard on our way out." 

He followed her to the check up point and spotted the two different paths. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Tonks and waited for her to give an explanation. 

“Right. You wouldn’t know about that of course. That path is for employees. They are allowed through the ward because of their Ministry badges. Don’t ask me how it works, it just does. You can’t go through there without having it on your person. This entrance is an exception to the wards in the way that you need to register your wand before you are allowed in, and that’s where Eric here gets into the picture?”

“Morning, Tonks, and who is this?”

“You know who it is, Eric,” Tonks snapped. “And keep it hush we don’t want to get mugged. Just register his wand already.”

“Okay… damn who got your knickers in a twist?” 

“Not another word,” Tonks growled. 

“I’d do as she says,” Harry chuckled. “She has a mean right hook.”

Harry handed over his wand and watched as Eric placed it on a set of brass scales. A quill was scribbling on a piece of parchment next to it.

“Hmm… eleven inches, Holly and phoenix feather core, yes?” 

Harry nodded.

“All good then,” Eric said and pierced the piece of parchment on a metal spike next to him. He then handed back Harry’s wand.

Harry felt Tonks physically steer him towards the golden elevators. Harry looked between her and Eric whom they had just left behind.

“It can’t be that simple.” 

“I know,” Tonks said. “It’s actually disappointing. Like what use is knowing that your wand was here. He probably won’t even do anything with the information. I know Mad-Eye has been ranting about the security issues since before the first war. He keeps saying that you only need to steal a badge from someone on their way to work and you will have free access to most of the building.”

“I don’t even know what to -”

Harry halted to a stop in front of the large fountain in the middle of the hall. It was beautiful but it also felt so wrong in a way. A group of golden statues, larger than life-size, stood in the middle of a circular pool. Tallest of them all was a noble-looking wizard with his wand pointing straight up in the air. Grouped around him were a beautiful witch, a centaur, a goblin, and a house-elf. The last three were all looking adoringly up at the witch and wizard. Glittering jets of water were flying from the ends of the two wands, the point of the centaur's arrow, the tip of the goblin's hat, and each of the house-elf's ears. 

“This doesn’t seem right,” Harry muttered. 

“What do you mean?” 

“In my run in with Centaurs and goblins neither of them would be caught dead looking at a witch or wizard like that. The only thing they got right was the house-elf. He does look like my friend a little like that.”

“Shhh, don’t say that too loud.” 

“Why not?” Harry asked. 

“It’s just not done that way,” Tonks tried to explain. 

“And you are surprised that we have people like Voldemort popping up.” 

Tonks shivered and sent him the meanest glare she had.

“Don’t say that name,” she hissed. “If you want to know I agree with you. Did you know that every time someone like me pops up they try to categorize us as a magical creature?” 

“Honestly? I’m not really surprised. I half expected Veela to be up there with the goblins. I heard enough from Malfoy about how they are half-breeds. You know what this fountain is missing. A little puppylike werewolf under the boot of the Wizard. That would really round out the look of this statue,” Harry finished sarcastically.

Tonks’s face looked like a mix of amusement and horror with a hint of pride. A smile threatening to creep up on her lips if the twitching was any indication. 

“You’re a riot. Come on, I’ll show you where I work. There are still two hours until your hearing. Also I need another cup of coffee. You hungry? Maybe a cup of tea?” 

“Not really. Too many nerves I suppose.” 

“Can’t really blame you on that,” Tonks comforted him gently as she pressed the bottom to her floor. “I know they don’t have anything on you, but that doesn’t change the fact that it sucks.”

They were joined by Kingsley in the elevator and Harry was just about to say hi when Tonks stomped on his foot. 

“Hey Shack,” Tonks said brightly. “Had a good morning?”

“It would have been better if you weren’t so insufferable, Junior Tonks,” Kingsley’s voice the same low baritone. “I didn’t know it was bring your kid to work day?”

Harry watched their interaction with confusion. Kingsley had always seemed so nice at Headquarters whenever he and Tonks talked but now he seemed standoffish if not just rude. 

“Not my kid,” Tonks shrugged. “Got settled with having to pick him up. I would have preferred to sleep in. This one got caught doing underage magic.”

Harry was just about to protest when he saw Kingsley sending him a small wink. Harry realised that Kingsley and Tonks weren’t supposed to be close outside of work or maybe even inside work. Kingsley was a senior Auror while Tonks must have just barely finished training. It would be weird if they were friendly. 

“Any new leads on the Black case?” Kingsley asked. “You got to be on the team because you were family. You were supposed to know how he thought.” 

“I've only been on the team for a month yet, what do you think? It would be a bad look for the rest of the department if the rookie solved the case that fast. So far, just the regular sightings on the continent. He never seems to stay in one place for more than a couple of days. Must be portkeying around the whole continent. Or maybe Savage is right and Black figured out how to get around with those infernal Muggle devices.” 

“I need you to do better,” Kingsley boomed probably louder than he needed to after they walked out. “Give this to Snuffles. I’m sure he would enjoy it.” The last part was whispered so only the three of them could hear it.

Harry spotted a magazine being handed to Tonks and the wolfish grin on her face. “Oh he is so going to love this one.”

Harry was just about to ask what it was about when they were interrupted by a stern looking woman with a monocle. 

“Ah, Auror Tonks and Mr. Potter. Good that you made it in time for the change of schedule. The Minister declared a change of venue for your hearing, it’ll be down in Courtroom ten in fifteen minutes.” 

“Yes Ma’am,” Tonks saluted. “I’ll bring Mr. Potter down straight away.”

“See that you do. I honestly have no idea what Cornelius is thinking.”

The woman walked towards the lift and went even further down it seemed. 

“Who was that?” 

“Madam Bones, she has a niece in Hufflepuff I think. She’s the director of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement,” Tonks said absentmindedly. “But why all the changes? Courtroom ten… that means… oh shit. They are going to actually try you in front of the full Wizengamot.” 

“Guess we should get going then,” Harry shrugged. “When has my life ever been simple.”

They walked towards the elevator doors and Tonks pressed the button for level nine. Harry fished out the shrunken box from his pocket and showed it to Tonks.

“Could you cancel the shrinking charm on this?” Harry asked innocently.

“What’s that?” 

“Evidence,” Harry said cryptically. “The Bumbling Idiot won’t know what hit him.” 

Tonks unshrunk the box and gave him a sideways glance. The look on her face was almost Hermione-esque in that she looked just about ready to bombard him with questions, but unlike Hermione she held her tongue. The rest of their trip down was spent in silence. It was only when Harry stood in front of a dark door with a knob in the middle that he broke it.

“What’s behind that door?” Harry asked.

“The Department of Mysteries,” Tonks whispered back. “Nobody knows what they do down there. The only official thing known about them is that they do research but into what and how nobody knows. Even their names and identities are hidden under those grey cloaks. Some say that they push the boundaries of magic, others whisper that they are deep in the ancient spells from back when the Romans had a temple in this place. And there are darker rumours, of rituals and sacrifices, of a secret prison and people disappearing. Whatever goes on behind that door, it gives me the creeps and I don't want to find out.” 

Tonks stopped in front of a giant wooden door and turned to Harry. 

“I can’t follow you in, Harry. I’m not supposed to be there even as an Auror, but don’t worry too much. Madam Bones is a fair lady even if she can be scary. She’ll make sure you are alright.” 

“Thanks, Tonks. I’m honestly glad you are the one here with me.” 

“Any time. Now get going in there.” 

Harry breathed in deeply before pushing open the door with one hand. The other tightly secured around his box. He stepped into the room and instantly recognized it. This was the same room they had used to convict Death Eaters. He had seen the trials of Karkaroff, the Lestranges and Barty Crouch Jr. in Dumbledore’s pensieve. The chair with the chains was even there in the room. 

He did not want to sit on it as if he was in some way the same as the Death Eaters. He felt an anger pulsating from behind his forehead. This was how they were going to play it. Sure, if Fudge wanted to play then Harry would play with him. He closed his eyes and did his best to calm his nerves as he stood in the middle of the room. 

He was ready to get this show on the road.


	7. The Hearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back again with another one! <3
> 
> VonPelt has once again helped beta-read and made this one just that tiny bit better <3
> 
> The long awaited Hearing is upon us.
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry looked around the room and spotted several faces that he had long known. Lucius Malfoy was sitting in the gallery talking to some other people and Fudge looked like he was trying to listen in from about a metre away. He wasn’t really surprised at that. Fudge had never stricken him as a man with his own thoughts. 

It was quite sad to see Fudge swallow whatever Malfoy was spewing like he had when Hagrid had gotten sent to Azkaban or when he didn’t even want to listen about Sirius but had taken Snape of all people’s word as truth. The fact that Snape had convinced him that he, Ron and Hermione had been confounded told enough about the man himself. He turned his eyes to Madam Bones. He wasn’t sure what to think of her. Tonks hadn’t really said a lot about her, but Harry remembered her niece. Cedric had at least said that Susan was loyal and fair before he died even if she had worn those horrendous badges. Harry couldn’t even fault her for it in hindsight. He would have been angry too if the tables had turned. 

Harry waited until someone noticed that he had arrived. He knew he had been a little early but didn’t they have anything better to do than attend a disciplinary hearing for underage magic. Was it because it was him? Likely, if he knew Fudge well enough. He wouldn’t even be surprised if this was a roundabout way for Malfoy to harass him. 

Harry’s musings were interrupted when the door behind him opened and Percy Weasley walked in with a stack of papers in his hands. He hadn’t seen Percy since the second task of the tournament last year and he hadn’t spoken to him since the Yule Ball before that. What a massive disaster that had been. He knew he should have done better but he had just felt like a snubbed puppy looking at the two people he wanted being together. He should have asked Cho to dance at least. He definitely should have taken better care of Parvati, probably Padma too. Looking back, he had been a real prick that night. He understood that now, at least a little he felt. 

“Ah Weatherby,” Fudge said. “Good of you to join us.” 

Harry waited patiently for the hearing to proceed. He knew they would state the interrogators and he was supposed to have a defender even if he didn’t really need one, but that bureaucracy in a way. 

“And you young man, what are you doing here?” 

Okay, Harry had not expected that to be the next thing to come out of Fudge’s mouth. “It’s my disciplinary hearing.”

“Mr. Potter?!” 

“Yes,” Harry said with a hint of annoyance. “Could we please start now?” 

“Well - yes - Weatherby are you ready?” 

“Ready sir.” 

“Alright then, Disciplinary hearing of Harry James Potter on the twelfth of August nineteen-ninety-five. Chief Interrogator Amelia Bones, Director of the DMLE. Interrogators Cornelius Oswald Fudge and Dolores Jane Umbridge. Court Scribe Percival Weatherby. Defence…”

Harry looked around the courtroom, hoping to spot a friendly face and finding none. Instead, dozens of blank faces were staring down at him, their looks a mixture of curiosity and disdain, although few were outright hateful. “Seeing as I am here by myself."

“Accused has waived his defence,” Fudge said quickly. “Charges, On the night of the twenty-fourth of July one Patronus Charm was used by Harry James Potter. How does the accused plea?”

“Guilty." 

“And on the charge of performing magic in front of a Muggle, how does the accused plea?” Fudge looked like someone had given him an early Christmas Present. 

“Not guilty due to the exception clause of the Statute of Secrecy,” Harry tried to hide his smirk. 

Fudge looked like someone had forced him to swallow a mix of lemons and salt and it made for a very interesting face. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. 

“Explain,” a stern voice cut in before Fudge could get going again. Blinking up towards the members of the Wizengamot, it took Harry a second to see that Madam Bones had stood up to speak. 

“As stated in my letter from Madam Hopkirk there was indeed a Muggle present when I cast my Patronus charm on that night. However, said Muggle falls under the exception to the Statute of Secrecy as he is part of the family who acts as my Guardians. In performing magic in front of him I did not in fact break the Statute of Secrecy.” 

“And the Muggle in question?” Madam Bones asked.

“My cousin Dudley Dursley, his mother is my aunt and sister to Lily Potter. She would have known about magic since my mother’s eleventh birthday.”

“I move to drop the charge of breaking the Statute of Secrecy,” Madam Bones said. 

Harry noticed that more than half the room lit up their wands and that part of his charges was dropped. He felt a sadistic glee at the red tint that was slowly forming on Fudge’s face. It was satisfying to see him go through the motions quite alike to Vernon when he got worked up. 

“That still does not change that the accused performed the Patronus Charm outside of school and broke the regulation of underage magic,” Fudge snarled. His face had reached an impressive red. “I still say we expel the accused from Hogwarts.” 

“I did it because of the dementors,” Harry said calmly. “Two of them attacked my Cousin and me.”

“Ahem ahem,” a woman in pink interrupted. Likely Dolores Umbridge. “A likely story, seeing as it is allowed under that same law for an underage wizard to act in self-defence. It is well known that only a Patronus can drive off dementors, but there is no way the Ministry would send Dementors to Little Whinging.”

Seeing the members murmur in agreement, Harry realised that he was on thin ice. He had the cloak, but would they believe him about it or would they side with the Minister?

“Look, Madam…”

“Madam Umbridge.”

“Madam Umbridge, I honestly don't know what attacked me that night. Whether it was a pair of dementors, bogarts, or just - "

"Why would the accused think of bogarts? He had just claimed that dementors were there!" an old, frail-looking wizard threw in and it took Fudge a few moments to restore order. 

"My bogart has been a dementor, ever since I first met those creatures when they searched the Hogwarts Express. They - they make me relive my parents' last moments, my mother pleading with Voldemort for my life - offering her own life in return," Harry explained, his voice thick as that particular memory replayed itself in his mind. There was another wave of murmurs in the ranks, but this time it sounded decidedly less hostile. The Minister seemed to notice the same thing as he decided to press on. 

"The accused was speaking - " 

“Look, I don't know what was there that night. I felt the effects of a dementor so I cast the Patronus charm. One of the attackers left something behind. Madam Bones if you will allow me to show the evidence I gathered from that night. I will need to perform magic to do it.” 

“Granted.”

Harry opened the box under his arm and showed the content.

“This was left behind after I performed my Patronus charm. I later found it to be an enchanted item and I would like permission for either myself or someone else to activate it.” 

Madam Bones nodded towards one of the Aurors who stood guard at the door. The Auror walked forwards and was about to grab the cloak with his bare hands.

“I’m not sure I would do that if I were you,” Harry said. “It used to be on a dementor after all. I’m not sure what the effects would be and I don’t wish to add murder attempt to my charges.”

The Auror swallowed loudly and poked his wand at the cloak and mumbled what Harry recognized as the same incantation Sirius had taught him. He felt the freezing cold and the sense of hopelessness descent upon the room and he couldn’t hide the satisfied smirk that appeared when Umbridge and Fudge paled and reached for their wands.

“That’s quite enough,” Madam Bones said. “You said this was left behind on the twenty-fourth.” 

“It was,” Harry said. “I was under the effects that evening and considering the effects of the item I was led to believe that a Dementor was nearby and I cast my Patronus charm to drive them off.” 

“Only a fully corporeal Patronus can drive off dementors,” Umbridge simpered. 

“If I may,” Harry said, closing the box and placing it on the ground. 

“You may,” Madam Bones said. 

Harry found it easy to gather the necessary emotions with the memory of kissing Jacque in the alleyway. His smile turned soft and he whispered. _Expecto Patronum._

Prongs sprung from his wand and galloped around the gallery. Harry noticed that the scales were gone and it looked like it was back to having fur. Harry ended the charm and placed his wand back in his holster. He watched as half of the gallery looked impressed while the other half scowled at him including Fudge and Umbridge. He wasn’t really surprised. 

“And may I inquire when you learned that?” Madam Bones asked.

“The Ministry helped in that regard,” Harry chuckled. “As I mentioned earlier, I had a bad reaction to them when they were positioned around Hogwarts during my third year. I learnt the charm during that time.” 

“Impressive. Well, I for one think that it falls under self-defence,” Madam Bones said. “I say we -”

She got interrupted by the doors swinging open they all turned to watch Dumbledore walking in.

“And Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore here for the defence.”

Harry was certain you could hear a pin drop in the room if one did. Everybody on both sides of the gallery looked at Dumbledore as if he had gone crazy. 

“I do hope I am not too late,” Dumbledore said in a grandfatherly way. “I didn’t get the notice on the changed time and place until fifteen minutes before it started. Luckily I was at the Ministry early.”

Harry did his absolute best not to laugh at the man. It was almost comical how self-assured Dumbledore had been. 

“That’s alright Mr. Dumbledore,” Madam Bones said. “We were just about to vote. All in favour of clearing Mr. Potter on all charges.” 

Harry watched on with glee when everyone except for Malfoy’s group and Umbridge motioned for his charges to be dropped. 

“I thank you for your time, Mr. Potter. And I apologize for this misunderstanding.” 

“That’s quite alright, Madam Bones. You were just doing your job.” 

“Seeing as I was late,” Dumbledore began.

“You are free to read the transcript of the trail,” Madam Umbridge scowled.

“Uhm… Disciplinary hearing,” Harry interrupted. “This wasn’t a trail.”

“Yes yes, you silly boy,” Umbridge waved her short fingered chubby hand. 

“Minister Fudge,” Harry turned towards the middle-aged witch who had spoken up, as had most of the Wizengamot. “I would like to inquire what will be done on the Ministry’s side?” 

“I beg your pardon Lady Fawley,” Fudge spluttered.

“It would be a bad look for the Ministry if other incidents like mine happened to good law abiding citizens,” Harry said innocently. “Not everyone can defend themselves from a perceived dementor attack.” 

“The Dementors are _not_ out of Ministry control,” Fudge roared. 

“So, you are telling me that a Ministry official sent Dementors after the Potter boy?” a man with an impressive brown moustache said icily. “Now why would that be allowed to happen. Minister?”

“There were no dementors at Little Whinging!” Fudge had almost turned purple at this point. 

“Then what was it that the accused picked up?” Lady Fawley asked again, this time with anger in her voice. “We all felt the effect of that cloth, so will the honourable Minister claim that this was merely some schoolyard prank with dark magic or will there be a real investigation? An investigation into the incident that led to this hearing?”

“There is no need to investigate anything!”

  
“Minister are you telling me that you condone such actions against that boy?” another witch shouted and hell broke loose.

“I-I-I- You do not know what you are talking about?!” Fudge went back to spluttering, being drowned out by the noise. “The accused said You-Know-Who is back! He is _not_ back!”

“I don’t think I did,” Harry put a finger to his chin and the commotion died down. Within seconds, it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. “I have never once told you that Voldemort was back. I have no idea where that is coming from.”

“But Dumbledore said…” Fudge deflated like a tired balloon.

“Harry, my boy,” Dumbledore tried to intervene. 

“I am not responsible for what Dumbledore goes around saying,” Harry said with vehemence in his voice. “Are we done here?”

“Yes, yes, you may go,” Fudge admitted through gritted teeth, although there was now a thoughtful glint in his eyes.

Harry picked up the box and walked past Dumbledore. “Have a nice day Headmaster.” 

He kept his stoic expression until he made it past the doors before he let his face show the unadulterated anger he had been feeling. 

“What? How did it go?” A worried voice entered his ear. “Did Dumbledore make it in time?”

He turned his head and watched a nervous tittering Tonks biting her nails. 

“Oh, I was cleared on all charges. Shall we? I am more than ready to get out of here. Could you shrink my box again? It’s quite cumbersome walking around with it under my arm.” 

Tonks almost mechanically shrunk the box and Harry stuck it in his pocket. He was just about to walk away when the doors opened up behind him and Dumbledore walked out, the grandfatherly smile on his face gone. 

“Harry - ”

Harry felt his eye twitch at the too-familiar address. He felt an urge to grab the man’s beard and strangle him with it. Instead, he schooled his face into an expressionless mask. 

“Headmaster.”

“It does not look good to people if we are not on the same side,” Dumbledore said in his patented disappointed disapproval. 

“It doesn’t look good even when we are on the same side,” Harry argued back. “I have read the Prophet, Headmaster. No matter how many times you or I speak up it hasn’t done anything but estrange me to the public. And after you threw me to the wolves, I am not even sure if we are on the same side anymore.” 

“They deserve to know. They must know. Fear and secrecy are Voldemort’s strongest weapons,” 

“And now they have had the chance. There is no need to keep bludgeoning a dead horse.”

“But you just told them that Voldemort hadn’t returned.” 

“Did I?” Harry asked with a lifted eyebrow. “The only thing I said was that I hadn’t told Fudge that Voldemort was back, which is the truth.”

Dumbledore looked like he was about to continue arguing but the door opened up again and the full Wizenmagot walked out talking in whispers. Harry noticed that Fudge and his pink toad were both sending him angry glares while Lucius Malfoy sent him a derisive sneer. Harry made to walk off.

“Excuse me, Mr Potter.”

Harry turned around. “Madam Bones.”

“If you would please turn over your evidence.” 

Harry hesitated and glanced in Tonks’s direction. He only reached into his pocket when she gave him an almost imperceptible nod. He handed over the box to her in the end.

“I wouldn’t touch that with your hands. I have no idea how it would affect human skin.”

“How did you come by this? Off the record.” 

“I melted a dementor,” Harry whispered close to her ear. “Fluke of magic. My Cousin could see it as well when it died.”

“Why didn’t you say that in there?” 

“Who would have believed me?” Harry did walk off this time. He wondered idly if Tonks was going to go back to work or if she was going to escort him back to Grimmauld Place.

He had made it to the elevator when he heard her voice. “Harry, wait up.”

Harry held the door open and watched her step in. 

“Thanks for that.” 

“You heading back to work?” 

“Yes and no,” Tonks smiled. “Madam Bones has ordered me to take you back home.” 

“Joy.” 

“Don’t sulk,” Tonks teased. “Do you know what my colleagues would do to have a bit of alone time with little me?” 

“No, tell me,” Harry drawled sarcastically. “What would your colleagues offer up to spend lunch with you?” 

“Quite a bit,” Tonks huffed. 

“Hmm, I bid two knuts,” Harry deadpanned. His face relaxed back into an easy smile. “Sorry, I was still a bit on edge. Between Fudge, Umbridge and Dumbledore, I felt like I was going to fuck up and get myself expelled and thrown in Azkaban. Let me invite you to lunch. I’m a free man after all and neither of us really ate anything before getting here.” 

“Okay,” Tonks said shyly. “This is not a date by the way.”

Harry laughed. “I never said it was. I have no idea where to go though. I only have wizarding money with me.” 

“I know a place, but I hope you have more than those two knuts, at least if you want more than a few bread crumbs.” 

Lunch had turned out to be the right choice for Harry. He had been on edge until Tonks had managed to relax him by teasing and bantering with him. They talked a little about Jacque. Harry kept to only platonic details about how he had actually met Jacque during the summer and how he had helped him deal with Cedric’s death. It wasn’t until Tonks sprung from the seat that Harry actually noticed how late it had gotten. It was all relative and it wasn’t even that long after lunch but Tonks still had to get back to work and Harry had to go face the cavalry. 

“I’m going to have to Apparate us again,” Tonks said apologetically. “I’m sorry but we took way longer than I had anticipated and I am seriously running late.”

“I’ll manage,” Harry said, grabbing her arm as soon as they left the small café. 

He felt slightly better after landing having expected the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach from getting squeezed like that. They had arrived in the same alleyway they had apparated from.

“You good to make your own way back from here?” Tonks asked, her voice betraying her urgency.

“I’ll be fine. It’s not that far after all. Trust me.”

“I do trust you. Oh and congratulations on getting cleared.” Harry felt her warm lips on his cheek for a brief moment before she disapparated in a crack.

“What was that about?” Harry mumbled to himself as he rubbed his cheek absentmindedly. “Shit. That didn’t help the confusion at all.” 

Harry didn’t remember how he had made his way back which in hindsight was incredibly stupid and likely would have made Mad-Eye shout his brain off for being an idiot. It was only when Sirius pulled him into a hug that he looked up from his thoughts. He noticed that Sirius seemed to be shaken.

“I got cleared,” Harry whispered. “Don’t worry.”

“That’s - that’s great,” Sirius wiped at his eyes. “You had me worried there for a second pup.” 

“Please. We had it all planned out. They reacted just as we had expected them to. Though that Umbridge was a nasty surprise.”

“Dolores Umbridge?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, looks a bit like a toad. You know her?”

“Horrible woman,” Sirius growled.

“She has passed some bills which make it even harder for Werewolves like me to find a job. Unfortunately, she used my time at Hogwarts as an example to push it through effectively ruining my status with the other neutral packs."

"Don't blame yourself, that was on Snivellus. He could have brought the potion with him."

"But I had been the one to forget it and it’s not been good for -”

“And I think that is more than enough,” Mrs Weasley interrupted. 

Harry took a step behind Sirius to head off any hug from the woman. He honestly couldn’t understand what her need for hugging was. She had no respect for his personal space. 

“You must be hungry, dear.” 

“Not really,” Harry said. “I ate lunch with Tonks. Madam Bones ordered her to escort me back.” 

“Where’s she now then?” Mrs Weasley huffed.

“We ran late so she just dropped me off on the front step.”

“How irresponsible.”

“Not really,” Harry said. “I needed to calm down or I would probably have gotten myself another grounding. My mood was not good after the Hearing.”

“Why not, pup?”

“They moved it to Courtroom Ten,” Harry said darkly. 

Every adult in the kitchen understood the implications of what that meant. 

“They also moved it up so that I would have been late. I might have been if we hadn’t run into Madam Bones on our way to Tonks’s desk. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Fudge wanted me to be late so he had an excuse to sentence me before I even got there.” 

“It wouldn’t have been that bad,” Hermione said. 

“Hermione - Do you know what the punishment for breaking the Statute knowingly is? Sirius?”

“Time in Azkaban. Not on the same floor as I was and it wouldn’t be for life but it would mean time in Azkaban if they pushed for maximum punishment.” 

Harry gestured with his hand in an ‘I told you so’ manner. He had known what he was up against. It would likely have been impossible for him to get out of there too if they had decided that was to be his punishment. 

“I didn’t know.” 

“Doesn’t matter now. I was cleared of _all_ charges. I think this calls for a party. Sirius bring out the Firewhisky!”

“He _most certainly_ will not!” Mrs Weasley huffed. 

Harry winked at Sirius behind her back. He hadn’t expected her to allow it but it was the simplest way of distracting them from what could have been Harry’s fate if he hadn’t been able to take care of himself as per usual.

“You know, if you are serious I wouldn’t mind letting you have some,” Sirius whispered. 

“I don’t think Mrs Tonks would be happy if I got drunk,” Harry whispered back. “Did she tell you anything more about _that_?”

“She sent the potions over already. You’ll take much the same as I did. They’ll help you put on some muscles if you work out while taking them.”

“Any place in this house where I could do that?” 

“Hmm, Dobby!”

“Great Master Dogger called?”

“Could you clean up the large room in the basement?” Sirius said. “The one with all the boxes.” 

“Of course Great Master Dogger.” 

“Why does your family have an underground lair?” Harry asked suspiciously. 

“There is a dungeon on the floor below that too,” Sirius shrugged. “My family preferred dealing with their enemies outside the law.” 

“Wow. That’s intense,” Harry teased. “You sure you aren’t supposed to be some sort of Criminal Mafia Boss?” 

“Well I am a Godfather,” Sirius quipped. “Come let’s celebrate and maybe get Hermione to drink some Firewhisky after all. She sounds like she needs help loosening up.” 

“Just as long as you keep it away from Ginny,” Harry shuddered. 

“Why not?”

“I don’t think the combination of unreciprocated crush and alcohol is a good mix. And Mrs Weasley would lynch us both.”

“Fair enough. Don’t want Molly to have even more reason to argue either. No Firewhisky then, at least for Ginny - Which reminds me, did I ever tell you about the time I got your mother drunk?"

"You what?"

"That was before she and your father were a thing. Not that she and I were friends, in fact, she did not like me very much back then because I was an irredeemable troublemaker. So was your father, but unlike him, I didn't keep pestering her about dates, so I was the lesser evil. It was after our OWLs, Snape had been a right git to her. I stumbled across her and offered to share my bottle with her - "

"You were walking around Hogwarts with a bottle of Firewhiskey?" 

"I might have been on the way to a nightly meeting with Miranda Bones and Dasie Stuart - anyway, I came across your mother and she was quite distraught given that she didn't chase me off on sight. So we stayed in that classroom until 5 in the morning and killed a thirty-year-old bottle I had nicked from this place. Your mother was a happy drunk. Two swigs from that bottle and she had forgotten about all Snape. Instead, Lily got very competitive, which meant drinking games and silly challenges like saying the alphabet backwards. We weren't best friends afterwards or anything, but a few hours of drunk story-swapping goes a long way to mend fences. Well, that and me being right about Snape being a git.”

Harry woke up the next morning. The festive mood had lasted until after dinner and had only died out when Mrs Weasley had geared up towards scolding Tonks for not seeing Harry through the door. That had ended the evening with Tonks running for the door and Sirius exploding in much the same manner as his Mother’s portrait. It had taken an unscheduled Order meeting for them all to calm down and Mrs Weasley kicking them out of the kitchen. Ron and the Twins had tried to get him to listen in with their extendable ears. They were a good product but Harry honestly didn’t care all that much. He was tired after a long day and just wanted to let the potions he had been taking work. 

Harry asked Dobby to lead him to the newly cleaned storage room and was surprised to find Sirius already there. He had conjured some weights it seemed and was wearing what unmistakably must have been a late seventies version of a training outfit. The shorts were embarrassingly short. 

“Good morning, Pup,” Sirius beamed.

“Morning, Sirius, what are you doing up like this?” 

“I thought I would help show you the ropes so to speak. The thing is those potions work a bit like muggle steroids. At least that was what Lily called them back in the day. We all took them during the war so we had an easier time getting fit. That doesn’t make it an easy fix but they vitalise your muscles and naturally increases their regeneration.”

“Meaning?” 

“That you can train for longer without hurting yourself and that you will be less sore while taking them. You’ll build up an immunity after you’ve finished your doses and then you need to wait at least a couple of years before they work again.”

“And this is with no harm to my body?” Harry asked suspiciously. 

“Mostly,” Sirius admitted. “You’ll likely feel perpetually sore either way. I don’t know how they work. That was always your Mum or Andi but trust me you’ll want to work out until you are done with them. It helps with the soreness.”

“Alright, if you say so.” 

“I do say so. Now start running around the edges of the room.” 

Sirius looked down at Harry on the floor with a truly Grim smile on his face. “Come on, Pup. Is that all you got?” 

“Fuck… you…” 

“Aaah, that does take me back to the academy. I must have uttered those words whenever Moody or one of the other instructors really gave us hell. Good times.”

“You… arsehole…”

“Keep 'em coming, they are like sweet music to my ears.” 

“I… hate… you…”

“No you don’t, and we need to start doing sit-ups before we go throw around some weights.”

“How are… you… still okay?” Harry panted. 

“Pup, there is literally nothing else I can do in this house. I can’t even get a proper haircut. So, I decided to get back into fighting shape. I should have thought about this place before. It would be an excellent way for the Order members to train with each other. You know, your old Godfather wasn’t half bad with defence. I suppose that was a given when I knew most of the curses in the N.E.W.T.-curriculum before I even started attending Hogwarts. It would certainly make me feel like I’m doing something and not just stuck in this house.”

“I’m glad you are doing better.” Harry had finally gotten his breath under control. “So, sit-ups?”

It was close to lunch when Sirius finally stopped their training session and told him he expected him the next morning at the same time. Harry had just stepped out of the bathroom when he was met with an irate Hermione. 

“And where have you been?” 

“Training with Sirius,” Harry said. “He spent some time in the Auror Academy when that was still a thing and took me through a workout.” 

“Why would you do that?”

“Because it is healthy for me to do? Also, Tonks’s Mum is helping me with some potions and they work better after a solid workout. Was there anything else you wanted to know?” 

“What happened to you, Harry? You weren’t like this last year.”

“I didn’t get betrayed by you last year.”

“I didn’t betray -”

“Not one letter asking how I was doing. Not one question about how I was feeling about watching my friend _die_ in front of my eyes. How I was handling the whole situation?”

“Dumbledore said -”

“Dumbledore can go fuck a goat!”

“Language!”

“No, Hermione. I mean it literally. He can go have sex with an animal for all I care.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“After this summer I kind of do. It wasn’t you who was isolated from everyone you knew. It wasn’t you or Ron who watched someone die, was tortured and saw _him_ being resurrected it wasn’t your arm or your blood that was forcibly taken. It wasn’t you who had to defend yourself against dementors. Huh? If I was so important then someone should have been there to protect me shouldn’t they?”

“There was!” Hermione sniffed. "That was the first thing I asked about after arriving here." 

“Oh good! Even better. So I was watched day and night and not a single person thought ‘hey maybe we should check up on the likely traumatized kid who has been screaming himself awake from nightmares for the past few weeks’. Nobody!”

“Harry! That’s enough,” Sirius said calmly, but there was iron in his voice. “Go to your room.”

“Fine!” Harry spat and stalked to his room, slamming the door behind him. He tried to tune out the crying and the whispered reassurances on the other side of the door but he was so angry at them all. He found that he was even angry at Tonks. There was no way she hadn’t been part of the people watching him. She must have seen how miserable he had been. They all treated him like he was the most important thing in this fight against Voldemort but at the same time, he was to be left alone and starved for human contact whenever there wasn’t a crisis he needed to fix. The most annoying part was how all of them constantly questioned his decisions to help himself whether it was by studying harder or physically working out. 

He grabbed the nearest sheet of parchment and angrily penned a letter to the one person he actually wanted to be around right now. He knew it wasn’t fair to blame Sirius. He couldn’t really walk around in public without the real possibility of having his soul sucked out. 

_Hey Jacque_

_I got cleared of all charges. I’ve just started the potions I need to get healthy again.  
My Godfather is helping me train and hopefully, I will end up with as good of a body as yours.  
I really miss you and I am going to talk to my guardian about letting me sneak out as I promised.  
Hope you are doing alright. I’m stuck in this dark old house and the people here are driving me mad.  
I just ~~hop~~ wished that people would stop questioning me._

_Yours  
Handsome_

Harry spent a little time calming down with Hedwig by scratching her chest. He probably shouldn’t send her out like this if people were looking for a white owl but he couldn’t care less at the moment. He needed to see Jacque’s words on paper however empty his platitudes would turn out. 

Despite being in a house full of people, at least a few who genuinely cared for him, Harry felt truly lonely. He wanted to feel Jacque, needed that sense of security when he had been pressed against the wall, longed to hear that possessive growl again.

A knock on the door made Harry tie the letter to Hedwig’s leg and send her out of the window before he opened it.

“I brought you something to eat,” Sirius said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” 

“You know, I’ve watched friends die in front of me. It never really gets easier. After James and Lily went into hiding I started spending more time with Edgar Bones. Madam Bones, well she was always Amelia to me, her brother. We didn’t get the call for help in time. Death Eaters had attacked his home. By the time I arrived with the others Edgar was the last one alive. They had killed his wife and children. He was like a man possessed. I watched as he cut them all down but by then it was too late. He had been bleeding a lot. Something had nicked his thigh and he was magically exhausted. He died in my arms. He asked me to look after his sister and younger brother Edwin. You might know their daughter Susan, she should be in your year at Hogwarts. It never gets easier and sometimes I still wake up seeing his face. He didn’t even want to try and survive at that point. It was like he was embracing the fact that he was moving on to meet his family again.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered. 

“Me too, Pup, me too. I’m just saying that I’ve been where you’ve been. Hell, I’ve gone over so many of those memories while being next to the dementors that I can recall them vividly in my mind. It’s okay to be angry. Trust me I know anger but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to take it out on our friends even if they sometimes are shitty friends. Focus that anger and tame it until it becomes a weapon for you to hurt your enemies and protect your family. My single biggest regret is letting my anger control me when I decided to chase after Peter.” 

Sirius lifted his hand up to forestall any protest.

“I know there is more to that situation than just me running off. I’m not saying that you weren’t right to suggest that I would have taken proper care of you if Hagrid wasn’t there, but I didn’t fight hard to keep you with me either because I was too angry. Don’t let the anger consume you. It is not a good place to be.” 

“I won’t,” Harry said with conviction. 

A companionable silence descended between them. Harry saw the flickers of emotions hidden underneath tired eyes. Sirius always tried to look upbeat even if he wasn’t. 

“I know you sent Tonks to follow me,” Harry said suddenly.

“What?”

“When I went to Diagon Alley on the first,” Harry smiled. “Don’t worry I understand why you did it and honestly she was a good choice too. I never even noticed she was there.”

“You’re not mad?” 

“Not really. It’s obvious that someone is out to get me but I still need some amount of freedom or I will go crazy. Did she tell you about Jacque?” 

“She told me you made a friend,” Sirius said. 

“He was already my friend by then. He’s from France but has a British Mum so there is no accent when he speaks English. He moved to England after he finished his time at Beauxbatons. Well, he lives around where the Dursleys live so we ran into each other. I didn’t even know he was a wizard until I met him in Diagon Alley.”

“I’m not trying to rain on your parade but that seems a little suspicious, Pup.” 

“I know,” Harry sighed. “But he has had four chances to kill me and so far I’m alive. I think he’s good in that sense. The reason I’m telling you this is because I want to see him before going back to Hogwarts. When he heard I had never been to the Cinema he was adamant that he should change that. We can discuss it with Tonks as well so we can do it on her day off as long as she doesn’t interrupt.” 

“That seems fair to me Pup,” Sirius said. “I’ll have to ground you again you know.” 

“I really have an attitude problem it seems,” Harry said dryly.


	8. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's a long one!  
> Vonpelt helped once again on making this even better than it otherwise would have been <3 Much love <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry had finally managed to find a day that fit both Jacque and Tonks before the month was up. It had been surprisingly easy but when one of them was only reachable by owl and the other one was doing long shifts at the Ministry it was hard to coordinate especially when you were trying to keep it a secret from everybody else. He even had to coordinate with Sirius to choreograph a big argument which would get him ‘grounded’ again. The hardest part about that was toeing the line between believable and hurtful. Both of them had vowed to not let their anger rule them and Harry had never felt closer than he did during their workouts in the mornings. 

Tonks had even started joining them in the mornings where she didn’t have to get in until later in the day. Those mornings had managed to simultaneously be the most and least productive for Harry. Sirius would tease him about his added enthusiasm whenever Tonks was out of earshot and Harry would get distracted by the tight fitting sports bra and legging which hugged her firm rear whenever she moved. 

Harry wondered idly whether Tonks or Jacque had the best set of abs. Tonks was built like an amazon except for her height. She was only an inch taller than Harry, but he would still grow a few, or at least he hoped so. And Tonks could probably morph taller if she wanted to. 

He had tried not asking anything about her abilities. It was obvious from her comments that they were a sore spot for her. Harry didn’t want to dreg up old wounds, so all of his questions were kept to himself. One thing for sure was that any muscles she had were part of her own hard work and not a byproduct of her ability, which made them even hotter to Harry. He was certain you could bounce a galleon of any part of her body. 

In a way her body had become the ideal he was striving for. There was not a single part of her which didn’t look perfectly sculpted. He was sure he could get there if he kept at it while he was at Hogwarts, or at least put forth a good effort. With plenty of food and the right training he was certain he could achieve it as well. He and Tonks had quite the similar body type, both were slender and lithe, but she had the muscles he wanted.

It was the day of Harry’s date with Jacque and Tonks had joined them once more, however this time around she wasn’t focused on helping him train. 

“So, are you ready for your date?” she teased.

“Tonks, you do realize that we are both blokes, right?”

“I know. There is nothing wrong with that.” 

“Except that it would be illegal for us to be together like that. I’m sure nothing bad would happen if people thought that I was out on a date with a guy.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

Harry just scoffed at her naivety. Vernon hadn’t taught him much but if there was one source that was reliable when it came to anything ‘freakish’ it was him. It was somewhat ironic that a man who vaunted normalcy would have such a vested interest in the unnatural. 

“Trust me. It would be bad, not Azkaban, but I don't fancy being chased through London by the vice squad. Not that it's a date. He just wanted to show me the Cinema because I've never been to one. We already talked about this. We’ll catch a late lunch then go see whatever film he has chosen and I’ll be back in time for dinner.” 

“Alright, alright. Still you owe me for this. I could have gone out on a date, instead I am stuck babysitting you from a distance.”

“I thought you had sworn off dating. Something about how all men are pigs and women are just jealous bints who can’t see past their own inflated ego for long enough to actually get to know you.”

“So, you  _ do  _ listen,” Tonks smiled. "But that was just me joking. It's not as if there's only idiots out there - I just have the worst luck when it comes to picking dates."

“Of course I listen. You’re my friend Tonks. Almost like a big sister. You do know that Sirius and I are going to give our permission before it gets serious with a guy.” 

“Bah! You’re as bad as my Mum.”

“Well, she is Sirius’s cousin. Must be a family thing.” 

“How do you fit into that?”

“I’m Sirius’s godson of course. That practically makes me family.”

“I see. Just as long as it goes the other way.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure it does,” Harry laughed before running out of the room.

“Get your arse back here!”

“Nope!” Harry shouted from the stairwell. “I’m going to take a shower and get ready.” 

Tonks slumped down on the floor with a small smile on her face that slowly changed into a grimace. A loud groan escaped her lips. 

“What’s up?” Sirius asked. “I just saw Harry running up the stairs.”

“It’s nothing. He just ran me ragged. He’s really growing fast. You’ve done an excellent job with him. I swear his pecs are almost as good as mine already. That stuff Mum brewed must be hella potent.” 

“You don’t sound physically tired, Tonks.” Sirius descended down on one knee and looked her in the eye. “I can tell that something is bothering you for a few days now, and it was not a workout Mad-Eye would describe as warm-up. "

"It's nothing."

"It's clearly not nothing. Look, I've missed out on most of Harry's life and in most memories I have of you, your Hogwarts letter was still years away. Let me make up for that, let Uncle Sirius help you.”

“It’s not fair when you play the family card, you know that? It’s the one thing Mum regrets you know. Not being closer to you and the rest of the family. She still sometimes talk about how she would like to connect to Aunt Narcissa or help Bellatrix of all people. I mean, I get where she is coming from, hell I even remember her giving me a stuffed unicorn, but look at what she has done. And yet, Mum wants to help the batshit insane sadistic torturer who scares the Auror recruits worse than the bloody dementors. Think of all the Muggleborn she has on her conscience -”

“I think Bellatrix is more of an all people murdering kind of girl.”

“So, not the point. She still wants to help her. Family means everything to Mum and she made me feel the same about it. So, when you play the family card I can’t not tell you.”

“Go on then. I won’t judge.”

“I - I’ve got something to confess,” Tonks sighed deeply. Maybe something about them looking into each others’ eyes and Tonks seemingly searching for something while Sirius just waited for her to figure out what she wanted to say “I - I’m Jacque.”

“What?!” 

“It was the only way I could meet Harry without the Order turning me away. You’ve got to understand that, after you asked me to, I tried to meet him as I was but Shack adamantly told me that it was against Dumbledore’s orders. Then I went in a different disguise, but Shack knew what was up. So, I had to think out of the box and when I say out of the box I mean  _ out of the box _ .”

Tonks morphed into Jacque in front of Sirius before morphing back into Tonks.

“I didn’t even know that was possible,” Sirius whistled.

“It wasn’t, at least not like this! I was fucking desperate because clearly something was wrong since Harry sent you that letter and they would not let me in. I had to do something, Shack saw through my usual tricks and before I knew it, something in my brain just clicked and boom Jacque happened.”

“I don’t see what the problem is,” Sirius said hesitantly. “Harry needed a friend and frankly I am just happy that Jacque isn’t someone unknown.”

“But I had to invent a completely bogus backstory for him.” 

“Did you ever lie to him?”

“Of course, every time I talk to him. My name is not Jacque, the whole background - “   
  
“No, I mean about the important stuff,” Sirius interrupted before his niece could gather more steam. “No one cares about which school you went to once you get out of there. Did you stay  _ you _ when you were with him?”   
  
“I tried to stay as close to the truth as possible, I even told him I work in law enforcement.”   
  
“So Jacque is literally just how you would have been if you were born as a boy?”

“I suppose you could say that… Jacque is a couple of years younger, but his story is almost parallel to mine. His parents are a lawyer and a healer. I had to keep it simple to keep it straight. Our interests are the same; we both - I care about Harry and want to make him smile. I guess that would be one way to look at him. I think I’m a little more masculine than I am as Tonks but otherwise I’m me.”

“Then I really don’t see the problem. You know enough about Harry’s life that this wouldn’t even be in his top twenty of weirdest shit happening around him. He outflew a dragon for Merlin’s sake. Most people don’t even meet a dragon in their whole life and he got up close and personal with one  _ on a broom _ . A WOODEN BROOM!”

“I still think that what I did was wrong.”

  
“Harry doesn’t do well with secrets but you don’t really have a choice unless you want him to hate you.”

“You’re not really helping here.” 

“What do you want me to say?” Sirius sighed in frustration. “Look, you should have seen the way he talks about Jacque - ehm you. Fuck, this is confusing. How do you want me to handle this?”

“I think of it in terms of him and me - sometimes,” Tonks explained and ran a hand through her hair, trying to find the right words. She had no idea what she was doing, nevermind how to tell someone else what she was thinking. “It’s easier. Sirius I don’t just morph to look like a guy. I morph  _ into  _ a guy with the plumbing and everything. Do you have any idea how weird it is to suddenly have a cock?”

“Not really, kind of grew up with mine.”

“It’s really weird, trust me. I figured out that I could do it as a teenager, but it’s not something I need very often, you know,” Tonks quipped and took a deep breath. “So, I should just keep this going?” 

“I’d say so. Maybe if it feels like the right time you could tell him but right now he just needs a real friend no matter how he looks.”

“You’re right. He’s had it too tough this summer for me to throw this on top of him. I need to shower. I’m meeting up with Harry soonish.” 

“You’re doing the right thing.” 

Tonks walked out without saying anything. She wasn’t so sure she was anymore, but then again nobody beside herself had the full story of what was really going on between her alter-ego and while Jacque revelled in it, Tonks felt ashamed of herself for allowing it to go so far. Especially since those feelings did not stop anymore when she was Tonks again.

Harry looked himself over in the full mirror in his room. He had given up on taming his hair and had instead gone for a more windswept, mussed look to it. He had chosen to wear the leather pants that Jacque seemed to love and a forest green shirt with the charcoal grey coat on top. He had dorned the ankle boots as well. They weren’t as tall as the ones he had seen on Jacque and they were slimmer in the front but they looked cool if you asked Harry, and they even managed to make him a little taller. He was certain that he was going to get Jacque going. 

He was interrupted in his musings by a knock on the door. He went over and pulled it open to find Sirius standing on the other side. 

“Damn, pup, you are pulling out the full stops.” 

“I won’t be able to wear this when I’m at Hogwarts,” Harry said. “I like the look but I don’t think my friends are ready to see me like this, and I don’t want to sit through another interrogation. And these are the first clothes I ever got for myself, so I want to enjoy wearing them a few times before Hogwarts. What do you think of the boots?”

“They are a bit slimmer than I would have chosen myself but I’m completely down with your choice in style. You dress like I did your age.”

“How did my father dress?” 

“He was more of a shirt and slacks with leather shoes kind of guy. Everything was all prim and proper. We were both from old families, but his - yours - they were good people, so he had no reason to be as rebellious as I was. He wouldn’t have been caught dead in those pants. Though I think I actually have a pair of my own somewhere if they weren’t burned by my Mum when I ran away. They were made of dragon hide, so maybe they even survived being burned.”

“Cool.” 

“I’ll see if I can find them. You might be able to fit into them and dragon hide lasts forever.”

“Is Tonks ready yet?” 

“She should be done with her shower in a moment. Where are you meeting Jacque?” 

“In front of the Leaky Cauldron. Tonks will apparate us there and then she will watch from a distance.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Sirius nodded. “I’m glad that you’re not fighting me on this. It’s really reassuring to know that she is around to watch out for you even if you can take care of yourself. 

“I know. Don’t worry Sirius. I asked Tonks to help me put a hood in the coat. I’m going to have it over my face until Jacque arrives and we can make it to the Muggle side so nobody should get tempted to follow me.”

“That’s good. Can I see?” 

Harry pulled up the hood and waited for Sirius’s reaction. 

“Damn she even charmed it to obscure your face. That’s dead useful.” 

“I know. She told me that nobody would be able to see my face through normal means. Of course Moody’s eye would be able to see directly through it but it will take care of most things.”

“You two have thought of everything. When do you think you’re going to be back?”

“Jacque said the film lasted until around dinner time, so if he wants maybe we’ll grab dinner at the Cauldron and then Tonks can apparate us back here.”

“Alright,” Sirius pulled Harry into a tight hug. “Just promise me that you’ll be careful.”

“My wand is strapped to my right forearm and I’ll have it in my hand with a flick of my wrist. Jacque is law enforcement too. He’ll be able to handle most situations.”

“I know. I know. You’ll come straight back after that alright? No staying out until past midnight or anything.”

“Dammit Sirius, I’m fifteen not twenty-one.”   
  
“I know, I remember what I was like that age, and that’s what worries me. Midnight would have been long gone before I thought about coming home.”   
  


“Okay, I’m going to head downstairs under my cloak. Tonks will open the door for us and we’ll make it out without being suspicious that way. And remember, if anyone asks our argument was about how you were not my Dad and you had no right to tell me what to do.” 

“I got it. Jeez, pup. It’s not my first Kelpie wrestling. I’ve been an alibi for your Dad more times than you can imagine. First rule of pranking is to always have an Alibi when shit hits the fan, and yours needs a bit of polish. Don't worry, I got this.” 

“I just don’t want to be stopped or to answer the questions about where I’ve been if someone found out. Jacque is my little secret. Well, our little secret including Tonks, I suppose. I don't think the others would react well if they found out.”

“Alright, pup. Get going. I’ll magically seal your room. I’ll tell everybody that it is silenced so you can’t hear anybody from the inside as well.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” 

“I try,” Sirius ruffled his hair.

“Oi! I spent time on that.”

“Just give up on it. James tried for years and even Sleekeazy’s made by your Granddad was not strong enough for the Potter hair. They have been trying for centuries to tame that hair and they haven’t even gotten close yet.”

“I didn’t know my Granddad made Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion.” 

“Oh yeah, good old Fleamont did that. He was kind of a genius in his own rights with potions. James never had the patience for it.” 

“Hermione used that potion on her hair at the Yule Ball. I don’t know if I should be impressed by the Potter hair or angry. I should get a proper haircut too. Maybe it will help if I cut it short in the sides so it didn’t look so mop-ish?”

“Cutting your hair short for the sake of taming it is rather pointless. Sure, it can't be messy with a buzz cut, but do you really want to sport one? Besides, you’re barking up the wrong tree,” Sirius said. “I’ve had my hair shoulder length for most of my life. That’s just how the Blacks do it. The males at least. I think most of the pureblood families have a tradition for long hair. You’ve seen the Malfoys. Hell even my cousin Narcissa has a bit of blond in it now.”

“Is everybody related to everybody?” 

“The Blacks are. At least for the past four generations there have been a lot of children in the family. So a lot of them married into other families. My grandfather’s sister is Molly’s aunt and such things. Arthur has a Black grandmother or something. There is a tapestry in the sitting room we could have a look at.” 

“Some other time. I really need to get going.”

Harry disappeared under his Invisibility Cloak and made his way downstairs to the hallway. Tonks was dressed in a casual black t-shirt and some ripped jeans and her all too familiar boots and a slightly faded jean vest with frayed sleeve holes. Harry tapped her on the shoulder and chuckled softly when she jumped and squealed at the surprise.

“Don’t do that,” she hissed. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Yeah, same alley?”

“Sounds good.” Tonks whispered before turning to talk to Sirius. “I’ll be leaving now. Thanks for letting me stay over tonight.”

“You know you’re always welcome.”

“Where’s Harry? I want to say goodbye.” 

They had both noticed the ears hanging down from the upper floors.

“We had an argument.” 

“Again? What was it this time?” 

“He felt like I was smothering him and he said some pretty hurtful things. He needed to cool off so he has been grounded in his room for the day. I have his wand and he has his books if he gets bored.” 

“What did he say?” 

“He was snide all evening and kept running his mouth. I don't know how Lily's sister has raised him, but she clearly did a horrible job. You've seen how he has been all summer long, not one ounce of respect. And I get that he's angry, I really do, but he has to learn that there is a time and a place for everything.” 

“It’ll be alright. You have to understand that he must feel cooped up having to stay inside here constantly.”

“I know. I feel the same. I’m just happy that I’ve gotten some targets to practice on down in the basement. They really let me blow off some steam when it all gets a bit too much.” 

“You’ll be alright. I’m sure Harry will apologize as soon as he has calmed down.” 

“I know he will. Hell, I wasn’t much better than he was his age.”

“You were better? Shall we ask your mother about that?” Tonks teased.

“Alright alright, get out of here.” 

“I will.” 

Harry hated the way Sirius had talked about being cooped up in the house. It had come a long way since Harry had arrived and he was sure that Dobby could fix up the rest in record time as soon as they left for Hogwarts so it didn’t feel as depressing but it still cut into him that Sirius was as much a prisoner here in his own home as he had been in Azkaban. The silver lining was that he had actual people to talk to. Harry just hoped that there still would be people swinging around after he left for Hogwarts. And perhaps Sirius could sneak out under the same spells he used. They wouldn't hold up under magical scrutiny, but even going to the nearest pub would probably do him a lot of good. Lost in thought, Harry almost forgot to follow Tonks out of the door. 

They had made their way down the street a little while before he broke the silence.

“How much of that do you think is the truth?” 

“I don’t know. He hates being in that house. He literally ran away from it when he was sixteen because it was so horrible. At least that's what Mum told me. He can’t really be happy there and look at the way it looks. Even with the full force of the Weasley’s it hardly looks any better. It’s too soaked in Dark Magic.”

“I helped him get a new house elf. He’ll help set the place straight when I leave for Hogwarts. Could you do me a favour and check in on him regularly?” 

“I’ve actually talked to Mum and Dad about it. I’m still living at their place but we talked about me moving in with Sirius after you guys left. There is enough space for the both of us and I would be more like a roommate than anything.”

“I think he’d like that. Have you thought about a complete renovation of that place? Tear out all the old stuff until you are left with bare walls. Then rebuild it to be less gloomy. No more dark curtains or - "

"Not to rain on your parade, but Sirius can hardly go shopping in Diagon."

"But you two could buy stuff at a furniture shop. Pack everything into bags, shrink those and then assemble everything with magic.

"That's - You know, that's stupid enough that it could actually work. Maybe I'll ask my grandparents for help, they are muggles after all, so a furniture store shouldn't be a problem for them. But enough about furniture, we’re here. You can take the cloak off now.” 

Harry removed the Cloak and stuffed it into an inner pocket that had been slightly enlarged. It easily fit the Cloak and Harry was happy to have it with him at all times.

“Damn you look good, Handsome. If I didn’t know better I would think you had dressed up for a date.” 

Harry blushed and hid his face behind his collar. “It might be a date.” 

“Oh shit. Well Jacque is a lucky guy.” 

“I’m the one that’s lucky. He just makes me feel things. It’s hard to explain. Don’t tell anyone, I don’t want people to know. I get dragged through the mud a lot and I don't want him to go through that. I do  _ not _ need that in my life as well. Jacque knows that and agrees with me. Though I think it is more pity than anything.”

“I don’t think so. I think he might just like you enough to actually care about your feelings.”

“I hope so. I quite like him as well. Apparate us? I don’t want to make him wait.” 

“We’re still early.” 

“I know but if he’s as excited about this as I am then he’ll be early as well.” 

“Just don’t get your hopes up too high. First love doesn’t usually work out.”

“I’m not stupid,” Harry frowned. “I know it might not last, but he’s worth trying my hardest for him.” 

“Damn you’re almost making me jealous. I wished someone would have that attitude towards me.”

“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.”

“If I didn’t know better, I would say you were flirting with me, Mr. Potter.” 

Harry grabbed her arm and right before she twisted, he whispered. “I’ve been a very  _ very _ bad boy.”

When they landed Harry had to wrap his arm around Tonks’s waist and pull her close so she didn’t fall over. 

“Don’t ever do that again,” Tonks half-blushed, half-growled. “I could have splinched us both. Splinching, as in leaving body parts behind.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry looked down on the ground. “I didn’t know.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that you haven’t been taught this stuff. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s fine. I did something stupid you were right to be angry at me. Won’t happen again.”

Harry pulled up the hood, obscuring his face. He walked off towards the Leaky Cauldron and didn’t even check to see if Tonks followed him. He looked around the bar for any sign of Jacque but couldn’t see him. He supposed he was quite early. 

“One butterbeer.”

Tom the Barkeeper bent down behind the bar and came back up with a bottle. “That’ll be three sickles.”

Harry handed over the coins and absentmindedly sipped while he waited for Jacque to arrive. Tonks was probably sitting somewhere down the bar but he didn’t feel like looking around for her. He felt stupid. It had just been a joke, but he hadn’t known what the consequences could have been.. He should have realized that Apparition took some concentration. He needed to apologize again to her but he couldn’t see her when he looked up. Instead his eyes spotted Jacque walking in through the front door. Harry waved to him even if he didn’t pull his hood down. 

“Nice charms work there.” 

“Thanks but it isn’t mine. Friend of mine helped me, she thought it would be a good idea for me when I was out in public. Hope you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all. I see you got yourself comfortable.” 

“Help me finish this and we can get going. Oh and one more thing. I have a babysitter slash bodyguard following us around. She won’t interfere and she is cool but just if you notice something then that will likely be her.”

“Is it someone I know?” 

“Oh yeah, you might. She’s an Auror. Tonks.” 

“Heard about her. Never spoken to her. We don’t really work together since I'm still in training.” 

“I never heard where you worked.”

“I’m a L.E.P.er.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Law Enforcement Patrol. I guess we are closer to policemen really.”

“I’m dating a bloody copper.”

“You are.” Jacque smirked. “I should arrest you for being so…”

“So what?” Harry challenged. His face might be obscured but his voice carried more than enough emotion to tell Jacque that he was just teasing. 

“So criminally cute.” 

“Alright Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You’ve never heard Tenacious D? My Cousin Dudley is a big fan. One of them is called Jack Black.”

“And why is that relevant?” 

“Jack Black. Jacque Noir. You never told me you were in a rock band.”

“I’m not you goof. I’d probably scare you off if I began singing.”

“You cannot possibly be worse than Mermish above water.” 

“And when would you have heard that, Handsome?”

“During the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Had to free a hostage in the middle of the Black lake. I’m seriously surprised you didn’t hear all about the tournament while you were at Beauxbatons.”

“I was busy with my N.E.W.T.s.”

“Fair enough. Trust me Mermish does not sound good above water.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” Jacque grabbed the bottle and finished it off. “Now we can get going.” 

“You look great by the way.” 

Jacque blushed but took the compliment in stride. “You don’t look half bad yourself, Handsome.”

“I know you liked this outfit. Do you think we have time for me to get a haircut? I could really use one.”

“The film doesn’t run for another couple of hours. Never expected to be on a date where my boyfriend decided to get a haircut.”

“Sorry. That was stupid. I’m completely new to this. I ended up treating you like one of my friends.”

“Hopefully not too much like your friends.”

“What do you mean?”

“I plan to snog the living shit out of you as soon as we are somewhere appropriate. I hope you don’t go around kissing your friends.”

Harry gulped loudly and whispered hoarsely. “I don’t.”

“Good,” Jacque purred. “Now come on Handsome let’s see if someone can do something about that mop of yours.” 

Jacque pulled Harry out of his seat and towards the door leading to Muggle London. They made their way down a couple of blocks before Harry pulled off his hood and sent a shy but full smile towards Jacque.

“I’ve missed you.” 

Harry manages to wrap his arm around Jacque’s waist in time before he falls face first onto the pavement. 

“Don’t spring it on a - guy like that. I thought you were going to give me a heart attack.” 

Harry just smiled in response and let go. He bemoaned the loss of contact but he knew he couldn’t openly touch his boyfriend without people staring or even calling them out. So he restrained himself to the best of his ability even if he had managed to get a good feel of Jacque’s abs. They were as glorious as last time. 

“I swear I’ve seen a barber down this way. You don’t care especially about where we end up do you?” 

“Not really. I’m just happy to have a chance to spend time with you.” 

“You got to stop doing that, Handsome.”

“Doing what?” 

“Making me fall for you.”

“And why would I stop that Wonderboy? Shouldn’t I be trying to make you fall for me?” 

Jacque looked around before he found a somewhat secluded alley and dragged Harry into it. He cast a series of spells before he pressed Harry up against the closest wall and attacked him with his lips and hands. Harry’s fingers ran through Jacque’s brown locks and kneaded his scalped as he lost himself in passion. He unknowingly started grinding himself against the leg that Jacque had placed between his.

Jacque’s hands unbuttoned a few buttons in Harry’s shirt and found burning hot skin under his finger tips. He ran his nails over Harry’s even more pronounced six pack and moaned loudly into his mouth. One of Harry’s hands trailed down Jacque’s face to his neck to his chest before he balled a fistful of t-shirt into it and pulled him closer. The other hand fell from Jacque’s hair as well and wrapped Jacque around his waist before resting just short of Jacque’s arse.

“Fuck. You get me all worked up.” Jacque whispered into Harry’s ear after they broke apart. “You have no idea what you are doing to me and you keep doing it over and over and over and…  _ over again _ .”

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

“And there you are again. How am I supposed to respond when you are literally just a dream guy falling into my lap. I want to ruin you, corrupt you and keep you for myself.”

“Then do it.” 

“You know we can’t. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to? Oh Morgana I want to. If you were sixteen…”

“Remember the law?”

“Fuck the law, I want to see what that vice squad can do against a wit-zard.” 

“Then why wait.” 

“Because sixteen is the youngest I am comfortable with. You don’t yet realize the full ramifications of what that would do to you, to us. Next year if you still want me by then… until then kissing and snogging and some heavy petting will have to do.”

“Okay. I’ll trust you to know what is best.”

“And there you go and do it again. Do you know how frustrating it is for me when you are one of the few people who didn’t immediately try to do something to me whether or not I was okay with it? You treat me like I’m a real person with emotions and wants and thoughts. There aren’t a lot of people outside of my family who actually respect my boundaries.” 

“You respect mine.”

In Harry’s mind that was all that needed to be said so he just leaned forward and pulled Jacque into another kiss. This one shorter, less heated, more in control but no less emotional.”

“How can that be only your fifth kiss? You are literally sending shivers down my spine with those lips, Handsome. It’s cheating.” 

“Come on,” Harry chuckled. “Let’s move or we won’t ever manage to leave this alleyway.”

Jacque audibly growled but waved his wand to clear the opening once more. Harry grabbed his hand and squeezed it before walking down the street once more. He found the swirling sign of a barber and checked his appearance over in a shop window before walking in. He had a sneaking suspicion that Jacque was doing the same thing behind him.

“What can a do for ya?” 

“I need a haircut. Something shorter in the side and longer on the top.”

“Ye looking for a mullet?” 

“Oh god no,” Jacque exclaimed. 

“No no. It’s more of a front thing. “I’ve got this scar on my forehead and I’d like to have the options to hide it in a tasteful way.” 

Harry pulled up his fringe.

“Aye that looks almost angry. I see yer point lad. Sit in the chair, this shouldn’t take long.” 

Harry sat down in the chair and felt the barber take a come to his hair.

“This might just be tha most resistant hair I’ve ‘ad to work with in a while.” 

“Family curse I’m afraid. Granddad made hair products to no avail.”

“No worries lad. I’ll sort ya right out. If ya don’t mind me asking how did ya manage to get that scar?”

“It’s stupid really.”

“Barber’s code. We don’t tell others.” 

“I fell on a jagged piece of glass. Cut my face right up. Never really healed properly.”

“I can see that. Don’t ya worry. I’ve learned that chicks dig scars.” 

“Is that true Jacque?” Harry asked innocently.

“Mmh - what? Oh.. yeah, I had a friend who had to beat off the birds with a stick after he got into a bad fight.”

“Good to know,” Harry chuckled. “Got a few more, maybe they’ll dig those as well.”

“Must be some good stories behind those.”

“I had a run in with a big snake. It bit me in my right arm. Still got the scar from where the fang entered. Thankfully I got an antidote in time or maybe I wouldn’t be here.”

“Sounds wild.” 

“It was. Had to save a friend’s sister though she had gotten a bit too close. So, I kind of just jumped in to pull her away. Got bitten for my troubles. We managed to get rid of the snake but I don’t fancy going for another round.”

“Don’ blame ya. Sounds terrifying.”

They continued to trade idle banter until the Barber stopped cutting. Harry hadn’t had a good Haircut in forever and the result really showed. He looked a lot better now than he had before. 

“What do you think, Jacque?” 

“It looks… good. Very handsome, you might not need more scars for birds to fancy you now.”

“Thanks. How much do I owe you?”

“A fiver. You dropped in when there wasn’t much traffic and I like ya.” 

Harry handed over a five pound note and said goodbye. Harry enjoyed the glances Jacque kept sending to his new haircut. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Jacque huffed. 

“You are literally undressing me with your eyes. It feels good to know that you find me attractive. How far until the Cinema?” 

“Not long. We’re good on time as well.”

“What are we watching?” 

“Die Hard with a Vengeance,” Jacque said. 

“Isn’t that the third movie in the series? My cousin gloated to me about seeing the other two.” 

“So? It’s still one of the greatest series ever made. Please tell me you’ve seen the others.”

“I’m afraid not.” 

“I’m so going to show you the first two after this. The way John McClain fights to save everyone in the Nagasaki Tower. It’s pure adrenalin on the screen. You’ll love it.”

“If you say so.” 

“I do say so! Trust me. You won’t be able to take your eyes off the screen.”

“Depends.” 

“On what?” 

“On how distracting your beautiful face is.” 

“Oh shut it,” Jacque said lamely, his cheeks now rosey. “You’re just saying that.”

“Cross my heart I mean it.” 

“I don’t believe you. We there’s still more than an hour until it starts. Do you want to grab something to eat first?”

“Sure, I can eat.” 

“Great. I’m starving. Spent the morning working out and I hadn’t managed to eat yet.”

“Let’s find a place near the cinema and go there. What do you feel like eating?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my question? You can decide.”

“I’ve got no clue what’s good. Surprise me.”

“Feels like I’m doing all the work in this relationship. I pick the film and I pick the place to eat. I even have to initiate the kissing.” 

“That’s so not true.” 

“Okay maybe not the last part,” Jacque teased. “God I want to snog you silly. I want to run my fingers over your body and rip that shirt off your chest so I can have my wicked way with you.” 

Harry just smiled indulgently at him. Sometimes Jacque just couldn’t be described with any other word but cute. It was like he was an excitable little animal that was foraging for food. In this case Harry was the food and Jacque was constantly being denied it. Or denying it himself. 

Harry grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers, running circles on the back of Jacque’s hand with his thumb. 

“What happened to doing nothing in public?”

Harry released his hand after giving it one more squeeze. “You’re right. It’s not a good idea. I heard that Cinemas were dark though. So I’ll be getting my fill there. You - you aren’t the only one having a  _ hard _ time holding back, you know?”

Harry kept looking around and taking in the sights, much to Jacque’s endearment and amusement. Harry couldn’t help himself, he had never been allowed to just walk around and have a look. The Dursleys had never taken him anywhere, well except for that one time at the Zoo where Harry had vanished the glass to a rather big boa constrictor. He chuckled slightly to himself.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Oh it’s nothing. Just remembered the last time I was out like this.” 

“When was that?”

“Dudley’s eleventh birthday. You wouldn’t even believe what happened.”

“Try me.” 

“... and then it just slithered out on the floor hissing  _ thanksss Amigo _ .”

“Ehm… going to need a bit of translation on that one,” Jacque teased.

“Right, sorry. I haven’t gotten all that good of a grasp on it. Don’t usually go around talking to snakes. Haven’t really had any practice. I think the number of snakes I’ve spoken to can be counted on one hand, and one wanted me as her lunch. The one in the zoo said thanks amigo.” 

“Not that I’m complaining but why haven’t you used it more?” 

“It reminds people of Voldemort.” 

“I really hate it when you say that name.”

“I’ll try my best not to, Wonderboy. But I guess it’s because it’s considered dark - " 

"It's not dark, it's how he found his enemies. Only Dumbledore and his allies dared to say  _ his _ name, so he created a spell which allowed him to track down anyone who spoke it. No one has figured out how that spell worked, not even a decade after his fall. Which is also the reason why  _ he _ was so feared, it does not take a lot of dark magic to kill someone, but the spells  _ he _ used were not from this world. I've seen pictures during my training which were worse than any horror movie."

"Most people do freak out when I say  _ it _ .”

“I guess I can understand that. The adults probably remember what happened to those who said  _ that _ name, and they told their children to avoid it at any cost,” Jacque explained before a mischievous smile appeared on his face. “Though I have a good idea on how you could put that particular skill to good use.”

“What do you - but - Fuck… Jacque. Are you deliberately trying to drive me insane?” 

“Maybe.” 

Harry watched as Jacque skipped forward down the sidewalk leaving him to shake his head clear of the thoughts he had put into it. He had never thought of using his ability for that before nor had he even thought about that possibility before either, and now it was the only thing on his mind. Harry loved the way Jacque could turn anything bad in his life into something good. Maybe he should find a snake to talk to so he got some more practice. Preferably one that wouldn’t try to kill him.

Jacque had stopped in front of a curry shop and gestured with his arms like he was saying  _ how about this place? _

“I’m good with whatever,” Harry nodded. “I’m up for trying new things. I’m surprised you would choose this place though. From what I know about french people, admittedly that isn’t a lot but they didn’t seem to like food with heavy flavours.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Fleur Delacour. You must know about her. I don’t believe there was anyone at Beauxbatons who didn’t know about her.”

“Oh I know about her. You two close?” 

Harry gently caressed his cheek. “I suppose but not in that way. Fleur and I have a bit of history. Our first meeting she called me a  _ leetle boy _ and was downright nasty. It wasn’t until after the second task when I saved her little sister that we began talking. By the end of the year we were friends but not really all that close. There is no reason to be jealous of her.”

“But her allure?” 

“Doesn’t really work that way on me. It’s like something in the back of my mind drawing my gaze but I can easily ignore it. It’s like a lust induced imperius curse.” 

“And how would you know how that feels?” 

“Oh, I’m three for three with the Unforgivables,” Harry shrugged nonchalantly. “ _ He  _ has gotten the full three in our dealing with each other. The Imperius doesn’t really work on me anymore. I even managed to throw off Voldemort’s.” 

“Wow… Is it wrong of me to find that a little hot?”

Harry laughed. “Probably but I’ll take what I can get.” 

“We need to eat quickly so I can get you into a dark room. You’re killing me here.” 

Harry watched in fascination as Jacque showed their tickets to the person working in the Cinema. It was a magnificent building with large red carpets and opulent columns. It was simultaneously suffocating and inviting. 

“We need to get popcorn!” Jacque said suddenly. “Sorry about that.” 

“Don’t worry about it. The film won’t start for ten more minutes. We just open up the room a little early for people to take their seats.” 

Jacque rushed towards the little shop and returned with two plastic cups and a large bag off popcorn. 

“Never had those before,” Harry muttered absentmindedly.

The look of horror on Jacque’s face could only be described as cute by Harry. He unconsciously began to chuckle which turned into a full belly laughter making Jacque pout.

“It’s not funny. How can you not have had Popcorn before?”

“My relatives seldomly let me have anything nice, and my boarding school experience didn’t really serve popcorn. Did they have them at yours?” 

“No. But Popcorn?!”

“Well you are treating me now aren’t you? No harm done.” 

“I’m going to show you all of the great things, Handsome. I swear to you that I will rock your world.”

Harry leaned in close and whispered. “You do that every second I spend with you already.”

Harry pulled back with a half smirk on his lips. He grabbed one of the plastic cups from Jacque’s hands and walked into the theater while Jacque opened and closed his mouth, a blush firmly set on his face. 

“I swear I’ll get you back for that.” 

“Oh I’m counting on it. Now where are our seats?” 

“Up in the back. That corner. You take the innermost seat and I’ll sit down on the outside.”

“Why aren’t we more in the middle? Dudley always said those were the best seats.”

“With what I have planned I think you would prefer it if we were out of the way.” 

“Jacque…” Harry groaned when he felt a hand squeeze his arse. 

“Shush - sit down already. My arm feels like it’s falling off here.” 

Harry sat down and reached out for the popcorn and placed it in his lap. He had already figured out that the seats came with a cupholder. That had been convenient. He was a little surprised to see Jacque pull out his wand and wave it around their seats.

“What was that for?” 

“Just to make us a little less noticeable.”

“And why would we need that?” 

“You’ll know,” Jacque purred. 

Harry felt a shiver run down his spine and the roots of his hair tingling at the way Jacque said those words. He had decided to keep the container of popcorn firmly planted in his lap if what Jacque seemed to promise would come to pass. 

“So should I know anything about proper film going etiquette?” 

“Just keep quiet as best as you can… oh and don’t spill, throw or pour the popcorn anywhere but your mouth. Can you do that?”

“Stop treating me like a child, Jacque.”

“I’m not, you would be surprised what some people do in here.”

“Then what are you doing?” Harry lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m promising you that I won’t make it easy for you to just sit there.”

Harry gulped loudly enough for Jacque to hear earning him an almost girlish giggle and a squeeze just above his knee making him jerk in his seat.

“Oh. I am going to have so much fun,” Jacque licked his lips.

“Nobody is going to notice us?”

“They shouldn’t. Of course we aren’t silenced so if you beco -”

Harry wrapped his hand possessively around Jacque’s neck and pulled him into a searing kiss that sent sparks through his brain. His tongue felt the softness of Jacque’s lips before they parted and allowed him entrance to his mouth. Harry wrapped and caressed his tongue softly around Jacque’s. He held him there until Jacque started to whimper and rub his legs together. His hands trailing up Harry’s leg. Harry pulled back chuckling when he heard the annoyed huff at the popcorn’s placement. 

“Fuck… you…”

“You know you like me. Remember you aren’t the only one who can play those games.” 

“Fine. I’ll try to behave. You’re no fun  _ at all _ .”

“That’s just not true, in fact I think the problem is that I’m a little too much fun.”

“Don’t let it all go to your head. I would hate for it to explode because of your overinflated ego.” 

There was no heat in his voice indicating that it was all in good fun, even if those words could have come from Snape. 

“But seriously. My pants are way too tight for me to handle what you are doing to me.”

“It’s not like I don’t have the same exact problem. I probably shouldn’t have worn leather when I’m around you.”

“Is little Handsome getting squashed by the big bad leather pants?” Jacque teased in a singsong voice. “Such a shame that little Jackie here can’t help you with that without making a mess.” 

“Stop, please… god how am I even supposed to think when you say stuff like that?”

Jacque never managed to give a reply before the lights dimmed even further and sank the theater into darkness. Music came from the walls and Harry’s attention was turned from his incredibly delicious boyfriend to the screen. Harry reached for Jacque’s hand and intertwined their fingers idly rubbing circles around the back of his hand. 

Harry enjoyed the way Jacque would squeeze back at times. His hand felt solid and the callouses on it spoke of hard work and dedication. Harry kept imagining having them run ragged over everything on his body. 

He almost whined when he felt Jacque pull his hand away. 

“Sorry Handsome, it’s getting a little too hot for me, and I also need it to reach for some popcorn. But you are free to rest it on my thigh. Just… just keep it somewhere safe.”

“I can do that.” 

“Thanks. It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me or touch you myself it’s just. It got a little warm and clammy.”

“It’s alright really,” Harry said, showing it by squeezing Jacque’s thigh with his left hand. “I enjoy it just as much here.”

“Good.” Jacque breathed heavily. 

Tonks had a hard time keeping up her morph at the moment. She hadn’t really felt all too warm it was just - Being around Harry and the way his hands felt on her body. She had already morphed back into her and she knew Harry would notice it if they were holding hands. She might be able to pass it off if it was just her thigh and that he didn’t find out about the lack of a certain something between her thigh. She was desperately trying to morph back into Jacque, but right now her body was screaming for her to be Tonks and nothing she did changed that. She at least could keep her chest from expanding to a noticeable degree.

She leaned a little closer and whispered throatily right next to his ear. “I’ve removed all of the charms.” She hoped that he wouldn’t notice the change to her voice. She pinched his leg hard making him spill popcorn all over. "Keep those eyes steady forward. Don't even look at me unless you want people to notice."

She had to force down a girlish giggle that would have given her away completely. At first, Harry looked confused, but his eyes widened as soon as he felt her hand on his thigh. And she didn’t stop there either. Tonks ran one finger down his inner thigh, her thumb stroked his hip bone. She began to trace patterns across his leg, the thin leather of his pants the only thing between her and his skin. 

"Remember, you must not give away what I'm doing."

The fact that Harry could turn to her and see her in Jacque’s place should have terrified her and it did, but it also got her excited. Like her mind subconsciously wanted him to know that she and Jacque were the same. She couldn’t keep herself from running her own hand up and down Harry’s leg. Soft touches that she hoped he wouldn’t notice didn’t belong to Jacque. 

It was tempting to stop the teasing, to throw up the charms and reach down his pants, to rock his world and ruin him for anyone else. To pin him to his chair and - 

While her mind was ripe with wholly inappropriate thoughts, Tonks forced herself to focus on the one thing she could do. And unfortunately for Harry, she had learned a few tricks since the Astronomy classes in her NEWT year. 

Would it be considered cheating if Harry found out about her real-self? She had already tried to keep the two morphs separate but something in the female side of her screamed out to grab and possess Harry just as much as her male side did and she didn’t even know what to do about those feelings. The fact was that both Jacque and Tonks were falling for a fifteen year old boy and they were falling hard. 

And while she was tormented by her conscience, Harry too was suffering. Although unlike her, he had to endure the sweetest agony. His leather pants only made the soft touches worse, yet they always stopped an inch from where he wanted - needed them. 

With supreme effort, Tonks managed to morph back into Jacque before the lights came back on and breathed out a sigh of relief.

“I’m sold,” Harry panted and put the empty popcorn bucket on his lap. There was sweat perling on his forehead and his cheeks were flushed red. 

“What?” 

“I’m sold. I want to watch the first two films. That was great! And the other thing - I don't know if I should eviscerate you with a rusty spoon or snog you senseless.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Handsome. I certainly did too.”

Harry gulped and turned his head away blushing. “What about you? Did you like it as much as the first two.” 

“I’m a Die Hard G-Guy. I’m always down for a bit of McCain. It was wicked!”

“I want to do that all over again.”

“Calm down, you over energetic puppy.” 

Harry sent him a suspicious glance but shook his head. 

“Do you want to grab something to eat?” Harry asked. “I want to talk about the film some more.”

“You got somewhere in mind?” 

“Leaky Cauldron. Remember my bodyguard better known as my babysitter? I promised her that she could get a drink while we ate dinner. She’s doing this on her day off to keep me safe. I owe her for doing that. Do you want to help me pick out something nice for her as a thank you?” 

“Who is she to you and should I get jealous?” 

“I love it when you get all possessive, but no you don’t have to get jealous. Tonks is family. I don’t think of her that way.”

“I'm teasing, not possessive. Trust me you will notice when I'm being possessive," Jacque promised and Harry could only swallow. "It’s still early enough and I’m not really hungry yet. Let’s get this over with before dinner.”

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, no, it’s not that. I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me. In fact I’m glad you told me that you wanted to do it. This way I get a chance to pick something that is appropriate  _ for a friend. _ ” 

Harry ran a caressing hand through Jacque’s hair. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“I’m not so sure myself if I’m being honest,” Jacque ran a hand across Harry’s stomach. “But those pecs definitely helped in your favour.” 

“Those are from the potions, and speaking of that, I could cut potion ingredients on yours.” 

“Sounds like someone enjoys them,” Jacque purred. 

“I more than enjoy them. I would worship them if I could and you know that.”

“And you’re right to…”

Harry reached down and ran his hand under Jacque’s t-shirt. His fingers strumming the muscles in a rhythm only Harry seemed to understand or follow.

“Stop… I can’t…”

“Alright. I’ll stop. Can you apparate us to Diagon Alley?” 

Jacque pulled Harry into an alleyway and wrapped his arms around him pulling him close. A quick kiss and a twist later they landed in the apparition point next to Gringotts.

“Put up your hood. As much as I enjoy looking at your face at all times. It’s probably for the best that you aren’t spotted in the open here.” 

Harry pulled up his hood, obscuring his face. “Do you have any idea where we could go get her a present?” 

“Hmm… not really. We could just stroll up the alley and see if we spot something we think would be suitable.” 

“If you find something you’d like just tell me, okay?” 

“Harry. I couldn’t…”

“Jacque. I have more than enough money to buy you something. I want to buy you something.”

Harry looked around and saw a shop window featuring what looked like leather bracelets and other stuff. He saw the flicker of want from Jacque out of the corner of his eyes. He reached for the handle on the door.

“I don’t think you’ll find something in there for your friend.” 

“I was thinking of finding something for you instead. I saw the way you looked at some of it. I think one of those would look great on you and I must admit that I like the thought of having a more permanent marker on you.” 

Jacque groaned, but reached out to stop him. He couldn’t accept something like this. It looked expensive and he really wasn’t worthy of something like that. Not considering…

Harry, however, just ducked under the outstretched hand and walked in. 

“Hello sir. What can I do for you today?” 

Harry purposely distorted his voice, a deep rasping voice leaving his lips. “What do you fancy wonderboy?” 

The clerk lifted an eyebrow at them, but decided not to say anything. He had seen more than his fair share of clandestine… affairs. It did explain why one of them had his face obscured. He was probably a public figure trapped in a marriage and the boy next to him was his lover.

“You really shouldn’t…”

“I want to treat you to something nice. Something to remember me by. What speaks to you.”

Jacque moved around the displays and his eyes were drawn to a leather band interweaved with obsidians and dark amethysts. He couldn’t keep his eyes off it. It was long enough that it would have to be wrapped around his wrist a couple of times. 

“That one, huh? It would look good on you and not too gaudy. It’s nice. How much for that one?” 

“The stones are somewhat on the cheaper side. The leatherwork hides the flaws in them. That’s why they weren’t used for rings or metal bands. We have more expensive options.”

“No, this is already too much…” Jacque panicked. 

“How much?” 

“Sixty Galleons.”

Harry handed over the coins from his bag and received the band in return. Harry walked over to Jacque. “Give me your arm.” 

“It’s too much.” Jacque couldn’t see Harry’s face because of the hood but he could feel the smugness oozing out of him.

“Your arm. Please. I want you to have it.” 

Jacque extended his left arm and Harry gently wrapped the leather band around three times before securing the clasp. “Do you like it?” 

“It’s beautiful. I’ll always wear it.” 

“Good. Is there something in here that would be appropriate for a friend or should we find some other place?” 

Jacque looked around and spotted some chokers. “How would you describe your friend?”

“She’s got somewhat the same style as you. A bit punkish in style. Heck of a personality on her. Feisty. Good fun.”

“Do you think she would be offended if you gave her one of those?”  _ I wouldn’t be. Fuck I want you to mark me as yours. _ “They’re quite stylish.”

“You don’t think it would send the wrong signal?” 

“Maybe... “  _ Fuck yeah it would send the wrong signal. You don’t even understand how much I want you to send me that signal.  _

“Which one would you pick?”

Jacque ran her hand over the different designs and tapped one.  _ No no no no. Focus.  _ He sighed in relief when the hand morphed back into it’s male form. It had a small pink stone in a fitting that would sit right at the front of a person’s throat.  _ Her throat. _

“This one. It’s not too much.” 

“So it wouldn’t be amiss for a birthday present?” 

“No, that would be fine.” 

“Good. Can I get that one wrapped up in a box or something?” 

“That will be thirty Galleons, sir.” 

Harry handed over the money and took the box. “I still think we need another thank you gift for her today. Something simpler. Women like chocolate, don’t they?”

“They do. Chocolate is always a safe choice.”

“Then let’s go grab some chocolate and then we can grab dinner.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

They had gotten themselves a private room at the Leaky and before they even touched the food Jacque had placed himself in Harry’s lap running his hands through his dark locks pulling him into a kiss. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that since we left the Cinema,” Jacque breathed heavily. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep my hands off of you.”

Harry just smiled at him and wrapped his arms even tighter around his waist. His hands found their way to Jacque’s rear gently rubbing and squeezing the muscles underneath the tight jeans. 

“You’re driving me crazy,” Jacque moaned softly in his ear. 

“I can feel that.” 

“I can feel something poking me,” Jacque grinded his hips. 

“If you don’t get off…”

“What if I don’t get off?” 

“Jacque… love…”

Jacque scrambled backwards away from Harry and looked at him with fear in his eyes. “Don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say stuff like that… god dammit Harry. Don’t say that word. Not yet… I’m sorry I can’t…”

Jacque grabbed his discarded vest and ran out the door leaving Harry alone and confused in the room. He didn’t even know what it was he had said. He kept running the conversation through his head, but he honestly couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong. 

He groaned loudly before pounding the table. He looked at the food but didn’t feel like eating. His appetite gone with Jacque’s departure. 

He pulled his coat back on and obscured his face with the hood. He sat down in the back but didn’t do anything to get Tom the Barkeeper’s attention. He felt a hand on his shoulder and spotted the pink hair. 

“You’re early,” Tonks said with a shaky voice. “Everything go alright?”

“Just peachy. Can we just go? I don’t want to talk about it. Got some stuff to think about.”

“Something Jacque said?” 

“Something like that. Just get us out of here.” 

Harry rose from the chair and walked out of the Leaky Cauldron to the same alleyway, he had arrived in earlier that day. So many things had changed since that time. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. It was eating at him. 

“Hey Tonks… I don’t know what went wrong. Everything was going great.”

“Tell me what happened?” 

“We were up in a private room. Jacque was sitting in my lap. We were…”

“Kissing? Snogging? Ripping each other’s clothes off?”

“Snogging… not the point. Things got heated and I said something but I can’t for the life of me figure out what. He was right there in my lap. He did something and I…”

Harry was far gone inside his thoughts. He didn’t even look up to see the conflicted almost panicked look on her face. 

“Oh fuck…”

“What?” 

“I called him ‘Love’. I didn’t mean it that way… Fuck. No wonder he freaked out. I must have sounded so young and naive. I knew he was hesitant about my age.”

“So, you weren’t about to tell him you loved him?” 

Harry ran a hand through his hair, knocking his hood down with it. Tonks gasped at the despairing look on his face. 

“Of course I wasn’t. I wouldn’t even know how love felt if it hit me repeatedly in the face. Tonks, I’m broken. Nobody has ever loved me so how would I have a clue what love is. Nobody has shown me what love looks like, and now my best chance at finding out ran out because he was reminded that I was just a  _ leetle boy _ . Fuck it. I’m done. I just want to go back and sleep.”

Tonks nodded mutely and grabbed Harry’s arm. He didn’t even react when they landed and threw his Invisibility Cloak over his head without even looking at her. She heard his footsteps moving quickly down the street. She ran to catch up and only just managed to see the door to Grimmauld Place open and close behind an invisible Harry. 

Tonks followed him in and ran up the stairs. She had to come clean. The band around her wrist felt like it was burning into her skin. She had fucked up and it was for the exact reason Harry had pointed out. She had panicked and really seen his age when she had thought he was about to tell him,  _ her _ . 

She had just reached their floor when she ran into Sirius.

“He doesn’t want to see anybody, what happened?” 

“I messed up. I did something stupid. I just want to fix it.”

“Are you going to tell me what it was?” 

“No.”

“How are you planning to ‘fix’ it?” 

“I’m going to tell him everything. He deserves to know. No more secrets. I can’t do that to him. There are enough secrets being kept from him I’m not going to add onto those.”

Sirius pulled her into a hug. “Listen to me. You are not thinking clearly. You need to calm down and think about whether this is the best decision for both of you.” 

“It is. I know it is. Why would there be any reason to keep something like this a secret?”

“Even if the cost of telling him is him hating you, hating me, hating everybody. Even if it will mean breaking his heart?”

“You don’t know that is what would happen. My Harry is stronger than that. He’ll understand. He’ll understand why I didn’t tell him sooner.”

Sirius held her at arm's length and looked her straight in the eyes. His grey meeting her green. He breathed in deeply, thinking about what he should say, what he could say to make her think it over before she stormed off half-cocked like he once had. 

“What happened?” 

“I thought he was going to tell me... It was going well and he didn’t know what he was saying… we both said things we shouldn’t have… and I - I freaked out and ran, but he wasn’t going to do that...” 

“Breathe - You both need to cool your head. Did either of you say something insulting?”   
  
“No!”   
  
“Then you will be fine. Go home Tonks. If you spring this on him now, it won’t be good for anybody. You care more about him than you are willing to admit to yourself. He cares about you too. Maybe in different ways depending on what form you are at the moment, but he still cares about you. He needs a Godfather right now. Wait for him to write before you do anything. Promise me.”

“I promise.”


	9. Last Week Before School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the train continues! 
> 
> Ups and downs in this one <3
> 
> Massive thanks to VonPelt for beta'ing once again <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Sirius had tried his best to get Harry out of his funk but he had been unresponsive to anything Sirius had said or tried since that day. It was like Harry was just going through the motions. He would get up in the morning, do his work out and then sit in the library and read or study. 

He had, however, opened up a little to Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the Twins again. It was like he tried to drown himself in nothing just to keep himself distracted. Harry hadn’t spoken much to either Sirius or Tonks outside of meals and training. 

It was another seemingly normal day when Harry’s attention was drawn by a large number of feets running up the staircase. 

“Come on, Harry. Hogwarts letters arrived,” Ron shouted. “We’re waiting for you in the kitchen. We’ll open them together.” 

“Alright. I’m coming.” 

Harry closed the book he had found on defensive magic and placed it back on the shelf where he had found it. Sirius had gotten Dobby to remove the worst books some time earlier that month so Harry had been given free reign to peruse and take anything that caught his fancy. He had already found a few that he had packed into his new trunk. 

Harry made his way down to the kitchen and ran into Tonks who was leaning against the door. 

“Hey…” 

“Hey. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. It’s just… you remind me of him - he reminds me of you - you get what I mean. It’s just a lot and it makes me miss him. I don’t know how to handle it.”

Tonks bit her lip and nodded. She hated how he looked like a heartbroken puppy. She had been waiting for a letter that never arrived. She wanted to write him as Jacque but she wasn’t sure what to  even put in a letter. The band Harry had gotten for Jacque felt like a chain weight around her heart, a chain that linked her to the misery she had caused by her lies and deceit. She had begun wearing it around her neck hidden away under her shirts, closer to her heart. She was thankful that Harry had ended up picking something long enough for her to do that. She idly ran a finger along the band before catching his eyes. Her fingers dropping down at the sight of him. 

“If you really like him you should write.”

“What’s the point?” Harry sighed. “I’ll be gone tucked nicely away at Hogwarts for most of the year. Let’s face it. It was never meant to be anything. It’s better if I just forget about it. Chuck it up as a summer romance gone wrong... just forget about it, Tonks. I blew it. Jacque will find someone else. He’s beautiful and charming. He can do much better than me.” 

Tonks wanted to throttle him and make him understand that it wasn’t a done thing, that the issue was not what he had said or done. Jacque was still very much interested in continuing whatever it was that they had.  _ She _ was interested in it, as much as she might deny it. 

"Do you always give up this easily? I - I don't know what happened between you two, but surely it can't be worse than the Triwizard Tournament."

"This is not the same."

"So you are more afraid of writing a letter than of a dragon?" The irony of her saying that sentence was not lost on Tonks, but she had been angry at herself for a week now and all she wanted to do was to grab Harry and shake some sense into him because she had been the one who messed up. Well, that or snog him senseless.

"The dragon couldn't crush me like that letter could."

"I'm pretty sure that the dragon could have also crushed you," she quipped and it said a lot about Harry that this drew a smile from him. The first smile in days. 

"Harry, hurry up, there's a letter for you!" 

" _ Coming! _ Looks like I have to get in there. But Tonks - Thank you, you have been a great friend."

Harry rushingly grabbed Tonks in a one-armed hug and squeezed her shoulders for a second. She breathed in deeply filling her head with a familiar scent,  _ his scent. _ Her fingers twitched and her hands were stuck between touching his stomach or pulling him into a full hug - and then he was gone. Leaving her with a sense of loss and frustration. The hug had been awkward, rushed as if it physically hurt Harry to show any signs of affection for her. The contrast to when he was with Jacque wounded her more than she would ever be comfortable admitting. 

Harry was handed a Hogwarts envelope from Hermione who looked at her own as if it was going to burn her alive. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Fifth year is the year they pick the prefects. What if I get it? What if I don’t get it?”

“Relax Hermione,” Harry chuckled. “You’re getting it.” 

“You can’t be sure about that!” 

Harry looked around the table and saw the mirthful looks in Fred and George’s eyes. Ginny was looking rather bored even if she was sending what she thought was subtle glances. He seriously hoped that she would stop doing that. She had been better this summer whenever she had spoken to him, almost normal. Ron was looking pale and clammy. He didn’t honestly believe that he had a chance at being prefect, did he? He had the lowest grades out of all of them and got into no less trouble. Not that Ron was stupid, he was simply lazy. The only reason he had managed to pass so far was because Hermione had literally forced him to do his homework and study for his exams. Although admittedly, Harry had not done much better in the scheme of things but he was the winner of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. _The only surviving winner_ , a thought betrayed him in his mind. _Cedric won as well._

Harry shook his head and opened up his envelope. Inside was the normal booklist for the year.

“Only two new books.  _ The Standard Book of Spells, Grade five  _ by Miranda Goshawk, and  _ Defensive Magical Theory,  _ by Wilbert Slinkhard.”

Harry turned over the envelope but there wasn’t any prefect badge hiding anywhere. He supposed that Dean or Seamus had gotten it then. Neville was hardworking, but terribly shy. Probably Dean, since he put in more effort than Seamus and got decently good grades. Thinking about it Dean was the obvious -

A large squeal interrupted his thoughts and Harry’s head snapped towards Hermione.

“I’m prefect!”

“Of course you are,” Harry said. “Highest grades. Impeccable sense of duty and authority prone, well for the most part. There really wasn’t -” 

“Did you get it too?” she interrupted.

“I got it…” a disbelieving Ron said from across the table. “I got it?” 

Harry, Fred and George all snapped their heads towards him. They shared an incredulous look but soon had to wince due to the booming sound of Mrs. Weasley’s voice.

“Oh Ronald! I’m so proud of you. Another prefect in the family! Just like all my other sons.” 

“And what are we supposed to be?” 

“Flubberworms?” 

Harry chuckled at their comments. He looked at his friend, trying to understand what had made Professor McGonagall pick him. He couldn’t see it. There was nothing about Ron which made him worthy of the badge. He just didn’t measure up to it. This had got to be a joke.

“We thought you would have gotten it,” Fred said. 

“Must have broken too many rules,” George continued.

“A few too many adventures.” 

“Couldn’t let a fun guy like that become prefect.”

“I suppose they couldn’t,” Harry said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. 

He firmly looked anywhere but at Ron. It just wasn’t fair. Harry had done so much for the school. Fighting off a Dark Lord every other year. Killing a literal monster snake single handedly keeping the school from closing. Brought glory to the school. What the fuck did Ron do to deserve that badge?! Sure, he had been along for most of the way, but in the end it always came down to Harry. And during the previous year, Ron had done - nothing. Hermione might have been able to give him a run for his money in the second and third tasks, but she could probably pass her OWLs at this point. Other than that, no one from their year would have stood a chance, while Harry had not only survived, but against all odds, won the Tournament. Supposedly won eternal glory, but apparently that was not even enough to get a bloody badge. 

“Give your book lists here,” Mrs. Weasley said. “I’ll go pick them all up for you.”

Harry got pulled out of his musings. “Mrs. Weasley. I could do with a run in Diagon Alley myself. I need to stock up on potion ingredients and maybe get some new quills as well.”

“Oh no, dear,” Mrs. Weasley said hurriedly. “That is much too dangerous. It’s better if I just go about buying everything by myself. No need to worry about that.” 

“Well then. I only need the new defence book. I already picked up the new charms book. Let me just go get some money for it.” 

“There’s no need for that.”

“I insist,” Harry said forcefully. “I should have more than enough leftover from my last time at Gringotts.” 

It wasn’t that he wanted to be difficult, but the key Mrs. Weasley had, had been deactivated and he didn’t want to have that conversation with her. Not that he was suspecting her of stealing from him,but Sirius and Tonks had made it clear that you didn’t give out your key to anyone, no matter how much you might trust them. You only gave a key to family and, after last year, Harry had long since stopped considering the Weasley’s as family. They were closer to family friends, but there was a distinct line between them. Sirius and Tonks by extension was more family than the Weasleys were to him now. Maybe even Mrs Tonks considering what she had done for him. 

Harry stalked up the stairs and grabbed his money pouch from his coat. He fished out ten galleons. That should be enough for him to get basic supplies plus a single book. He had let the control of his emotions go by the time he walked out of the door.

“That bad, huh?” 

“Sirius!?” Harry schooled his expression again and even put on a fake smile.

“You don’t have to pretend with me kid. Go give the coins to Mrs. Weasley and then let’s have a talk. You look downright miserable at the moment. That is not a suggestion.” 

“Fine!”

Harry arrived back in the kitchen and heard the last of Ron’s sentence.

“... maybe a broom? Not a new fancy one, but Cleansweep has this new model.” 

Harry put the coins down on the table and tried to leave again before being stopped but he felt Fred and George’s arms across his shoulders.

“Don’t let it get you down. Neither Fred or I got the badge. That went to Lee. Though we have no idea how he managed to finesse that, he's along for every bit of mischief we cause.”

“Might have been because he hasn’t been caught so often.” 

“That might be it. Still, don’t let it get you down too much and don’t take it out on Ron. I know he can be a git and last year didn’t make it better, but remember it wasn’t like he asked for it, okay? He did not give out the badges, the old battle axe does.” 

“I know,” Harry exhaled loudly. “Look, Sirius wants to speak with me about something. I appreciate you guys trying to cheer me up.” 

“No problem, and if he becomes too much of a git like the one we don’t mention. We could always just prank him.”

“Put itching powder in his underwear.”

“Change his hair colour to green.”

“A little bit of burping concoction in his morning juice.”

Harry snorted involuntarily at the mental imagery the twins were painting for him. “Thanks.”

“As we said. It’s really no problem. You’re our secret investor after all.”

“Maybe Dumbledore found out about that?”

“Can’t have the new prefects funding a joke shop.” 

Harry shook his head and walked up the stairs. “I put ten galleons on the table. Tell your Mum there to pay for my stuff.”

“Got it!”

With heavy footsteps, Harry made his way to Sirius’s room. Fred and George had tried their best to cheer him up but it hadn’t worked for long. He knew he should not fault Ron for getting the badge. 

He knocked on Sirius’s door and stepped inside. 

“Don’t get too comfortable. We are going to my favourite room in the house.” 

Harry looked confusedly at Sirius but followed him up another flight of stairs to the top of the house. There were only two doors on either side of the small hallway.

“I’ve never been up here.” 

“Master bedroom and my father’s office. My office now, if I had any business beyond cleaning this pile of garbage. We’re here to visit a friend.” 

“Who?” 

Sirius opened the door to the master bedroom and Harry pinched his nose at the smell of animal hitting his face. 

“Buckbeak?!” 

“Screech!” 

“So good to see you.” Harry began caressing the feathers on his neck. “I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you would be back in the Forbidden Forest.”

“He’s a fugitive just as myself,” Sirius chuckled ruefully. "The last thing I want is someone from the Ministry stumbling across him at Hogwarts and remembering that he was due for the axe."

Harry heard the sound of something heavy being put down on the floor. Hay and feathers scattered all around them. He turned to see a bottle of fire-whisky with big opulent letters on it. 

“This here is one of the better bottles in my father’s collection. And when I say better, I mean it predates the Statute of Secrecy. You’ve ever had Firewhisky before?” 

“Of course not. I’m fifteen?!” 

“Not even after a Quidditch win?! The Twins seriously need to step up their game, not to mention the rest of Gryffindor. They have much to live up to if they want to follow in my footsteps!”

“Have you told them?”

“Nope. But it’s not my fault that they aren’t quick enough on the uptake to realize who me and Moony are then they don’t deserve to know that they have been living alongside two of their heroes.” 

“You’re just severely lacking entertainment.”

“Guilty as charged. Still, you’re not leaving here until you are at least tipsy.”

“Why?”

“I told you. You’re miserable and you won’t talk to either me or Tonks about it, so, I’m bringing the big guns. Remember that story I told you about your mum?”

“Yeah… I’m not sure getting drunk is the answer.”

“Never said it was.”

“But -”

“I just said it will help you loosen up a bit. This stuff is great for unwinding.” 

Sirius opened the bottle and took a big swig of it before handing it over to Harry. He looked at it, weighing it slightly in his hand. 

“Go on. There’s a first time for everything.”

Harry took a small sip from the bottle and coughed. He felt like his mouth was on fire and swallowing only moved the fire down his throat. It didn’t help that both Sirius and Buckbeak were laughing at him as he spluttered.

“Fuck you… that’s horrible.” 

“It is an acquired taste. If you’re going to be such a kid about it then give it back here,” Sirius goaded. “Or you could be a man and drink like a man.” 

Harry angrily pulled the bottle back from Sirius’s grabby outstretched hands and took a bigger swig. This time he knew what to expect and didn’t cough but he still belched flames when he burped.

“That’s more like it. Now pass the bottle. Don’t hog it all to yourself.” 

Sirius took another swig and handed the bottle back to Harry who drank a bit more. They switched between them a few more times before Sirius put the bottle down on the floor next to him. 

“I think that’s enough.”

“I don’t… sink…”

Harry almost fell forward when he reached for the bottle. 

“Maybe I’ve given you a bit too much,” Sirius groaned. “So, are you ready to tell me what is going on?”

“I - I don't - Ron does not deserve being prefect.”

“And you deserved it more?” 

“Yesh! No. I don’t know but Ron doesn’t deserve it.” 

“McGonagall and Dumbledore think he does.” 

“Dumbledore is shenile. McGonagall is so far up his butt she can’t sheperate her own thoughts from his.” 

Sirius laughed out loud. “I suppose you have a point.”

“I  _ know  _ it ishn’t Ron’s fault, I’m just so angry… I’m angry all the time…”

“You  _ have  _ been angry for longer than just today. It’s not about Ron being prefect is it.”

The door opened slowly and Sirius looked up to see Tonks’s pink hair peaking out from the side of the doorframe. Buckbeak ruffled his wings and snapped his beak but otherwise chose to lie down.

“Don’t shay that, Buckbeak. Sirius is right. It’s not about Ron. He can have his stupid badge… I miss Jacque. I miss talking to him.”

“Why don’t you then?” 

“What’s the point, Sirius? I messed up and he obviously doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. I managed to scare him away.” 

“What do you mean ‘scare him away’?” 

“As in I made him run out on me.” 

“Why would he do that?”

“Can you keep a shecret?” 

“Of course, pup.” 

“I liked him… like him… I don’t know anymore… like him as in  _ like  _ like him.” 

Sirius sat back and ran a hand through his hair. He looked up at the door and saw it had been closed again. He didn’t know how much Tonks had heard. 

“Is there something wrong with me?” Harry whispered.

“What?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Why would you ask that?” 

“Because - because I like Jacque.”

“No, pup. There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t care about that in the slightest. I just don’t understand why you haven’t written to him if you like him.”

“Because he thinks I’m a naive little boy who doesn’t know what love is - and he’s right. I have no idea what love is.”

“I don’t understand…” 

“He ran because he thought I was going to tell him I loved him. I was never going to do that.”

Sirius took another swig at the bottle, mostly just to give him time to think. He had expected it to be about Jacque but he had not expected this sort of revelation. It certainly explained why his niece had freaked out. He offered the bottle to the slightly drunk Harry, who took another swig.

“What do you want?” Sirius asked.

“The prefect badge, for people to not think of me as a liar, Tom Riddle dead…” Harry flippantly waved his arms around before turning quiet and whispering. “I want Jacque…”

“Write him… if you like him as much as you are telling me then write him. Explain what really happened.”

“I’m scared…” 

“I know, pup. I know you are, but could you tell me without lying that you wouldn’t regret it if you let him go like that. If you didn’t at least try?”

“What if he tells me to fuck off?” 

“Trust me when I tell you that he won’t.”

“How would you know? You’ve never met him.”

“Call it a fatherly instinct. Don't look at me like this, I didn't know I had that in me either - Write him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” 

“I will…” Harry yawned. 

“You should probably sleep that off. Buckbeak?”

Buckbeak lifted his wing and Sirius pulled Harry up against the hippogriff and watched as he blanketed Harry under his feathers. 

Sirius picked up the half-empty bottle and walked outside. He rested the bottle against Tonks’s shoulder where she sat next to the door. 

“You look like you need it.”

“He told you everything, didn’t he?” 

“He did.”

“I never meant for it to happen you know.”

Tonks grabbed the bottle and took a deep draft from it, spluttering for air when she choked on it. 

“I know. It’s a messy situation. What do you want to do?”

“You really don’t have a problem with it, do you?” 

“Why would I? I don’t care who you are into. I just want you both to be happy. And my parents would be glad that you decided to keep things in the family," Sirius joked, but Tonks ignored his attempt at humour. 

“I’m seven years older than him. I had already left Hogwarts before he started. He’s fifteen I’m twenty two, and that’s even if he still wants to be with me if he knew the truth. What if he isn’t attracted to me like this?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. It’s something you’ll have to figure out… together.”

Tonks took another swig swirling the amber liquid around the bottle. “What should I do?”

“I don’t know. I think he’ll send you a letter. Take it from there. But take it slowly, he understands why you freaked out, but he blames himself. Maybe hold off telling him the truth for now, just be there for him. Keep an eye on him for me if you can. Harry is asleep now. I probably ended up giving him a bit too much of that stuff. Lily would have had my hide for getting her son drunk at the age of fifteen.” 

“Why did you?” 

“Nothing like a little bit of alcohol to loosen tongues and get to the root of a problem. He needed to let loose and talk about it. If I have to get him drunk for that to happen then I’ll get him drunk. I’ll go run interference. Molly is probably arranging this huge party for Ron and Hermione. Could you keep an eye on him?”

“Buckbeak hates me.” 

“No, he doesn’t. He’s just grumpy about being locked up in here and he does not like it when you change your look near him.”

“As long as he plays nice.” 

Sirius looked over his shoulder. “You’ll play nice won’t you? She likes Harry too.”

“Squawk.” 

“I’m asking you to. You won’t even feel her.” 

Buckbeak nodded his head but turned it away in annoyance.

“That should do it. I’m off. Don’t do anything I couldn't explain to Lily. And keep the bottle, you look like you could use it.”

Tonks got up on her feet. She watched as Sirius walked down the stairs before she turned around to look at Harry sleeping under Buckbeak’s wing.

“Hey… do you mind?”

Buckbeak sent her an evil glare but lifted his wing up high either way. Tonks slowly moved forward and dropped herself down next to Harry. She idly ran her hand through his hair. She turned her head towards him slowly. She unconsciously licked her lips before kissing the scar on his forehead, then his temple and his cheek until she reached his lips. She hesitated for a second before putting her own lips on top of his. 

“Squawk!”

“Alright, alright... Morgana - it was just a small kiss.”

Tonks emptied the bottle in her hand. It probably wasn’t a good idea getting drunk nor sleeping next to Harry but right now she needed to be close to him. She rested her head against his and felt her eyes close. The last thing she felt before falling asleep was Harry’s arm wrapping itself around her waist, pulling her flush against his body.

Harry woke up with a sneeze and a small headache. He tried to scratch his nose with his free hand and found feathers rubbing against his face. He remembered drinking and talking to Sirius and then he had fallen asleep. Sirius must have put him up against Buckbeak. He noticed feeling something soft in his right hand and looked over only to find his face buried in something pink. Harry pulled away and felt a head fall down to rest on his shoulder. He squeezed with his hand eliciting a moan from the woman next to him. He quickly pulled his hand away making Buckbeak squawk in indignation.

“Sorry,” Harry whispered hurriedly. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

His green eyes met amber ones and Harry held Buckbeak’s gaze until the Hippogriff once more rested its head on the floor. The wing was still lifted up for Harry to leave though. Harry scratched the fur for a second before trying to move his arm without waking up the sleeping woman next to him. He had almost made it when he heard a sleepy voice.

“And…- where do you -  _ yawn _ \- think you’re going?”

“Downstairs?”

Tonks blinked sleepily with her blue eyes before they focused on him. She felt his hand around her stomach and blushed before quickly getting up herself. 

“It’s not what it looks like?” 

She knocked over the empty bottle and they both watched it roll for a bit before stopping.

“It looks like Sirius asked you to watch over me while I slept and then gave you the rest of the bottle.”

“Okay, it is what it looks like. Sirius told me you talked about stuff?”

“Yeah. I should hate him for giving me this headache, but still he did the right thing. I’m feeling much lighter now.” 

“Can’t have had too much if you aren’t praying to the porcelain god.”

“Excuse me?”

“Emptying your stomach. Filling up the bowl. Hosing at the disposing. Throwing up -”

“Enough,” Harry groaned. “Did you have to paint such a vivid picture?”

“Yes.” Tonks said brightly before grimacing herself. “Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have finished the bottle myself. It’s good stuff though. Way above what I could afford as a Junior Auror, probably cost more than what I earn in a year.” 

Harry idly touched his lips before shaking his head. “Do you know what time it is?” 

“Nope. I pretty much fell asleep at the same time as you. I’d had the graveyard shift at the Ministry just gotten in when we talked downstairs. If my internal clock is right it should be somewhere around the afternoon," Tonks said and her stomach grumbled loudly. “Make that around dinner.” 

“They are going to have a party, aren’t they?” 

“Most likely. Do you blame them?”

“No… not anymore. If I need to blame anyone it should probably be Dumbledore. I’m seriously starting to question his judgement. You can’t tell me that you think Ron would make a good prefect.”

“Maybe it’ll help him grow up?” Tonks suggested. “Maybe that’s why he was picked to help him grow up a little.” 

“I guess that could be true. Anyway - I should just accept it for what it is and be happy for him. I’m not sure he deserves it but it’s definitely something he has dreamed of for as long as he can remember.”

“How would you know that?”

“He told me what he saw in the Mirror of Erised.” 

“What in Morgana’s name is that?” 

“It’s a cursed mirror that shows your heart’s deepest desire. Ron saw himself with the House cup in one hand and the Quidditch cup in the other. He was Prefect, Headboy and Quidditch Captain. His deepest desire is to be recognized and famous for something he did.”

“Then why doesn’t he study harder?” 

“Beats me. I’ve stopped trying to figure out how Ron’s mind works a long time ago. It would make perfect sense if he worked hard to obtain his dream but wizards aren’t known for having common sense.”

Harry and Tonks looked at each other for a moment before descending into laughter. Harry burped and a small flame escaped his lips making him look a little green in the face.

“Keep it in, trust me. You should go take a shower and brush your teeth. Drink two glasses of water if your stomach isn't too upset. It’ll help clear your head but you’ll probably still have a headache until tomorrow.”

“Thanks. I’ll do that -” Harry walked towards the door, half a foot over the doorstep. He turned his head and looked at Tonks. “I mean it. Thanks for always keeping an eye out for me and having my back. It means the world to me.”

Tonks stood in silence and listened to his footsteps as he walked down the stairs. She released a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. She felt a whack from a wing hitting her in the back.

“Oi! What gives?!”

Buckbeak sent her a knowing look before gently pushing her out towards the door. 

“Fine… but I’m telling you. You and Sirius should keep your noses out of people’s business. Even if you are right most of the time.”

Harry felt refreshed by the time he stepped out of the shower. He threw on a pair of slacks and a shirt and made his way down to the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised when he spotted a big banner saying  _ Ron and Hermione, Gryffindor Prefects _ hanging across the table. Harry grabbed a nearby butterbeer from a bucket filled with ice and looked around for Sirius. He found him deep in talks with Moody and Kingsley on the other side of the room. It looked serious, so Harry instead decided to join Fred and George talking to what looked like a homeless person in the corner. 

“... substance grade three. You know how hard it was to find these. Twenty.

“We both know that the Alley is filled with them. We could have gotten them ourselves.”

“Shhh.”

“Oh, Dung, meet our silent partner. Harry, Dung, Dung, Harry.”

“Mundungus Fletcher at yer service.” 

“We are trying to buy a batch of venomous tentacula seeds for our Skiving Snack Boxes, but Dung here is charging overprice. Five galleons.” 

“You are trying to undercut me too much. Seventeen.” 

“Not even close to a fair price. Seven.” 

“You know people could be watching this going on.”

“Mum’s too busy with preparing for the party and everybody else is just talking in their own group.” 

“I could think of  _ one  _ eye. You wouldn’t want watching this.”

“He’s got a point boys. Ten galleons take it or leave it,” Mundungus said, looking over his shoulder at Moody.

“Deal.”

Fred handed over the coins while George poured the seeds into his pocket. “Nice doing business with ya Dung. Come on, Fred. Let’s hide these away before Mum catches us.” 

“Better you than me.” 

Harry watched in amusement as the Twins hurried off to hide their ill gotten gains. He jerked when he felt a cold bottle against his cheek.

“What was that all about?” Tonks asked.

“Illegal back alley deal - well, kitchen deal in this case. Venomous tentacula seeds.”

“Did they get a good price at least?”

“Ten galleons for what looked like three handfuls?” 

“Damn, they managed to get an honest dishonest price out of Dung.” 

“I might have pointed out that Mad-Eye could be watching.” 

Tonks giggled. It was a nice giggle Harry noticed. 

“Good call - I suspect Mad-Eye is the only one who can control Dung. He’s as slimy as they get but he hears stuff that nobody else in the Order even have a chance of hearing. He was the one who was supposed to be guarding you that night.”

“What night?” 

“The one with the Dementors. I have never seen Dumbledore so angry as that night. He looked about ready to skin him.” 

“Huh… I almost suspected that Dumbledore had allowed them to get to me. Another way for me to feel indebted to him.”

“You really don’t trust him, do you?” 

“I did at first, but I've told you what my time at Hogwarts has been like. And even if he is not responsible for everything which has happened there, he should have sorted that out. Sirius should not owe his life to me, Hermione and her time turner. And it's not as if he trusted me in turn. I’ve been here almost a month and the most information I’ve gotten about what is going on is what the twins have managed to overhear with their ears. Something about a guard schedule.”

“You weren’t supposed to know about that,” Tonks frowned. 

“It’s all we’ve been able to find out. Not really much to go on.”

“You’re talking about it as if you are going to be in the middle of all of this.”

“Three times already. Three times I’ve faced Tom in one shade or another. I know I’m going to be in the middle of it. Dumbledore just doesn’t trust me to handle it well enough. He’ll spout some bullshit about how I should enjoy my childhood and that I shouldn’t be burdened with such knowledge. He knows something about me, something he is not telling me. Dumbledore implied that much after my first encounter with Tom.”

“Who’s Tom?” 

Harry opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Mrs. Weasley’s shouting.

“Congratulations, Ron and Hermione!”

Harry turned to see his friends walking into the kitchen. The feelings of jealousy he had had for Ron earlier in the day had vanished. He still wanted to help the twins make fun of him, especially since Ron walked around much like Harry remembered Percy had done in Harry’s first year. 

Ron quickly walked over to the brown package sitting on the table and ripped open the paper. To nobody’s surprise a brand new Cleansweep Eleven sat on the table and Ron instantly began regaling to anyone that would listen about the broom’s properties and how it was one of the best Keeper brooms on the market. 

Hermione had instead walked over to Tonks and Harry. 

“I borrowed Hedwig after you disappeared. I wanted to tell my parents. I hope that’s okay?”

“It’s fine,” Harry waved his hand. “I’m sure they would be proud of you.” 

“I’m still surprised that it wasn’t you.” 

“Fred and George were right. I must have broken too many rules or something. It doesn’t bother me anymore. I had a good talk with Sirius about it. Helped me realise that I was just being a git about something Ron had no control over.” 

“That’s -... incredibly mature of you.” 

“I have my moments.” 

“So, you’re not mad?” 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just you’ve been in a foul mood for a week or so. I thought maybe Dumbledore had told you beforehand. You didn’t seem surprised when you didn’t get the badge.” 

“Oh… that yeah… no. That was something else. Hopefully just a case of miscommunication.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Harry noticed that Tonks had gotten oddly tense standing there next to him. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed. 

“That’s alright. I’ll be fine… When did you sent Hedwig out?” 

“Before lunch. Why?”

“Nothing really. I just want to spend some time with her. You know how she is. If I don’t give her enough attention, she will sulk.” 

“It’s good to see you’re finally beginning to learn about females,” Tonks quipped. 

“Ha… ha… If all it took to keep a girl happy was to bribe her with bacon there would be fewer arguments.” 

“Yeah yeah, Handsome. You keep trying.” 

Harry looked oddly at her but waved it off as nothing.

“I never got around to asking you, but who cut your hair?” 

Harry panicked for a second and took a sip of his butterbeer.

“I cut it for him,” Tonks broke in. “Because of my ability I have a good eye for fashion and hair.”

“You wouldn’t know it if you looked at your choice of clothes.” 

“Watch it, Potter, or I might slip the next time I have a sharp blade near your neck! I’ll hex you too if you don’t behave. I swear to god Sirius is a bad influence on you,” Tonks said, her voice filled with mirth. 

“Oh great Goddess Tonks. Please spare this lowly one.”

“Yup, definitely Sirius’s bad influence. Not that you are wrong about my divinity.” 

"Shall I worship the ground you walk on now?" 

"On your knees, mortal!" 

Hermione giggled at their antics before she was pulled off by Ginny. Harry and Tonks joined Sirius and Remus. 

“I still remember when you got the badge, Moony. We were afraid you were going to stop being fun.”

“I think that was Professor McGonagall’s intention. I think she hoped that I would keep you in check. Not that I succeeded.”

“Nope. I think instead we took it as more leeway to prank people.” 

“I think Lily did a better job at keeping you in check. She was able to just glare at James until he behaved. I was stuck making sure you didn’t do something stupid - well, more stupid than usual.” 

“And what a burden it was for you too,” Sirius said with mock-pity. “Must have been terrible for you.” 

“I don’t know how you deal with him Harry.” 

“Mostly just tune him out until he behaves. Imagine him being Binns and it just comes naturally if you ever heard him rant about traitorous goblins,” Harry quipped. 

“Ha! Ha! Very funny, young man. You do know I could ground you until you have to leave.” 

“But you wouldn’t do that to poor little me,” Harry gave his best puppy eyes. “Also, maybe I’m not the one who should be punished.” Harry’s smile turned vindictive. “Remus, what do you think my Mum would do if she knew that Sirius had gotten me drunk?”

Remus chuckled for a moment until he realised Harry was being serious. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“It was for his own good. He was being a moody git and he would talk to me.” 

“Sirius!”

“You’ll never get me!”

Harry watched with tears of laughter in his eyes as Remus chased Sirius around the room trying to catch him. It only stopped when Sirius’s head was stuck under Remus’s arm and Sirius had been punished.

“Traitor!” Sirius hissed. “Just wait until I get my hands on you. You won’t even see me coming.” 

“You do know that I have two attack dogs at my beck and call. I’ve outsourced my pranking.” 

“You’re no fun,” Sirius pouted. 

“You do realise you are supposed to be the grown up, Padfoot.” 

The sound of two bottles breaking on the floor rang out in the room. All four of them turned around to see the awe filled faces of Fred and George. Tonks absentmindedly vanished the broken shards of glass and the spilled liquid.

“Looks like the game is up,” Harry chuckled. “Gentlemen allow me to introduce Messers Moony and Padfoot.” 

“Professor Lupin is Moony?”

“Sirius is Padfoot?”

“Prongs was my father and Wormtail we don’t talk about,” Harry finished. “Gentlemen the second owners of your infamous map.” 

“A pleasure,” Remus bowed. “You did some quality work with it as far as I heard. Minerva is none too pleased with you.” 

“Following tradition.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” 

Harry wasn’t sure who the question was directed at. “You never asked.” - “I wanted you to find out yourselves.” - “I was hoping to forget it all together.”

The three said in unison. Fred and George didn’t know where to even begin questioning but as soon as the first question was asked the rest of the evening was spent hearing Sirius tell stories about their pranks and Remus explaining how to do half of them. 

“Are you thinking what I am thinking?” 

“They might just have found a solution to that without even trying.” 

“Back to testing?”

“You read my mind.” 

“We have unleashed something on Hogwarts and I’m not sure if that something will be great or terrible on Hogwarts,” Remus said, looking after them. 

“As long as they don’t target Harry I don’t really mind. There is nothing like a good prank to lift people’s spirits.”

“I’m so glad I’m not back at Hogwarts. They were already menaces back when they started. Now they are in their seventh year,” Tonks shuddered.

“And they likely don’t care too much about their grades either,” Harry said thoughtfully. 

“Why wouldn’t they?” Remus asked.

“If I know them they’re only going back to test their products. They want to open their own joke shop.” 

“Opening a shop isn’t cheap,” Tonks said. 

“I gave them my Tri-Wizard winnings. Best decision I ever made.” 

“Damn… If you hadn’t done that I would have invested. I tell you Remus. They are brilliant if they actually have the capital to get a shop they’ll run Zonko’s out of business within the year.” 

“That was very irresponsible of you, Harry. Your mother would not have approved. She was very conscious about money until she married your dad and realised how much your grandfather had made with his potion,” Remus said solemnly before changing his tune. “Your Dad, however, would be just as annoyed as Sirius for not having gotten in on the action in time. It’s always a good thing to help your friends achieve their dreams.”

“Just don’t tell Mrs. Weasley about where they got their money from,” Tonks said mischievously. 

“Spare me. I would go deaf from all the howlers she would send me,” Harry groaned deeply. “No, I prefer being the silent partner behind their genius. I’m definitely going to make more than my money’s worth once they get their shop going.”

Harry left the party sometime before it tapered out and sat down at his desk rubbing his temples. The headache from earlier had returned. Sirius had promised him that it would be gone the following day, but that wasn't helpful now. Harry’s new book was sitting on his table and along with a few ingredients for his potions kit. He had cracked it open and had already written off this year's teacher as being a wash. The book was completely useless. He would have to ask Tonks if she could recommend some good defence books for him instead. 

He packed the different things away in his trunk and sat down with parchment and his pen in hand. He had spent the past week thinking about what he should write. He still had no clue. He spun the pen in his hand before putting against the parchment.

_ Dear Jacque _

_ I don’t even know where to start with this letter. I don’t even know if I should apologize, but I am going to do that anyway. I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment and I shouldn’t have called you Love. You were right to freak out. The thing is I don’t really know what love is.  _

_ My story is a lot sadder than most people realize. Everybody knows about how I supposedly defeated a dark lord as a baby. I don't know what happened that night, but I don't think that I was wandlessly smacking a dark Lord through my nursery, as funny as that image would be. What most people don’t realize is that I lost both my parents in that attack as well. I’ve been alone for so long… and my relatives are not what you would call loving. I think you should know what it was like growing up for me… _


	10. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter we were all waiting for! Time skipping filler!
> 
> Wooo!!  
> Once again send much love to VonPelt for helping out with the beta-reading of this chapter <3 Couldn't do it without him <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

_ … and that was my life until I met you. I ended up clutching onto any form of human contact that showed even the slightest interest in me. At first I didn’t think it would be more than friendship. Honestly, I’m still confused about why I find you so attractive or why you make me want to kiss you but that happened and someone close to me told me that I would regret it if I didn’t at least try. _

_ I guess what I’m saying is. I’m sorry Jacque for saying something that made you uncomfortable. I just got swept up in a whirlwind of emotions I have never experienced before. I hope you are willing to give me a chance and we can keep exchanging letters while I’m away at Hogwarts. I know that you are busy and I might have blown this but if you are willing to give me another chance. It would mean the world to me. _

_ Yours fully _ _   
_ _ Harry _

Tonks wiped away at her eyes for what was probably the hundredth time as she read over Harry’s letter again. It was heartbreaking, infuriating and all around a shitshow on paper. She had never felt more hatred for people she didn’t know as she had since the letter had first arrived the night before Harry had left for Hogwarts. It had taken all of her training as an Auror to keep herself in check and not pull him into a hug at the station. She finally understood a little of why Mrs. Weasley seemed to want to crush his spine. 

She had already sent her reply back. It had been short and to the point. She knew Harry well enough that he didn’t want her to focus on the horrific things that had happened in Harry’s life. 

She had also begun nurturing a growing suspicion for Dumbledore. She wasn’t so far removed from her time at Hogwarts to remember how the man had seemed to be bigger than life as she had walked through those walls, but with her new perspective as an Auror there were some things that shouldn’t have happened the way they did. 

Especially Harry’s second year. Dumbledore should have called in the aurors as soon as a student had been attacked. The fact that nothing happened except for Hagrid getting arrested at the end of the year should never have happened. 

She just hoped that Harry would have a decent year for once, but she had seen the newspapers. Fudge was making a play at Hogwarts. She was sure it was directed at Dumbledore. She had heard enough rants in the department to understand that, she just hoped that Harry didn’t get caught in the crossfire. 

Dolores Umbridge. There was nothing positive to say about the pink toad. She had seen the defence book for the year. It wasn’t even worth the paper it was written on. The fact that Harry had barely read half a page to dismiss the book in its entirety told her enough about what the Minister and his vermin was up to. They actually thought Dumbledore was raising an army of students. It was a ridiculous notion and she sincerely hoped that Harry wouldn’t do something stupid like actually doing that. 

She still remembered the last conversation she had had with Harry. He had asked her if she was alright and even tried to goad a reaction out of her in the middle of the platform by alluding to shouting her name out loud. She had hexed him for that, she thought with a smile on her face. It was then Harry had asked her to look after Sirius, making sure that he wouldn’t go completely crazy in that big house all alone. 

She had decided then and there, that she would be moving out as soon as possible. It also helped that she would be moving in with the one other person who knew the truth about her, Jacque and Harry.

She had been packing up her stuff since the first of September. Harry had been right as soon as the school term started Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had moved back to the burrow and Sirius was stuck in that horrible house alone with only Buckbeak and Kreacher for company. He would need company even more so than ever. She might actually do what Harry had suggested and go to the muggle world and buy new furniture. There was a new swedish store she had heard about… Something. _IDKEA..._ _IDEA_ or something. 

“My big girl is moving out.”

“Hey Dad. I’m just moving in with Sirius. It’s not like I’m going to live on my own.”

“I know, Dora. But still the house will feel more empty without you around. What will your mother and I do without you being here?” 

“I really do not want to know…” Tonks stuck out her tongue in mock-disgust.

“Now there’s an idea. Maybe you’ll end up having a little brother or sister. Your Mum is still young enough.” 

“I so do not want to think about that.” 

“Nymphadora, dear, you should be happy that your father and I have a loving marriage and still find each other attractive.”

“Eew Mum.” 

“What you’re doing for Sirius is good. He would go crazy in that big old house all by himself. I’ve seen the state of it. He would go more mad than he already is.”

“All set?” Ted Tonks asked. 

“I think so,” Tonks said. “Everything is all packed into boxes and ready to be shrunk. Will you be coming with me?” 

“Yes. Sirius invited us for dinner. I sure hope he knows how to cook. I’m not eating anything Kreacher made. He still thinks I would be better off dead for marrying your father.”

“Maybe we should order take-out?” Ted said.

“I could bring something to eat as well, there is this new Indian restaurant down the road...”

“Mum, Dad, Stop! Let’s not make a big thing out of it before at least seeing what is going on.”

“Right. I suppose it will be easier for you to learn how to cook if you are forced to do it.”

“There is always take-out,” Tonks said defensively. “Or I could visit here.” 

“Nymphadora Jacqueline Tonks. You will have to learn how to cook at some point in your life.” 

“Why? I can survive just fine without knowing how to do it.”

“Andromeda, Love. It’s not like I am much safer around a kitchen,” Ted teased. “She inherited that on top of her clumsiness.” 

“I’m living with barbarians! I’m the one who was supposed to be the pureblood princess. How come I’m the only one in this household that doesn't burn down a kitchen when I’m near a stove?!”

Ted and his daughter shared a bemused look behind the frustrated woman’s back. Tonks had shrunk the boxes and put them into a bag with a featherlight charm. She was ready to go. She took one last look at her childhood bedroom before nodding. Harry’s letter safely secured in her pocket. 

“My daughter is all grown up,” Andromeda repeated emotionally, wiping a tear from her eye. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll visit or you can come visit us,” Tonks sighed in exasperation. “It’s only fifty miles.”

Tonks felt herself getting pulled into a tight hug by her Mum. “Once a week.”

“What?” 

“Once a week you’ll visit.” 

“You know I can’t promise that. My schedule keeps changing around at work and with the Order.” 

“But you can promise that you will try. And I still don’t like you being in  _ that _ .” 

“I know Mum, but I want to make a difference. I want to help. The Ministry is useless.  _ He’s  _ back and it won’t matter if we don’t fight as long as we don’t join him and there is no chance of me doing that.” 

“I know. It’s just. I can’t…”

Andromeda hid her head in Ted’s shoulder. Her shoulders visibly shaking. 

“I’m sorry,” Tonks whispered softly. “I know you don’t want to be a part of it.” 

“They’re my sisters! I might not agree with them but I grew up with Bella and Cissy. How did it end up like this. Little Reggie already died. I just…”

“Come on, Meda. Let’s go visit your cousin.” 

Tonks wiped at her own eyes. She understood where her Mum was coming from, even if she herself thought that Bellatrix was beyond redemption. She wouldn’t want to fight family either for believing in something different than she herself did except she was doing that, or maybe it had even changed a little since the summer began. She wasn’t as much fighting for a goal as she was fighting to protect Harry. 

Morgana, she missed him already. She hefted the bag over her shoulder and followed her parents into their small living room where they would floo to Grimmauld Place. She still remembered how Sirius had argued with Dumbledore about letting her parents in on the Fidelius. Sirius had actually threatened Dumbledore to take his Order and go packing if they weren’t allowed in. Family was all that mattered to the man and to Sirius, Harry and Andromeda and by extension her and Ted were all the family he had.

She stepped out of the fireplace and opened her mouth in shock. A veritable feast was lined out on the table and the kitchen had never looked better. 

“Welcome to my humble abode. Let me introduce you to a good friend of mine. Dobby!”

A small crack announced the arrival of an elf. 

“This here is Dobby. Dobby meet my family. This here is my Cousin Andromeda and her husband Ted and their daughter -”

“Dobby knows miss Jackie.” 

“Huh,” Sirius smirked. “I suppose you would.”

“When did you get a new house elf?” Tonks asked.

“Isn’t that Cissy’s elf?” 

“Not anymore. Harry tricked good old Lucy into freeing him after his second year at Hogwarts.”

“Yes, Great Harry Potter saved Dobby from bad masters.” 

Sirius instinctively grabbed Dobby by the scruff of his little shirt when he made to run head first into the nearest wall. 

“Stop Dobby. We talked about that. No need to punish yourself for saying anything.”

“Great Master Dogger is right. Sorry. Old habits.”

“It’s alright. I won’t be keeping you or you could join us for dinner?”

“Great Master Dogger would allow Dobby to eat at the table?!”

“As long as the waterworks stop, sure.”

“You really do nothing the proper way. Well at least this way I won’t have to worry about you two getting proper food. Dobby was it? I’ll have to warn you not to let my daughter near the kitchen if you don’t want to spend an afternoon cleaning up after her.”

“Oi!”

The room descended into laughter even if Dobby looked at her with awe. 

“I’m not that bad. I know how to make coffee at least.”

“It’s about the only thing you know how to make,” Andromeda muttered. 

“Come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold.”

After dinner Sirius took them for a tour of the house. 

“I’m impressed,” Andromeda said. “This place almost looks better than when Walburgha and Orion lived here.”

“That’s the best thing,” Sirius grinned. “Dobby negotiated with Kreacher and they agreed on moving Walburgha’s painting to the tapestry room. It’s become something like a room for her and Kreacher. I don’t really go there anymore. The heads of the House elves were also moved there. Dobby is worth more than the ten knuts he negotiated me down to.” 

“He’s being paid?” Ted asked curiously. 

“Yeah,” Sirius shrugged. “I’ll tell you the bugger can negotiate. He battered me down from ten galleons a month and weekends off to ten knuts a week and Sundays off.”

“That’s unique.”

“Fits right in. It was Harry that introduced him. The only thing Harry asked of him was that he didn’t try to save his life. No idea what that was about.”

“Oh, Dobby hexed a bludger and sent it after Harry. He also closed the barrier to the Platform during his second year. He and Ron flew Arthur Weasley’s enchanted car into the Whomping Willow,” Tonks said before realising she wasn’t supposed to know that.

“I see. And since when did you two get so close?” Andromeda asked, her smile wide like a shark having smelled blood in the water. 

“He just told me some stories,” Tonks said shyly. 

“I’m sure he did.” 

The rest of the tour was a series of positive surprises. Dobby had done a great job slowly fixing up the house since the Weasleys had left and it was looking better and better day by day. It was late in the night when Andromeda and Ted left. Tonks had already decided to move in that night, so she said her goodbyes and promised her Mum that she would be over in a weeks time or so. She plopped down in a chair next to the kitchen table.

“I could get used to living here,” Tonks said. “It’s got a much nicer feel than it did before. I can even see the original colour of the floorboards.” 

“That’s good. As much as I like Dobby, he can get a bit fanatic. It’ll be nice having someone else around,” Sirius smiled. “So… Did Harry send you a letter?”

“Yes…”

“Something wrong?”

“Everything is wrong. Sirius, he told me everything.”

“What do you mean ‘everything’?” 

“I mean he wrote down everything he remembers. How his relatives treated him. How his pig of a cousin would chase him around on the playground and beat him up. How he was forced to cook, clean and slept in a cupboard. Sirius, his life was horrible. Hell on earth, barely better than your old cell type of horrible. I can’t even understand how he hasn’t given up yet.”

“I know. He is a better man than we probably deserve.”

_ Hey Jacque _

_ It’s been what a week since the last letter. Hogwarts has been… stressful I suppose. Let me tell you the Umbitch as she is now known between the students is horrible. She has tried to goad me into reacting to anything she says. She hasn’t gotten me yet but I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time.  _

_ Her classes consist of us reading that stupid book and writing a summary on the chapter. It’s beyond useless. She is sabotaging a whole year’s O.W.L.s and that is not to mention N.E.W.T.s. I’m so glad my friend Tonks recommended  _ Most Common Curses and their Counter-curses. _ I’ve learned more from reading that in a week than I probably will from the actual DADA classes this year. I just hope it won’t have to get worse before it gets better.  _

_ Yours fully _ _   
_ _ Harry _

Tonks found herself sitting in another boring Order meeting. It was all the same. Hagrid was still off trying to gain the support or at least neutrality of the Giants. Remus had been going to the different werewolf packs gauging their reactions and seeing if there were movements. Snape brought minimal information. It was more and more of the same. A lot of big egos who felt great because they have heard a third-hand rumour about what a suspected Death Eater might have done. Tom, as she had started calling him after Harry had explained that it was You-Know-Who’s real name, was still gathering his forces. They still had to guard the door to the Department of Mysteries. 

Dumbledore was being annoyingly vague about what exactly it was they were protecting. She believed in complete honesty especially if something was as central to a mission as Dumbledore made them think. Even Sirius had no idea, only that it had been there the first time around as well. 

Living with Sirius had been okay. She had been right when it turned out closer to a roommate situation than anything. She had even gotten on better terms with Buckbeak. Funnily enough Buckbeak seemed to like Jacque better than her. It might have something to do with the fact that Jacque’s hair didn’t change into different colours. 

_ Dear Jacque _

_ I don’t know if you’ve heard it. It finally happened. The Umbitch got to me. We had just won the first Quidditch game between Gryffindor, my house and Slytherin. Malfoy, you might have heard about his father at the Ministry, I can tell you they are both equally unpleasant to be around, was talking shit about the Weasleys and my parents and we got into a fight. Of course The Umbitch walked out at that moment. I bet she was waiting for something to happen. Well long story short, me and my two friends Fred and George got a lifetime ban on playing Quidditch, but at least we got Malfoy good.  _

_ I don’t know how long I can do this for before I explode. At every turn people look at me like I’m either crazy or a liar. I try to keep my head down but I’m honestly debating whether it is even worth it for me to be at Hogwarts. Do you think I could finish my education outside of Hogwarts? _

_ Yours fully _ _   
_ _ Harry _

“Sirius, you got to read this!”

“What is it?”

“Fudge's pet toad is making his life a living hell. I’m not even sure he is telling me everything that is happening. I don’t like it. She was a little shit at the Ministry. She should not be allowed around children.” 

“We’ll bring it up at the next Order meeting. Dumbledore might know what to do.” 

_ Hey Jacque _

_ It’s not really getting better. The Umbitch is walking around like she is owning the school. I’m just frustrated all the time and I’ve started having these dreams. They don’t make any sense. They are about this door at the end of a hallway. I always wake up before I get to it and I have a splitting headache whenever I wake up from one of them. That can’t be normal can it?  _

_ Also, I’m done with  _ Most Common Curses and their Counter-Curses.  _ Do you think you could recommend something else to read? I’ll try and find them in the library but I’m not sure if that is a good idea with The Umbitch running around. Do you know where I could find out how to cast a glamour? I didn’t mention this in my last letter but my friend Ron made the Quidditch team. He’s not the best but he does have potential. The new beaters are far worse than the Twins, Fred and George. Ginny is a decent seeker. That’s Ron’s sister. I’m rambling.  _

_ I don’t think I’ve missed someone as much as I’ve missed you. Hermione, another friend of mine, has been bugging me about teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts. That should tell you how bad the classes are when a fifth year student is being asked to teach others. Should I do it? It might get me in trouble with the Umbitch.  _

_ I suppose you’ve heard it but she has somehow been made High Inquisitor. She is now responsible for  _ every _ punishment at Hogwarts. It’s bad. The heads of houses can’t overturn a punishment now and she is going to inspect the other teacher’s classes.  _

_ People are hoping that she and our Potions Professor Snape are going to kill each other. That’s how bad it is. Until this year Snape was the most hated teacher outside of Slytherin.  _

_ Yours Fully _ _   
_ _ Harry _

Tonks was about ready to rip her hair out after that last letter. Fudge’s Attack Toad was obviously a lot worse than Dumbledore was telling them. She was even more worried about that dream Harry had been talking about. She had a feeling what door it was that Harry was talking about. He hadn’t described it but she was certain it was the door to the Department of Mysteries. 

Something was going on with Harry and she wasn’t even sure how to figure out what it was. She and Sirius had begun perusing some of the darker books that Dobby initially had put away from the library. Sirius was even happy to do it. It was something he could do from his home but it was like finding a needle in a haystack. They had no idea where to begin. They just didn’t know enough about what was going on with Harry. It sounded like some strange version of a nightmare curse, but if someone had managed to get him with such a spell, why that door? 

At least the house had begun to look pristine again.

She was even getting tired of work. Today she had been called into a conference about Sirius. It was a waste of time going over international sightings. Sirius wasn’t even on the continent but she and Shack still had to keep up appearances for appearances sake. Mad-Eye had been right the Ministry couldn’t find a boot even if it was shoved up their own arse. Having to deal with Dawlish's lecherous comments every time she walked into the office had gotten old faster than milk that had been left out on the counter. Something that Dobby had constantly been berating her for doing. She had tried to tell the little guy that she didn’t mean to do it, but that between her morning rush to get to work and her lack of waking up she would just forget on occasion.

Another day, another meeting. This one about known criminals in Knockturn Alley. She had a private chuckle at the fact that they were talking about Mundungus. He was hardly more than a petty thief. It was almost a joke that they at the Aurors had to deal with criminals of that level. That was a job for LEP if Fudge hadn’t gutted them so much that they barely could guard the Ministry. It was all backwards. The Aurors were supposed to be the one going on raids and investigating now they got saddled with patrols and guarding Diagon Alley.

Graveyard shifts were even worse. They fucked up her sleep schedule and left her tired for days on end. 

“Tonks we got a call. The Nott’s had a break-in. Library has been wrecked. We need to go survey the damages and make a list of what has been taken.”

“Any sign of the thieves?” 

“No, they are long gone.”

“Then why the fuck are we getting called out to do it? It’s just a fucking clean up and paperwork. I swear that is supposed to fall to LEP.” 

“Well it landed on our desk Auror. The Notts are a prominent family of the Sacred Twenty-eight. They demanded Auror presence. We’re up.”

Tonks grumbled, but still grabbed her coat before flooing to Nott Manor. Tonks noticed the obvious signs of break-in immediately. They seem a little too obvious in fact. Her instincts kicked in. The more she looked at it the more she realised that something wasn’t right. The more books they tallied the fewer there seemed to have been taken. She spotted the smug look on Nott’s face. That did not look like a man who had just had a break in. 

“We got a lead!”

“What is it?” Tonks called back. 

“Set of footprints leading away from the Manor. Must have been forced to walk out because of the wards. I suppose you have the standard Anti-Apparition and Anti-Portkey wards around the property, Lord Nott.” 

“I do.” 

“Tonks, you’ll follow the trail, maybe you can get a signature at the point of Apparition. You got to hurry. The rain will wash away the footprints if you don’t.”

Tonks pulled her coat even tighter around her and stalked outside. The clear footprints showed a way through the back garden towards a nearby group of trees. She hadn’t even been outside for more than a few seconds before she felt drenched. 

“I swear if I get a cold from this. I’m going to rip off Dawlish's balls and shove them up his ass with my boot when he hits on me tomorrow.” 

She followed the trail across a hedge and out into the open lands surrounding the manor. The footprints were clearly visible in the soaked ground which might as well have been a moor given how many puddles there were. Eventually, she reached higher, slightly dryer ground and stepped into a copse of trees where the footprints ended . A freshly broken branch above her head was all the indication she got that someone had taken a broom from the location. She waved her wand and felt the wards still pressing down on her. They couldn’t have apparated from this location. Everything pointed to a broom. God she hated her job.

She trudged back to the Manor, water sloshing around in her boots while the wind whipped rain into her face. 

“Lead didn’t pan out. They must have been carrying a broom or have hidden a broom in that group of trees. I’ve got nothing except getting myself wet.” 

“I think we’re done here then, Lord Nott. We’ll take everything back to the Department and put our best people on it.”

“See that you do.”

Tonks hated that smile on the man’s face. She knew she shouldn’t be biased but the man had been mentioned in Harry’s letter and she was sure he was one of Voldemort’s willing lackeys. She just couldn’t understand the endgame. Everything about this break-in screamed something was wrong. 

Still soaked she arrived back at the Office. “What have we got?”

“Nothing. Seriously. Every book seemed to be there. We found several banned books but nothing will come of it. Nott is too well protected. Even if we have actual proof that there are illegal works in his Manor our hands are tied because of the family’s status.”

“So, we can do fuck all?” 

“Pretty much.” 

“It was staged. I don’t know why it was staged but my gut is telling me this was a distraction.” 

Tonks fell back into her chair. She ran both her hands through her wet hair, wringing water out of it.

“There’s been an attack! Burning buildings in a muggle village! Every Auror is requested there. Cursed flames.”

“Fuck!!” Tonks growled. “This is too much of a coincidence.” 

“No time to think about that.”

Tonks arrived back home at Grimmauld in the early hours, dead on her feet. 

“Long night?” 

“First another useless meeting, then we got a call for a break in at Nott’s. Afterwards we got the reports that there had been an attack on a muggle village. Four families burned alive in what looks like a Muggle hunt. Yes Sirius, it’s been a long fucking night. I’m cold and I’m wet and I fucking miss Harry. You know what I want right now?”

“No.”

“I want to have Harry next to me in bed while I hug the living stuffing out of him and listen to him tell me that everything is going to be alright and the good guys will win in the end. Then we make out and live happily ever after. That’s what I want.”

“Then you’ll be happy to hear there is another letter for you.” 

“Probably more shitty news.”

“This one is for Tonks,” Sirius smirked. “It’s pretty long too.” 

“Gimme!”

“Shower first and then breakfast - how did you even manage to get moss into your hair?” 

“Alright, alright.”

Tonks arrived back in the kitchen where a solid breakfast had been made and put down in front of her usual seat. A thick envelope was placed in the middle of her empty plate. She ripped it open and extracted the sheets of parchment from it.

_ Hey She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and Master Dogger _

_ How’s life? Life here is tough but you probably heard about that at your bookclub. _ _   
_ _ This part is for both of you. I want to tell you that I miss you and that I wish I could be there with you.  _

_ I never got to thank you for all you did for me and by extension Jacque over the summer. I’m forever grateful for that. Dogger I hope you are doing well in the doghouse and that it has become a place worthy of your fur. Say hello to our favourite - OW! Friend. Alright girl. You’re my favourite feathered friend. Still, say hi to the big guy from me.  _

_ The next part I suppose Dogger can have a look at as well but I need advice from someone who isn’t a danger to any relationship.  _

_ Hogsmeade Weekend is coming up. First of all do you think it’s a good idea for me to invite J? I know it would be bad if we were seen but there must be somewhere around where we can meet and maybe have dinner without everyone getting up in our business. Thanks for the help on that front. It’s going better, I think. I hope so. It’s hard you know putting stuff into a letter and saying what you want to say without really telling them. I miss J so much. Not that I don’t miss you too, but I really don’t want to get licked in the face by the dog and sorry Nym but at the moment I’m off the bench. Though I wouldn’t say no if me and J go our separate ways. That’s a joke by the way. I’m not stupid enough to think I would even have a chance.  _

_ I still need help though. What would you suggest we did if we had a day together? Is it allowed for me to be apparated out of Hogsmeade? Is that a bad idea? I don’t know.  _

_ Please I could really use some help. Did you ever get around to refurbishing or did that IDEA die before it even hit the ground? Honestly how’s everything going? _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Stay awesome pink!  _

_ Yours Most Definitely _ _   
_ _ H _

Tonks smiled softly as she read the words out loud for Sirius to hear. 

“So, has he invited you on a date yet?”

“He hasn’t. I would go if he did though. You know that, but he’s right. It’ll be hard to find a spot where we could be alone without anyone bothering us or walking in on us.”

“You know. I think the Hog’s Head has private rooms. I’m not saying it’s a nice place but nobody really bats an eye with that clientele. Aberforth is even good for slipping stuff for the right price if you want a little something stronger?”

“You do realize that I’m still of age as Jacque, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. How does that work by the way out of curiosity. Do you consider yourself the same age in both bodies or do you consider yourself different ages?”

“Honestly? I think my mind and body considers Jacque to be eighteen, give or take a few months. It’s damn confusing at times. It’s like there are more hormones in that form as well. I can’t explain it. I just know that whenever I’m in that form and think about Harry I get so damned turn on that I need a shower.” 

“Too much information thank you. He’s still my godson.”

“He’s still hot, you should have seen what Mum’s potions did to his muscles. Yum!” 

“Did so not want to hear that coming from you.”

“What? I thought you said you didn’t care. You certainly did not leave out any details when you told the story of the threeway you literally stumbled into!”

“I don’t care about you being together. I just don’t want to listen to your dirty fantasies either. You’ll always be my little Nymmi-” 

“That’s it! Training Room now!”

“But your breakfast?”

“Dobby’ll keep it warm. Someone needs to show a certain dogger how to behave properly around a lady.”

“I swear the hormones are messed up in that form too. - OW stop that.”

“I heard that you idiot!”

It was a refreshed Tonks and a rather battered Sirius who returned to the table half an hour later. Tonks eagerly ate the food in front of her before heading up to crash in her bed. Her dreams plagued by a certain half-naked greeneyed individual.

_ Hey Jacque _

_ Our first Hogsmeade weekend is coming up and I was wondering if you would like to spend the afternoon walking around the village and maybe even grab dinner in the evening, just the two of us. I finally got roped into doing  _ that _ by Hermione. She has planned a meeting around noon at a place called the Hog’s Head. I’m free to meet up after that. I guess what I’m asking is. Jacque Noir would you like to go on a second date with me? The Weekend is on the thirtieth of October. I hope you have the time to come. _

_ Yours Always _ _   
_ _ Harry _

_ Dear Harry _

_ I would love to. I’ve missed you so much and I am dying to see you. I’ll be at the Hog’s Head around noon waiting for you to finish up. Promise me you will be careful and have your friend check up on privacy wards. You can’t be sure nobody is listening in. It doesn’t sound like you are doing something the Ministry would approve. Promise me you will be careful. _

_ Votre Amant _ _   
_ _ Jacque _


	11. Hogsmeade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back with another one!
> 
> Once again. A big thanks to VonPelt for beta-reading my work <3 Much Love <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry still didn’t know how Hermione had roped him into doing this but as they made their way through Hogsmeade going about visiting all the normal shops, Harry found that he only had one thing in mind, seeing Jacque again. These past two months had been terrible at Hogwarts without anything more than letters to keep in contact. 

“What are you thinking about?” Hermione asked.

“Just the meeting. I’m still not sure it’s a good idea. We could get into deep shit for doing something like this.” 

“Language!”

“Honestly, Hermione. You need to loosen up with that when even the Ministry wants to fuck us dry . Noon right?” 

“Yeah,"Hermione choked out and Harry could have sworn that he saw a glint of amusement in her eyes.

“How many people should I be expecting?” 

“Just a couple,” Hermione said defensively. 

“Alright but if this goes tits up then I’ll blame you for it.”

“Language.” But this time it was more uncertain and worried. 

“It’ll be fine,” Ron said, munching on a chocolate bar from Honeyduke’s. “You’re like the best defence student we have. Maybe even including the seventh year students.”

“You’re overestimating me. Hermione knows way more spells than I do.” 

“I’m not so sure about that. I’ve seen the books you have been reading. They’re pretty advanced. Where did you get them?” 

“Tonks mostly. Snuck out once or twice to go to the bookstore here.” 

“HARRY!” 

“What? Fred and George do it all the time. I’ve even learned how to do a glamour to keep me even more inconspicuous.” 

“You-Know-Who is out there.” 

“And he'll ambush me between the charm section and the tomes about ancient runes? Come on, Hermione. Not even Moody is that paranoid.” 

“Dumbledore wouldn’t want you to sneak out.”

“Dumbledore would like to put me in a golden cage and only let me out when he needs me to fix his shit. Like now with Umbridge.” 

“You can’t possibly blame him for Umbridge.” 

“You seriously think he couldn’t get someone in the Order to take the job? Diggle, Vance, Tonks? Hell, he could ask the real Moody to teach.” 

“You’re beginning to sound a little paranoid there, mate.” Ron said. “Dumbledore is not the enemy.” 

“No, he is just my captor, jailor and boss all rolled up in one. He is not the enemy, but he still screwed me over good. What time is it?” 

“It’s quarter to noon.”

“Then let’s go now. Lead the way.”

Harry, Ron and Hermione found themselves standing in front of a sign dirtier than even Grimmauld Place had been. 

“I suppose it could look like a Hog’s Head if you squint your eyes,” Hermione said. “I think this is the place.”

Harry pushed open the door and began looking around for any sign of Jacque. His body was almost screaming a need for physical contact with him. Harry had barely made his way to the bar when he spotted Jacque sitting in a corner booth with a bottle in his hand. He was just about to raise his hand and wave when Jacque shook his head imperceptibly. Harry nodded in return and turned back to hear Ron buy three butterbeers much to the disappointment of the bartender. Who looked oddly familiar in a dirty sort of way. 

Harry had never seen such dusty bottles before. He doubted that it would pass a health and safety inspection even if you tore it down and build a new pub, the grime looked eternal. 

“Do you think he would sell me Firewhisky if I asked?” Ron asked,

“You’re a prefect!” Hermione exclaimed. 

“So?” 

“So, you are supposed to be a role model!”

It was at times like this when Harry was glad he wasn’t a prefect. He was sure Jacque would not mind him buying Firewhisky if he really wanted. “Aren’t people supposed to be arrivi -”

Harry was cut off by the door opening with Fred, George and Lee walking in. They were soon followed by Gryffindor’s Flying Foxes, Angelina, Alicia and Katie. The door opened once more with Colin and Dennis Creevey walking in. Neville walked in with Dean, Parvati and Lavender. Then came a group of Hufflepuff including Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones. Ernie Macmillan and another boy Harry couldn’t put a name to. Then came a group of Ravenclaws led by Padma, Parvati’s twin sister. Cho and a friend. Justin Finch-Fletchley walked in with Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot from Ravenclaw. Moments later Ginny walked in with Michael Corner from Ravenclaw making Ron scowl fiercely at the boy. Lastly Luna Lovegood walked in all alone and sat down. 

“We’d like one, two… twenty-five butterbeers,” Fred said. 

“Pay up we don’t have the coin to pay for all of you,” George said. 

A few moments later everyone was seated with their own bottle. The bartender looked almost befuddled at the amount of people in his place. Harry sent a pointed look towards Hermione. 

“Just a couple?” 

“Well I only told a couple and they must have told others. It’s fine. Shall we?”

“Privacy spells first. I don’t want to be overheard.”

“Who’s the one paranoid now?” 

“I know for a fact that there is at least one Ministry worker in this place right now,” Harry whispered. 

“Who? Where?” Hermione paled. 

“Don’t worry just do it.” 

Hermione waved her wand. 

“What was that for?” 

“So, we weren’t overheard.” Harry said. “I think we all have an idea about how this isn’t exactly something the Pink One would enjoy us doing.” 

“Fair enough.”

“Hermione?”

“Right - ehm - well…”

“Get on with it!”

“What’s your name?” Harry asked in a monotone voice.

“Zacharias Smith. Do you still think You-Know-Who is back?” 

“Does it matter?” Harry asked. “Does it really matter what I think? Is this what this is about? You want to know what really happened that night?”

Harry watched as every face in the group was listening to his words with rapt attention. Harry breathed in deeply. “Alright. The short notes. Cup was a portkey, Cedric and I landed in a graveyard. Within seconds Cedric takes a killing curse to the chest. I get tied up to a gravestone and my blood is used in the ritual used to give  _ him _ a body back.” Harry lifted up his left sleeve showing a long thin scar from his wrist to his elbow. “He then gains his body back. Some unforgivables get thrown around and I run. I manage to grab Cedric’s body and summon the cup to my hand, landing us straight in front of the podium and the rest is history as they say. I’m sorry if you wanted to know in more detail how it feels to be under both the imperius and the cruciatus curse but you probably wouldn’t even believe me if I described it. I’m just a liar after all.”

“Is it true that you can cast a Corporeal Patronus?” 

“Susan Bones, I presume.”

“Yes, how did you know?”

“Your aunt asked that same question, the similarities between you are uncanny. I knew she had a niece in Hufflepuff. Two and two together. Yes, I can cast a fully Corporeal Patronus.” 

“Wicked!” Colin gasped. 

“Look, I can’t teach you -”

“Then what are we here for?!” Smith shouted.

“Shut up!” Ron growled.

“I honestly don’t know what you expect of me. I don’t have all the answers. When I need to find a new spell I look in a book just the same as you do. I can however teach you how to act in a stressful situation. I can try and teach you how not to panic. I’m sure that Hermione has already compiled the last twenty years worth of O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s exams and made a list of likely spells and questions to be asked, I can do my best to teach you those, but I am not a professor. If you want to do this know that this stays between us.”

“Right - Uhm. If you want to -”

“Why him? Why not one of the seventh year students?” 

“Because none of us can cast a Patronus.”

“Harry also defeated a Basilisk in his second year.”

“He fought off a hundred dementors in his third.”

“He was the Tri-Wizard Champion in his fourth.”

“I wasn’t…” Harry interrupted before falling silent. “I wasn’t the only one. Cedric should have been here with us. Hell, Cedric probably taught me half of the stuff I’m going to try and teach you, and Hermione the other half. Sometimes it doesn’t even make much of a difference but if what I teach you becomes the difference between life and death…”

“And helps us with our exam.”

“And helps you with your exam then it is worth it in my opinion,” Harry finished.

“Right. - So the people who want to join please sign this parchment.” 

Harry watched as the parchment passed between everyone there. He finished off the list by writing his own name at the bottom.

“I think we should aim towards meeting once a week.”

“As long as it doesn’t get in the way of our Quidditch Practice,” Angelina said. 

“Or ours,” Smith said. 

“Or ours,” Cho said in a small voice. Harry could see her fighting her tears. If he was honest he was too. He needed to be held by Jacque and it couldn’t be fast enough.

“Yes, yes,” Hermione said. “I think it might actually be a good thing that we don’t meet up on the same nights. I’ll contact one in every house when we have a place and a date for the first meeting.” 

“Alright,” Fred said, standing up. 

Slowly everybody left. Cho hung back a little and Harry just wished she would leave so he could go sit with Jacque. 

“I think that went well,” Hermione said. 

“Smith seemed like a bit of an arsehat,” Ron said. 

“He’s right to be suspicious.”

Hermione and Ron made to leave while Harry just stood still.

“Aren’t you coming?” 

“No, I’ve got other plans.” 

“Really?” Hermione frowned. 

“Really. Go. I’ll be back before curfew.” 

Hermione looked like she was about to protest but Ron took her arm and pulled her along out of the door. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He turned his head and got eye contact with the one person he actually wanted to spend time with at the moment. He saw Jacque first point to the door then point to his left before tapping the back of his shoulder.

Harry made for the door and turned left until he arrived upon an alley where he pulled his hood up obscuring his face. He waited until he heard footsteps coming closer. He pulled his wand and waited. 

As soon as the person turned the corner Harry grabbed them around the arm and shoved his wand to their throat. 

“Where was the first place Jacque and I met?” 

“Park, Little Whinging. You were sitting in a tree reading a book about basic transfiguration.” 

Harry lowered his wand and snaked his other arm around his boyfriend’s waist before pulling him flush against his body and leaning in to capture his lips.

“I missed you,” Harry whispered as he pulled back for air. 

“I missed you too, Handsome. Missed you quite a lot. By the way it’s so weird kissing you when I can’t see your face.” 

“Sorry,” Harry said sheepishly. “Do you want me to take it off?” 

“No. I’m even going to change the colour of your coat. How do you feel about Black?”

“You know I like black. The french variety.”

“You’re not getting into my pants even if you are being incredibly sweet.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Shame.” 

Jacque waved his wand and Harry found his grey coat turned black. “That’ll last until tomorrow.” 

“Neat. Now what do you want to do here? I would assume it’s your first time.”

“It is.” 

“Then shall we go see all the shops?”

“Sure. Where are we eating?” 

“I asked my friends Fred and George and apparently this town has a small restaurant further down the village. Rarely sees students and they even have private rooms there. I managed to book one under the name Noir for us this evening.”

“Are you sure you aren’t trying to get in my pants?” 

“I’m not. I just want to spend some time with you - Oh and I would love to snog you until you can’t breath.” 

“That can be arranged. Lead on, Handsome.”

Harry had never walked around Hogsmeade like this before. It had begun with Harry showing Jacque around the different stores before it turned into an impromptu tour of every secluded spot in the village and an application of more privacy and concealment spells than Harry had even read about. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other every new spot leading to something more drastic. They found their way up to the Shrieking Shack where nobody would be around at this time of the day. Most of the Hogwarts students would be back either at the school or at the three broomsticks. 

Harry pressed Jacque up against a thick tree and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I’m so tempted to go down on my knees and worship your chest, your stomach before finally opening up your jeans and pulling them away so I can choke on your cock. I’m feeling so fucking hot for you it’s driving me insane.”

Jacque whimpered as Harry kissed from his ear to his jaw down his throat. He wasn’t sure where Harry got those ideas from, but his words certainly painted an intriguing fantasy. 

“You’re so sexy it takes every ounce of rationality for me to not try and rip your clothes off.”

“Fuck… Handsome. I can’t…”

Jacque’s hands found their way to Harry’s crotch and gently massaged the bulge in his pants. Harry ran his fingers up under Jacque’s t-shirt and ran his fingernails over the muscles there.

“You’re cut as if sculpted from granite. You make me so hard it’s insane.”

Harry’s hand made his way down and gently grabbed Jacque through the front of his pants, stroking his hand up and down.

“We need to stop,” Jacque placed his hands against Harry’s chest pushing at him slightly. “We need to control ourselves.” 

Harry took a step back. His hood had fallen off in the action. Jacque found the way Harry would shake his head to clear it endearing. Harry blinked a couple of times and breathed in deeply before turning his gaze back to Jacque.

“You’re right. I was getting carried away. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I was getting carried away just as much as you did.” 

Harry stepped closer and pulled Jacque into a tight embrace resting his forehead against the nook of Jacque’s neck. “This is nice.”

Jacque flipped them so Harry was leaning against the tree. He leaned into Harry and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s getting longer already.”

“That’s what hair does,” Harry chuckled. “It grows.”

“I know that. I’m just saying it’s getting longer. It’ll probably be untameable again before we can get you to a barber.” 

“Probably. God I’ve missed everything about you. Your touch, your warmth, your scent, but most of all I’ve missed your voice and the way you make me feel. There is no way to describe it as anything other than peace. Jacque Noir you make me feel at peace.” 

Harry was just about to kiss him again when they heard familiar voices. 

“I’m telling you, I saw him walking up here with someone.” 

“Hermione, are you certain?” 

“Of course I’m certain.” 

Harry groaned loudly before sending Jacque an apologetic smile. “Ready to meet my two oldest friends?” 

“Does your friend always follow you into the woods?”

“More often than not yeah,” Harry smirked. “She means well. She just has a need to know everything. How do we look?” 

“You look slightly ruffled. Here let me help.”

Jacque ran his fingers through Harry’s hair until he was satisfied. Harry straightened up Jacque’s t-shirt and jacket before turning to his hair. “Do you always have perfect hair?” 

“Pretty much yeah.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“We can’t all be cursed with the infamous Potter hair.”

“It’s not infamous.”

“Handsome, they sell Sleekeazy’s in Paris too, with your grandfather's mug on the bottle”

“And how was I supposed to know that,” Harry mock-pouted. “It’s not like I’ve been there before.” 

“We’ll go some day. I’ll show you around. If you behave yourself, I'll take you there the next weekend you can get out of that castle. Now let’s go face the music.”

Harry stepped out from behind the tree and watched as Hermione and Ron had gotten into another bickering fight. It almost felt silly looking at the two of them like that.

“Ahem ahem,” Harry fake coughed. 

He forced himself to not chuckle at their startled appearances. “Now if you are done following me then I’d like you to introduce you to my… friend, Jaqcue.”

“Hi there.” 

Hermione looked suspiciously at the new face and scrunched up her face.

“Who the bloody hell is that?” Ron asked.

It was a testament to how put off Hermione felt that she didn’t automatically chide Ron for his language.

“Who  _ are _ you?” 

“Jacque Noir, Eighteen. Studied at Beauxbatons. Working at the Ministry in the Department of Law Enforcement. I’m still new around here.”

“How do you know Harry?” 

“I moved in close to where Harry lives with his relatives.”  _ If you consider Sirius family you have no idea how true that statement is _ . “I ran into him one day in a park and he looked like he needed someone to talk to.e hit it off and suddenly a few hours were gone.” 

“I see.” 

“You can’t be serious mate. He works for  _ them _ .”

“So, do a few people we know, probably close to half of the  _ club _ , your dad included, Ron,” Harry sighed. “What do you expect me to say? I’m sorry for having other friends than you?”

“Not what I was saying. How do you know he’s not a Death Eater or in league with You-Know-Who?” 

“Jacque, how many opportunities did you have to hurt or kill me?”

“At least thirty I can think of, and that's just today. I could have gotten you in the Cinema quite easily. You seemed… distracted.” 

Harry fought hard against his blush but he must have failed if the widening eyes on Hermione’s face was any indication. They soon narrowed to slits again. 

“You don’t seem to have an accent.” 

“British Mum. I grew up speaking both languages.” 

“And what does your parents do?” 

“Dad’s a lawyer and Mum’s a healer.” 

“Why weren’t you at the Tri-Wizard tournament?” 

“Wanted to focus on my studies instead. And given that Birdy was in the delegation, us mere mortals stood no chance to be chosen.” 

“Hermione, relax. Have you sated your curiosity? He’s not trying to kill me.” 

Hermione huffed, but didn’t seem like she wanted to leave just yet.

“What’s the real problem, Hermione?” 

“You’ve been different.”

“Watching someone die and then get left to your own isolation. It changes a person. Jacque was there when no one else was. If I’m different it’s because of you.”

“That’s not fair. Dumbledore -”

“Dumbledore told you not to write me, but  _ YOU _ chose to do so. Same goes for you, Ron. I’m tired of listening to the same excuse over and over again.”

“You’re being a right git,” Ron said.

“Am I Ron? Am I really? You know what - fuck you - for thinking I entered the tournament last year.”

“I apologized for that.”

“No Ron, you told me someone must have been trying to kill me by putting me into the tournament right after I had almost died trying to outfly a fucking dragon because Hermione and I could not think of anything so I went with the suggestion a Death Eater made. The same Death Eater who entered me into that bloody tournament. That’s not an apology that’s not even close to one. You expected us to just pick up where you had left it before your precious feelings got hurt. You know what. It didn’t. Jacque, we’re leaving.” 

Harry stalked off down the path not even looking back to check if Jacque was following him. He made it down to the nearest alleyway that qualified as somewhat secluded. He slammed his fist into the brickwork. A sickening crunch resounded from his fist and he hissed in pain. 

“What did you do that for?”

“Jacque… I don’t know. I’m just so angry all the time. The one person I wanted to see and they had to come snooping because lo and behold Harry Flipping Potter can’t have any other friends than Ron Eats-Too-Much Weasley and Hermione I-Need-To-Know-Everything Granger. They act like I’m supposed to follow them around looking to them for all the answers. Did you know that she has stopped helping me with my homework because I was doing too well in class? Not like I have many other things to do than studying now that I don’t have Quidditch. Ron thinks everything is going to be just alright. He’s prefect so of course he doesn’t need good grades to succeed in life.”

Harry breathed in heavily before wincing in pain. He cradled his hand tenderly in his other hand.

“Let me see that,” Jacque said with an unreadable explanation. 

Harry turned away from him, hiding his hand from sight with his body. 

“Don’t make me stun you, Handsome. Give me your hand.” 

Harry tried to shuffle away but Jacque pinned him up against the nearest wall. He grabbed Harry’s wrist and looked it over closely. “Looks like a slight fracture. I’m going to cast a spell to heal it. It will hurt but I’m inclined to believe you deserve that for being an idiot.  _ Episkey _ ”

Harry hissed as the bones mended and snapped back in place. Jacque kept Harry’s hand firmly in his grip. Harry tried to pull it away but Jacque wasn’t budging or letting him escape.

“What’s this?” Jacque asked threateningly, running a finger over the back of Harry’s hand.

“It’s nothing.” 

“Like hell, Harry. That is a fucking scar carved into the back of your hand.  _ I must not tell lies _ . What the fuck are you not telling me?” 

“It’s nothing. Just another scar to my collection. Chicks -”

“If you finish that sentence I’m going to deck you. Who?”

Harry felt a shiver running down his spine. He wasn’t sure if it was fear or it was arousal. There was something about Jacque’s voice that made him feel like he was in danger while simultaneously being held in the safest place on earth. 

“Who do you think?” 

“ _ Her _ . I swear when I get my hands on her they won’t even be able to find an eye.” 

“As much as it turns me on when you are feeling murderous for me. It won’t matter. Fudge will just send someone else to do his dirty work. I can handle it.” 

“I don’t want you to handle it. I want that old fuck to handle it. It’s his school. He has more than enough political power to tell the Ministry no. If he told people that the Ministry was torturing students…”

“I think it’s just the one student, actually.”

“So, just because it’s you, you don’t deserve justice? Fuck that!” 

Harry removed his hands from Jacque’s and caressed his cheek. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Don’t… I appreciate it but don’t. I can handle it.”

“And how broken will you handling it leave you?” 

“I’ll be fine. I always am. I just grow past it like I’ve always done. You know that - better than anybody.”

“I don’t want you to have to do that.” 

“That’s my life. It’s a curse. It has been for as long as I can remember. Now I believe there is a table at a nearby restaurant with your name on it, Wonderboy.” 

“I’m not sure if I’m hungry.” 

“Don’t let it ruin our day together, Jacque. I might not see you again until Christmas the next time. Please?” 

“We  _ will _ talk about this, but you’re right I need somewhere private right now for what I’m about to do to you.”

“Should I be worried?” 

“Maybe a little.” 

The restaurant eagerly allowed them into the Private Room when Harry added a few more galleons to their pockets. It didn’t take long for snacks and drinks to arrive, both soon forgotten. Harry’s coat soon fell to the floor followed by his t-shirt. Jacque had straddled his waist and gyrated his hips down onto Harry’s. Featherlight touches and kisses trailing the scars all over Harry’s torso. Jacque stopped at one on his shoulder planting his lips on top of it.

“This?”

“Horntail. Nicked me with it’s tail.”

“And this?” Another kiss.

“Dudley.”

“And this?”

“Don’t remember. Maybe the tournament.”

“And this?” Jacque had kissed the back of his hand.

“You know what that one is.”

“I want you to hear you say it. To acknowledge what happened as something wrong, something that shouldn’t have happened. Say it.”

“The Toad did that to me,” Harry growled. “You happy?”

“Was it right of her to do that to you?”

Harry looked defiantly at him until tears streamed down his eyes. His chest expanding and deflating in irregular intervals. Jacque rested his head on Harry’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. 

“It’s okay. Let it out. I won’t judge. Hold me, Handsome.”

Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Jacque and squeezed as if Jacque was the only lifeline and he was a man drowning. Jacque stayed in his lap listening to him cry until he felt the arms fall away and the breathing become calm and unhurried again. 

“Do you feel better now?”

“Not really. It’s not like my situation has changed. It's still going to be shit as soon as I enter the castle. Is it worth it?” 

“Honestly Harry, I don’t even know anymore… Promise me you will try and be careful?” 

“Of course. I’ll always try and be careful.”

Jacque looked up, studying his face. Harry ran his fingers through that perfect hair on his head. Even after mussing it and all the snogging it still fell into the same perfect curls as they were always in. 

“What are you thinking about?”

“I might be about to make a mistake.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Harry, Handsome. I’m done denying myself… Don’t freak out. Harry, I think I might be in love with you.”

Harry stared openly at him. His mouth opened but no sound came out. 

“Say something? Please?”

“Jacque… I don’t know what love is. How do you know?”

“It’s like… I think about you whenever you’re not there. I look forward to any letter you sent with barely hidden anticipation. You are the only thing keeping me happy when I have a shit day at my job. I miss you whenever I’m awake. I feel intoxicated being in your arms. I… I… Harry you make me feel like everything is worth it and that everything is going to be alright in the end.”

Harry pondered his words while resting his face against the curls. “I think I might be in love with you too.” 

“You sure?” 

“I don’t know. I feel the same for you as you described it. You make my days more fun. I keep reading your letters over and over again.”

Jacque squealed and hugged Harry tightly. “You really mean that?” 

“Yes,” Harry smiled. “I think I love you.” 

Jacque began nibbling at Harry’s skin eliciting a moan from his lips. Jacque ran fingernails down his stomach leaving long red lines over his defined muscles. Harry stiffened when he felt a pair of soft hands on his belt and crotch. He grabbed Jacque’s wrists in panic. 

“What?” 

“I think we should stop.”

“Oh shit. Sorry. You’re right. It’s just…”

“Don’t worry I understand. Trust me. I’m the one supposed to be controlled by my hormones and trust me you are driving me crazy.” 

Harry rose reached for his shirt and put it back on.

“Awe, I liked you with no shirt on.” 

“I’m sure you did,” Harry smirked. “I’m hungry, and this was supposed to be a dinner date.” 

“Fine!” Jacque pouted playfully. “How do we order when we are in here?”

“We don’t. Pick something you’d like to eat and I’ll go order it for us.” 

Harry watched as Jacque went over the menu. He couldn’t stop the feeling of joy from surfacing on his face. He leaned his head back against the back of the chair.

“What are you smiling about?” 

“Did you pick what you’d like to eat?” 

“My question first.”

“I’m smiling about you. You make me happy Jacque. Right now you are one of maybe three people in my life that I trust.”

_ You really shouldn’t. I’m not who I say I am.  _ Jacque smiled sadly. “I’ll take the steak, medium rare.” 

“I’ll have the same, I think.” 

Harry got up and walked out of the room. He didn’t see the pained expression that flickered across Jacque’s face as he watched Harry, the man  _ she  _ had come to love as well. It felt like a knife was being twisted through her heart. She had become addicted to his love and the way he made her feel. She couldn’t lose it anymore. She would do anything to keep Harry even though she realized how selfish it was. 

Jacque looked up again when he heard the door open. He plastered a smile on his face. Harry went over to him and sat on top of his lap with a leg on either side.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful I find you?” 

“You might have mentioned it once or twice.”

“You’re beautiful, Jacque Noir.” 

Jacque blushed even if he had known it was coming. “You’re going to sit there until the waiter brings the food?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Not a good idea, Handsome if you don’t want rumours to start spreading.”

“Why do you have to be logical at the worst possible times?”

“Because it is fun for me to see you all hot and bothered.” 

Harry grinded his hips with a smirk on his face. He leaned in and sucked hard on Jacque’s neck leaving a deep red mark just where a collared shirt would hide it.

“I… hate… you…” Jacque breathed heavily. 

“No, you don’t. You just told me you are in love with me.” Harry got out of Jacque’s lap and gave him a small pat just north of his belt buckle. 

Jacque groaned, involuntarily jerking his hips upwards. He was just about to open his mouth when a knock on the door happened. 

“Come in,” Harry said from his own chair.

“Two medium rare steaks. Anything else?”

Harry looked at Jacque, lifting his eyebrow. Jacque shook his head in response. 

“I think we’re good.” 

“Have a pleasant meal.”

Jacque moaned after he had taken the first bite. “This is  _ so  _ good!”

“I’m glad you like the place. You’re right it is good. Not a bad recommendation this one.” 

Jacque happily ate the food talking about nothing really. He talked about how stupid his colleagues were and how there was one who kept giving him inappropriate comments at work.

“A woman?” 

“Uhm - Yeah.” 

“Not your thing or?” 

“Not at the moment.”

“So, you like both?”

“Where is this line of questioning going, Handsome?”

“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m with you and there is no one else…”

“I’m sensing a but coming.”

“What if I told you I was attracted to girls too?”

Jacque sat back and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I already knew that. Did you forget that you told me about Cho? Is this about her?”

“No. Oh god no, I don’t even know what I saw in her anymore. Honestly, I don’t know what Cedric saw in her either.”

“She was that Chinese girl sending you eyes at the Hog’s Head, wasn’t she?”

“Sending me eyes?” 

“Looked like a lovestruck little puppy,” Jacque spat. 

“Huh. Didn’t notice. No, it’s not about her.”

“But it is about someone?” 

Harry tried to read anything from Jacque’s face but his face was completely imperceptible. 

“You know that I am not the type of bloke to do something behind your back right?” 

“I know, Handsome.” A small smile appearing on Jacque’s face. “That’s why I’m not nervous about you being around all those temptations. But it’s not any of those is it?”

“It’s not. Fuck… I don’t even know how to explain it. She’s more like a sister than anything but she makes me want to shove her up against the wall and have my way with her sometimes. And not only her, sometime I have these thoughts about the chasers - ”

Jacque blinked, then he blinked some more as Harry laid bare various fantasies involving his team mates and then Tonks again before finally closing his open mouth.

“Sorry. That was completely inappropriate and I won't act on them but these thoughts…”

“No, no. I was just a bit surprised. Tonks right?”

“Yeah. I don’t even understand what it is about her…”

“Should I be jealous?”  _ Of myself. I’m not even sure if I should be ecstatic or jealous of myself. This is ridiculous. _

“No. You shouldn’t be jealous. First of all, I want you more than her. Second of all, on the off chance you get tired of me nothing would come of it. She treats me like I’m her kid brother.”

_ You have never been more wrong in your life. She - we - I would jump at the chance. _

“Good thing I’ll never get tired of you.”

“I’m glad. I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” 

“No, I’m happy you told me. I’m glad you were able to be honest with me. What is it about her that attracts you?”

“Why would you want to know that?” 

“I’ve never been in a position like this before. The men I’ve dated before have been into me completely.” 

“You’ve dated a lot?”

“Less than you think but I’m not a virgin either.” 

“Should I be jealous?” 

“If you’re being reasonable no. If you’re not reasonable then sure. I’m all yours now, Handsome.” 

Harry smiled fondly at him. 

“You never answered my question.”

“You remember how I told you about my potions treatment in the summer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I had to work out. She and my Godfather helped me. I swear to you, she is built like a goddess. The perfect balance of hard and soft. I don’t even know how to explain it. She reminds me of you. The same humour, the same style, the same smile even. If I didn’t know that she was older than you and an only child I would have thought you could be related, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t the case.” 

“Maybe a distant cousin, a few times removed. You know how purebloods are. Anything special about her?”

“She’s just something special I suppose. Not that it matters, you’re the one that matters to me.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want to hurt a bitch.”  _ Fuck, I’m actually getting jealous at myself. That’s some fucking irony. _

“I don’t think that’s going to be necessary. Possessive or jealous?” 

“Bit of both. You’re  _ mine _ , Handsome.”

“I could get used to that.” 

“Good. Cause I am not letting you go. You’re too good of a catch.”

Jacque had already moved from his chair and planted himself sideways on top of Harry’s lap. “I’m going to kiss you so hard you’ll be seeing stars for days.” 

Harry didn’t get a chance to reply before his mouth was cut off by Jacque’s lips. His hands reached the hem of Jacque’s shirt. One hand traced the contours of Jacque’s stomach while the other one made its way under his shirt up to his neck, pulling his head flush to his lips. 

His head was yanked back by Jacque’s fingers and he looked up into those greyish blue eyes. It almost seemed like they had a life of their own. 

“You are making this  _ so hard _ for me, Handsome,” Jacque whispered in his ear before flicking his tongue at his earlobe. “I’m so worked up and you make me want to do unspeakable things to you. Pin you to a wall, a bed, anything really and then - You - drive - me - crazy.”

“It’s not only hard for you,” Harry growled back.

“Oh, trust me… I’m very aware how hard it is for you.”

Jacque got up from Harry’s lap and kissed him chastely on the lips. He reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head.

Harry stared wide eyed at the sculpted body presented in front of him. “God, you are perfect.” 

“Mhmm… kiss.”

Harry leaned forward and planted a kiss on each of the muscles in front of him. Jacque ran his fingers lazily over Harry’s stomach and pants. 

“That’s enough.”

“Wh-why?” 

“I was just making sure that when you got back to the castle you would take a shower and think about me and my half naked body. A  _ long steaming shower _ .”

“You - you’re evil.”

Jacque smiled mischievously and pulled his shirt back on. “I need you to get you back to the castle. It’s getting late.”

Harry stood up and grabbed his coat from the floor, pulling it on. He turned towards Jacque and winked before pulling his hood up, obscuring his face.

“What about the bill?” 

“Already taken care of. Let’s go before I rip those clothes off of you.”

“I wouldn’t hate that, you know.”

“Please stop tempting me…”

“You make it sound like I’m the bad one here. We both know that it is your charms that have made me fall for you, Handsome.”

Harry loved walking through the streets of Hogsmeade at night. The different houses lit up the street while the alleys faded into shadows. 

“I’m so late. I hadn’t even realized.”

“Will you be able to get in?” 

“I know of a few ways. I just hope that I’ll be able to get there without being noticed. Hmm - Want to get something from Honeyduke’s?”

“I thought you said you were late.”

“Oh I am. Gate’s closed and everything. The carriages don’t run any longer and there are probably a contingency of teachers waiting for me in the entrance hall. Umbridge most likely too.”

“Why aren’t you more worried?”

“Because I’m not going to go through the front gates. So, Honeyduke’s?”

“There’s a secret passage to the castle from there, isn’t there?”

“Right in one, Wonderboy. I could use a distraction if you are up for it.” 

“You so owe me the biggest selection of chocolates for this.”

“Anything you want.” 

“Fine, give the money here.” 

“Thank you.”

Harry pulled out his invisibility cloak and walked right behind Jacque as he opened the door to Honeyduke’s.

“My date stood me up,” Jacque fake-cried. “I need the biggest basket of chocolate you have.” 

“Awe, you poor dear. Here let me show you.”

Harry leaned in and whispered. “Thank you for today. I love you, Jacque Noir.”

Jacque stiffened before his entire body rang with excitement, so different to how he had reacted just two and a half months ago. He watched as the door in the back opened and closed behind his invisible boyfriend. 

“This is it, dear,” The lady said. “Fifteen galleons.” 


	12. No More Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back with another one lovely people <3
> 
> VonPelt the mad lad beta-read this one until the angels started crying. Thank you <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxxX

Tonks arrived back at Grimmauld Place, humming a tune to herself. She was feeling more happy about everything than she had in a long time. Her new home was looking great and Sirius was looking better and better. The Order might still not have been doing as much as she was led to believe and the Ministry… Okay the Ministry could still bring her mood down. Especially Minister Fudge and Umbridge. God, she hated that woman more than she had hated anyone in her life. 

“What’s wrong? Date not go alright?”

“Hey Sirius. No, the date was good. More than good actually.”

“Then why do you look like you want to murder someone?”

“Umbridge,” Tonks grinded her teeth. “She somehow carved a scar into Harry’s hand!”

“WHAT?!”

Sirius was just about to get up when Tonks hit him with a full-body-bind curse. “Relax, you maniac. You’re not the only one who is angry. I was just about to run up to the castle and murder her myself. Harry talked me out of it.”

“Why would he do that?”

“He said that if something happened to the bitch the Minister would have legitimate reason to go after Hogwarts. I don’t like it Sirius, but she is well protected by Fudge and Fudge is popular enough because he pretends that everything is alright and that's what the Wizengamot wants to believe. You know, when I first found out, it was like Harry didn’t even think it was wrong for her to do it to him. I’m telling you - Harry might seem okay but he has a very twisted sense of self worth.”

“It’s my fault.” 

“No it’s not! Stop that. Sure, could some things have been different. Of course, they could have but this is not on you. This is on the Minister and her. I swear if I ever get the chance to make her disappear when she is outside of Hogwarts they’ll never know where to find her. Nobody hurts  _ my  _ Harry like that.”

Sirius smirked knowingly. “That good huh?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Told you he loved you?”

“In a fashion.”

“Congratulations. You didn’t freak out and run out on him again?”

Tonks blushed fiercely and stuck out her tongue. “No, I was the one to say it first.” 

“Tell me about your date.”

“Why should I?” Tonks teased.

“Because I’m living vicariously through you and my godson. Spill the beans.” 

“Okay, okay. Well, we had decided to meet up at the Hog’s Head. Hermione managed to convince Harry to start an illegal defence club. I noticed Mundungus sitting in the bar as well. Harry was at least smart enough not to let anybody overhear what they were talking about but talk about a bad venue for a clandestine meeting. The three broomsticks would have been tons better. Nevermind. I obviously didn’t hear what they were talking about but at one point Harry looked really tense.”

Tonks took the proffered drink from Dobby who had joined Sirius on his own high chair next to the table. Kreacher still called Dobby a disgrace but like Sirius they both took it like a badge of honour. 

“Then after the meeting Harry and I walked around Hogsmeade for a bit.”

“What did you do?”

“Ehm… we checked out the shops…”

“And the alleys!” Dobby piped in.

Tonks spluttered her drink all over the table. “Were you following us?”

“Maybe miss Jackie.” 

“Sirius…”

“Don’t look at me. Dobby’s day off this week.” 

“Dobby?”

“Sorry miss Jackie. Dobby wanted to know if Great Harry Potter was safe.” 

Tonks sent stink eyes at both of the males at the table. “Right… we might have tried to snog in every alley in Hogsmeade.”

“That’s my Godson! Did you?”

“Mhhmm,” Tonks smirked. “He’s an amazing kisser. Sends heat straight to my -”

“And that’s enough of that. What happened next?”

“Well we were switching between pressing the other up against this large tree near the Shrieking Shack, when get this, Hermione and Ron had followed us up there. I mean, as much as I like Hermione, I’m starting to see why Harry feels so constrained at all times. He had even told them he was meeting someone else and she still came to snoop. So, Jacque is now officially introduced to Hermione and Ron. Damn near tore through me with that interrogation.”

“She can be intense.” 

“Dobby hopes her day be as pleasant as she is.” 

Sirius and Tonks both snorted involuntarily. They exchanged a bemused glance before focusing back on Tonks’s retelling of her date.

“What happened then?” 

“Well, Harry got pissed off at both of them and stormed off. I kind of get him in a way. It really almost seemed like they weren’t allowing him to have any friends besides them. It was a little disturbing, but then again I am a complete stranger with a cover story so thin it has more holes than a Swiss cheese. I then find him in one of the alleyways right as he punches the wall hard enough to break it. I healed it easily enough but that was when I saw the scars. Sirius, she forced him to carve into the back of his hand  _ I must not tell lies _ . I mean what kind of psycho bitch would do that to a student.”

Sirius growled loudly and Tonks was almost certain that he was going to unconsciously change into his Grim form. Instead he surprised her when an almost manic smile spread on his face. 

“Dobby!”

“Yes, Master Dogger?”

“This means war! We might not be able to remove her from the picture but we can make her life a living hell. Dobby can you get in contact and convince the elves at Hogwarts to not clean her quarter or wash her clothes?”

“Dobby might be able to. House elves talk. The Toad is not popular with the Elvses.”

“Good, good, it’s a start. Can we sneak some itching powder into her bed?” 

“Dobby cans do it!”

“Alright you two psychopaths. Enough of that. Are you sure this is not just going to send her on a warpath and harm Harry?” 

“But!”

“Yes miss Jackie, Dobby is wanting to protect Great Harry Potter, miss.”

“You two lunatics, at least gather intelligence first. Don’t you have two agents of chaos already there in the Castle?”

“Messers Gred and Forge?” Dobby asked. “They be menaces indeed. Dobby still has not been able to fully clean their room.”

“Hmm, she’s got a point, my pointy eared friend. We do have two followers to do the initial estimations… We’ll find a way to send them a letter.”

“Dobby can takes it to the Owl Post?”

“We’ll do that tomorrow. Now back to the story. So, you fixed up Harry’s hand and then?”

“You know the restaurant called  _ The Singing Merman _ ? Harry had booked a private room for us to have dinner in.” 

“Damn… He really went all out,” Sirius whistled.

“What do you mean?” 

“That place ain’t cheap and it’s even harder to get a private room. They only give those to VIP’s. He must have flashed his scar or something to make that happen.”

“But Harry hates his fame?” Tonks sounded confused. 

“Exactly. He did something he would hate to give you - Jacque - a good night out. I’m proud of him. That’s a killer move. Did it work?”

“If you mean by did it make me want to jump his bones… then yes. I swear to you Sirius. He’s a natural. He somehow manages to say the right things without even trying, just by being himself.”

“I think I know how this goes. Things got heated but you still kept to your moral senses and then Harry went back to Hogwarts after dinner.”

“Pretty much, yeah…” Tonks flashed a small smile.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me here.” 

“Harry told me something nice, though he didn’t mean for it to be nice.”

“What?” 

“He confessed that he is attracted to this form. He was really cute about it too. Almost afraid I was going to be mad at him.”

“So, Harry is attracted to both of you?”

“Yeah.” The happiness flooding her voice. 

“That’s good. Great in fact. I’m happy for you.” 

“Thank you Sirius. Now I really need some alone time. Harry left me -” 

“And that’s far more than I needed to know. Thank you very much, remember to silence your room! Goodnight Tonks!”

“Goodnight Sirius, Dobby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Sirius waited until she had left the room before turning to Dobby with the same ferocious smile on his face.

“Dobby, my dear friend, I think we’ve got some planning to do.”

“Yes, Master Dogger!”

Tonks arrived the next morning feeling refreshed and happy. Nothing really could ruin her good mood. She opened up the door to the kitchen expecting Dobby to have cooked breakfast. Even on his days off he still liked to cook it was more of a case of him deciding to cook rather than being obligated to cook. It usually ended up with Tonks having to buy take-out once a week for all three of them but considering that Dobby cooked the rest of the week it only seemed fair. 

It had been fun introducing Dobby to Indian food. The little guy had been red in his eyes and had only calmed down after emptying the rest of the milk in the fridge. Pizza had been a success all around. 

The new food experiences had even begun spilling into the regular cooking. Sometimes Dobby would get a little experimental but most of the time it ended up being at least edible. Yes, Dobby was about as a stable of the Grimmauld Place kitchen as Mrs. Weasley had been over the summer which was why the lack of breakfast in any form was a surprise to her. 

She poked her head around the corner and found both of them sleeping face down on the kitchen table in between parchment and ink. Tonks quietly lifted up one of the parchments and read the title.  _ Toad Hunt plan number forty-seven. Charm bludger to hit Umbridge repeatedly during Quidditch Matches.  _ Another parchment.  _ Plan number thirty-two. Change all of her clothes into an acid green that stains her skin when she wears it.  _ Another one.  _ Potion her morning tea so she acts like a toad or changes her into an actual toad.  _

Tonks shook her head ruefully before breathing in deeply. “Ahem ahem.”

The two sleeping individuals raised their head in shock. Tonks fought a giggle from slipping past her lips at the sight of Sirius with a parchment stuck to his cheek and the inksplotches that took up most of Dobby’s face. 

“Now, could someone tell me what is going on here?” Tonks asked with the sternest expression she could manage.

Sirius panickedly began gathering up the large amount of parchment with Dobby soon following. They both looked like children having gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“My dear niece, it’s not what it looks like.”

Tonks leaned forward and snatched the parchment that had been stuck to Sirius’s face.

“Toad extermination plan number twenty-one. Making all her quills dry out whenever she tries to write with them. Sirius Black. Do not try and lie to me. I thought I told you not to do anything stupid last night.”

“We be not doing anything stupid, miss Jackie,” Dobby defended. “It be very much necessary work.” 

Tonks lifted a single eyebrow extending her locks to make a very impressive imitation of her mother. “It’s not?”

“No, no. This was all just a…”

“A thinking experiment.” 

“Yes, a thought experiment. Just a bit of harmless fun, right Dobby?”

“Yes, yes, Master Dogger.” 

“I see and you will not be sending these with specific instructions on how to do them to the Twins?” 

“Wouldn’t think of doing that,” Sirius said quickly.

Tonks narrowed her eyes. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to take revenge on the Toad herself. In fact some of these ideas would have been right up her wheel-house if she had still been at Hogwarts. The fact was that they had no control over how wrong this could go if they unleashed the Twins on Umbridge and in doing so what would happen to Harry.

“Just think of what she would do in retaliation. This could come back to hurt Harry in a big way, even if she cannot prove anything. He is already on thin ice with the stuff he is doing under the Ministry’s noses. I think it would be better to help him doing that in an unnoticed way. He has twenty-eight students trying to practice defensive magic without being noticed. You should help him think of places to do that instead.”

“Dobby knows of a place.” 

“Where?” Sirius asked eagerly. “I know about the passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor. It has a big cavernous room behind it.”

“Cavein during my time,” Tonks shook her head. “Something about a duel gone wrong or something. I don’t know the details just that a few students were in the hospital wing for a week.”

“Dobby?” 

“The elves calls it the come and go room. Dobby worked at Hogwarts last year.”

“Never heard of it. You?” 

Tonks shook her head. “Where did you say this room was?” 

“Seventh floor. Across from tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.”

“Huh, don’t think I remember a room being there.” 

“I think there might have been a broom closet there when I was back at Hogwarts,” Sirius pondered loudly. “You sure this room would work?”

“The room cans be anything. It changes into what you need.” 

“So, if Sirius needed a broom closet for whatever reason?”

“Then it be a broom closet.” 

“And if Harry needed it to be a room where he could teach thirty odd students?”

“Dobby thinks it would do that too.” 

“Great. Now we just need to find a way to tell him.” 

“Dobby cans do that.” 

“Alright, tell him when nobody is around. I don’t want Dumbledore or anyone else to know that you or we were involved,” Tonks said seriously. 

Dobby nodded seriously. 

“Alright you two. Go clean yourself up. I’ll cook breakfast.”

Sirius replied with a small groan while Dobby looked about as ecstatic as an elf could look. Tonks rolled up her sleeve and went to get the ingredients she would need out of the fridge before she began to fry bacon and stir eggs. She even had a pot of canned beans going on the stove. She had gotten better in the kitchen since she moved out. She would be lying if she said it wasn’t so she could cook something nice for Harry at some point. She had gotten an O in her Potion N.E.W.T., cooking wasn’t that different in the whole scheme of things. 

She might have played up her clumsiness a bit more than it actually was. She wanted people to underestimate her. If she could fool her Mum and Moody then she could fool anybody. It was easy telling people that the constant shift in her centre of gravity made her clumsy but it was far from the truth. She knew instinctively what her form was at any given point. She would have gotten caught tailing people if she stumbled at an inopportune moment. 

She idly wondered if Harry would enjoy having her cook for him. Maybe she could cook for him only wearing an apron. That might be a fun morning. 

“Wow. No smell of burning.” 

“Shut, it you mutt. I can cook just fine. I just don’t care for it as much as my mother would like for me to care about it. Mum gets intense about anything ladylike.”

“Yeah, Andy was always the homeliest of my cousins. She was the one who wanted a family more than the rest of us.”

“She’s happy to cook for dad. Still, I don’t need her to know about this. A girl has got to have her secrets.” 

“My lips are sealed.” 

“They better be.”

Tonks waved her wand and served the food on three different plates leaving a small amount of breakfast for Kreacher to take when he wanted it or more likely if he wanted it. She still wasn’t sure that the old elf actually ate food and not something worse anymore. He probably did.

“Are you going to send your list to the Twins?”

“Are you going to stop me if we are?”

“No,” Tonks shook her head. “Honestly it’s not a bad idea. They already have a reputation for it and they’ll know how to get away with it even if the whole school knows about it. I still thi-”

She was interrupted by the morning owl bringing the Daily Prophet. She idly gave it a few coins before snatching it up and looking over the front page.

“Shit!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I told you that I thought it would be bad to have that meeting in the Hog’s Head, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

Tonks flipped the paper around and tapped her finger on the front page article.

_ Hogwarts High Inquisitor Cleans Up Unnecessary Clubs at Hogwarts. _ _   
_ _ By Barnabas Cuffe _

_ After a series of Ministerial Educational Decrees another one was signed just yesterday evening by Minister Fudge giving Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher and High Inquisitor, Undersecretary Umbridge the right to decide which clubs, teams or groups are allowed at Hogwarts. _

_ “It’s our firm belief that Hogwarts is first and foremost an educational institution,” Percival Weatherby, Junior Undersecretary to the Minister says. “Too long distracting groups have taken time away from what is really important at Hogwarts namely the children’s continued furthering of their education. Given the declining standards of the recent years and the low number of graduates qualified to apply for higher Ministry positions, something must be done. We hope that this will only be a temporary measure until the crisis is overcome as the Ministry acknowledges that the students need to unwind. That is why all clubs and student organisations can be approved after an individual review. Undersecretary Umbridge has already done a fine job at realigning some of the malcontent subjects like Defence Against the Dark Arts to Ministerial and Educational Standards.” _

_ (More on the different teachers in that position on page 3). _ _   
_ _ (More on the recently established Educational Decrees and their effects page 4). _

“Shit indeed.”

“Someone else from the Ministry must have been in that bar. Someone who was more than willing to earn a quick favour by ratting on them. You think this is going to stop them?” Tonks asked nervously.

“Not likely,” Sirius sighed. “If Harry is anything like his father this would only spur him on. I just hope this doesn’t blow up in anyone’s face.”

“This is bad.”

Tonks sat back with an unreadable expression as this week’s Order Meeting unfolded. It had been more than a week since she had been on the date with Harry and there had been no new letters for Jacque. The first thing Moody had taught her was that a break in a person’s pattern meant that something was up. The only problem was how she was going to bring it up without drawing suspicion to herself. She returned her focus to the meeting. Nothing new got brought forward. They guarded the same door and they talked about the same nonsensical leads that even an untrained person would know wouldn’t lead to anything. 

“What about Umbridge?” 

Everyone’s head snapped to the voice interrupting the lul in the conversation. Sirius looked… stormy for a lack of better word.

“And why would that matter to you… Black?” Snape drawled.

“My Godson is in that school. I still get the newspapers, Snivellus.” 

“You dare!!”

“Enough!” Dumbledore shouted. “And to answer your question, Sirius. Everything is well within my control. The Minister is just postulating. I think both Minerva and Severus can agree that none of the already existing clubs have been disbanded.”

Snape nodded easily enough while McGonagall’s nod had a bit of an edge to it. Tonks did not like that look on her face. 

“This is because of that meeting Potter had with his friend’s at the Hog’s Head, isn’t it?” Mundungus piped up. 

Tonks fought hard to keep the glee from her face. She had seen how easy the other members had just taken Dumbledore at his word.

“What exactly is going on at the school, Headmaster?” Mrs. Weasley asked hesitantly. “Arthur has told-”

“Molly, everything is under control.” 

“Albus that is just not true,” McGonagall interrupted. “That  _ woman  _ is a menace. She is parading herself around the place with no regard for actually teaching. She is terrorizing certain individuals. I had to gather the rest of the Heads of Houses Severus included to reinstate more than the Slytherin Quidditch Team! What would she even do with a Quidditch Cup with only one team participating. Things are  _ not  _ under control.” 

Sirius and Tonks exchanged looks. It sounded much more dire than they had thought. Maybe, that envelope of refined ideas needed to make its way to the twins. 

“Minerva…” God, Tonks hated that disappointed grandfather act even more now. “It is necessary for the Ministry to think they have a handle on the situation at Hogwarts. So, that they don’t turn their attention towards other far more important endeavours. I assure everyone that the situation at Hogwarts is firmly under control, even if Madam Umbridge might think otherwise.”

She was not impressed by his act. 

“And I must admit, Sirius. You must have worked hard to make the house become as homely as it has. It is good to see you spending your time here productively.”

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. Tonks watched as Snape was about to open his mouth. He didn’t get to make a sound before her wand was pointed directly at his throat. “Not a word.”

The sneer on the man’s face told her enough about what he thought about her. She didn’t care honestly.

“If there isn’t anything else worthy of discussion,” Sirius said. “Then you are all more than welcome to make your way out of my house before I kick you out.”

“There is no need for that, Sirius,” Dumbledore sighed.

“There is no need for you to let a rabid dog near children either, Dumbledore,” Sirius said icily. “Get out or I’ll make the wards do it for me.”

Dumbledore looked like he was about to argue, but most of the people had already gotten out of their chair. Snape being the first among them. Moody hung back his real eye firmly fixed on Tonks. 

Mr. Weasley put his hand on Mrs. Weasley before she got going. He nodded to Sirius before flooing away to the Burrow. 

Dumbledore was the second last to leave. Sirius and Tonks both watched as the man floo’ed back to Hogwarts. 

“And what was that about, Lass?” 

“What?” 

“Don’t play games with me. You two know more than you are supposed to know about what is going on. Spill it. Enough secrets around here.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Tonks has been in contact with Harry. They became good friends over the summer.”

“Something is seriously wrong, Mad-Eye. He used to write twice a week. I haven’t heard from him since Halloween. If there is a break of the pattern it’s a sign something is-”

“Wrong or has changed, aye. What do you know about this little meeting of Potter’s?”

“It’s a defence class of some kind. The Umbitch is refusing to teach them anything, so he and his friends stepped up.” 

“Aye, never liked the cunt. She always walked around like she owned the place. He good enough?”

“He did well in the Tri-Wizard Tournament,” Sirius said. “I don’t know what to say. He survived more times against the Dark Wanker than anybody.” 

“He’s read  _ Most Common Curses and Their Counter Curses, _ ” Tonks added. “He asked me to recommend something.”

“Give him a copy of the one I got you,” Moody thoughtfully. “He’ll find it to be an interesting read I’m sure.”

“You can’t be serious.” 

“What is it?” Sirius asked.

“It’s a book I translated from back home.”

“It’s not just a book. That’s a manual on killing.” 

“Albus seems sure that the kid is going to be in the thick of it. He’ll kill before this war is over or he won’t survive it.” 

“He’s just fifteen,” Tonks said. 

“He’s already seen death,” Sirius said hollowly. “He already killed a man, think back to what he told us about that Quirrell - I’m not saying we turn him into a killer but he’ll need to know stuff like that.” 

“Make it my Christmas present for the lad. Something like a thank you for helping me out. Until next time and then you two will tell me what else has happened in that castle while Potter 's been there. Black, lass.”

They both watched as the man hobbled away on his wooden peg through to the front door. “What did ya do to the painting?”

“Moved it. It’s in the tapestry room now.”

“How did ya manage to get the elf to move it?” 

“Threatened to burn that part of the wall,” Sirius said. 

Sirius and Tonks both shivered hearing what would probably count as a laugh from the scarred man. 

“Oh and one more thing, lass. Wait until the lad has turned sixteen will ya? Don’t want to lose one of the best recruits. I’ve ever trained.”

Tonks stared with wide-eyed shock as the man walked through the front door. She turned to Sirius who looked just about ready to laugh his ass off. 

“Not a word from you,” Tonks growled. “How did he know?”

“Nothing usually gets past Mad-Eye. You shouldn’t be surprised by that.”

“Ugh!”

“Dobby!”

A crack resounded throughout the kitchen.

“You called, Master Dogger?”

“Get the envelope to the Twins and tell Harry about the room without being spotted by the old man. Nobody needs him getting involved.” 

“We’re really having them do this aren’t we?” 

“Dumbledore isn’t willing to do what needs to be done. I’m done playing nice. I might not be able to do anything from here but I know how to get things done outside of here. Could you get your Dad to visit?”

“Why?”

“Maybe there is a way for us to emancipate or at least get the trace removed from Harry before his seventeenth birthday. I don’t know, some old pureblood rule or something. That’s why I want to talk to him. I want to know what my options are. Harry needs to be able to make decisions for himself. I do not like the path Dumbledore seems set on having Harry walk and I’m certain you don’t either.”

“Dobby will gets the letter to the menaces.” 

“I’ll go invite Mum and Dad for dinner then. Tomorrow works?” 

“It’s not like I’m doing much these days,” Sirius said wryly. 

“Sorry. It’ll be alright. Harry will be alright.”

“I hope so, Tonks. I really hope so.” 

The dinner with Andromeda and Ted had gone on without a hitch and life had returned to normal in the following weeks. The only difference was that her Dad spent a lot of evenings talking to Sirius about something, she assumed it had to do something about helping Harry. She still hadn’t heard from Harry and got even more worried about his safety. She almost debated sneaking into Hogwarts to see him in a disguise but Sirius had talked her out of it. It wasn’t worth it if she was caught and it could land both her and Harry into big troubles if she was. 

She was nursing her morning coffee when Dobby popped into the kitchen. 

“Dobby gots a letter from Great Harry Potter for miss Jackie.”

Tonks ripped the envelope out of Dobby’s small hands and opened it with shaky fingers.

_ Hey Tonks _

_ Long time no hear. Sorry for the lack of letters. We think that Umbridge is intercepting the owls. I tried to send Jacque one but Hedwig never made it out of the castle grounds. Thankfully the Twins have taught me a way to mask letters unless they are for the intended target. Not that the letter was incriminating.  _

_ So, could you maybe get it to him? I know he works at the Ministry in the DMLE. It’s in there too. Honestly I had forgotten about Dobby. I know, stupid really when he was the one to show me the room of requirement. I’m telling you the room is amazing. It can literally become anything you want it to be. I’ve actually learned how to swim now. One of the books about physical fitness said that swimming was good training for your muscles. They certainly hurt a lot after I had swam the first couple of weeks. Though the results have been quite great. _

_ The club is going well as well. You wouldn’t believe how bad some of them were when we began. I mean some of the seventh years couldn’t even cast a proper disarming charm. I have them casting stunners and incarcerous now though. Shield charms too. If they keep progressing like this we might even get to work on the Patronus Charm. I’ve been trying to recreate what happened during the summer and research it but every text the room provides just warn you about putting anger into it, something about how the charm will turn on you. I know it can be done though.  _

_ I’m really looking forward to spending Christmas away from the castle. It’ll be good to see the dog again. Keep Pink. _

_ Yours  _ _   
_ _ Harry _

She reached into the envelope and found another one that might have been smaller but it made up for it in thickness. She opened that one too and spread the parchment out in front of her. Her heart beating heavily in her chest. 

_ Hey Wonderboy _

_ If you’re reading this then you have finally met Tonks or maybe she just left it in your inbox. Do you have one of those? I honestly don’t know much about the Ministry if I’m honest. We had the career guidance thing. The Toad was there too. I told Professor McGonagall, my head of house, that I might want to be an Auror. Not sure about that really. Tonks has told me it’s a lot of paperwork and that they aren’t really getting much done. What do you think? Well Umbridge wasn’t happy about it. She directly told me that I wouldn’t get to work at the Ministry while she still did.  _

_ Here’s to hoping that she doesn’t by the time I’m done at Hogwarts. Right. That was the easy part of that letter. Sorry, I haven’t sent one in a while. I tried. I really did but Umbridge is intercepting the mail. I think she is afraid of what would happen if the parents actually knew what was going on here.  _

_ I hope you didn’t think something was wrong between us. I love you, Jacque Noir. Never forget that. I don’t think I’ll be able to send another letter until Christmas. Umbridge has taken over in a bad way. I think we won’t even be allowed to leave for Hogsmeade weekends. I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to meet you between Christmas and New Year. I’ll be in London. _

_ I miss you.  _

The letter kept going on about trivial things like a detailed description of the way he had taught the defence club. How proud he was of the students for perfecting their spells or how he kept having to read up on stuff so he was able to teach it properly to them. She read through the letter with a smile on her face. When she read the way he had signed off she placed her lips to the parchment.

“He finally figured out that he could send a letter through Dobby and you?” 

Tonks looked up to find an amused Sirius standing in the door. 

“Yeah. He is seriously impressive. Some of the stuff he is teaching is way beyond school level. He says he wants to teach them the Patronus charm. Even I am having a hard time with it.” 

“Maybe you could get some alone time with him during Christmas break to have him teach you one on one, help you with the happy memory.”

“Maybe", Tonks said and could not stop the blush from spreading across her cheeks and hair "I still don’t like what he is saying about Umbridge. She is intercepting the owls, she at least intercepted Hedwig.” 

“That bitch. Is there anything about the Twins?”

“No. Either they aren’t doing anything or Harry isn’t privy to them doing anything.” 

“Or he isn’t telling us about it. I was thinking about flooing him in the Gryffindor Common room, like I did last year.”

“Don’t. She’ll have all the fireplaces monitored in the Ministry. We’ll just have to wait until Christmas for more concrete news.” 

December rolled around and with it Diagon Alley Patrols. Tonks found herself spending more time going around looking for anything she could gift Harry as both herself and Jacque. She walked past the same store, she had been in with Harry earlier in the summer. The memories of that day made her blush especially when she realized what Harry would likely gift her. She had suggested it herself. 

She idly ran her finger over her throat. He would be marking her as his at least that was the way she was going to think about it. Even if Harry didn’t mean it that way. She would think of it that way. That’s what she would be telling whoever asked about it. Well as long as Harry wasn’t within earshot. 

She had just finished off another boring day at work. She was half amused, half annoyed at how enthusiastic Sirius and Dobby had gotten about Christmas. The Lounge had a big Christmas tree and Dobby had hung what was truly an affront to fashion in the form of socks with names on them on the fireplace. There was one for each of them, even Kreacher. Purple and yellow did not go well together especially not in those shades. 

“Happy Christmas!” Sirius shouted at her as soon as she walked into the kitchen.

“Seriously, Sirius. He isn’t arriving until a few more days. Now I’ve just gotten off a late shift and you two maniacs have entirely too much energy for me right now.”

“Fine, be a spoilsport. I guess the food Dobby has been keeping warm for you isn’t going to be needed then.”

“Now hold on a sec-”

She got cut off short as the room lit up in silvery light, a phoenix Patronus appearing in the room.

“Sirius, Arthur has been attacked. He is being taken to St. Mungo’s now. I’m sending through the Weasley kids and Harry. Nymphadora, if you’re there then I need someone to go guard Arthur’s room,” it spoke with Dumbledore’s voice.

The Phoenix dissolved into silvery mist, leaving the two of them standing alone in the kitchen.

“Dobby! Make up the rooms. Seems like we are getting some early Christmas guests. They’ll likely be in shock and want to see Arthur. We can’t let them do that. Find a couple of bottles of Firewhisky.”

“Your plan is for them to get drunk?”

“Yup. They’ll be all worked up when they get here wanting to get to St. Mungo’s. Not a good idea when we don’t know what happened. I’ll need you to bring back the information they are going to want in the morning. You need to go to St. Mungo’s. I’ll have Dobby bring you some food as soon as the kids are settled okay?”

“Okay.”


	13. Snakes and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! 
> 
> Sorry about that. I was feeling a little under the weather and didn't write much this week. Happens <3
> 
> All of you send a kind thought to VonPelt for Beta-reading the absolute clustermess my brain produced for this chapter <3 Couldn't make it good without you pal.
> 
> Enjoy   
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry had just told Dumbledore what had happened in his dream. Everybody was looking pale around him. He had never seen Dumbledore in action like this. He had been ordering different portraits behind him to go to their other frames, setting things in motion. They all relaxed when the portrait of Dilys Derwent had reported seeing Mr. Weasley being wheeled through the hospital still alive but badly hurt. 

Dumbledore hadn’t looked at him throughout the whole thing. He dared to ignore him. 

_ “LOOK AT ME!” _

It was the first time since the summer where Dumbledore’s eyes met his. Harry sensed fear and shame coming from the man. He didn’t understand.

“You’ll be flooing to Sirius’s place. He’ll be ready to receive you.”

“We want to go to St. Mungo’s!” Fred argued. 

“We want to know if our Dad is going to be alright.”

“In the morning. I’ve already informed your mother. I’ll have the elves deliver your luggage.” 

“She’s on her way here, Albus.” 

“Thank you, Fortescue,” Dumbledore said to the portrait. “Now you must hurry. Minerva I can trust you to run interference.”

“Yes, Headmaster,” Professor McGonagall said frostily, turning around and walking down the stairs.

Harry watched as the others walked through the fireplace. 

“What is happening to me?”

“Later, my boy. You need to get out of here before she gets here.”

Harry tried to get eye contact with the man again but Dumbledore was firmly looking over his shoulder. Harry angrily grabbed the powder from the bowl and stepped through to Grimmauld Place. He arrived upon an argument between Fred and Sirius.

“WE WANT TO GO TO ST. MUNGO’S RIGHT NOW!”

Harry cleared his throat. “And what will you do there? He is hurt bad and you won’t be let in. Is that Firewhisky? I could use a drink.”

Sirius pushed the bottle towards Harry, who took it and drank directly from the bottle. He wiped at his mouth. “Anyone going to miss this?” 

He was only met by blank stares. Sirius was the only one who had seen him like this before. When nobody spoke up Harry nodded before walking out of the kitchen with the bottle still in his hand. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Bedroom.”

“Alright.”

Harry dragged his feet up the stairs, his dream playing through his mind on repeat. Everytime it reached the part where the snake’s fangs pierced into Mr. Weasley. He kept drinking to wash away the taste of flesh still lingering in his mind. He hadn’t watched the snake as he had told the others. He had known well enough how insane that would be for him to say. Didn’t change the fact that  _ he  _ had been the one to attack Mr. Weasley. He made it to the landing which led to his bedroom here at Grimmauld Place. He debatted going there but his feet had already taking him up another flight of stairs to the Master floor. He pushed open the door to Buckbeak’s room.

“Hey Buckbeak. Do you mind if I stay here?”

Buckbeak just lifted his wing and Harry crawled into the hippogriff’s side. He rested his head against the fur and ran his hand across the feathers. He took another swig at the bottle before closing his eyes.

“I’m really fucked this time. I attacked him. I don’t know how I did it but I was the reason he got attacked. I tried to stop it and nobody is telling me anything. I’m so tired of it all. The secrets, the excuses, the nightmares. That bloody door keeps appearing in my dreams. You know what I want right now? I’d like for Tom Riddle to die, for his people to go to jail and to rest my head against Jacque’s chest. I miss him, Buckbeak. I miss him a lot. I wouldn’t even say no to cuddling with Tonks at the moment. Do you understand how confusing that is?”

Harry took another sip of the bottle. 

“It’s like… I can’t explain it. It’s like they are one person with two bodies. They don’t even know how similar they are. They even have the same handwriting. Why am I even telling you this? I must be going crazy. How can two people be one person? It makes no sense.”

Harry took another swig of the bottle before putting it down on the floor. Buckbeak pushed it away from him, spilling the rest of its contents.

“Hey what did you do that for?” Harry asked angrily. 

Buckbeak pecked him on the head before holding him down with his wing when he tried to get to the bottle. 

“Get off me.”

“Squawk!”

Harry stopped struggling and deflated back under the wing. “I don’t suppose you’ll let me leave now.”

Buckbeak just held him tighter with his wing, not letting him move even a muscle. 

“Fine. I’ll just sleep against you. You’re warm enough.”

Harry woke up with a banging headache and the urge to vomit. The room stank of spilled Firewhisky. He retched and gasped for air. Buckbeak lifted his wing and Harry bent forward and threw up on the floor between pools of not yet dried Firewhisky, feathers and hay.

He slumped back as soon as he had emptied his stomach. 

“Wow, that was in some horrific way slightly impressive. You look like shit.”

Harry looked up at the door, still feeling woozy. “Tonks?”

“Yeah, Handsome. How are you holding up?”

Harry gestured in front of him. 

“Sorry, dumb question. Here let me help you.”

Tonks bent down and slung Harry’s arm over her shoulder. She pulled them both up in a standing position. 

“Sorry, Buckbeak. I’ll get Dobby to come clean this up for you. Thanks for looking after him.”

“Squawk.”

Harry looked at her closely. “You look like shit too.” 

“Long day at work yesterday, followed by a long night at St. Mungo’s. I’m knackered. Let’s get you into a shower. Some water in you and then I’m off to bed. The rest are sleeping off whatever Sirius managed to get into them as well.”

“Thank you.”

“It was nothing. I’m here for you.” 

“You always are, aren’t you? I don’t deserve you or Jacque. You know…”

“You’re still drunk.” 

“It’s like you are the same person.”

Harry was too far out of it to notice the small stutter Tonks did. “Yeah. You are drunk. You’ll forget all about this conversation when you wake up. Do you need me to hold you up or can you shower by yourself?”

“I’ll be alright. You can go to bed.”

“I’ll feel better if I made sure that you were alright.”

“Suit yourself.” Harry walked into the bathroom and began pulling off his clothes. He turned on the shower and stepped into it, releasing a long groan. “My head hurts.”

Tonks stood there in the middle of the bathroom having just gotten a full show of Harry. Her cheeks red and her mouth open in shock. She gathered herself enough to reply. “You’ll feel better if you sleep some more.”

“Don’t want to sleep. Nightmares. Don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.”

“You could sleep in my bed then.”  _ Stupid why would you suggest that? _

“Where would you sleep then?”

“There’s room enough for two.”  _ Not helping yourself here are you.  _

“Alright.”

That was all Tonks heard until the shower was turned off. She watched as Harry stepped out in his naked glory. Not even the slightest bit embarrassed by his appearance. She absentmindedly handed him a towel which he used to dry himself off with. She oggled him as he tied the towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom leaving his discarded pyjamas on the floor. 

“You coming?” 

Tonks nodded mutely and followed him into her room.

“I like the posters. Do you have anything I could wear?”

Tonks grabbed a pair of training shorts. They might fit him. She handed them to him and got another look at him before he pulled them on. He dropped himself on top of her bed and almost instantly fell asleep. She pulled the covers from under him and got in next to him. She wasn’t sure what she should feel about this. On one hand it felt like she was taking advantage of him. Not that they would do anything other than sleep, even after the show she had gotten, the memory of him throwing up a few minutes earlier was enough to guarantee that. On the other hand, it's not as if this would be the first time they slept together. Not to mention that his face had been so strained and hurt until she had put her arms around him and pulled his back to her chest. He looked peaceful as he laid there in her arms. She felt at peace holding him too. He had grown in the last half a year. He had already eclipsed her in height. Still, he fit snugly in her arms as if he was meant to be there. She felt her eyes growing heavy. Harry’s familiar scent was filling her head and it smelt safe. 

She woke startled as something was moving, having not slept so well in a long time. A familiar black head of hair was tickling her nose. 

“So, uhm… How did I end up here?”

“What do you remember?” Tonks asked with a hint of amusement.

“Not a lot to be honest. Buckbeak knocking over the bottle. Throwing up. Oh god… I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever for?” Tonks was trying hard not to giggle at his embarrassed voice. 

“You saw me naked?” Harry had turned around to face her, his face completely red. “And me sleeping here?” 

“I should be the one to apologize to you for those things.” Tonks smirked. “I feel like I’ve taken advantage of you.” 

“Oh shit, Jacque!”

“What about Jacque?”

“Don’t you think he would be angry at me for sleeping next to someone not him?” 

“Probably.”  _ Except you really aren’t sleeping next to somebody else. _

Harry rushed out of the bed, looking panicked. He looked down at himself and eeped. His head pounding as he did so. 

“Don’t worry,” Tonks said. “I’m sure he’ll understand. It’s not like you cheated on him. Nothing happened.”

“Except for you seeing me naked and us sleeping in the same bed,” Harry panicked. “He’s going to dump me.”

“He’s not going to dump you. I’ll explain what happened to him if you want me to.” 

“No, no. It’s better if I do it myself. I should own up to my own mistakes.”

Tonks felt a stab of pain in her gut. Harry was freaking out about losing a boyfriend who didn’t exist. 

“Don’t worry. I’m sure he will understand. As I said nothing happened between you and me.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“He will. Go on write a letter. I’ll take it to him at work if he's a git about it.”

“Thanks Tonks.” 

“You’re welcome. Now let’s go see if we can scrounge up some food. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mrs. Weasley was here already tearing into Sirius.”

“I need to put some clothes on first. I can’t walk around like this. What am I even wearing?”

“My shorts obviously,” Tonks smirked. “Do you like them?”

“Tonks…” Harry whined. “Could you go get me some of my clothes?”

“Nope. After your little stunt, they should be burned - or at least washed thoroughly.”

“Dobby?”

Harry was happy to find that Dobby had already brought a set of clothes with him. 

“Thanks Dobby. Tonks could you turn around?” 

“Nope.”

“Tonks?! I’m not wearing anything under these.”

“So?” 

Harry turned around before pulling down the shorts and quickly pulling on his own clothes. He didn’t see the angry look on Tonks’s face as he revealed the long thin scars on his back. By the time he was dressed and turned around nothing seemed amiss about her.

“Thanks for the show.”

“If I lose my relationship because of this I’m blaming you.”

“You won’t. Trust me.”

Harry looked at her, suspicion plain on his face for a moment before sighing loudly. 

“How’s Mr. Weasley?”

“He’s… critical. The healers are doing everything they can but the bleeding isn’t stopping. If he had gotten there just a few minutes later he might have died. I don’t know how you knew but you likely saved his life.”

“I see… and the rest of the Weasleys?” 

“Don’t know yet. Molly and I agreed that she should be the ones to tell them. She came back with me here. That was hours ago though.”

“You should probably sleep some more then.”

“And leave you to face this alone? Not a chance. I’ll always be there for you.” 

Harry tried to hide himself wiping at the corners of his eyes. He turned his back to her, mumbling. “Suit yourself.”

Harry looked over his shoulder and got a full view of Tonks in her panties and a tightfitting sports bra. He instantly turned his head back around flushing all the way to his hairline. 

“I just need a minute to change into something else.”

“A little warning would have been nice!”

“I don’t mind if you peek it would only make us even after all.”

“Don’t you have any shame?” Harry groaned and took her lack of movement as a sign that she was decent. Which turned out to not be the case.

“When you look as good as I do, you have nothing to be ashamed of. And you don't see anything you haven't seen before,” Tonks replied cheekily and ran a hand across her stomach, feeling Harry's eyes follow her fingers before she grabbed a top and pulled it over her head. “Alright all done.”

Harry felt his breath hitch a little. She looked amazing in her tight-fitting tanktop and leather pants that looked almost like they were painted on her skin. His eyes unconsciously roamed her body taking all of her in. 

“Like what you see?” 

“Mhmm - Wait?! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Tonks stepped closer and stepped onto her toes, so her mouth was right next to his ear. “I like it when you look at me like that.”

She walked past him and Harry could swear she was swinging her hips a little wider. Her arse looked even tighter than the rest of her body. He tried to cleanse his mind of her with images of Jacque, but somehow the two of them mixed together into a weird sort of hybrid in his mind. He shook his head once more before walking out of the room after her. 

Harry mumbled a weak sort of apology to Jacque as he increased his pace to catch up to her. He had no idea what her game was. It was bad enough that Cho had tried to kiss him at their last DA meeting. He still didn’t like the name. It might have been popular with the other’s but calling themselves Dumbledore’s Army was not only stupid but it left a bad taste in his mouth. It made him seem like Dumbledore’s little soldier and he didn’t like the sound of that at all. 

Harry stepped through to the kitchen just half a step behind Tonks. She looked over her shoulder and winked at him before turning to the other side of the table and sitting down. 

Harry took a seat across from her not really sure what was going on. He tried to make sense of everything in his mind but he was interrupted by a set of arms trying to crush the life out of him.

“Oh, thank you thank you thank you, if it weren’t for you, my Arthur would have died.”

“I… can’t… breathe.” Harry wheezed.

“You must be hungry. I don’t know what Sirius was thinking giving teenagers Firewhisky. The rest are still sleeping in their beds.”

“It likely stopped them from storming to St. Mungo’s,” Tonks commented. 

“But they are just kids.” 

“Relax, Molly. We were all young once. As long as it doesn’t become a habit there is no problem with having a little alcohol to calm the nerves. And your twins are of-age anyway. I imagine the tensions were high when they arrived last night.”

“Fred did seem ready to storm out,” Harry said softly. “I definitely needed something to calm me down last night.”

Harry was expecting Mrs. Weasley to continue her rant but she was thankfully interrupted by the devil himself appearing. 

“Good afternoon everybody,” Sirius said too cheerfully, making Harry’s head pound.

“Shut up!”

“Someone had a little too much to drink last night.” 

“Can someone make him stop?”

“If you can drink dear, then you should also be able to deal with your hangover.” 

“Fine…” Harry grumbled. “Is there anything to eat? I'm starving.”

Mrs. Weasley moved to the kitchen and Harry could have sworn she was clanging the pans louder than what was necessary. Harry was halfway through his plate of food when the twins arrived with a distraught looking Ginny in between them. She squealed, making both her brothers and Harry wince in pain before she ran and buried her head into Mrs. Weasley.

“How are you two holding up?” Harry asked.

“Feels like I ran my tongue over the outside of Snape’s cauldron.”

“Like a herd of unicorns danced on top of my skull.”

“How much did you drink?”

“We took a note out of your book and emptied a bottle. How are you still alive?”

“Buckbeak knocked over most of mine. Ungrateful drinking partner. Good bedfellow though. Where’s Ron?”

“Probably still sleeping. His first time drinking Firewhisky, well more than the sip we gave him after his stay in the Black Lake last year. He might have gone a bit overboard.” 

“A galleon says he’ll still eat like nothing happened last night.”

“Even we don’t take such bad odds.”

“And that’s coming from the guys who bet on Krum getting the Snitch but Ireland winning the world cup.”

Harry smirked at them. It was good to see them more relaxed if not slightly hungover. Harry turned to the crying Ginny and felt a pang of sympathy for her. It must be horrible for her. 

“Where is your brother? We are only waiting for him to arrive.”

“He’s sleeping in.”

“Might have had a bit too much.”

“He’ll be right as rain after some food.”

“Not sure anything could stop him from eating.”

“Enough!”

The three of them winced again. It was like nails running down a blackboard in their ears. 

“He might come down when he smells the food,” Harry suggested.

Tonks had to hide her mouth behind her hand but her eyes betrayed her real feelings. Harry tried hard to hide his own smile. It wasn’t fair to say that about Ron. He was much more than his eating habits. He just had a sort of one-track mind when he was hungry.

A loud groan from the door brought their attention towards it. Ron was walking in with a hand on his head, mechanically taking a seat and pulling a plate in front of himself. Harry exchanged a wry smile with Tonks before sitting back with a cup of tea and a large glass of water. 

“Now that you are all here and somewhat able to function,” Mrs. Weasley sent an angry look at Sirius. “I’ve got news from St. Mungo’s. Your father is stable and he will likely survive but they are still keeping him there until they can make an antidote for the venom in the bite. There are no risks of him dying.”

Harry could feel a change in the energy in the room. The tension that had existed between all the Weasley’s including Ron had faded considerably. Harry saw the Twins leaning on each other in a one-armed hug. Ginny was still plastered to the side of her mum and Ron had picked up the pace of his eating, happiness clear in his eyes. Harry felt like he was intruding on something sacred. It was moments like this where he felt the clear differences between himself and the family in all but blood. It wasn’t that he wasn’t relieved that Mr. Weasley was going to be alright, he was but it was obvious that he wasn’t as affected by his survival either. He idly wondered if that made him callous.

Sirius and Tonks had seemed to pick up on his odd mood and both moved to sit next to him with Tonks pulling him into her side almost pushing his head to rest on her shoulder while Sirius put a supporting hand on the opposite one.

Harry was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw the Twins stand in front of him on the opposite side of the table.

“We never got to thank you for saving our dad. So, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” 

George looked about to say something but Fred must have noticed the hollowed shade that had passed over Harry’s eyes as his thoughts were once more pulled into the nightmare of that night and had stopped George from saying anything. Harry nodded appreciatively to Sirius when he felt his hand squeeze his shoulder.

“When are we going to see Dad?” Ron interrupted the fragile silence. 

“We’ll need to arrange for protection and transport. It won’t be until the break fully starts. I’m sorry Sirius but it seems that we will have to intrude on you during the break.”

“Don’t worry about it. We would love the company. Wouldn’t we Tonks?”

“Sure. I’ll have to work a bit between Christmas and New Years, so I would prefer it if you didn’t make too much noise late at night on the second to top floor.”

“Of course dear.” Mrs. Weasley sent a stern glare towards her sons. “I’ll make sure they don’t disturb you up there.”

Tonks nodded before yawning. “Well with all that excitement I probably should go catch some shut eye again. Thank Morgana that I had a day off today.”

“Sirius. Could I talk to you?” 

“Any time, Pup.” 

“Do you want me to join you?” Tonks asked.

“No, that’s alright.”

“Is this about what happened?” Tonks whispered so only Harry could hear it.

“Yeah.”

“You sure I shouldn’t be there to tell my side of the conversation then?”

“What? No?”

“What do you mean no?”

“You weren’t the one with the nightmare vision,” Harry whispered a little puzzled. Then he blushed and planted his forehead to the table, realizing what Tonks had been talking about. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been more specific. Do what you want.”

Harry got out of the chair and walked up to the library where he sat down in the couch, waiting for Sirius to arrive and possibly Tonks. Who was he kidding? Of course she would come.

He wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she was the first to arrive, planting herself next to him and pulling him tight to her again. Harry wasn’t sure about all of this physical attention coming from her. It wasn’t the same way as Jacque would touch him but he felt slightly guilty for enjoying the soft sensation of her chest on his arm. Harry was even more afraid that Sirius would reprimand him for not pushing her away, when he arrived.

Harry was even more surprised when Sirius didn’t even acknowledge the closeness between them as he walked into the room. Instead Harry was drawn to the serious look on his face.

“So, what’s this talk about? I have an idea and I’m not sure I like the implications of it.”

Harry breathed in deeply trying to control the anxiety flooding through his body. He closed his eyes before he mechanically recounted the nightmare as he remembered it. This time he didn’t censor it to make it seem like he was watching it from the side. He explained in detail the sensations he felt through the nightmare, how he had smelled the man and had wanted to attack him. The feeling of his fangs sinking into Mr. Weasley’s flesh as he struck over and over. Harry felt Tonks holding him tighter and tighter. He was almost surprised that she hadn’t pulled him into her lap yet or maybe crawled into his as he told his story. He kept silent after he was done telling his story.

“Before you say anything. It was impossible for you to be in two places at once. I asked Ron yesterday. You were screaming in your bed long before you woke up. You did not attack Mr. Weasley.”

“It just felt  _ so  _ real.”

“I know pup. This isn’t the first time you have had a dream like this. You’ve told me about them before. I have a theory and you are not going to like it. I’ve been going over the darker books here in the library and what I’ve found is only small references. It isn’t even mentioned by name in these books.”

“What is it?”

“I think… that whatever  _ he _ did that night he went for James and Lily…” Sirius hesitated. “Or through some fluke of your mother's magic, I think he managed to establish a connection between you - your souls or, well I don't know what else could have happened under those circumstances. You feel the pain around your scar right?”

Harry paled but nodded. 

“We know he did something to make himself not die that night. Something that was enough for him to regain a body before the summer. Dumbledore probably knows more about this than I do. I’ve had half a year and found a dozen magics and rituals, each more repugnant than the previous one. I could not even begin to guess which one he chose or if there are other methods. Dumbledore has had at least fifteen years to figure it out if not more, and he is on record saying that Vol - Voldemort survived as early as November 3rd. And, Merlin, that might have given my insane cousin ideas because they were sure that he was still alive when they went after the Longbottoms. Or maybe they knew something we don't.”

“What does this mean for me?” Harry whispered.

“The problem with a connection, pup, is that it goes both ways. I think you might have entered  _ his _ mind as he either possessed his snake or he has a similar connection to it. Or he wanted you to see that, to see your friend's father die. You told me it was like he could feel where it was without actually seeing it.”

“You’re telling me he could possess me?” 

Sirius looked at Tonks for a second before nodding to Harry. Harry felt sick. Not just because of the lingering effects of the Firewhisky from last night but because of the ramifications such a connection could have.

“Don’t lose hope yet,” Sirius kneeled in front of him. Tonks’s hug had reached the same level of intensity as Mrs. Weasley’s and Hermione’s hugs by now. “You remember that book on meditation from the summer. Do you still do the exercises?”

“Of course. It helps me keep a clear head and a better control of my emotions.”

“Good, good. The thing is there is a type of magical discipline. A lot of the Old Families have a tradition of practicing the art. It helps block intrusions into your mind.”

“Can you teach me?” 

“Yes and no,” Sirius sighed. “I would love to be able to teach you, pup, but you need someone proficient to try and break down your defences to point out weak points and sometimes the connection can go two ways. It would potentially allow you to enter my mind as well and you do  _ not _ want to go in there.”

“Why not?” 

Sirius smiled sadly. “My mind is not a good place. I have it somewhat under control but my stay at Azkaban Spa & Resort left me with some major issues that are not nice. Also the dog in me is in there. It’ll automatically try to rip your mind to shreds. Part of the training to become an Animagi is to meditate and control the animal inside of you that you are bringing out. It’s too dangerous for me to teach you directly.”

Sirius got up from his position and walked to a nearby bookshelf. He ran his finger over the spines before pulling a large leather journal out of it.

“Since it’s usually taught between a parent and child there aren’t really any official instruction methods. It’s called Occlumency. Dumbledore could teach you but I’m guessing he already knows or at least suspects about the connection and is actively avoiding you because of it. This here is a journal passed through the generations with different people adding their own experiences and techniques. It’s more of a guideline than anything. Maybe it will help you a bit.”

Harry received the book from Sirius and ran his hands over the smooth black leather binding. He cracked it open and found the first entry to be more than three hundred years old. In some places it was faded and almost unreadable. 

“I want you to read this and do your best at building up defences. It’ll help you find the connection between you and  _ him  _ as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dumbledore has a plan for you to practice after this.”

“Anything to stop the nightmares. Thank you, Sirius.”

“You know, Mum taught me a bit. The Aurors taught me some more. We sometimes use legilimency in interrogation,” Tonks offered. “If you are okay with me entering your mind. Or I could ask Mum to give you a hand since - from what she has told me the Blacks were not gentle in their teachings, but they got results.”

“Maybe after I’ve read the book.”

“That’s alright. You know where to find me. I’m not saying I’m a master at it but I can at least help you to test out some of your defences.”

Tonks squeezed him once more before getting out of the couch. She stretched her body languidly while keeping an eye on Harry’s reaction. She smirked inwardly when she saw his eyes follow the contours of her body. It did feel good to have his attention.

“I’m going to head off to sleep a bit more. If I’m not up by dinner time, would you come wake me up Harry?”

Harry nodded mutely, not trusting his voice to sound hoarser. He carefully opened the faded pages of the journal and read the first entry. Sirius watched him with exasperation as he had been completely forgotten between the other two and a book.

“Sure forget about me when a pretty girl leaves the room,” he grumbled goodnaturedly. "Mind you, if she wasn't my cousin and I didn't remember changing her nappies - " 

He sat back in the chair watching Harry for a moment with a frown on his face. Sirius had thought that his joke would get a reaction from Harry, but his godson was staring at the wall with a blank expression. He wanted to press Dumbledore for information, but the Headmaster seldomly made his way to Grimmauld Place. It was only when they had their Order meetings that Sirius saw him as of late. In fact, lately it seemed like he had been seeing more of Snape than he did Dumbledore. Not something he was all that keen about. 

In the end he decided to just find a book on his own to kill the time until dinner was ready. Dobby would likely find them when Mrs. Weasley was done cooking. It wasn’t that Dobby’s existence was a secret anymore, it was just easier for them all if they didn’t fight her on her ridiculous notion of commandeering the kitchen space. 

Harry was deeply engrossed in the entries in the journal. He found that a lot of Sirius’s ancestors did meditation under different names but in essence the same. It all boiled down to clearing the mind before organising it until finally you would fortify it by imagining physical defences. He found that both the second and third part differed significantly from person to person. Harry had already had some success with both the first and the second step of the process. One entry from a woman called Cassiopeia Artemis Black from around three hundred years ago had a similar style as him but she had taken her bookcases to another level. She had apparently imagined a study where she could sit and review her memories. On the other hand, a Miranda Black had sworn on just imagining an impenetrable sphere rather than something more specific. It seemed to be dependant on the person rather than following an universal recipe. 

Harry closed the journal and found himself pulling his legs up under him as he closed his eyes and entered his own mind. Focusing on the sound of his heartbeat. He imagined the space he had become familiar with for a long time and watched it more critically. There was no structure in the placements of the book cases. They almost stood in a circle like stonehenge around him but everything else was dark and black. Harry began imagining a room, slowly making it appear from the darkness. He filled it in with everything he would need. The bookcases were placed along the wall now sorted by topic rather than randomly put there. He imagined a desk and a fireplace with a crackling fire. He even imagined a window to the outside with an idyllic landscape. He made sure it wasn’t a weak point, something more than one person had harpered on about in the journal. He was just about to make a door and go outside to proceed with more defences when he felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him.

“It’s dinner time,” Sirius said as Harry blinked his eyes open. “I think you are going to have to wake up Tonks too. She still hasn’t shown her face since she left.”

“Do I have to?”

“I’m sorry, pup, but yeah. I’m not going to get myself hexed for doing it,” Sirius grinned. 

“Ugh… she does not like being woken up?”

“Nope.”

Harry hated the gleeful tone that surrounded Sirius’s voice. The smirk on the man’s face didn’t help much either. He felt like hexing the man himself and he had learned quite a few good ones from the Twins during the DA session about creative duelling. He was certain he could give Sirius stiff joints if he wanted to.

“Up you go. Tally-Ho!" 

Harry ran a hand down his face before getting out of the couch. He couldn’t stop himself from actually taking a swing at the back of Sirius’s head with the journal. Unfortunately Sirius must have been an arse for so long that he had developed a sixth sense for when he deserved a smack to the head. 

“One day I’m going to get you.”

“The day I grow old and tired, maybe,” Sirius smirked. “Now, you’ve got to hurry before she gets even more grumpy.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

Still, Harry walked towards the door, sending a reproachful look over his shoulder. He felt like he was being led around by the nose at the moment. He couldn’t comprehend why Tonks was acting so differently. He made his way to Tonks’s bedroom and awkwardly knocked on the door. In his mind it would be far better if she would just wake up from the knocking. When he didn’t hear anything from the room he tentatively spoke up. 

“Hey Tonks. It’s teatime.” 

Harry knocked again when he still didn’t hear anything from the room. He opened the door and was met by a familiar smell. It was a bit pungent and it made the room almost unbreathable. Harry couldn’t understand how she could still sleep in it. He looked around the room. He had been so panicked earlier but Tonks was a slob. Her discarded clothes were casually strewn around the floor. Her cover had almost fallen off her body and she was drooling open mouthed on her pillow, her limbs spread-eagle on top of her bed. 

Harry shook his head at her disappointing appearance. It somehow fit her perfectly if he was being honest with himself. Somehow the sloppy appearance seemed so completely natural in a very Tonks-way. Harry involuntarily imagined how Jacque would sleep in his own bed. It somehow seemed different, more controlled like Jacque would be completely still. 

It was weird, comparing the two he found himself feeling more comfortable about the thought of sleeping next to Tonks than Jacque. He did not know whether it was because he didn’t want to disturb Jacque’s sleep as he imagined it or if it was because a small part of him felt something about his image of a sleeping Jacque seemed mocking in a way. Either way, it made him feel slightly guilty, but then again, there were other activities he could imagine with Jacque, activities where he wasn’t disturbing his sleep. Because while Harry could not imagine his boyfriend being a sleepy mess, he could certainly picture him in bed, pressing him into the mattress... 

Harry shook his head, walked over and gently prodded Tonks’s foot with his own keeping himself clear of any half-asleep lashing outs towards his body. He had a feeling he wasn’t waking up an older sister but poking a sleeping dragon ready to burn him if he got too close. When she didn’t even react to him pushing her sharply he carefully edged himself closer. He got up to her face and reached out to gently shake her.

A pair of arms grabbed him, pulling him into the bed. Harry struggled but he didn’t have any leverage to get out of the arms.

“There you are. What took you so long?”

“You’ve been awake all this time?” 

“Of course. I sleep light. Auror thing. Mad-Eye would attack me in my sleep until I learned to defend myself.”

“He’s crazy… you can let me go now.”

“Awe… but I just got you?” 

“What you mean you got me?” Harry groaned. “Let go of me you drooling slop.”

Tonks stiffened. Harry looked up in her face. He felt a sense of dread wash over him as he spotted the twitching near Tonks’s eye. Her brows were furrowed and her lips had gotten impressively thin for one with such full lips. Why was he staring at her lips? He watched as the thin lines split apart.

“Could you repeat that?” 

Harry winced at the frigid tone of her voice. He turned his head away quickly. He tried to get up one more time but her arms were holding him even tighter. Harry felt more trapped than he did facing an actual dragon. 

“What did you call me?” she asked once more.

“A drooling slop?” Harry asked cheekily.

“That’s it! I’m getting you for that!”

Tonks tickled him viciously with both her hands. Harry wriggled and struggled to get out of her arms. His laughter turned forced, wheezing and gasping for breath. She didn’t let him go until she was finally satisfied with his punishment.

Harry instantly got to his feet and jumped out of her reach.

“That should do it,” Tonks said smugly. 

“How do you even manage to keep something dirty when Dobby cleans all the time?” 

“Hey!”

“I’m just asking. Seriously and the smell. When did you last open a window?”

“It’s december. It gets cold when I open one.”

“Yeah yeah, you tell yourself that. Tea’s ready. I’m getting out of here before you have any more crazy ideas, you madwoman.” 

“I’mma get you for this!”

"Not if you keep drooling like this."

Harry had already sprinted out of her room by the time he had called her a madwoman. He did not want to test how close to her she kept her wand. Good thing too if the lights behind him were any indicator. He quickly made his way downstairs and sat in a chair in the kitchen.

“How did it go?” Sirius asked. 

“I survived, didn’t I?” 

Sirius was just about to open his mouth when an irate Tonks burst into the room.

“Harry James Potter! I am NOT a madwoman!”

“Could have fooled us,” one of the twins snickered.

“Sorry, sorry great goddess,” Harry said cheekily. 

“That’s better,” Tonks smirked. 

“Uhm… Tonks,” Ginny asked. “What  _ are  _ you wearing?” 

Tonks looked down herself and shrieked. Harry found it funny to see the usually confident woman act like a young girl. She was still wearing some soft cotton shorts that barely covered what they should and the same tank top from earlier. She ran back out of the kitchen in a hurry. Harry looked around at the amused faces at the table. He almost groaned when he saw Ron staring absentmindedly at the door where Tonks had just been. Harry wasn’t really surprised. Tonks was a beautiful woman but that reaction was almost like when Ron had seen Fleur the first time the year before. Harry shook his head disappointedly. It wasn’t that he couldn’t understand where Ron was coming from, he had probably reacted like that the first time he had gotten an eyeful of Tonks. But for some reason, Harry just felt a bit annoyed looking at him at the moment. 

Mrs. Weasley entered with the food having completely missed everything that had happened. She looked at all of them before shaking her head. She waved her wand to make the food float onto the table. Harry filled his own plate quickly and began to eat before Tonks returned. He was pretty sure she was going to take it out on him when she got back. 

_ Sirius really is a bad influence on me. _


	14. Visiting St. Mungo's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya people! 
> 
> Got another one for ya!   
> Again, thank VonPelt for helping me beta-read this story and making it that much better <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry spent most of his time working on his Occlumency. The journal had been great inspiration even if some of the Blacks’ approaches seemed nonsensical to him. He had begun building what looked like a concrete pillbox around his memories in his mind. He still didn’t spend a lot of time with the others. He felt awkward around the Weasley’s. He couldn’t stop feeling responsible for what happened. He understood it logically but he still sometimes woke up from nightmares about that night covered in sweat and gasping for breath. 

Harry slouched his way to the kitchen after having woken up from the same nightmare. He just wanted something to eat before hopefully getting a chance to crash in his bed again. He hated himself for being weak enough to succumb to nightmares. 

He barely made it through the door to the kitchen before he was hit by a brown missile squeezing the air out of his lungs. Had he slept better he would have tried to get out of Hermione’s hug but instead he preemptively asked the first question.

“What are you doing here?” 

“Oh, Harry it’s so good to see you.” 

“You didn’t answer my question. I thought you were going skiing with your parents.”

“How could I go skiing while this was going on? I told my parents I didn’t feel like going.”

She released Harry and looked him over closely. Harry knew from experience that he wasn’t going to get out of her questioning. Harry could see it in the way she was chewing up her lip and her brows clenched together so tight it looked like they were one long brow. He took a step back so his ears would be spared at least.

What followed was a recount of everything he had told the Weasleys. How he had had a nightmare about Mr. Weasley, getting bit and him telling Dumbledore. How they had been whisked away to Grimmauld Place. 

By the time Harry had told her everything, he had told the others with the exception of Tonks and Sirius, Hermione still wasn’t done fishing for more information. He was just about to snap at her when Tonks came to his rescue. 

“If you are done holding up the doorway…” she drawled. 

Hermione jumped out of the way quickly and made room for the woman to enter the kitchen. Harry spotted an annoyed, slightly frustrated look on Tonks face behind the smile she had plastered upon it. Harry was just about to reach for her, asking her what was wrong when she was out of reach already brewing her morning coffee. That might explain it. 

Harry followed in her footsteps and sat down at the table, trying not to look at Hermione who was teetering on opening her mouth again. Harry sent her a look that lately had come to mean something in the way of ‘I’m done talking now. No more questions’. 

“Bad night?” Harry asked Tonks.

“Something like that.” 

They sat in an uncomfortable silence until Mrs. Weasley brought breakfast. The Weasleys joining them soon after. Hermione had thankfully turned her attention towards Ron and Ginny as soon as they came in. Everyone was feeling a little tetchy at the moment. It had been days since they had arrived at Grimmauld Place and no new news had come about Mr. Weasley’s condition. Harry observed all of them. He felt trapped being in the same house as them. It wasn’t their fault, but they made him feel guilty.

“We are going to St. Mungo’s today,” Mrs. Weasley announced. “We are just waiting for Alastor and Hestia to arrive. Your father is getting better, but I thought you would like to see it for yourself.”

A general sense of relief filled the kitchen. The three Weasley brothers all grabbed their plates and filled them up some more, despite the disgust painted on Ginny and Hermione’s faces. 

“If I ever doubted them being brothers before…” Hermione trailed.

“I know what you mean,” Ginny sighed. “Fred and George at least used to have better table manners.”

“We’re hungry, okay?” Fred said. 

“Haven’t eaten properly in days.” 

“Could eat a cow right now.”

“More like a Hippogriff.”

Ron just grunted his agreement at their words. Harry turned his attention to Tonks. Something about her this morning didn’t feel right to him. She felt… less bubbly in a way.

"Buckbeak might take offence if you do." 

Harry took his plate and plopped down in the chair next to her a little further down the table. She barely acknowledged him sitting there next to her. Harry quietly ate his food, knowing her well enough to know that asking her what was wrong would make her clam up faster than he Blast-Ended Screwt. He noticed her sending looks between him and Hermione. He kept his cool, finishing off the food before sitting back in his chair.

“Alright, out with it,” she grumbled.

Harry looked her over closely, but kept his mouth shut. She would tell him if she wanted to and if she didn’t want to it would only make her more irritable and snappy.

“The silent treatment, huh?” Tonks finished off her coffee beginning on her food. 

Harry calmly sipped his tea while she ate. It wasn’t until she was halfway through lifting up her fork that she decided to talk, putting the cutlery on top of her half eaten food. 

“Is there something going on between you and Hermione?” 

Harry’s mind went for a loop. That was not what he had been expecting at all. He wasn’t even sure how to answer that question. He turned his head fully towards Tonks and studied her carefully. Her hair was still in a shade of pink but it looked more reddish than usual, like it was about to turn fully red if he said the wrong thing. He couldn’t understand her reaction at all.

“We’re friends. Have been since first year. You know that.”

“Friends don’t always stay friends.”

“Tonks, there is nothing like that between Hermione and me.” Harry said, before he leant in and whispered. “You know about me and Jacque. I’m fully taken.”

Tonks huffed like she didn’t believe him and turned her head away, reaching for the pot of coffee a bit out of her reach. 

“You haven’t written to him.” 

“Been a little busy, hasn’t it?” Harry said as if it explained everything. It didn't even occur to him to question how she might know that. 

“I suppose so.” 

They fell into the same silence as before. Harry kept going over their short conversation and his time at Grimmauld Place. He probably should have written to Jacque as soon as he was in London outside of the Toad’s control. He decided that he would try to make time to sit down and update Jacque on everything that had happened to him these past months. He hadn’t gotten a reply from Jacque about his last letter, but then again he hadn’t expected it either. He had made it pretty clear that sending him a letter back would not have been a good idea. Still, it had stung not hearing from Jacque since October. 

Harry sighed loudly and made to leave his chair. He had barely pushed it back before he felt a hand on his shoulder pushing him back down into his seat. Harry looked questioningly back at Tonks. He had no idea what was going on with her at the moment.

“Sit. We are not done talking.” 

“What is up with you?” Harry asked, beginning to feel slightly frustrated at the mixed signals she was sending.

“Look, I’m sorry…”

“What for?” 

“I don’t know. I’m just…” 

“It’s alright. You don’t have to explain.”

“But I feel like I do need to explain.”

Harry stared into her eyes, seeing the same irritation she had had before, but he also spotted something else. A bone deep tiredness seemed to flow out of her eyes until she averted her eyes from his. A sense of loss fell over him when her hand left him the same way her eyes had done. Harry was just about to reach for her when Mad-Eye and Hestia arrived in the kitchen.

“Let’s get this over with,” Moody grumbled. “I want to be in and out of there before lunch.” 

Harry went upstairs to grab his coat and found the rest of the Weasleys getting ready in their usual rush whenever they were supposed to do something. Harry decided to just wait, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes, calming himself while listening to what he suspected a  _ real  _ family sounded like. He felt a shoulder bump into him, forcing him to stumble a bit before he got his balance back. He turned his head back around to find a grinning Tonks standing right behind him.

“Awe. I was sure I was going to make you fall with that one.”

“And why would you want me to fall?”

“Look, Handsome, I really am sorry for nosing my way into your business. I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s alright. You’re like family. I think it’s part of the deal.”

“I suppose it is.”

“Seen Sirius?” 

“No, I think he is up doing his own thing. He knew that we were going to St. Mungo’s today, so he got a little sulky.”

“Still can’t leave the house?”

“Not really. Dumbledore is sure that Pettigrew has told his followers about his animagus form. He’s going stir-crazy in here. Sometimes I just want to put a collar on him and take him for a walk.”

“Oi! I heard that,” Sirius called from the stairwell. “I’m not your pet or something.”

“Do you think it’s housetrained?” Harry whispered loud enough for Sirius to hear.

“I don’t know. Did you notice anything smelling funny while you were here?” Tonks continued.

“Nothing except your room,” Harry deadpanned.

“It’s so bad even our little friend is avoiding it lately,” Sirius guffawed. 

“That’s why her room is such a mess,” Harry exclaimed with mock-surprise.

They both yelped when Tonks hit them with a stinging hex. They shared a grin between themselves only resulting in them getting a slap to the back of their head.

“Very funny. Ha… ha… Don’t you have something you need to bite? I could get you a bone while I’m out.”

“I think he would appreciate a good cleaning and maybe a hairbrush. He looks… shaggy.”

“Laugh it up, you two. Just remember that I have all this time alone in the house while you’re out.”

Harry and Tonks paled at his implications. They had come to a ceasefire when it came to pranks between the three of them, mostly thanks to Dobby and his adamant position of not cleaning anything that was the result of a prank. It had been hard for the little elf to keep his conviction but all three of them had come to the conclusion that cleaning up after themselves were only fair and Dobby had more than enough to see to without having to clean their rooms.

The Weasleys finally got ready after Mad-Eye had chased them throughout the house. Harry fell back into a companionable silence with Tonks after saying goodbye to Sirius. Harry was slightly intrigued by the existence of a magical Hospital. If nothing else he was sure this trip would be educational.

Harry collapsed onto his back on the floor. He had just spent the past hours since they came back demolishing the training dummy and working off his rage. The trip in itself had been okay. Mr. Weasley had done something stupid like getting stitches. Well, it wasn’t that the stitches were a stupid idea, but by the sound of it the healer who did them had no business tieing up a roast, nevermind practicing his  _ technique _ on an actual patient. This had sparked an argument between Mr and Mrs Weasley, which made everyone else uncomfortable. That had led to Harry walking out of the room. He had felt uncomfortable being there in the first place because he still couldn't shake the guilt he felt after that vision, after remembering how it had felt to sink his teeth into Mr Weasley, feel the venom spurting out of - 

The thank you’s from all of the Weasleys and the atmosphere around them when they had huddled around Mr. Weasley’s bed had only made him feel more out of place. He even felt that Hermione seemed closer to them lately. He still had fun with Fred and George and he would talk and hang out with Ron, but it was like Cedric’s death had changed him. He wasn’t naive anymore. It was like when he had seen the Thestrals the first time after arriving at Hogwarts this year. The skeleton thin black winged horses had seemed simultaneously beautiful and haunting at the same time. Death had changed him. He couldn’t be naive anymore. It would only get other people killed. 

He had soon been joined by Hermione and Tonks after that. Tonks had left Moody and Hestia to guard the Weasleys while she would guard the two of them. Not that Harry could ever understand how they would be in danger in a hospital. That had led them to finding Lockhart stumbling around the hallways on one of the floors. 

The nice medi-witch had invited them in and there he had stood in front of the reason for his current condition. Frank and Alice Longbottom. Harry hadn’t even known how similar he and Neville truly were. Neither of them had parents in their life. Seeing the Longbottom’s empty faces as they couldn’t even properly speak while Neville tried his best to connect with them. It was horrifying. For the first time in his life Harry found himself happy that his parents were just dead. Having to see his parents fade away in a hospital with no signs of improving after fourteen years. That would have been the harder of the two. Harry at least had some form of closure. There was no hope for him in his situation. He didn’t have to dwell on what if’s that were never going to come to pass. That wasn’t to say that he hadn’t often thought about what it would be like growing up with his parents. The Mirror of Erised in his first year had made that abundantly clear. He just didn’t think about it as much anymore. Especially not since he and Sirius had actually formed a connection. Sirius had become everything a father was supposed to be for him. Sure, he and Sirius probably horsed around more than a normal Dad and son would, but Harry didn’t need a father as much as he needed an adult who was unconditionally on his side. He didn’t have that in anyone but Sirius, maybe Mrs. Tonks too. 

Before this year he might have thought that the Weasleys could have been that for him, but the way they followed Dumbledore made it feel forced. They would only be there for him if Dumbledore said it was alright. If they had unconditionally been there for him then he would never have had to go back to the Dursleys every summer. They would have brought him home with them after his second year, he was sure of that. Mrs Weasley had told him that she had been on the verge of jailbreaking him herself when Ron and the twins had rescued him, but where had she been afterwards? Where had Mr Weasley been? All they had done during the Tournament was to rub Skeeter's article in Hermione’s face, which had helped him exactly zero against the dragon or in the lake. All while Sirius has risked life and soul for him. 

“You alright, Pup?”

Harry opened his eyes and slowly got control of his breathing. Sirius was holding a water bottle in front of his face. Harry gratefully reached for it and gulped down half of it’s contents in one go.

“Want to talk about it?”

“I met the Longbottoms…” Harry said after a while trying to make sense of his emotions.

“Ah.” 

Harry sat up in a cross-legged position and watched Sirius while he himself sat down across from him various emotions flittering across his face. 

“It’s a tragedy what happened to them. Remus told me the whole tale after I got here. But my cousin and her charming family already bragged about the deed when they were brought to the cells next to me.”

“I don’t know how Neville does it,” Harry said, breaking the silence that had descended between them. “I mean. I’m sad that my parents died and I wished they would have been alive, but I honestly prefer them being dead to what Neville’s parents are. Does that make me heartless?”

“No,” Sirius shook his head. “If I’m being honest then I agree with you. I miss your Mum and Dad more than anything. Your Dad is… was like a brother to me and while it still hurts sometimes remembering them, it’s also a done thing. I can remember the good times. They are somehow preserved as something beautiful rather than what Frank and Alice have become.”

“I know. I feel bad for Neville.”

“Is that why you are doing this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Because you’re angry?” 

“I suppose so,” Harry replied thoughtfully, tapping his chin. “No, actually… I think it’s more a sense of urgency. Survival instinct almost. Like I don’t want what happened to either mine or Neville’s parents to happen to anyone else that I care about. Hogwarts has taught me that if I don't take care of things, no one does. I - I don’t know how I would react if something happened to you… or Tonks… or -”

“Jacque,” Sirius finished. “How’s it going with him?”

“I don’t know,” Harry groaned. “Tonks pointed out at breakfast that I hadn’t even sent him a letter since I got here. Does that make me a bad boyfriend?”

“Hmm,” Sirius frowned. “He wouldn’t expect you to have gotten out of Hogwarts until last night. Still, you probably should write him sometime today.” 

“I will,” Harry said before falling quiet.

Harry stared off at one of the piles of dust that had once been a dummy. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before a frown settled on his face. He finished off the rest of his bottle of water before opening his mouth one more time.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Harry said hesitantly. “But with everything that is going on…”

Sirius waited patiently until Harry had gathered his thoughts.

“Sirius… It feels like… I don’t know how to put it. Like Jacque is fading you know. I know that I still love him, but is it worth it? It’s just… I haven’t seen him since Halloween. He didn’t reply to my letter… Not that I’m blaming him. I told him not to, but if he really wanted to write me, he could have given a reply to Tonks. They work together.”

“What do you mean is it worth it?” Sirius asked, his brows furrowed. 

“I mean is it worth it for either of us?” Harry groaned in frustration. “Even if I get a chance to see him this break, it’s one day while I can’t contact him until the summer. One day, Sirius, then half a year of nothing. Even with Dobby and Tonks it’ll be impossible for us to keep contact. Is it worth it? For me? For him?”

“I don’t know, Pup. But there's the Easter break. You could come here without telling the others - ” 

“I’m going to have to write him. This is something, I need to talk to him about isn’t it?”

“It is,” Sirius smirked. “Don’t worry about it so much. Do you want to be with someone else until summer?”

“No, of course not. I just don’t want to trap Jacque in something while he could have anyone he wants. I’m stuck at Hogwarts not even able to send him a letter thanks to that bitch and you honestly expect him to want to be with me?” 

“I do.”

"Why?" 

"Because you are seriously underestimating your worth!" 

Harry looked disbelievingly at the man sitting across from him. His emerald eyes trying to penetrate him for the truth. He just couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me…” 

“Would you look at the time,” Sirius laughed nervously. “I think it’s almost time for tea. I should go ask Molly if she needs any help.”

“Sirius!”

But Sirius had already disappeared up the stairs. Harry looked around the empty room and sighed. He had to clean up after himself. One of their rules about using the room. Dobby couldn’t repair the dummies the same way wandmagic could. Harry grumbled, swearing to himself that he would get the truth out of Sirius as soon as possible. He was definitely finding out what Sirius was hiding.

Harry found the kitchen buzzing with energy by the time he came down after taking his shower. He looked questioningly at Tonks who was leaning up against the wall. 

“What’s going on?”

“Seems like the healer, who was in charge of Arthur’s ward came back with an antidote to the venom in the wound after we left. He’ll still be weak but he has been allowed to stay with his family. He’s coming here soon.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, that was my reaction too. Feels almost silly having visited him earlier when he was going to be released tonight.”

“I’m just glad he is going to be alright. It’s good he’ll be here for Christmas.” 

A cheer resounded throughout the room as Mr. Weasley walked in supported by Kingsley. Harry joined in the clapping while Sirius was walking around with a bucket of butterbeers. Harry picked out two and handed the extra one to Tonks with a smile. Kingsley helped Mr. Weasley sit down in a chair at the end of the table. 

“Thank you all for being here,” he said with a weak voice. “Looks like I’ll make it after all. All thanks to you, Harry.”

Harry lifted his bottle and nodded his head. He didn’t want the attention to be on him, especially not for this. He could feel the interested gazes gauging him. He hated it. He wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else really.

Harry was glad when they all began to flock around the Weasleys instead. It might have been a little selfish but as soon as Mr. Weasley began talking about the stitches he had gotten, a lot of the Order members became more interested in the weird muggle healing than what had happened the night Mr. Weasley was attacked. 

Harry was just about to head for bed when he felt a hand on his arm, holding him there. He turned around to face the centre of his confusion. The same pink hair as she usually wore around him. He had seen other colours on her, but he liked the pink more. Her eyes were a bright blue colour, the same shade as Jacque’s. It was confusing. Everytime he looked at her he was reminded of Jacque. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I need to write a letter, I think.” 

“Jacque?” 

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?” Tonks asked worriedly.

“It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It’s stupid?”

“You need to do better than that, Handsome.”

“Why do you call me  _ that _ ?”

“Call you what?” 

“Call me Handsome.” 

“Didn’t even realize I was doing that. Is it a problem?” Tonks asked, her voice sounding weak. 

“It’s what Jacque calls me,” Harry ran a hand over his face.

"So that's where I picked that up from. Sorry, I didn't realise it bothers you, but looking back…"

He was feeling more tired than he had in a long time. His thoughts were running a mile an hour and all he wanted was to be alone. No more thinking about Voldemort, no more thinking about what Tonks being there made him think, no more thinking about the mess that was Umbridge and the Ministry.

“Oh. I can stop if you want,” Tonks looked almost defeated at this point. 

Harry sighed and shook his head. “It’s alright. You can call me what you want. I’m tired.”

Harry tried to leave once more, he just wanted to go to bed. He pulled his arm out of Tonks’s grip not that it was hard for him, she hadn’t been holding him tightly. Harry made it to the door before she even realized what was going on. 

“Harry!”

“What?!” 

“I’m not done talking.”

“I am,” Harry snarled angrily. “Leave me alone!”

“Fine!”

Harry angrily stalked up the stairs. He was frustrated and angry about everything. Umbridge, Voldemort, Dumbledore, the Ministry, the Order. All thoughts of writing a letter to Jacque had been blown out of his head. He tried to clear his head before falling asleep but even that was futile as he ended up falling asleep as soon as he hit the bed. 


	15. Christmas Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo Peeps <3
> 
> It's been a couple of days... And I'm afraid my writing schedule will take a hit these next few weeks.
> 
> Life has set in and I need to get some stuff done that will take away my ability to write as much as I want to.  
> Annoyingly too at that. Even if everything gets sorted out my ability to write will still take a major hit.
> 
> Still, even with the slower uploads that doesn't mean I'll stop writing.
> 
> Again thanks a lot to VonPelt for helping me with this chapter <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Long past midnight, Harry collapsed into his bed and almost immediately passed out. For almost a week, he had done nothing but demolishing the training room below Grimmauld Place under the pretense of practicing magic. He had barely eaten and whenever he closed his eyes, he was either tormented by the memory of his teeth in Mr Weasley's flesh or taunted by the door. 

When awake, the hollow stares of the Longbottoms kept him from finding peace, the pathetic pride Neville found from the paper wrappers stuck in his mind. As pretensions as it sounded, Harry knew that it would come down to him, as it always had. Back in the 80s, his mother had been the one to stop Voldemort while older and wiser witches and wizards had failed to do anything. And during his time at Hogwarts, he had been alone while facing Voldemort. 

With each spell he threw against the armoured walls, each magical blast came with the knowledge that he would have to be the one who needed to do  _ something _ , anything really, to keep the others safe. To stop them from becoming the next Longbottoms. That burden kept him slinging spells long past the point where his legs felt like giving out, only relenting when he could no longer keep his wand steady. 

Far too soon, Harry groaned loudly, his body felt stiff and sore from the physical exercises he had pushed himself through. He opened his eyes finding his room dark and cold. He rubbed his eyes trying to figure out what had awoken him. He had finally had a good night’s sleep. No nightmares, no anything. He heard the knock on the door again. That was it. 

“Wake up! It’s Christmas morning. Breakfast is ready.”

Harry grabbed his pillow and buried his head under it. Couldn’t they just leave him alone? It wasn’t like he hadn’t already placed the presents with the rest of them in the lounge. He didn’t care for it. He had remembered to send off Jacque’s present with a letter last night. There was no reason to wake him up for this in his mind. He heard the door open and a set of angry footsteps stomping through his room. He shivered when the cold air hit his skin as the covers were pulled off of him.

“Fuck off, Ron.” 

“Not Ron.”

“Fuck off someone then. I’m sleeping.”

“It’s Christmas, Han-Harry.”

“Tonks?” 

“Right in… I guess three. Come on. Get your butt to the shower. Breakfast is ready.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Stop being obstinate.”

“I don’t care about Christmas… Okay?” 

“Who doesn’t care about Christmas?” 

“This one. Now go?”

“Not happening. You’re coming with me.”

Harry yelped when he felt Tonks reach down and sling him over her shoulders. He tried to fight it but her arms pincered his legs to one side and his arms to the other. Her shoulder digging into his bladder. 

“Put me down,” Harry growled. 

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll relieve myself on you, you goddamn brute.”

“Fine,” Tonks huffed, lowering him to the floor. “As long as you don’t head back to bed.”

Harry debated with himself whether he should punch her or something. Someone might have taught him that you shouldn’t punch a woman but Tonks had just carried him over her shoulders, so it's not like she was some frail maiden.. She had been teaching him how to fight without a wand in his hand. Where to hit and how to take a hit. She didn’t count, right?

“It’s not like I can sleep after that.”

“Now there’s a good boy,” Tonks said in the same way someone would to a dog.

“Oi! I’m not Sirius.”

Tonks snorted. Harry grabbed a set of clothes from his dresser and made sure to bump harshly into her shoulder when he passed her on his way to the bathroom. He was pissed at her for waking him up. He was even more annoyed with himself that he enjoyed being around her like that. He still hadn’t heard from Jacque, since he had sent his letter. Hopefully, he would get a reply with a Christmas present today.

He turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature higher than he usually would. Harry felt an ice cold chill in the depth of his bones. He needed to feel warm. He drew in his breath sharply when the temperature finally rose beyond what was comfortable. He just stood under the spray gasping as the burning water hit his skin. He didn’t think of reaching out for the cold faucet, somehow the pain made him more awake. Harry stepped out of the shower and spotted the red tint that suggested he might have pushed it a little. He winced whenever the material of his clothes brushed against his sore skin. He had definitely overdone it on the water. 

He tried to take a brush to his hair. He needed another haircut. It had grown long and frustrating. His bangs falling into his eyes. He tried to pull it back but it just bounced to the front again, that damned Potter hair. He angrily tried to at least get it out of his face before walking out of the bathroom. 

“Tonks, what are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you of course. What took you so long?”

“I was having a shower,” Harry said curtly, walking past her.

Harry winced when he felt her hand on his shoulder. He pulled himself away without even looking at her. He didn’t turn around when she whispered something. He didn’t even turn around to explain that it wasn’t her touch but just that his skin was sore from the scalding. 

He planted his best smile on his face and walked into the kitchen. He even kept himself from showing any outside sign of pain when Fred and George slapped his shoulders. Their Christmas spirit was infectious. Sirius looked like he was in a better mood than he had even been during the summer, badly singing Christmas carols throughout the house. Ron was teetering on jumping at the pile of presents under the tree. Hermione and Ginny were talking animatedly by themselves and Mrs. Weasley was pandering to Mr. Weasley’s needs. It looked… peaceful. Like everything around them was just a nightmare that had passed. 

It felt…  _ fake. _

Harry grabbed himself a bowl of porridge. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to taste anything this morning. The anger that had been simmering under his skin was threatening to blow up. Why didn’t anyone realize the pressure he was under? He felt like his head was about to explode. He idly stirred the porridge with a spoon, picking up a mouthful at irregular intervals. He felt more than saw someone sitting down next to him. He didn’t look up. Porridge… what an absolutely unappetizing thing to eat. 

“... Harry?”

Harry looked up. He was confused for a moment. He couldn’t put a name to the face next to him. Mousy brown hair and large dark bags under the eyes. If it wasn’t for the icy blue colour of her eyes, he would have had no clue.

“Tonks?”

“Who else, you prick?”

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled, turning his eyes back to the bowl in front of him.

“What has gotten you so wound up?” 

“This.” Harry pointed his spoon around the spoon inconspicuously. “All this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What’s with the hair colour?”

“I asked a question first.” 

“It’s like a dream… like they aren’t even thinking about…” 

“They deserve the break from everything. No, they need a break from everything that is going on… Look, Sirius hasn’t been this happy since before Azkaban. The twins are up to their no-good shenanigans. Ron looks about ready to rip up the paper on those gifts.”

“Do you need a break?” 

“I thought I did. I don’t know anymore. Things haven’t really worked out the way I hoped.”

Harry was just about to open his mouth when Hedwig flew into the kitchen dropping a package in Tonks’s lap before flying to Harry’s shoulder. His attention was firmly taken up by her. He heard the rustling of a pushed out chair and he saw Tonks leaving the kitchen. Her hair had changed back to pink. That was good. Must have been something important, something that made Tonks happy to receive. It certainly had lifted her mood if her hair was any indication. 

“What did you bring her, girl?” Harry scratched Hedwig’s chest. 

“Hoot.”

“Come on, girl. You know you can tell me.”

“Hoot hoot.”

“I know it’s Christmas. Fine. You’re right. Did you get it to him?”

Harry got a peck in response. He looked reproachfully at his owl. She looked about ready to peck him again.

“Alright, alright. Stupid question. I get it. You got something for me? A reply or a gift or something?”

Hedwig shook her head. Harry’s shoulder slumped a little. He supposed he had gotten his hopes up for nothing. He took his half-eaten bowl of porridge and moved to the small mountain of bacon sitting next to the stove. He alternatively fed himself and Hedwig a rasher each until Hedwig begged off. As much as Hedwig liked bacon, she still didn’t have the stomach of a human. Harry finished off his bowl of porridge more out of habit than actual need. He supposed growing up with the Dursleys had taught him that, probably the best thing they had ever taught him, he thought darkly to himself. The ability to eat food whenever he had access to it.

Harry cleaned off his bowl in the sink. He felt a certain comfort having Hedwig on his shoulder. He didn’t even mind the few glances having an owl proudly perching and preening. His hands hadn’t stopped caressing the soft feathers as he made his way to the lounge. Sirius was still badly singing Christmas carols walking around with a tray of what looked like Eggnog. Harry sent a single glance to Hedwig who bopped her head and flew over to Sirius's shoulder slapping him on the back of his head with her wing. 

Harry chuckled at the indignation on Sirius’s face. Hedwig nodded to herself as if saying she had done a job well done before flying back to Harry’s shoulder.

“You couldn’t just tell me to stop singing?”

“Where would the fun be in that,” Harry smirked. 

Sirius relaxed slightly. He had been worried about Harry the past few days, Harry had barely even smiled much less looked happy for the past few days since he had returned from St. Mungo’s. It was good to see him smile like that. 

“Someone finally found a bit of Christmas cheer, eggnog?” 

“Never had it before.”

“That’s a mistake we’re going to have to fix, isn’t it?”

Sirius gave him the biggest mug on his tray, watching him with eager eyes as Harry took his first sip of eggnog. Harry grimaced as the thick liquid burned its way down his throat, hot and sweet at the same time. He coughed and spluttered.

“There’s alcohol in this!”

“Of course there is, pup,” Sirius barked with laughter. “It’s eggnog!”

Harry sipped some more this time knowing what to expect. It wasn’t all bad, still the thickness of the drink made sure it would never be his favourite drink. He much preferred butterbeer or possibly even Firewhisky. 

“Are we going to open up our presents now?” Ron asked impatiently.

“We are still waiting for your parents,” Sirius said. 

“We’re here now,” Mrs. Weasley called out from the door.

“Where’s Tonks?” Hermione asked.

“She got a package and a letter at breakfast,” Harry said. 

“Do you know who it was from?” Ginny asked with an impish smile.

Harry felt a shiver run down his spine, like he was being appraised like a cut of meat. He did not like that look on her face. He had seen it on some of the other girls’ faces during the DA, Cho being the first coming to his mind. Ginny was dating Michael Corner, right? That’s what Hermione had said, right? And her older brothers were around, who would kick his arse before even asking why their little sister had been so energetic in her pursuit of him. 

Ron looked more and more impatient the longer, they had to wait for Tonks to arrive. Sirius had been adamant that they would all be there for the gift opening. He let out a noise sounding something between an excited puppy and a strangled pigeon when Tonks showed herself in the doorway.

“Finally! Can we open the presents now?”

“Go ahead,” Mrs. Weasley said fondly. 

Ron was the first to find his own presents and started tearing up the paper. Harry sat back, still caressing Hedwig on his shoulder with his free hand.

“You know, girl, I did get you some special owl treats for Christmas. They’re in my trunk. Do you want me to get them?”

Hedwig hooted something in the negative, Harry supposed. She would have likely flown out of the room if she wanted them straight away. Harry had been looking for an excuse to leave at least for a moment. He had seen the way Tonks was creeping closer to him and he was afraid they were going to fight again. They’d been doing that a lot this break, about his situation, about his nightmares, his training, his attitude… Jacque. 

Harry made his way to a nearby couch and sat down in it. He was certain that Sirius would be bringing him his presents at some point. He was excitable like that. Harry had barely managed to sit down without spilling either his eggnog or knocking Hedwig off his shoulder when the couch dipped next to him. Harry turned tiredly towards the only person it could be expecting another argument. Instead he just got handed two gifts by her.

“Jacque didn’t know how to reach you after the last letter, so he gave me his gift last time I was at work. Sorry for not telling you,” she whispered. “When you hadn’t written him, I thought things were going badly between you. So I was angry at you on his behalf… I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. What’s the other one?” 

“My gift for you,” Tonks said with a small genuine smile. 

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t really have much to spend my money on these days,” Tonks waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t pay rent living here and Dobby does the shopping with Sirius’s money. I apparate to work from the backyard.”

Harry gingerly received the two gifts from Tonks. Both of them were small in size. He opened the first one, finding a leather band not unlike the one he had given Jacque during their date to Diagon alley. 

“That’s from Jacque,” Tonks whispered. “He showed me his own. You’ve got good taste.”

“I just bought what he showed an interest in.”

He picked it up. It was simpler than the one he had given to Jacque. There were no stones in this one but the straps were wrapped in a specific pattern that Harry hadn’t seen before. 

“May I?”

Harry extended his left arm towards her and she carefully twined it around his wrist. He looked closely at the pattern. The dark leather was almost black and he could spot symbolic patterns.

“Do you know what the symbols come from?”

“He told me that they were of Welsh origin,” Tonks explained. “The Potter’s were Welsh I think. Many, many years ago.”

“Huh… I didn’t know that. How would he have known that?” Harry mumbled to himself, looking over the band some more.

Tonks ran a hand through her hair, her eyes darted to Sirius. 

“Sirius told me, and I told Jacque when he asked me,” Tonks said quickly. 

“You must have gotten quite close at work if you guys are sharing something like that,” Harry smiled. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s doing well, lots of work. He thinks about you a lot, 's worried about you.”

Harry awkwardly fiddled with the band. He didn’t know how to handle this. It felt weird using Tonks as a messenger between him and his boyfriend. She wasn’t a glorified owl, she was… she was much more than that to him already. He couldn’t really put it into words, so instead he focused his attention on the present, he had received.

“Do you know what this is made of?”

“Oh, dragon skin. I think it was from a Hungerian Horntail, like the one you went up in your First Task.”

Harry nodded. He supposed it wasn’t too unreasonable to think that Jacque would have heard about his time during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. They had been pretty reported. Harry couldn’t fault him for wanting to read up on him after they started dating, if he was dating himself he would probably read up on him too. Not to sound arrogant but his life was sometimes crazier than any story.

“Here, mine now,” Tonks said cheerfully.

Harry opened up the second gift and found a necklace with a lighting bolt with a chameleon twirled around it on what looked like the same material as the band.

“Get it?” 

Harry looked at her with a dumb expression on his face. He got it but it seemed oddly intimate having that hanging around his neck.

“Do you like it?” she asked timidly. 

“Yeah. It’s great. Do you want to help me put it on?”

He knew he had said the right thing when Tonks’s face bloomed into one of the most breathtaking smiles he had ever seen from her. He didn’t have to wear it at all times and it was kind of cool looking. Even if he didn’t like his scar all that much he couldn’t deny that it was iconic for him. 

He ran his finger over the silver piece and smiled at Tonks. “Thank you. You really shouldn’t have.”

Harry helped Hedwig unto Tonks’s shoulder. He was surprised to see them have such a good relationship. Tonks didn’t have a good track record with feathered beings, at least not Buckbeak or other owls if any of her Hogwarts stories were true. He got up to find his gift for her. He felt better about giving her a choker now that she had given him something similar. He had to trust Jacque’s judgement here. He hoped that Hermione or Ginny wouldn’t add too much meaning to it. 

He found it under a small pile of gifts and brought it back to her. He noticed that she looked more expectant than wondering as he handed it to her, like she already knew what was in it. He watched as she opened up the gift in one quick swipe at the paper covering it. He had kind of forgotten the wooden box it had come in. It was carved with the symbol of the shop and it looked pretty. Harry was almost sure that the box was worth more than the content at this point.

Tonks opened up the box and gasped. Harry let a small smile flitter across his lips. He didn’t even remember how it looked anymore. He just remembered something lacy and a pink or was it purple stone? 

Tonks held it up on the tips of her fingers.

“I take it, you like it?” 

“I do… I do, I do, I do. Thank you, Handsome.”

“What  _ is _ that?!” 

Harry and Tonks turned their heads towards the voice and saw a slightly irate Ginny standing in front of them only a couple of feet away. Her chest was expanding and deflating hurriedly as she stood there. Harry idly thought it reminded him of Mrs. Weasley whenever she was gearing up for another one of her many scoldings of Fred and George.

“Harry’s present for me,” Tonks said.

Harry was surprised to hear the smug tone of victory in her voice. Harry couldn’t understand where that came from. He watched absentmindedly while Tonks and Ginny stared each other down. He closed his eyes, they would probably get him when they were done with whatever that was. He found the mug of eggnog next to him and sipped on it. He was drawn back into it when Hedwig jumped onto his shoulder and pecked his head.

“Ow - what did you do that for?” Harry glared at his owl.

He looked around and saw Tonks sitting in between Ginny and Hermione on another couch. Sirius had taken Tonks’s spot, his arms filled with a couple of presents.

“These are yours.”

Harry smiled and took the first one. It was a heavy square shaped gift. He carefully unwrapped the paper and found a set of books in his lap,  _ Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts _ . 

“Mooney and I got you those. Well, Mooney got them. I just helped pay for them. We thought they might be useful and interesting with your little club… if you don’t like -”

Harry flung his arms around Sirius’s neck, not caring in the slightest that the set of three books fell to the floor. It wasn’t the gift in itself but this was only the second gift he had gotten from Sirius in his whole life.

“I love them,” Harry whispered. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“It was nothing, pup,” Sirius choked out. Harry wasn’t sure if it was his hug or Sirius tearing up but he started breathing unevenly, tears flooding in his eyes. 

Nobody interrupted them until they both calmed down. Harry awkwardly wiped at the corners of his eyes. Sirius was doing much the same thing. They looked at each other for a second before looking away, coughing and clearing their throat. 

“So I take it you like them?” 

“If Mooney says they are good books, then they must be. He was my best DADA teacher,” Harry said a little hoarsely. “Though I’ll probably have to let Hermione read them before I get a chance.” 

“Probably,” Sirius smirked. “You know she’s thorough at least a tenth of the library here already. She would probably move in there if we let her.”

“That… doesn’t surprise me.” 

Harry picked up the set of books from where they had fallen and put them next to him. Hedwig had flown off during the hug. Harry was a little surprised that she hadn’t gotten angry at him, maybe the promise of special owl treats had kept him from the worst of it.

“This one here is a little special,” Sirius said, running his fingers over the other gift in his hands.

Harry knew even before opening it that it was special. It seemed like a book but the shape wasn’t the same as his school books. He carefully opened it revealing a deep red leather cover. It didn’t have a title on the front. It looked like a big version of the journal Sirius had given him about Occlumency. He looked up questioningly at Sirius.

“Open it.”

Harry opened up the cover and found a dainty handwriting on the parchment.  _ Rukověť bojovníka proti silám nejtemnějším _ , under it the handwriting continued,  _ Manual of a Fighter Against the Forces of Darkness. Translated by Alastor Matěj Moody.  _ Harry looked up from the writing. Questions flooding through his mind. He saw the last line of handwriting under it.  _ Transcribed By Nymphadora J. Tonks _ , and then another different handwriting, _ and Sirius Orion Black. _

Harry ran his fingers over their names. He flipped through the large leather tome and saw different sections in either Tonks’s or Sirius’s handwriting. 

“You couldn’t have just copied it?” Harry asked.

“Not how such things work. The copying charm wears off in time. It’s not really all that good for stuff like that. Tonks thought… well, she suggested doing it and seeing as I don’t really have a lot of stuff to do in the day…”

“This is amazing,” Harry said in awe as he skimmed some of the passages.

“I know,” Sirius nodded. “I’m not even sure if that one would still be legal here in Britain. I think it would be best if you kept it away from other people’s eyes.”

“You mean Hermione.”

“Yeah, I do,” Sirius smirked. 

Sirius closed the book in front of him and tied it with the leather string hanging from it. Harry nodded and put it next to him. 

“You should thank her… I know most of it has been transcribed by me… but that was only because I had more time. She would spend every hour she had off making sure it was ready.” 

“I will, but why?”

“Moody suggested it back in November. He had translated one for Tonks himself. He told her… no I guess he ordered her to make a copy of hers. Though I’m pretty sure he just meant with a copying charm though. He supports you in his own way. That book… It’ll make you a killer if you follow what it says.”

Harry almost looked at the book like it was going to bite him. He had no intention of becoming a killer. He was just about to hand it to Sirius, when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this… Molly is definitely going to have my head for it and probably Dumbledore too… Thing is, pup, most of us from the last war have killed. Your Dad and Mum too. Sometimes it is just kill or be killed…”

“Wouldn’t that make us just as bad as  _ them _ ?”

“I… I don’t believe so. I think it’s more about the reason why you do it. Sometimes it is necessary. If you do it for fun or because you enjoy it… well I suppose that would make you a right arsehole… but if you do it to protect the people around you… Mind you, someone like Moody probably does both. . It’s not like I’m the one you should listen to… You were the one to stop me from killing Pettigrew, remember?”

Harry took a moment to think about that. He supposed he had never really thought about how ready Sirius had been to take vengeance into his own hands. At the time Harry hadn’t really thought about it, he had been overwhelmed just by finding out that Sirius wanted him and that he hadn’t actually betrayed his parents. It's not as if he wanted Pettigrew to live, he wanted Sirius to be free. And since they would have given him to the dementors, it was not about sparing Pettigrew. Looking back on it now… Especially after Pettigrew killed Cedric, he wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t fall into the same anger and need for vengeance himself against the man. 

“Just… don’t disregard it because of some sense of moral high ground. That only works when people aren’t getting killed around you,” Sirius finished, getting up. "It's them or you and those you care about."

Harry carefully placed the red leather book under the defence books from Sirius and Remus. He got a homework planner colour coded and completely filled out by Hermione. A good amount of sweets and the annual Weasley sweater from the Weasleys. Fred and George had gotten him a selection of their works in progress. He would have to ask them what they did at some point. 

He carefully carried his presents to his room. He would let Hermione look through the Defence books but somehow the thought of letting her read the red book didn’t sit right with him. It was something made for him specifically by Tonks, it somehow made it precious to him the same way the photo album of his parents was. He remembered the letter from Jacque that had come with the present from Jacque. 

He put down the presents in a pile on his bed and fished out the letter from the pile. He hesitated looking at the blank envelope in his hand. He tried to figure out when Jacque would have given it to Tonks. Had she had it before he had arrived? Had she gotten it last time she was at work? He was certain she had gotten it before Jacque had gotten his letter to him. 

“What are you hesitating for?” he angrily asked himself.

He used the anger to flip open the envelope, pulling out the parchment inside of it. His eyes only reached the first line before he couldn’t look at it anymore. His breathing had gotten rougher and cold sweat had started running down his back. His hands were clammy and he began seeing black spots around him. Harry threw the letter away and fell down on the floor pulling his knees to his chest. He tried to get his breathing under control again. 

_ In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, focus on your heartbeat, in, out, in, out, in… out… in… out… _

On and on and on did he repeat the same thing in his mind, forcing himself to calm down. He felt pathetic breaking down like that. He finally calmed down after emptying a glass of water, he wasn’t sure had been there before, probably Dobby now that he thought about it. He eyed the letter lying innocently on the floor a little ways away from him. He breathed in deeply once more before reaching for it. No matter what was in it, he owed it to Jacque to at least finish it.

_ Hey Handsome _

_ Merry Christmas, I guess. Tonks is supposed to give this to you with your gift. _ _   
_ _ Did you like it? I thought it would be nice for you to have something like you gave to me. I did read up on you, sorry. I thought it would be cool to have something made of a Hungerian Horntail. It’s tied in welsh knots. I read that your family seemed to be from around Godric’s Hollow.  _

_ Did you think about me? I thought a lot about you. I miss you, Handsome. Tonks told me you would be able to get out during your Christmas break. I hope you want to meet up with me. _

_ Harry, I love you, you know.  _

Harry kept on reading that sentence over and over again. He felt every worry and fear leave him as the words registered in his mind. He began over and a smile appeared on his face.

_ … Well, send your beautiful owl to me, when you’ve found a day.  _ _   
_ _ Or you could tell Tonks. You sure I shouldn’t be jealous? _

_ Yours Always _ _   
_ _ Jacque _

Harry kissed the name on the parchment, when he lowered it back into his lap he saw Tonks standing in the door, smirking at him. Harry blushed and instantly hid his face behind the letter. He groaned loudly when he heard Tonks giggling at him. 

“Someone’s ~ in ~  _ love _ ,” Tonks sang at him.

“Ha… ha…” Harry replied dryly. “So what? You already knew that.”

“I take it things are going good between you two?” 

“Yeah. I think so. We would have to have a date to make sure but I think so.”

“That’s good.” 

“Thanks…”

“For what?” 

“The book. Sirius told me -”

“Ah - don’t mention it,” Tonks said blushing. “I’m serious… don’t mention it.”

“Why not?” 

“I got too…”

Harry didn’t let her continue before he pulled her into a tight hug. She had begun to fit nicely in the nook at his neck. He had grown in the last half a year. He was nowhere near Ron’s height but he wasn’t as small as he used to be. It was nice being taller than Tonks. 

“You enjoying yourself?”

Harry jumped back. Everything that had been in contact with her felt like it was burning in addition to his face. 

“Uhm… I just wanted to say thanks. You didn’t have to but I’m glad you did.” 

“It really w-was n-no pro-problem,” Tonks stammered before she ran out of the room. 

Harry only saw the red hair for a moment, before she was out of view. He chuckled to himself. It was enjoyable seeing Tonks being flustered - Tonks. Shit, he had to talk to her about a date with Jacque… Oh well he could find her later. 

Harry began packing the different presents into his trunk. He donned the new Weasley sweater as tradition dictated, before heading back to the others. The letter from Jacque was placed with the other letters. He had kept them all and when the longing hit him he would read them starting with the first one. 

Harry remembered to grab the bag of special owl treats for Hedwig before going out of his bedroom. It wouldn’t do him any good if he had forgotten those a second time. He made it way back downstairs, finding Tonks sitting with Hedwig at the kitchen table. She looked her usual cool self as she scratched the bird on her chest feathers. 

Harry walked over and sat down next to the two of them. He kept the treats out of sight, waiting for them to notice him being there.

“Nice sweater.” 

“Thanks. I quite like them. Though Mrs. Weasley goes over the top with them.” 

Hedwig bounced her way over to him and stared straight into his eyes. Harry chuckled at the expectant look on the bird’s face. He didn’t say anything or move.

“Hoot!”

“Alright, alright, I got them,” Harry laughed, pulling up the bag. “Sorry about the lack of paper, girl.” 

Hedwig pecked at the bag, obviously wanting to have them straight away. Harry and Tonks shared a look before they descended into laughter. Harry opened the bag and picked out a small handful of treats putting them down on the table in a pile. Hedwig completely ignored them in favour of the treats. 

“So… Uhm. Do I still need a bodyguard for an outing?” 

“Probably yeah… this about Jacque?” 

“Yeah,” Harry smiled. “He asked in his letter if we could meet up during the Christmas break. Well, I asked him too in my letter. We asked each other.”

“Way to flaunt your relationship,” Tonks huffed jokingly. “You’re asking if I’m up for freezing my arse off while you enjoy some time with your boyfriend?”

“Something like that.” 

“You could ask someone else…”

“I’m… I’m not ready for that yet…” 

“You ashamed of him?” 

“No! It’s just… I can’t… Do you know how people would look at me if they knew?” 

“I have a pretty good idea.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You’ve never…”

“Don’t worry about it. I understand. You’ll have to tell people, you trust at some point.”

“I already did.”

“But you’ve only told… Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“Of course, I’ll help you. I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks Tonks. It means a lot to me - to us.”

Harry gave her a one-armed hug. She smelled nice, he noticed, her warmth felt nice too. He lingered for longer than he had intended to around her shoulder. 

“Did you like your gift and what was all that with Hermione and Ginny about?”

“Oh that?” Tonks laughed. “Yeah, it was a great gift. If I hadn’t known about Jacque I would probably have thought you were putting the moves on me. Ginny… Ginny liked the look of it at first then she wanted to know if anything was going on between us. Hermione… well, I guess she was just intrigued, you’d think she wants one of her own. Maybe from you.” 

“Why would she want one from me? And why would Ginny think something was going on between us?” 

“You are so adorably innocent for a guy with a boyfriend,” Tonks giggled. “Ginny thought you were ‘marking’ me with the choker. Like it was some sort of male way to tell people that I was taken by you.”

Harry spluttered, looking anywhere but at Tonks. It really was quite fascinating the way Hedwig would peck at a treat a couple of times before swallowing it whole. He was almost impressed that she didn’t choke on it. 

“Haaareeey,” Tonks breathed directly next to his ear. 

Harry fell over and landed hard on the floor knocking the wind out of his lungs. He gasped for breath while Tonks laughed her arse off, looking down at his embarrassed face. 

“What did you do that for?” Harry choked out.

“Your face,” Tonks managed to get out between giggles.

“What?” 

“Your face is hilarious. You should see the look on your face.” 

“Ha… Ha…” Harry got up from the floor. “I don’t see you wearing it. Guess you didn’t want to be marked by me.” 

Tonks looked away quickly. “So, when are you meeting up with Jacque?” 

“Don’t know. When does it work with you? You’re the busy one.” 

“Uhm… he's in a different department. MLEP and I'm with the Aurors. But I could pass him a note, you know?” 

“Anything sounds good to me,” Harry shrugged. “I’m the one imposing on you. Thanks again, Tonks.”

Harry ran a hand through her hair. It was soft he noticed, was she doing that with her abilities or was it natural? Was there even such a thing as natural with her? Harry honestly didn’t know and it felt intrusive to ask her, if he was being honest with himself. Ability or not, her soft hair was part of her. She was just Tonks after all, and he cared for her more than he would ever allow himself to admit.


	16. Camden Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya Peeps and Pervs <3
> 
> Another chapter in the bank for this story <3  
> Thanks to VonPelt for helping beta-ing my ramblings. Much love <3
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX

Harry checked over his choice of clothes in the full length mirror once more. It had taken a couple of days to coordinate between him, Tonks and Jacque about a date. Sirius had been involved as well at some point but it had been easy enough to make up a reason for why Harry didn’t want to talk to people. Hermione had predictably been completely taken by Harry’s new set of defence books and locked herself away with them which had been the only unsure element in Harry’s escape plan. 

Dumbledore had been by as well talking to him about starting Occlumency lessons, when he returned to Hogwarts. It was almost incredible the way the old man had ignored Harry saying that he was already studying it or Sirius’s protests against Snape instructing him. Harry did  _ not  _ want Snape to rummage around in his head, no matter how much Dumbledore tried to explain to him that it would be for his best. Harry had suggested either Tonks or Mrs. Tonks as his teacher instead. Dumbledore had simply returned to his previous answer of trusting Snape. Sirius had scoffed and told him “No”. 

Harry still smirked at the memory of Dumbledore’s shocked face. It was obvious that he hadn’t been told no in a long time. Tonks had begun helping Harry test his Occlumency in the evenings before they went to bed. Sirius had been right about them sometimes seeing each other’s memories. Thankfully nothing too embarrassing had been shared yet. It was more like glimpses of their childhood or times at Hogwarts. Harry could almost successfully keep Tonks out of his mind at this point. He probably couldn’t keep either Dumbledore or Snape out but it was something. 

“You ready?” 

Harry looked to the open door and found Tonks standing there. She looked amazing in her red cotton coat, black jumper and blue jeans. Her hair was a sedate blue at the moment. Harry felt his mouth dry out looking at her. He nodded at her, not trusting himself to speak without stuttering. 

“Good,” Tonks smiled. “You look great by the way. Jacque’s a lucky guy.”

“You look great as well,” Harry blurted out. 

Tonks smiled indulgently at him. It was moments like this when she seemed like an older sister. 

“Thanks. Not my usual style but hey it’s Christmas and Mum gave me the coat. You think it’s good on me?” 

“Yeah, I like the colour.” 

“Hmm.”

“Something wrong?” Harry asked, brushing some non-existent lint off his shirt. 

“No it’s nothing. Just not my usual style… and I usually don’t like what my Mum wants me to wear.”

“Don’t let me change your mind,” Harry shrugged, grabbing his own grey coat from the back of his chair. He pulled it over his shoulders making sure that it still fit him even with the growing he had done in the past half a year. It felt tighter around his shoulders. 

“I could use a little help getting this adjusted,” Harry said. “I can’t believe I’m already starting to grow out of it.” 

Tonks released her wand from her holster and waved it over him. He felt the coat settle correctly around him and he gave her a winning smile. 

“That should do it.” 

“Thanks, Tonks. Still can’t believe it’s only been half a year since I bought this with Jacque. Do people usually have to buy new clothes this fast?” 

“Probably,” Tonks laughed. “I wouldn’t know. Because of my tendency to change at will I’ve had more clothes in different sizes. I could still fit into my first year uniform if I concentrated hard enough.” 

“Living breathing Polyjuice potion,” Harry said thoughtfully. “I kind of forgot about that.” 

“What do you mean you forgot about that?” Tonks laughed. “My hair colour changes on a daily basis.”

“I suppose I just think of it as part of you,” Harry shrugged again. “It’s a part of you, so I just got used to it. You’re you, no matter how you look I suppose.” 

Harry spotted the pensieve look on Tonks’ face before she launched herself at him pulling him tightly to herself. He felt her rubbing her face into his sweater. He didn’t say anything when he felt some wet spots appearing on his chest. He ran his hands idly up and down her back until she calmed down.

She sniffed loudly when she pulled back from him, wiping at the corners of her eyes. Harry had been afraid that he had said something wrong but the smile on her face could have outshone the stars. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Nobody really understands me. Most people don’t see me for my ability. They try, but the hair colours and the changes in my appearance… they either freak people out or make a big deal out of my ability.” 

“You’re welcome,” Harry squeezed her shoulder. “We’re family in some sort of messed up way. You alright?”

“Never been better.”

Harry squeezed her shoulder again before flinging his invisibility cloak over his shoulder and stepping out of the door. He made it until the front door before he had to press himself up against the wall as Hermione came walking out of the kitchen with the first volume of his new defence books. Harry watched with intrigued horror as Tonks looked anywhere but where she was going while Hermione looked only at the page she was reading. Somehow time slowed down in anticipation of what was about to happen. Harry wanted to call out and stop the impending collision from happening but part of staying hidden under an invisibility cloak is staying quiet so nobody realizes you are there.

Hermione had made it half-way up the first set of stairs, when she slammed into an unsuspecting Tonks, wildly flinging around her arms grasping for anything to cling onto, finding Harry in the confusion. Her fingers clenched around the silky fabric as she slowly began falling backwards down the stairs, making Harry panic not only for her safety but also for his secret.

He quickly stuck out his arm and pulled Hermione upright while simultaneously snapping the piece of his cloak out of her fingers. He moved up a couple of steps to stand behind Tonks. He just hoped that in the confusion Hermione wouldn’t be able to put two and two together. Harry could see in Tonks’s face that she had seen everything that had happened, oddly she seemed to be panicking as much about the situation as Harry was. 

“Tonks?” Hermione asked, as soon as her initial shock was under control. 

“You need to watch where you are going,” Tonks tried to quip, but it came out harsher than Harry thought she would have liked it. 

“I’m sorry,” Hermione said, looking chastised. “You’re here alone?”

“Just heading out,” Tonks said. “Heading out alone, completely alone.”

“I could have sworn…”

“Alone, Hermione.”

Harry squeezed up close to Tonks’s back finding himself stuck between her and the wall. Her scent filling his nostrils. Her warmth transferring through the cloak to him. She was shivering, he noticed. Harry made sure that his hand was still covered by his cloak as he gently rubbed circles into Tonks’s lower back with his thumb, trying to help her relax as a way of trying to make himself calm down.

Harry watched as Hermione walked past Tonks and up the stairs. He could see the suspicion on her face. He didn’t know if he had been busted, and hopefully Sirius would be able to run interference if Hermione began asking about him.

Neither Harry nor Tonks said anything as they moved to their usual alley. Harry leaned up against the wall still hidden by his cloak. That had been close… too close.

“Harry?” Tonks whispered. “You there?”

Harry pulled off the hood, revealing his floating head. Harry looked into Tonks’ eyes as she looked into his. Neither of them wanted to break the silence of their moment. 

“That was close…” Harry murmured finally. “Do you think she noticed something?”

“I don’t know,” Tonks said, running a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I should have paid more attention.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it. It’s amazing that we have been able to keep it secret until now. We were going to be found out anyway,” Harry sent her his best smile even if it didn’t fully reach his eyes. “I’m so glad you are doing this for me and maybe we are just panicking for no reason.”

Harry carefully took off his cloak and folded it into the usual pocket, where he kept it. He gave Tonks a half-hearted one-armed hug, before stretching his arms over his shoulders. 

“Well, we should get going, no use worrying about what might have or might not have happened,” Harry shrugged.

“You’re being awfully calm about this,” Tonks pointed out.

“What’s the worst they can do?” Harry asked. “Forbid me from seeing Jacque until the summer where it is straight back to the Dursleys for me. I’ll just be able to hang out with him there. Until then I’ll just be passing letters through Dobby and you to him. I’ve lived my whole life trying to live my life inside of some arbitrary set of rules. I… you just learn how to bend them to fit your needs, I suppose.” 

“I see,” Tonks said. “And you’re not worried about, what would happen if they found out?” 

“Even Dumbledore knows better than to go after Jacque,” Harry muttered darkly. “If he wants to keep me on his side he will keep his long manipulating fingers away from him, or I swear to Merlin and Magic I will make his life miserable.”

Harry spotted the scared look on Tonks’s face out the corner of his eye.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing, you just got really intense for a second there.”

“Sorry,” Harry exhaled. “Jacque is probably the only person keeping me going at this point. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him.”

“Oi what about me and Sirius?” Tonks pouted teasingly.

“I suppose my surrogate sister and Godfather count for something,” Harry quipped back, all the tension around him lost.

“Come on, you don’t want to be late for your date,” Tonks groused. “Grab on.”

Harry had gotten used to side-along apparition even if he didn’t overly like the sensation, no amount of knowing that it would be better when he did it himself made up for the fact that apparition was inherently uncomfortable. 

They landed in an alley close to the Leaky Cauldron, where Jacque was hopefully still waiting for him. Harry pulled up the obscuring hood of his coat and made his way into the pub. It was just before lunch, so the pub was bustling with people trying to order food from the clearly exhausted Tom the bar owner. 

Harry plopped down in a chair by the bar, looking around for his missing boyfriend. Harry was already fifteen minutes late, saying that he was surprised when he didn’t spot Jacque immediately would have been an understatement. He supposed that Jacque must have run into something delaying him as well. 

“Hiya Handsome.”

Harry swivelled around on the chair towards the voice. He felt his body relax as his eyes fell upon a smiling Jacque standing there with his hands on his hips. Harry reached out and pulled Jacque into a tight hug, taking in everything that Jacque was, feeling, smell, heat. 

“I missed you,” Harry whispered. 

“Missed you too, so what do you have planned for us today?” Jacque whispered back.

“Walk around London or something?” Harry shrugged after letting him go. 

“Sure, that sounds good,” Jacque extended out his hand towards Harry.

He watched it for a moment before grabbing it, finding himself getting pulled out the door of the Leaky Cauldron and down the street. Jacque still hadn’t let go of his hand and in this moment he honestly didn’t care about it. Harry pulled off his hood after they had taken a couple of turns. He looked around at the Christmas decorations lighting up the street. They were completely different from the usual decorations at Hogwarts. Electric bulbs flashing in patterns of Santa Claus on his sleigh moving along a highrise or baubles made out glass filled with starlike lights. Harry was pulled out of his awe, when he felt a set of fingers tugging at his hair. He turned around to find Jacque staring at him with a pensive look on his face.

“It’s gotten really long,” Jacque mused. “I don’t know how you don’t get annoyed at it.”

“Are you saying I need a haircut?” 

“Maybe,” Jacque smiled mischievously. “I do prefer my boyfriend to look nice. I have to look at him after all.”

“Oi,” Harry snapped mirthfully. “I look just fine enough, thank you very much.” 

“Whatever you have to tell yourself before going to sleep.”

Harry shook his head at him, it was times like these when he seriously doubted who the older of them were. Jacque’s teasing always seemed to make him relax and just forget about the nightmare waiting for him in his life, with Jacque there was no Voldemort or Death Eaters or impending doom, no Dolores Umbridge torturing him or Educational Decrees making his life as a student a living hell. It was nice. He realized that this was what the Weasleys had felt when they had all gathered at Grimmauld Place. Jacque was slowly becoming  _ his  _ family, his escape from the horrors of the world around him.

“Oh, we’re here,” Jacque said out loud.

Harry looked up and found them standing in front of the same barber as they had been at during the summer.

“Do you want to go in there, get a haircut?” Jacque asked. “It’s almost a tradition if you think about it.”

Harry shrugged. He didn’t overly mind the state of his hair but he wouldn’t say no if Jacque suggested it either. Harry pushed open the door, hearing the small bell ring announcing their entering. 

“Ah, welcome, it has been quite a while.”

“It has,” Jacque nodded enthusiastically. “This one needs another haircut, look at the state of that mop.”

“Hey,” Harry grumbled. “It’s not that bad and there aren’t really all that many options while being away at a boarding school in Scotland.”

“Yeah yeah,” Jacque waved his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t change the fact that you need a haircut.” 

“Into the chair,” the barber chuckled. “Let’s see what we can do about it. I don’t seem to remember what we did last time.”

“Keeping the scar hidden on my forehead but otherwise let loose,” Harry shrugged. “I would prefer it being short in the side and back.”

“Ah right, so how is it up at your boarding school?” 

“It’s been…”

“Tough,” Jacque interrupted. “There is this new professor who seems to be a downright nightmare.”

“Well true but the rest is the same as usual.” 

Harry had taken off his glasses and closed his eyes as soon as he had sat in the chair, so he didn’t see the almost feral look on Jacque’s face and thankfully neither had the barber, or maybe he had but he didn’t comment on it.

It didn’t take long for the barber to finish and Harry put his glasses back on admiring his new look. Maybe it was because he was sitting there half a year after his first time around but it hit him how much he had changed in the time that had gone by. His face looked more grown up and his body looked firmer than it had done. He was slowly growing up into a man. It was almost surreal seeing it.

“Are you done admiring your looks?” Jacque asked cheekily. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry shook his head in exasperation. “I was just thinking that a lot had happened since last time I was here.”

“I suppose there has,” Jacque said as they left. “Last time we were here, I ran away because I thought you were going to tell me that you loved me only for me to be the one to tell you the same thing only two months later.”

“Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but why?”

“For showing up when you did,” Harry said, turning his attention fully onto Jacque. 

Jacque gulped as he fell under the intense emerald stare. The guilt, that she had kept squashing down, was threatening to surface once more, coming back in full force, making her want to tell him who she really was. A wave of fear washed over her bringing out all the worst case scenarios of what would happen if she indeed decided to tell him the truth. 

The worst of those thoughts being that she would crush him, the second worst thought was that it would end up making him hate her for her deception. She had been honest when she had said those three words. She did love him whether she was Jacque or Tonks. 

Jacque quietly shook his head before leading Harry down the streets once more, forgetting that whatever this was it wouldn’t last. 

They found a small café overlooking the Thames where they decided to grab a quick bite of lunch. Sitting under the heaters outside covered in blankets it was just warm enough with heating charms to eat comfortably. 

“Look,” Jacque whispered. “Snow.”

Harry leaned back his head, spluttering when a snowflake fell directly into his open eye. He quickly wiped at the irritation with the back of his hand, much to the amusement of Jacque. 

“Ha… ha…” 

“Oh come on,” Jacque giggled. “You looked funny.”

Harry shook his head at him, but a small smile was constantly on his lips. He took one of his fries and flicked it at Jacque who was wearing an insufferably smug face. 

“Oi, don’t play with your food, young man,” Jacque said snootily. 

“Is that a challenge?” 

Jacque raised a single eyebrow, but shook his head. They could play around with other things but not food. After lunch Jacque led them towards a nearby alley. He turned around and hugged Harry tightly for a second, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder, enjoying the closeness before he apparated them away,

Harry landed heavily on his feet taking a few steps to gather his bearings, almost knocking over his boyfriend in the process.

“Where are we?” Harry asked, immediately worrying about Tonks, who would have seen them leave. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do,” Harry exhaled. “I’m just worried that Tonks will freak out with us being gone.”

“Don’t worry about that, I told her where I would be taking you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I wanted to show you something that I found planning for this date,” Jacque smiled. 

Harry looked around with a questioning expression on his face. He had absolutely no idea where they were. Stalls and booths were lined up as far as he could see. 

“This here is Camden Market. They always decorate it and I thought maybe this would be a great place for us to… you know… continue the date.”

“It’s amazing,” Harry whistled. “I didn’t even know this place existed.”

What followed was a whirlwind of impressions, looking at the different stalls. Harry even found a small light blue scarf which he bought for Jacque seeing he wasn’t wearing one. In return Jacque gifted Harry a scarlet red one. 

“A little bit on the nose don’t you think?” 

“Says the guy buying me a scarf in the Beauxbatons colours,” Jacque rolled his eyes good naturedly. “And red is a good colour on you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Harry pulled up the scarf to cover the wide grin threatening to split his face. 

“Come on, let’s go get some mulled wine.”

“Never had that before.” 

“´Candied apples?”

“No.”

“Roasted almonds?”

“No.” 

“We are going to have to change all of that,” Jacque said almost fervently. “I am  _ not _ letting my boyfriend go back from this date without having tried everything Christmassy.”

Harry found Jacque’s enthusiasm infectious. He had never really cared for Christmas. The first time he had ever gotten a Christmas present was during his first year at Hogwarts. That was only four years ago. Ten years of getting told that you don’t deserve presents, didn’t endear a person to Christmas. The past years had made the situation better, but it wasn’t until this moment with Jacque pulling him around like an excited puppy that Harry finally understood why Christmas was a heartwarming time to so many people.

Exhausted from all the moving around Jacque pulled Harry to sit on a nearby wall throwing up a notice-me-not charm before he cuddled into him. Harry noticed that he now had fully eclipsed the shorter man.

“Thank you,” Harry muttered softly.

“You keep thanking me for stuff, Handsome, but I have no idea why.”

“Just… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Just talk and maybe it’ll come to you?”

“You know how I never got to celebrate Christmas as a kid. Never even got a present until my first Christmas at Hogwarts. I had to watch my cousin get more and more presents for whatever reason. You know, he had an entire bedroom just for his spare toys while I… Doesn’t matter. It’s gotten better but I never really understood…”

“It’s okay…”

“Just thank you for showing me,” Harry gestured with his hand. “ _ This _ .”

They had just moved towards the Underground near the Camden Market to go back when a silver dog appeared in front of them.

“Pup, you need to get back as soon as possible. Hermione has been asking around for you. I heard her telling Molly that she was worried about you or something, she’s freaking out and I won’t be able to hold them off for long. Sorry.”

Harry watched in horror as the dog disappeared into mist. He sent a panicked look towards Jacque who grasped his arm and apparated them to the alley near Grimmauld Place.

“How?” 

“Don’t ask questions,” Jacque said quickly. “Just get back there.” 

Harry frowned, but threw the invisibility cloak over his shoulders, booking it towards Grimmauld place. He tried his best to sneak in without getting noticed, but it was impossible for him to get up to his room for the throng of people in the way. Sirius tried admirably to hold them off but even if he managed to give Harry the time to get there before they got past him, he wouldn’t either. Deciding to bite the proverbial bullet he pulled off his coat, appearing behind them.

“I’m here,” he said coldly. 

If it had been any other situation it would almost have been funny the way they all snapped their head back towards him. Hermione, Ginny and Mrs Weasley made up the frontline of their little offense. Ron and the twins were off to the side with Remus, who kept sending disappointed looks at Sirius.

“ _ Where _ have you been?” Mrs Weasley’s voice reverberated against the walls of the stairwell. 

“Out,” Harry said politely but curtly.

“What do you mean ‘ _ out _ ’?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows almost disappearing under her fringe, but her eyes showed no sign of surprise. It was almost like she only asked him to confirm her suspicion.

“Out, as in outside of this house, as in away from here,” Harry said.

“But you are  _ safe _ here,” Mrs Weasley said.

“Like I was safe in Surrey under unfailable wards? When two dementors thought that it was time for my first kiss? I was safe there as well. I was safe now too,” Harry snarked, gesturing at his body. “I’m alive and not worse for wear.”

“But you could have been attacked!”

“In Muggle London?” Harry fired back angrily. “In the middle of so many people, suddenly a Death Eater or god forbid Voldemort would pop up and try to kill me? How would he even find me?” 

“Don’t you see it’s dangerous for you to walk around.”

“Do you expect him to visit Camden Market because his tea leaves told him that I would be there? And it’s not like I was alone…”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say as both of the female Weasley’s narrowed their eyes at him. Harry instinctively shrivelled under the combined gaze of the two redheads. Harry breathed in deeply, digging into the anger, he constantly carried around with him. It was  _ their _ fault that his date had gotten cut short for the simple fact that they needed to  _ control _ him at all times.

“And who were you with?” Mrs Weasley asked.

_ Who did  _ she _ think she was?!  _ Harry wanted to shout but managed to stop himself from doing so, barely.

“Oh, Just Lucius Malfoy, Walden McNair, and a few other of my best friends,” he sneered in an almost perfect imitation of Snape. "I had a lovely coffee date with Bellatrix Lestrange, you know? She's quite the conversationalist and loves Victorian literature. We then did tequila shots and eloped - " 

He rejoiced vindictively at the way they reared back in shock. They had no right to question him. He had coordinated it with two different people, most importantly his  _ actual _ guardian. 

“He was with me,” a short breathed voice broke the silence from behind him. 

Harry looked over his shoulder, spotting Tonks leaning against the Bannister. Harry wanted to reach out for her and protect her from what inevitably would be a massive scolding coming from Mrs Weasley. It was remarkable how similar she was to Vernon when she got fired up. Their shade of purple was almost identical when it came to rage. 

“Of  _ all _ …”

She didn’t manage to get more out of her mouth before she was staring straight into a glowing wand. Harry could feel his anger rushing through his veins. It was like his magic was roaring to be released to cause pain to hurt everyone around him. He was just about to slash it down in front of him when he felt a set of arms wrapping around his front gently but firmly stopping his arm from moving.

“Don’t,” a soft voice reached his ear. He could feel Tonks’s heartbeat thundering against his back. “Don’t hurt anyone. I know… Listen to my voice. I’m here and nobody needs to get hurt. Breath. In, out, in, out, in, out.”

Tonks must have gestured to Sirius and Remus, since they were doing their best to move everyone into the nearest room. Mrs Weasley looked like she was about to protest, but one look from Remus, shut her up. The last thing Harry saw was Sirius gesturing towards the upper floor with his head. Harry felt Tonks slowly pushing them forward up the stairs. His wand arm hanging tightly against the side of his body, wand-tip still glowing. 

They made it to Harry’s bedroom still flush against each other. Tonks took a step back and gently shoved Harry towards his bed, while she took a seat in the chair next to his desk. 

“So, mind telling me what that was?” she asked, no sign of condemning him in her eyes.

“I don’t know… It… it was like someone had poured fire into my blood… I was just so…  _ angry _ . I saw them standing there ripping into Sirius like they had any business doing that. I feel like a bird in a cage. The only difference is the size of the cage. I… I… and then it just became too much when they asked who I was with. It isn’t… I didn’t… who did they… it’s none of their business who I’m spending my time with and it is especially none of their business if I am spending it with Jacque. What must he think… We were near Camden Market when Sirius’s Patronus showed up… I… and then when they were about to turn on you…”

Tonks moved over and sat down next to him. Harry nervously looked for any reaction from her out of the corner of his eyes. He knew he had lost control. He had threatened Mrs Weasley, he  _ had _ been ready to attack her, defending Tonks or maybe it was the thought of Jacque and his relationship he had defended.

"And there was that feeling again, as if I was that snake again and had to - I - I don't know - attack? Or maybe - is that it's just me?" 

Everything was just too much for him right now. He began rubbing his eyes with clenched fists, his wand sticking out through his messy hair. He felt something tucking on it and finally relaxed the hand holding it. He knew that Tonks was the only one with him in the room, which was the only reason why he allowed it to be taken away. He felt her soft hands running through his hair and up his back. 

Harry felt the tears running down his cheeks. The rage had left him leaving him feeling more empty than he had been even when he grieved for Cedric. His tears turned into sniffles which soon turned into body shaking sobs, being the only sounds filling the room. 

Tonks sat next to him, showing him that she would be there for him whenever he needed her, until he fell into a fitful sleep leaning on her shoulder. His eyes looked swollen and his face was a mess. She conjured a small handkerchief to clean his face before gently lowering him down into the bed. Her heart was getting torn apart watching him. His breathing was shallow and his face was still strained. She covered him with the blanket and rose to leave, when she felt a hand around her wrist. She studied his face, trying to make out whether he was still awake or not, debating with herself about what to do.

“Don’t leave… not after I had to leave… Jacque…”


	17. A Bat, An Old Man and A Dog sitting around a Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Hello.
> 
> And I am somehow back again with another chapter for this story.  
> The last of the Christmas Holiday Chapters. (Apparently I just made that a thing.)
> 
> Thanks to VonPelt for Beta-reading once again.
> 
> Enjoy  
> Waske  
> XxX  
> (Sorry for the appalling Chapter title)

Harry groaned as the light from his window hit him squarely in the face. The previous day flooded into his mind as he reached out for his glasses on his bedside table. The date with Jacque had been a complete screw up and he was likely going to be interrogated vigorously by the Weasley women, Hermione and maybe even Dumbledore. He let out a sigh as he sat up in his bed, swung his legs over the edge of it and began rubbing his eyeballs with the palm of his hand. He heard the sound of wings and felt a weight settle on his shoulder. 

“Hey there, girl. You up for a quick trip to Jacque? I need to send him a letter explaining that I might not be able to…”

The words trailed off. He felt like the world was crashing down around him. There was a very real chance that this would be it for their relationship. Not that either of them wanted it to stop, hopefully, but he would be under constant guard so he didn’t manage to sneak off again. Dumbledore might even forbid Tonks from spending any time with him. It almost made him wonder whether it was even worth it anymore. 

He rose slowly from the bed, making his way to his desk where he found a piece of paper. He quickly wrote down his thoughts and apologies for the date going south. He explained that maybe it wouldn’t be possible for them to meet again until the summer and that he would do his best to send a message through Tonks whenever it was possible. He signed it quickly before sending it off with Hedwig. 

Harry looked around his room. He felt like there was something he was missing from the day before. He had almost attacked Mrs. Weasley and then Tonks had led him to his room where he had… oh shit that was embarrassing to think about. He must have fallen asleep soon after he had broken down and then she had left. He was not looking forward to the teasing, she would no doubt let him suffer under. Might as well stay inside his room reading if that was what the rest of this break was going to be all about. 

He had just gotten his hands on the red leather book from Moody and Tonks when someone knocked on his door. Of course they weren’t going to just leave him alone after what had happened.

He quickly looked himself over. Someone had helped him out of his coat but he was still wearing his jeans and sweater from last night. A quick sniff told him that a shower and a change of clothes would be appreciated by everyone around him. 

“Harry?” 

“One second.”

He tossed the book onto his desk before opening the door. He shouldn’t have been surprised when he found Hermione standing on the other side, her face showing a multitude of emotions. It was like they were pulled back to their third year after Sirius had sent him an anonymous Firebolt for Christmas. Sure, she had been right that it was suspicious and she probably had done the right thing, talking to Professor McGonagall about it. There wasn’t any doubt about that. She had the same facial expression on her face this time as well. A small amount of superiority with a helping of fear and shame. He honestly couldn’t be bothered by her.

“Yeah?” Harry asked snappishly. 

“I just…”

“Spit it out, Hermione. I’m really not in the mood.”

“Where were you yesterday?!”

“I was having tea with Bellatrix Lestrange. Didn’t you hear me yesterday?”

“You know what I mean,” she huffed.

“And why should I tell you?” 

“We’re  _ friends _ , Harry.”

“Are we?” 

He felt the anger beginning to throb in his temple. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? It wasn’t like it was that hard, was it? He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. The silence between them extended further than he had expected it to with Hermione being on the other side of the conversation. He slowly opened his eyes again and found one of his oldest friends on the verge of tears.

“Do you really mean that?” she asked softly.

“Honestly? I’m not sure. I’m tired of being controlled.”

“We’re  _ not _ controlling you.”

“Really?” Harry lifted a single eyebrow. “You’re not trying to control me? I can’t stay anywhere but here. When it’s not here then it’s Hogwarts or the Dursleys. I even had prison guards this summer making sure that I didn’t go anywhere I wasn’t supposed to. And even when I have ‘Adult’ supervision with the permission from my  _ actual _ guardian. You and everybody else begin trying to control me all over again. I’ve had  _ enough _ with all of you.”

“It’s not  _ like that _ .”

“Isn’t it?” Harry sighed wearily, all of his anger disappearing from his body leaving a deep seated emptiness behind. “Just leave me alone.”

He tried closing the door again. His thoughts wandering to the book Tonks had transcribed for him, even though he probably should spend some time on his Occlumency practice seeing as his anger was getting the better of him. He just couldn’t deal with Hermione or Mrs Weasley or God forbid it Ginny. He heard the muffled outrage coming from Hermione on the other side of the door. He had probably hurt her feelings but at the moment he couldn’t be bothered caring about what other people felt. Through the door, he didn't understand much, but what had to be her parting shot was pretty clear. 

"Do you think I enjoy clearing out a magical house when I could have been with my parents in France? Do you honestly believe I spent my summer as an unpaid, glorified cleaner just for the sake of controlling you?"

Picking himself up from leaning against the door took even more out of him. He decided on a shower before anything, he could always do the breathing exercise as he stood under the stream of water, he reasoned to himself, maybe ask Dobby to bring him a plate of food before he began reading and taking notes on how to be a killer. That thought still sent chills up his spine, when he thought about it. Had it really come to that? Killing the Death Eaters before they killed him and his friends? What would Ron and Hermione think about it?

Ron was fairly obvious. He would begin thinking he was about to go dark if he even suggested it, while Hermione would tell him that the adults would handle it and that he wouldn’t have to worry about learning how to fight and kill. It was something he had never understood since Sirius had told him about the first war. The way Dumbledore had advocated for the use of non-lethal force even with the Aurors and everybody else being killed in droves. There had to be a limit to second chances. 

Harry focused on his breathing as the water fell down his back. It was just the right temperature this time around, no chance of him getting scalded no matter how much time he spent in there. He slowly washed his body as he tried to empty his mind. He systematically ‘cleaned’ up his thoughts and put them in their rightful place as Cassiopeia Black had suggested, whenever another one popped into his head. At one point he even slid down the wall and sat on the floor of the shower, his legs crossed under him. He would likely have continued sitting there working on his Occlumency if it wasn’t for the large bang coming from his room. He quickly opened his eyes and grabbed his wand next to him. If it could survive a trip into the Black Lake almost a year before then it could survive being wet in the shower and he honestly had stopped feeling safe without it close to him at all times since the dementor attack against him.

He quickly grabbed a towel with one hand, trying to dry himself off as quickly as possible. He had barely managed to tie it around his waist when he threw open the door to his bedroom, finding Tonks sitting on his bed with the red leather book in her hands idly flipping through the pages.

“Oh - it’s just you,” Harry sighed in relief.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snarked defensively.

“It’s nothing. Hermione was here earlier making a nuisance of herself,” he waved his hand. 

“Oh - you know having to transcribe this book for you actually helped me understand some of it better.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Tonks shrugged, closing it in front of her. “Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?”

“Not really.”

“You almost attacked Mrs Weasley. Why?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You said you trusted me, didn’t you?” 

“Of course. What does that have to do with anything?”

“You can talk to me and trust me to not judge you for anything that happened. So, could you please tell me what was going on with you?”

“I was just  _ so  _ angry with them all,” Harry growled in frustration. “You know what the first thing I thought of was when I woke up this morning?”

“No.”

“I was - I am afraid that Jacque and I will have to break up after this. Hermione has already been here to interrogate me about who I was with, Mrs Weasley will definitely have her turn and Dumbledore if he ever deigns to look at me again.” 

“You’re not going to break up because of that,” Tonks scoffed. “Stop being so melodramatic and broody. He is not going to dump you because of the people around you. Stop fearing for the worst, alright?” 

Harry sent her a disbelieving look but it quickly faltered when he saw the completely sincere look on the woman who was the closest he would ever get to an older sister. He finally found himself relaxing down onto the bed beside her. He even got a smug look on his face when he saw her glance up and down his body. 

“Like what you see?” he teased.

“Shut up,” she blushed. “You’re way too young for me anyway…”

“Thanks for talking me down,” Harry sighed as he lied down. “Sometimes it just gets to be too much.” 

“I know, but trust me. We’ll make it through it all. You, me, Sirius. We’ll get him and all his Death Eaters, trust me.”

“More than anyone else,” Harry admitted. “How bad is it down there?” 

“Molly seems to be ready to storm up here but Sirius has kept anyone from this floor. Hermione looks between angry and ready to break down in tears. She has her nose stuck in one of the books from the library, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even register what she is reading.”

“I thought she would still be reading the same book from yesterday,” Harry mused.

“That one is one of your new ones, remember?” 

“Right. That hasn’t stopped her before. That’s why she doesn’t know about the red one.” 

“Sometimes, I think you are a bit too paranoid, even with people actually after you,” Tonks laughed. “You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not really. I just did my Occlumency exercises when you decided to drop down on my floor. It’ll probably hit me soon.” 

“Get dressed and then we’ll go grab something to eat. Molly has taken over the kitchen even though Dobby hates it. Little guy is actually looking forward to when you go back to Hogwarts.”

“I’m not,” Harry sighed. “If I could I would just stay here with you and Sirius.”

“That bad, huh?” 

“Worse. No Quidditch, Umbridge taking over the school, everything is just horrible.”

“No Jacque,” Tonks teased.

“No Jacque.” Harry smiled back wryly. “That’s not a positive you know.” 

“I suppose it isn’t.” 

Harry got off his bed and walked to his wardrobe grabbing a fresh set of clothes. He was just about to drop the towel when he remembered that he had an audience. He turned around to find Tonks staring unashamedly at him.

“Do you mind?” 

“Nope.” she said emphasizing the ‘p’. “I’m good.”

“I mind!”

“Tough. Go on, I’m waiting you know. Even if you aren’t hungry, I am.”

Harry grabbed his pile of clothes and walked straight to his adjourned bathroom. He wasn’t going to give her a free show if he could help it. Honestly, didn’t she have any sense of shame? Probably not, now that he thought about it. She certainly hadn’t seemed to have any before. It was almost refreshing that she didn’t. No matter what shit happened to his life Tonks hadn’t ever changed the way she acted around him. Shameless and disappointing if she ever tried to be a grown up role model but at the same time caring and emotionally more well adjusted than he was at least. 

Stepping out of the bathroom he found Tonks leaning against the wall next to the open door. He nodded to her before following her down the stairs to what was likely going to be the first of many questions about his whereabouts yesterday. He squared his shoulders and cleared his mind before stepping into the kitchen to a cacophony of noise.

It had taken a few days for people to begin leaving him alone about his trip outside of Grimmauld Place. He had almost finished the Occlumency journal and copied the techniques for his own budding Occlumency shields, when Sirius called him in his room. 

“Dumbledore is here to see you,” he said with a grimace.

“Oh, what does he want?” 

“Didn’t say. Snivellus is here as well. Didn’t look like he wanted to be here either.”

“Time to face the music then,” Harry said, putting down the red leatherbook. “You’ll be there of course, right?”

“Of course, Harry. Always.”

They had barely made it into the kitchen, when Dumbledore tried to dismiss Sirius. 

“I’m staying. He is  _ my _ godson. You are not talking to him without me there.”

“Of course, Sirius. Have a seat, both of you.”

Harry sat down opposite Snape and cast a wary glance towards the man. There was no lost love between them. He found Sirius’s presence even more comforting, when he noticed that Dumbledore was doing his best not to look at him. The anger returned in full and he had to do his best not to lash out at him by closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing. 

“What are you here for?” Harry asked finally.

“You should show the Headmaster some respect.” Snape sneered. “Stop wasting our time.”

“Shut up, Snivellus,” Sirius sneered. 

“Enough! We are here because I think it is advisable for you to begin taking classes in Occlumency with Professor Snape here.”

Harry looked disbelievingly at the old man, everything in his journal said that Occlumency training was one of the most intimate and trust dependant forms of magic, having someone testing out your defences needed a careful approach, so that the progress wasn’t destroyed, but only pointed out weak points in the shield.

“Have you actually lost your marbles, Dumbledore?” Sirius asked. 

“Harry and if I’m not wrong you by extension, Sirius, know about the connection between Harry and Voldemort. The visions that you have experienced are more than that. If my assumptions are correct then you are entering his mind while you sleep, but after the episode with Arthur Weasley I suspect that Voldemort has become aware of the connection as well and he might use it to enter your mind.” Dumbledore finished.

Harry looked at the man, he thought Sirius’s question was more than valid. The fact that Dumbledore hadn’t decided to give him any training in Occlumency before this when he had the suspicion was damning as most of the things the old man had done throughout the years. Deciding to play stupid, Harry just looked blankly between the two men. 

“And this Occlumency that you’ve been talking about would help me stop it?” he asked.

He had to kick Sirius in the leg, when he heard a snort coming from the man. Harry tilted his head in his best interpretation of a clueless kid. He didn’t know what they were playing at but he wasn’t a fan of it.

“Yes, the Mind arts are an intricate study that can’t really be taught by text. People have tried to write their thoughts down into books but they have more or less disappeared through history. It has been a restricted magic by the Ministry almost as soon as its inception. Only certain people are allowed to study it under carefully selected instructors.”

“And that would not be an option for me,” Harry agreed. “Not really that popular with the Ministry at the moment.”

“Minister, Harry. There is a difference however small it might seem.”

“Yes, sir. So, what you are asking me to do is to learn something that is against Ministry directions with Umbridge walking around the school literally out for my blood?”

“It is imperative that you learn,” Dumbledore said with a hint of frustration in his voice. 

“And the reason why you asked Snape?”

“You ungrateful little…”

“Shut your mouth!” Sirius roared. “Don’t talk about Harry like that.”

Harry kept his eyes on Dumbledore. He didn’t even seem slightly fazed that his supposed Occlumency instructor was just about to insult him.

“Why am I going back to Hogwarts?” 

The silence that descended in the room was palpable. Sirius exuded a nervous energy, which was part anxious and part excited. Snape held him with a gaze filled with unabated loathing. Dumbledore, however, actually looked at him. Harry was almost about to laugh at the amount of shock the man had on his face.

“What?”

“I’m asking, why would I want to go back to Hogwarts?” Harry asked serenely. 

“This is your O.W.L. year,” Dumbledore said in a tone, that tried to sound like it had explained everything.

“I know,” Harry nodded. “Sirius, is there other ways for me to take my O.W.L.s than at Hogwarts?”

“Of course,” Sirius said. “You can take them at the Ministry. Sometimes parents disagree with their child’s assessment and then they pay for their child to take them again during the summer after their fifth year. Of course the questions are harder because of the extra time, but it is entirely possible. And you could always learn French and visit Beauxbaton if the  _ climate _ here doesn't agree with you.”

“Why would I want to go back to Hogwarts with Umbridge there?” Harry asked. 

“Here we go again, Potter wanting special treatment,” Snape interrupted. 

“Shut up!” Harry shouted, his tentative control lost completely as they sat there. “Shut up, shut up! I’m tired of listening to the same insults I’ve been listening to since I’ve been at Hogwarts. I’m tired of being at the school where my safety isn’t guaranteed. I am tired of having to fix your fucking problems. Quirrell, Basillisk, Dementors, Tri-Wizard Tournament. I have a hag with an insane interest in me and I’m tired of having to deal with it and ‘keeping my head down’. Answer me Dumbledore, WHY SHOULD I GO BACK TO HOGWARTS?!”

“Your friends,” Dumbledore tried.

Harry scoffed. He wasn’t even sure he was considering Hermione a friend anymore, he wasn’t sure why he still kept Ron around. They were friendly, sure, but he honestly wouldn’t care if he didn’t see them until the next school year or whenever Dumbledore decided he would get away from the Dursleys. That was the problem. Dumbledore decided, he didn’t listen, he just decided.

“No.”

“What?” 

“You heard me, Headmaster,” Harry said defiantly. “No. I don’t want to take Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape. I know what Occlumency is and he doesn’t strike me as a man with a gentle touch. He would rather destroy my mental shields than help me shore up the weaknesses. No, I don’t think I’ll return to Hogwarts. There is nothing for me there while Umbridge is there. She poisoned everything that I once cared about at the place. She took away Quidditch, she took away my favourite subject, she cuts into my hand during detentions. There is not enough good for me to want to go there. So, no, Headmaster. I will not go back.”

“But you must!”

“Why?”

“Your parents would have wanted you to do your best.”

Harry instinctively grabbed Sirius’s shoulder. He had a feeling that they were treading on thin ice. The low growling from Sirius didn’t help him relax either. 

In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out…

“Don’t,” he whispered.

“Harry?” Sirius asked worriedly. 

“Potter is just drawing attention to himself as…”

A glowing wand found its way directly into Snape’s face, Harry was breathing roughly as he had half flung himself over the kitchen table. Sirius’s wand quickly moved to Dumbledore when the man looked ready to stand up and diffuse the situation.

“Honestly… hah… I… don’t… hah… know what I’m about to cast… hah… I know there is a lot of anger in it and the magic feels like it is about to either explode or continue uninterrupted by anything… hah… what I do realise is that it is deadly if I lose what little control I have right now… hah… give me a second.”

Nobody moved while Harry breathed in and out, the lit up tip of his wand glowed in time with his chest, expanding and deflating continuously until the magic finally receded back into his body. Harry collapsed back into his seat. He didn’t even feel any sense of satisfaction at the small signs of fear on Snape’s face. Dumbledore looked disappointed at him, like that was anything new. 

“I think that settles at least the Occlumency lessons,” Harry sighed. “I don’t think it would be productive for me and Snape to be in a room when my natural reaction to his voice is for my magic to want to kill him.”

The way Harry had said that it sounded like he was talking about the weather or who would be playing at the next Quidditch match at Hogwarts or his homework. 

“But it is imperative…”

“Not with Snape it is not.”

“Professor…”

“Not during Holidays,” Harry said simply. “Whether I return to Hogwarts is also undecided. Don’t make me run away and not come back, Dumbledore.”

Harry stood up out of the chair and ignored the sneering comment from Snape about disrespectful brats and Sirius going off in retaliation. He ignored the way Dumbledore was trying to get his attention again and ignored everything that was happening around him. He needed a quiet place where he could be alone, where he could let out the anger simmering in his body out in between his meditation session. He made his way downstairs into the basement training room and began firing spells at the target, trying out some of the incantations he had seen in the red leather book. 

At some point during the destruction he felt his mind empty of everything, he just began slashing and jabbing his wand around towards the dummies seeing his magic unleash in unfiltered chaos as it blew up or tore apart cloth and straw and stone wherever he directed it. It was like his magic was a symphony of light and fire as he directed the music of devastation in a singular instance before everything went black.

“...rry… Harry… Harry!” 

“What?” he mumbled.

“Are you alright?” 

He blinked open his eyes, feeling his body scream in pain as he tried to turn his head towards the voice. He tried to get the dryness out of his throat as he looked around the aftermath, the biggest piece he could see was half a head from a dummy still smouldering in the corner. 

“Harry?”

“Sorry.” 

“What happened here?” 

Harry’s eyes followed the voice and found a distraught Tonks kneeling next to him. He lifted a sore arm up and wiped at his forehead. He tried to reconnect to his mind to find out what exactly he had done.

“What time is it?”

“Dinner time,” she said worriedly. “I found you on the floor.”

“Huh,” Harry grunted. “The last thing I remember was the meeting with Dumbledore and Snape. Dumbledore wants Snape teaching me Occlumency. I… I just needed to get out of there. I… think I went down here and practiced some of the stuff from Moody’s book and then suddenly my mind went blank and I just let the magic flow through me as I waved my wand, no incantations, no specific wand movements, no thoughts.”

“Sirius and I have been trying to find you since that meeting,” Tonks said worriedly. “He was certain he remembered you going down here but nobody could find the door to the room. It was like we forgot it existed or something. I don’t know how to explain it. I just sat there because I knew it was supposed to be there and then suddenly I recognized the door.”

“Weird.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” Harry said. “Thirsty, hungry.” 

“Anything else?”

Harry closed his eyes and focused his senses on feeling everything happening to him. He winced back in horror as he felt something different coming from his scar, something murky and disgusting, something tainted. Shivering in disgust, he opened his eyes wide and glazed over in thought.

“What?”

“There’s something in my scar,” Harry groaned. “I’ve never felt it before but it’s like something is stuck to it. It’s like sticky and dirty and wrong. Other than that I’m fine, just tired.”

“Harry…” Tonks pouted before slapping his shoulder. “You really scared me there. What’s this about you threatening Dumbledore about not going back to Hogwarts?”

“I don’t know.” Harry said sheepishly. “I didn’t really mean it. I just don’t see the point. I can practice my magic here and in most classes Sirius could probably teach me what I would need for my O.W.L.s even if he couldn’t do it for N.E.W.T.s and I don’t know. I just don’t want to go back.”

He felt himself getting pulled into a soft embrace. The last vestiges of strength left his body as he felt something wet hitting the top of his head. The restrained sobs from the woman next to him brought a feeling of shame and regret to him for making her cry. That hadn’t been what he had intended but somehow it had happened anyway.

“Shh,” he tried. “It’s alright. I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” she sobbed. “Shit keeps happening to you and how have you not broken yet?”

“After the past 24 hours, I wouldn't be so sure about that,” Harry chuckled mirthlessly.

He tried to get out of her arms but he just didn’t have the strength to do more than wiggle from his position with his face squished against her chest. In the end he just resigned himself to being cried on. He hadn’t realised how affected the people around him would be. He promised to himself to spend more time with Sirius and Tonks while he still could without brooding or blowing up. He would still take time out of his mornings and evenings to continue clearing his mind. It was like something had changed in him after this episode. Like he felt his body more clearly than before. He could feel the foreign intrusion that was likely Voldemort and could now actively work towards isolating that part of him from the rest of him. Hopefully, that would help with the visions, so he didn’t have to see another one.

“Help me sit up,” Harry croaked. 

Diving his senses into his mind, he tried to identify the different sources of magic inside him. He found two distinct and different magics trying to mix again somewhere around his chest. The one originating from his lower abdomen felt like his own, but it was slowly being tainted by whatever Voldemort had left in him. He tried to will his own magic into a barrier, a dome around the foreign substance, shoring it up, keeping them separated. He felt his body grow lighter, almost stronger as every breath brought in more and more magic to his body. It was like his body had expanded its capacity to contain magic. 

As he opened his eyes the scar in his forehead had subsided to the feeling of a small rash, nothing more serious than that, making him want to scratch it at times. The mind numbing dullness in his head was gone. He felt refreshed even if his body was sore. He felt reborn.

He easily jumped up from his position and stretched himself. He felt amazing. He was slightly surprised to find Tonks still sitting there, watching him closely.

“Hiya,” Harry said cheekily. “I think I’ve just had a major breakthrough in my Occlumency training. Ir’s hard to explain really. I just  _ feel _ my magic like I’ve never done before.”

“Really?” Tonks said with a big smile on her face. “How so?”

“It’s like… my magic is constantly creating a barrier around the taint from Voldemort,” Harry tried to explain. “I’m not sure how well it will do against anyone else, but I don’t even feel the taint anymore. It’s like I cleaned a very dirty window.”

“Good, that’s great even.” Tonks said thoughtfully. “You make absolutely no sense to me at all. Are you sure something isn’t wrong with you?” 

“I’ll prove it to you.” Harry blurted out. “You told me you might be able to test out my defences right?”

“Yeah…” she said hesitantly.

“Could you do it now?” The eagerness was thick in his voice.

“You sure?” Still sounding skeptical. 

“Uh-huh, come on.”

Squaring her shoulders, Tonks deeply exhaled and gestured to the floor in front of her. Harry quickly sat down and waited patiently.

“You need to look into my eyes,” Tonks explained. “I’m going to cast a spell that is going to help me look into your mind. It’ll feel like… hmm… like your memories are played in snippets. I’m not good enough to look through them like a master of the mind arts would, but I know the spell and how it works. That’s part of why I’m not an interrogator with the Aurors. Relax and clear your mind.  _ Legillimens. _ ”

Harry felt a foreign magic entering through his eyes and hitting upon the barrier he knew was inside his mind like a battering ram. He instinctively applied more of his magic to the damaged part. He felt his memories slowly approaching the wall of magic, tempted towards the seductive whispers of the magic kept on the outside. He quickly imagined himself locking the memories away in desks and files and boxes keeping them away from the magic. He felt the anger that he was so familiar with rearing within him but it was distant muffled. He followed the emotion and found it contained past a bright barrier, subdued and in chains. The irrational anger hadn’t been his. It was Voldemort’s, surprised Harry flooded himself with his own magic, pushing any foreign interference away from him in the process.

He woke up, blinking his eyes finding Tonks lying down on the floor rubbing her temples with both hands.

“Are you alright?” 

“What the hell was that?”

“I just flooded myself with emotions and magic.” Harry shrugged. “I guess you felt that.”

“Yeah,” she groaned. “Fuck, it felt like being trounced by a horde of hippogryffs.” 

“Sorry,” Harry said sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“No, no.” Tonks waved her hand. “It’s all good. You did it correctly, probably. Honestly, I don’t really know what you did. Never even heard of that way before. My instructors were all about clearing everything away so nothing could be gained from you, but if it works for you?”

“I did feel you pulling my memories towards you. I kind of just locked them away, so you wouldn’t see anything though. Does that make sense?”

“Not really. Still, great job, Harry.”

Harry felt his back slam into the floor as Tonks jumped him while pulling him into a tight hug. He blinked twice as he tried to get the black spots away from his vision that he had gotten when the air had been knocked out of his chest. Opening his eyes, his vision was filled with purple hair, tickling his face, a cute button nose and the most sparkling blue eyes he had ever seen on her. He barely noticed how her lips seemed to fill out more than they usually would nor how her breathing had become shallower. 

“Ehm… could you?”

“Right.. Sorry,” Tonks quickly rolled off him and laid down on the floor next to him.

The silence that descended between them was loaded, suffocating. Neither of them dared to look at the other as they both did their best to find words for what had just happened. Something had been different in that embrace from usual. Harry was sure of that. It was subtle but there was a new unspoken tension in the room, that he couldn’t, shouldn’t and most certainly wouldn’t comment on if he ever wanted to avoid getting hexed forty-seven different ways until sunday. 

He was ironically saved by his stomach, announcing its displeasure at the lack of food that day, and the evening before. He heard a low snort, which quickly turned into muffled giggles. He chanced a glance at the woman next to him and found her biting her knuckles tightly as to not make a sound. He gently pushed her shoulder, but that turned out to have been the wrong move when her laughter bellowed out into the room. 

“Never change, Handsome. Never change.”

“Right back at you,” Harry laughed along with her as Tonks' hair went through the whole rainbow as she stuck her tongue out. 

It didn’t take long before Harry decided to act on his newfound hunger and pushed himself off from the floor. He turned back to find Tonks staring up at him. He extended a hand towards her, but to his surprise she didn’t grab it immediately.

A little annoyed he asked. “You coming or not?”

“Right, yeah.” Tonks grabbed his hand and pulled herself up. “Your eyes are different.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, looking around to find a shiny surface for him to look into.

“They’re more… clear? Bright? I don’t know,” Tonks said. “It’s hard to explain.”

“So it’s not like my eyes suddenly turned purple?” Harry teased.

“No, you idiot,” Tonks laughed. “It’s more like a clearer shade or something. I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining it. You  _ feel  _ lighter.”

“Now you’re the one not making any sense.”

“Laugh it up, Handsome. Nobody seems to be making sense in this madhouse anymore.”

“I think that might be why it’s a madhouse.”

Laughing, they arrived in the kitchen to find a frantic Sirius bouncing nervously around the room, looking as if the world was about to end. Harry cleared his throat loudly, gathering everybody’s attention on himself. 

“Harry!”

“Hey,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Long time no see?”

“Where were you?” 

“In the training room,” he shrugged. “I needed to blow off some steam.”

“More like blow up some stuff,” Tonks snickered. “Need a whole new set of dummies and targets, and a good cleaning as well.” 

“Thank you very much,” Harry sniped. “I so value your op─.”

He didn’t get another word out before Sirius had pulled him into a tight hug, trying his best to crush his ribs. Harry wasn’t really sure what he had or hadn’t done to warrant such a big reaction from him, but the stares from everybody else had become decidedly uncomfortable. 

“Get orrf me,” Harry groaned into the man’s shoulder. 

“Don’t make me scared like that again.” 

“Where did you think I was?” 

“We thought you’d left, mate.” Ron said from the table. “Gone outside without anyone knowing.”

“And why would I do that?” 

“It’s my fault,” Sirius said sheepishly. “You looked furious when you stormed out.”

“I did  _ not _ storm out,” Harry huffed. “I would have told you, Sirius. Trust me. When is dinner?”

“Molly hasn’t started cooking yet,” Sirius said. 

“You mind if I cook instead?” Harry asked.

“By all means.” 

“I was being rhetorical,” Harry teased. “Keep up, Old Man.”

Harry watched as Sirius’s jaw dropped in surprise. Harry paid him no mind as he began rummaging around the fridge for the right amount of ingredients to feed everyone. It wasn’t until Tonks’s snickers grew so loud that Harry had to turn his attention back towards the rest of the room. Sirius’s expression must have been contagious because everyone except for Tonks had a similar expression on their face. 

“What? Was it something I said?” Harry asked confusedly. 

“It just…” Hermione said. “You seem different.”

“Seriously?” Harry tilted his head. “I don’t feel all that different though.”

“You never asked to cook before,” Tonks pointed out. 

“I’m hungry.” Harry shrugged. “Close your mouth, Sirius. Your brain is small enough that it could fall out.”

“I don’t know if I should be insulted or proud,” Sirius exhaled. 

Harry shrugged and turned back to his cooking. For once he felt like the right choice was to not get involved. 

Harry did his best to spend time with Sirius and Tonks during the rest of the Christmas break. His inner magical barrier kept getting stronger as he took the time to meditate. His emotions felt more in control, not removed as the journal had mentioned but just under control as if it was breathing in tune with him or he with it. His head felt clearer than it ever had. It was with much hesitation that he sat down with Sirius the day before they were bound to return to Hogwarts.

“You should go back,” Sirius said before Harry even opened his mouth. 

“Why?” Harry asked, genuinely curious.

“I know Umbridge is a bitch, but you will learn better from Minnie and Flitwick and the other teachers than I could ever teach you here.” 

“Even Snape?”

“Begrudgingly even Snivellus,” Sirius smirked. “I might not like the guy, but he was inventing his own poisons before we even took our OWLs. Which was disturbing, but proves his skill if nothing else.”

Harry leaned his head back against the back of the chair, closing his eyes. He understood what Sirius was saying and it certainly was a better argument than the one Dumbledore had been trying to sell him. He just really didn’t want to go back to Hogwarts as it was at the moment. He had never felt that way about the castle before. Usually he couldn’t wait to get back there but at this moment he was loath to go back there. 

“I’m not trying to blackmail you, but your mum would try and murder me from beyond the grave if I didn’t at least try to make you see how your future could be affected by your choices.”

“I know,” Harry sighed. “I’m tired of Dumbledore, Umbridge and Snape. It’s like the ultimate trifecta of screwing Harry. That’s not counting the connection with Voldemort in my scar.”

“How’s your Occlumency going?” 

“Haven’t had a nightmare since the day, Dumbledore half-demanded me to take the lessons,” Harry admitted. “I’ve felt better since then too.”

“That’s good… That’s really good.”

They both fell back into silence. Harry knew he was going back to Hogwarts. It was partly because he knew he would as soon as Sirius had suggested it to him. As coldhearted as it was he didn’t really care about what his parents felt about him. Of course he didn’t want to be a monster, but it wasn’t because of them. He didn’t know them. No, he had stopped caring what James and Lily Potter cared for. They were his past. Sirius had taken their place and to an extent so had Tonks. They had become the people whom he cared about. The people he wanted to make proud. Not Dumbledore, not the Weasleys, not anyone else. 

“I guess I never really had a choice.”

“Wrong,” Sirius said solemnly. “You always… and I mean always have a choice.” 

“Thanks, Sirius. I guess I should go pack my stuff then. Get my books back from Hermione and such,” Harry laughed weakly. "Maybe she hasn't sucked all knowledge out of them yet." 

“Yeah. I suppose you should.”

Harry felt that Sirius’s smile was about as weak as his laughter had been. The days they had spent together was both a blessing and a curse. They had grown even closer over the break, but it only made the goodbye that much harder for him to handle.

Harry woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed but slightly resigned like a man walking into a losing battle knowing that he couldn’t even punch back without dire consequences. He levitated his trunk down the stairs and placed it against the wall in the hallway before heading into the kitchen. Tonks was surprisingly already up, well as up as she could be at this time in the morning. Her long deep blue locks hung like a curtain around her coffee mug as she inhaled more than drank its contents. Harry almost wanted to act cheerful, but the risk of getting hexed wasn’t worth the small amount of joy he would get out of annoying her. Instead he found his way to the food and made himself a platter as Mrs Weasley joined them from the kitchen.

“Are you ready to go back dear?” 

“As ready as I’m going to get,” Harry nodded. “I’ve packed my stuff and Hedwig is already on her way back.” 

“That’s nice dear,” Mrs Weasley nodded. “I should go get the others ready to leave.”

Harry absentmindedly nodded. He had long since learnt that it was better to just get out of the way when it came to the Weasleys getting ready to leave. 

“Morning.” came the familiar grumble.

“Morning. You know how we are getting back?” 

“Remus and I’ll take you all on the Knight Bus,” Tonks said. “So don’t eat too much. Wouldn’t want you to throw up on the trip back, Handsome.”

“Ha… ha… I’ll try to turn my head away from you if that happens.”

“Oh my how  _ noble _ of you,” Tonks smiled, her hair slowly turning more lively as she woke up. “I can see why Jacque keeps you around.” 

“I’m still amazed he wasn’t more freaked out about the interruption in our date,” Harry mused. “He took it well.” 

“Of course he did,” Tonks scoffed. “I told you so didn’t I?”

“Oh great goddess of clairvoyance, how could this lowly mortal ever doubt you,” Harry said cheekily.

“It’s way too early in the morning for that attitude,” Tonks grumbled, throwing a piece of bacon at him.

“You’re wearing the choker.”

“Oh? Yeah… I did say I liked it.”

“You did.”

“That doesn’t mean it means anything.” 

“Of course not.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” 

Tonks did the only mature thing she could think of and gave him the two finger salute. Harry smirked at her childish reactions. Sometimes he wasn’t sure who was supposed to be the grown up between them. Still, it did make it easier for him to relate to her. She was everything he had missed growing up while still having the emotional stability that he sometimes needed to lean on. He couldn’t have asked for a better sister. A very hot looking sister after her second cup of coffee. No matter how wrong that those words in a sentence sounded to him. They continued to eat in silence, ignoring the comings and goings of the rest of the house as everybody slowly got ready to leave for the day. Sirius had fallen into the same sort of depressive state he had been in when Harry had left for Hogwarts at the start of the year. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Harry tried. “You’ll see me soon enough.”

“I know, kid,” Sirius tried to smile. “Keep your spirits up, ya?”

“Right back at you, Padfoot.” 

Sirius just ruffled his hair instead of replying. Harry watched as the man tried to eat some resemblance of breakfast. It didn’t help when the majority of the Weasley contingent arrived at the table accompanied by Hermione. Harry was not in the mood for the chaos they brought in their wake. He quickly finished his plate and made to leave the table when he felt a hand grab his wrist.

“I’m going to miss you…” Tonks whispered so only he could hear it.

“It’s a little early for goodbyes isn’t it?” Harry smiled softly. 

Tonks shrugged slightly but didn’t let go of his wrist. Harry lifted a single eyebrow as he glanced between their hands and her face. He couldn’t quite decipher the look on her face. It annoyingly reminded him of the face Jacque would have whenever their dates would be about to end. 

“So, are you going to let go?” Harry asked with a hint of amusement. “Not that I mind holding hands with someone so beautiful.”

He laughed when she pulled her hand back against her chest as if the touching of their skin had burned her. It was fun messing around with her. It happened so rarely that he got a chance to catch her off guard like that. 

“Very funny,” she laughed drily. “I guess you’re right. This isn’t the time for goodbyes.”

The door to the kitchen opened and Remus pushed his head through the opening. Harry checked the time on his watch, it looked like it was time to leave. He quickly shrunk his trunk and placed it in his pocket. He spotted the Twins beginning to do the same thing for the others. The mood turned somber when Sirius arrived from somewhere upstairs. The way he pulled Harry into a hug was both desperate and resigned. He felt him put something into his pocket.

“Check it out later,” Sirius whispered conspiratorially. “It’ll help us with your owl problem.”

And then he was gone taking a step back from him, plastering the best smile he could on his face as they said their goodbyes. Harry tried his best to avoid a hug by Mrs Weasley, but was wholly unsuccessful and once more felt his ribs getting cracked under an intense amount of pressure from the woman. 

“Alright, kids,” Tonks said with false cheer. “Let’s get this show on the road. Remus in front, you’ll holler the Bus. I’ll bring up the rear, Handsome is with me. We’ll walk a couple of blocks before calling the Bus.” 

Nobody made a sound as they began their walk down the street. Everybody looked scared in Harry’s eyes, it was almost enough to make him laugh at the situation. He couldn’t understand their attitude. He chanced a glance at Tonks who was walking right behind him.

“Eyes up front Handsome,” she smirked. 

“You seem more relaxed now than you did before,” Harry mused quietly. “Less Moody.”

“Constant Vigilance,” Tonks barked just as quietly. “It isn’t all that serious if I’m honest. Yes, we need to make it there without any incident, but unless the Death Eaters know we are taking the Knight Bus, we’ll probably be fine. Eyes up ahead sunshine, looks like wolfboy is stopping.”

A large crack filled the air as the purple bus appeared in front of them. Remus guided the Weasley twins in first, followed by Ginny, Ron and then Hermione until it was Harry’s turn and he stood face to face with Stan Shunpike. Last time Harry had seen him, he had pretended to be Neville in the summer before his third year. He just hoped that Stan knew when to shut up. Apparently, he didn’t.

“Hey isn’t that Nev-”

“One more word and I’ll blow your balls off, Shunpike.” Tonks said threateningly. 

The pimple faced youth blanched faster than he’d ever seen anyone turn white before. Tonks pushed him into the bus before paying the money for all of their tickets. 

“Now, you tell Ernie to hit it, Shunpike.” Tonks said sweetly. “We got places to be.”

“Right, Nym-”

“Tut-tut, we don’t say that name do we now, Shunpike?” 

“Right, Tonks. You told me we don’t. Hit it Ernie.”

Harry barely managed to grab hold of a nearby pole before the bus lurched forward, Tonks hadn’t been as quick. He instinctively reached out an arm to stop her from falling except he aimed a little high and almost ended up choking her, only for his hand to reach down grabbing hold of something much softer.

“You enjoy yourself?” Tonks asked.

“I- Uhm- Sorry.” Harry pulled his hand back as if he was scalded. “I…”

“I’m just messing with ya,” Tonks grinned. “Come on let’s find a place to sit.”

“Hey Tonks,” Remus called from down the bus. “I sent Ron and Hermione upstairs. I’ve got Ginny, Fred and George in the back with me. Everywhere is full.”

“Got it, Remus. After you, Handsome.”

Shaking his head, Harry made his way up the rickety stairs, looking around for an empty set of seats. He found Ron and Hermione sitting huddled up on a set of seats near the front of the bus. There was a different set of seats a couple of rows back, where Harry sat down waiting for Tonks to join him, and not a moment too soon as the bus made a jump in a different direction, throwing Tonks’s head into his lap, almost headbutting him somewhere it would hurt fiercely.

“Enjoying yourself?” Harry quipped back.

Harry felt awed at the speed at which Tonks sat up straight, her face completely red and her eyes darting anywhere but him. The chuckle started in his lower abdomen until it spread throughout his body turning into a big belly aching laughter. He should have known better than to forget about holding on because soon he found his face planted against Tonks’s stomach. He quickly pulled himself up and away from her.

“Not a word,” he growled. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything, Handsome.” she snickered.

“Sure you weren’t.” 

He observed her out of the corner of his eye. Sitting next to her here in the Knight Bus really hit the point home that he was leaving for Hogwarts. 

“I’m going to miss you too,” he whispered softly. “I - I enjoyed spending time with you during the break. I -”

“I know.”

The silence felt almost oppressive as it descended only interspersed with the random burst of noise coming from the exhaust of the bus. It somehow reflected the emotions running through his mind. There were so many things he wanted to say but at the same time he wasn’t sure if they were his to tell her in the first place nor the second or third place. 

“You know, Handsome. I never thought I would begin to care this much about you but somehow in some way you managed to wiggle yourself into my life. You’re like the kid brother I never got. Sometimes, you’re my kid brother and sometimes you’re something else entirely… and I’m rambling. What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to miss you more than you can likely imagine.”

“Me too, you did that too. I don’t know. It’s weird but I feel a connection to you that I’ve never felt before. You and Sirius. It’s like I found the family I never had before.”

Neither of them said another word until their final goodbye before the gates of Hogwarts. 


End file.
